Ashes Falling: Oh how I love to trick you, because I love seeing your reviews. They make me smile. "Doth mine ears" was intentionally misquoted, because Allison is not all-knowing. Thanks for the review
rejazzz: Updated :D.
Shadow Spirit Song: Thank you, and it's always nice to see a new reviewer.
sephora85: Thank you for your review
Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2. for the excellent beta job
ooOoo
I'm sorry if I ruined your day. I really hope that you understand, I'm a million miles away, looking for a place to land
Something to It- Great Big Sea
ooOoo
The two of them stood silently, the wind dying as the sun disappeared behind a dark cloud. It seemed to grow cold, even as the sun returned.
"I shouldn't have brought you here, Severus," she let go off his hand. "Not here, per se, I mean, I knew this would be difficult, convincing my parents that this is the right thing, but... is this really worth it?"
"How do you mean?"
"Giving up the lives we could have led simply because of an unjust law?"
"If we did not agree to it, our wands would have been snapped, and thus we would have been expelled from the wizarding world, as it were," he reasoned. "Even in this day and age, with Voldemort defeated, there are still dangers lurking, there always will be."
"So, are we protecting each other?"
"In a sense," he answered. "I do not need protection, not as much as you do."
"Oh yes you do," she insisted, moving away from him. "Just for an entirely different reason."
He said nothing.
"I don't pretend to see through you, Severus. I don't know you that well. But believe me, protecting your heart is just as important as protecting your body."
"The matters of my heart are no concern of yours!"
Allison wanted to beat her head off the nearest tree. A rage she had never known was slowly coming to the surface. Of course, it was an important concern of hers! The sheer impudence of such a claim! How could they enter into a marriage if he wasn't willing to be honest with her? Damn him and his foolish pride!
Shaking her head, she gave up. "You are positively infuriating, Severus Snape! If you aren't willing to let me into your heart this may be all for naught!"
"I never said I was never going to be able to accept you," he replied, calmly.
The calm in his voice only made her wish she could strangle him. "You never said you'd be willing to let her go, either!"
She knew by the look in his eyes that he understood exactly who she was referring to.
"I am not Lily, Severus!" she stressed. "I would never refuse to speak to you again simply because you made a mistake! So I have red hair, so I'm strong-willed, so I'm at the age where she abandoned you, there is no evidence to suggest that I would do the same!"
"I will not dignify that remark with an answer."
"Who said anything about dignity?" she fought to keep her voice down. "This is not about dignity, or being dignified. I gave up everything I hold dear for the sake of this law. The least you could do, Severus Snape, is find that shard of decency inside of you that will allow you to give me a chance!"
If she had not known his temperament, she might have been surprised at his next actions. He suddenly gripped her forearm so tightly she felt as though he would leave a mark.
"Do not dare impugn my honour, you foolish girl!" he hissed. "You knew when you entered into this that I had a temper, you knew I held on to Lily Evans' memory, and for an important reason! I am not a nice person, Miss McCormack, and I'd consider you all the more foolish should you attempt to change that."
"Let. Go. Of. Me." Her next sentence came in laboured breaths, her free hand finding their way under his hand and prying herself free. "I did not enter into this under my own free will. Now, you are not a foolish man. You could have easily told me that you had no intention of marrying, Ministry-enacted law be damned!"
"That is stretched both ways, is it not?" he asked. "I may have been on your list of potential suitors, but that does not mean I was your only choice. You could have chosen any other man on that list, yet you chose me."
"Yes, I chose you!" She stepped closer, but did not extend her hand back to him. "I chose you because you were a challenge. With you, I knew I'd constantly be questioned, spoken to, I would not be shuffled away in some corner as though I were some trollop trophy wife, hell bent on nothing but sex for the sake of getting pregnant. I knew you would not be satisfied with one word answers and silence in response to your queries. I also knew that I would not spend my days holed up in bed, simply because it is mandatory that an heir be produced, you are not such a barbarian."
She was standing closer to him than before, the top of her head barely reaching his shoulder.
"I would be your wife, but most importantly, your partner, and not a mother to do everything for you. I am not a prize to be won, nor am I willing to cater to your every whim."
Their heated conversation was momentarily interrupted by a drop of rain landing on her nose, causing her to blink and her face to contort into an odd expression. He was only slightly reminded of Nymphadora Tonks at that moment.
"So..." Severus exhaled. "Are you quite finished?"
"Do you have something to say, then?"
"I cannot say that this conversation was nothing short of illuminating..."
"Do not mock me, sir, for I know you are not so low." Allison turned to walk. If they were going to argue, they were certainly not going to do so in a cemetery.
Severus followed suit, very much understanding her wish to bicker away from her sister, the one person who had not once judged her. Standing outside the fence, the conversation which they had so eloquently started was, evidently, far from finished.
ooOoo
Insufferable man if I ever saw one! her quill continued to scratch along the parchment as her breathing became laboured. He knows we're both giving up the things we hold dear, and both Severus and Neil haven't been making it any easier.
I have no idea why my parents think Severus and I have a choice (and anyone who dares refer to him as 'The Greasy Git' may find their fingers in a paper bag), since we do not. Surely I am not the only one who finds this law unjust. "All Muggleborn witches and wizards must marry within three months of their seventeenth birthday."That's why you never got a letter from the Ministry, you're not seventeen! You're over the age limit. This infuriates me to no end. There is no way I could learn to live with Severus Snape, the man drives me up the wall!
But that's the point, isn't it? I've never lived with him, and it won't happen until I've at least graduated from Hogwarts. At least by then it won't be so awkward.
Oh who am I kidding? It would still be awkward even then, perhaps even more. There is such a large age difference between us. He is nearly thirty-nine and I have just turned seventeen. I'm so scared of what this is going to do to us both. I am not yet ready to share my bed with him. Not just my bed, but my life! Then whatever life we build we would have to share with a child within a year. A year! Good Lord, that is barely enough time for Severus and I to get to know each other, and it is certainly not a healthy environment to bring a child up in.
Oh, what am I to do? I can't be everyone's saving grace. I can barely hold myself together, let alone bare a child and hold a family together. Not when the definition of family in our circumstances could very well dictate catastrophe! Severus knows that I must get pregnant within a year of marriage, and we only have until February to decide whether or not we will actually go through with this.
What will happen to us if we do not comply? Well the law was put in place for one simple reason, and that was so that the entire wizarding population doesn't die out. Due to their insane obsession with blood purity (you don't see too much of it anymore since Voldemort fell, but there are still some who believe in this), many of the Pure-blooded wizarding families are producing Squibs and having stillborn babies because they are so concerned about staying Pure-blooded. To counter this, the Ministry is putting in this Marriage Law, and if those selected do not comply, their wands shall be snapped and we shall be expelled from the wizarding world. A month or so ago I would have voluntarily surrendered my wand and left, but now that I've seen what is waiting on the other side, I would rather stay here.
Neither Severus nor I have even thought of the wedding or children. I'm so scared. Not just at the prospect of marrying but also at the prospect of sex and children. I've already miscarried once, and the child was conceived during a rape and my sister is dead from the same attack. I really don't think I'm ready to think about this, let alone share this with Severus. Promise me you shall be the soul of discretion, and not breathe a word of what I have told you to anyone. Promise me, Hermione! Please!
Thank you for listening, Hermione, your friendship is so important to me, and I hope it'll stay that way.
Stay well,
Allison McCormack.
Allison then folded the parchment, sealed it, addressed it, and very quietly made her way up to the Owlery to use one of the school owls. She had thought of sending Mona or Dippy, the House-Elves who had so graciously helped her once before, but then she remembered how Hermione felt about House-Elves and the way they were treated. She herself had bought one of those infernal SPEW badges just to stop her nagging. Yes, sending an owl was a much better idea.
"Come here," she whispered to one of the owl perched close to the window. "Okay, this is going to Hermione Granger. You know who she is, yes?"
The owl hooted as she tied the letter to the owl's leg and watched it fly away.
"Good luck," she whispered.
ooOoo
She walked toward her Transfiguration class with her backpack over one shoulder and her eyelids straining to stay open. She had barely gotten any sleep the night before. Going home to her parent's was all well and good if you were trying to explain a marriage law to them, but it was wreckage on the homework situation. She had only just crawled into bed at four in the morning upon completing an essay on Transfiguring animals with exoskeletal spines. Dull subject even if she did care about it.
The bell sounded just as she rounded the corner, still a fair distance away from the classroom. Rolling her eyes, she continued her journey, but instead of heading into Professor McGonagall's classroom, she headed for the stairs leading to the Great Hall.
Reaching her destination, she set her backpack on one of the benches of her House Table, and pulled out her Potions textbook. Even reading about the effects of Veritaserum and Felix Felicius seemed incredibly boring at this point. She could barely concentrate on school anymore. Her mind was no longer on passing her NEWTs at the end of the year, but instead on her... their predicament.
In less than three months she and Severus would be married, and within a year she would be pregnant. A baby within a year...
No! No, she was too selfish. She would not have an innocent child suffer simply because she was not yet ready to care for someone so fragile. Both she and Severus were too damaged.
And here she was speaking about the two of them as though they were parcels that had been dropped off the end of a broomstick. What kind of parents would they make? She had no idea what Severus' parents had been like, and well... her own parents weren't the greatest role models either.
She leaned forward and held her head in her hands. This whole mess had given her a severe headache. Packing her bags, she headed as quickly as she could to the Hospital Wing. Madame Pomfrey never asked too many questions.
Pushing the door open, she was immediately met at the door by the Matron and Professor Dumbledore. She blinked. She couldn't remember a time where she had seen the Headmaster in the Hospital Wing. She assumed he regularly conversed with the medi-witch for obvious purposes, such as replenishing the stocks in the store cupboard, but why was he here on a Monday morning?
"Miss McCormack, good morning," he greeted her, smiling, his eyes happy behind the half-moon spectacles.
"Good morning, Professor," she answered.
"Might I inquire as to why you are not in class this morning?"
"I have a rather large headache, sir," she answered, suddenly curious as to why he had taken such an interest in her.
He nodded once. "I have no doubt that Madam Pomfrey shall be able to remedy such an ailment."
And with that, he strode out of the room, leaving only Allison and Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital. It seemed there were no other patients that morning, though keeping in mind it was still early, only ten in the morning.
"This isn't just about a headache, is it, dear?" Madam Pomfrey gently gripped her shoulder and had her sit on one of the beds. She hastily opened a cupboard and brought her a small vial of what Allison could assume was a potion for headaches.
"No Madam," she answered, swallowing the potion in one swallow. It felt as though she had just swallowed Firewhiskey mixed with Skele-Grow. It was a shame that adding sugar to many potions rendered them useless. Handing the empty vial back to her, Allison leaned forward and placed her head in her hands.
"What is this?" she gently took hold of Allison's chin and made her look up. Taking a hold of her left hand, a look of understanding crossed the older woman's face. "Oh I see."
"It's the law," Allison choked out. "And within a year of marriage I must get pregnant."
"A year?" Madam Pomfrey looked scandalized. "You are barely an adult, Miss McCormack. How could the Ministry expect someone so young to bear children?"
"For the same reason they threatened me with expulsion from the wizarding world if I did not comply, I suppose," she answered, turning her head away. "I don't suppose you've heard?"
"Many things come back to me, seeing as I am a Medi-witch, dear," she nodded. "But go on."
"I'm not only scared at the thought of marrying so young, but the prospect of sex and children."
"It's only natural..."
"But this is even more so!" Allison insisted, reaching for the journal she kept in her backpack. Opening it to the page she was looking for, she handed the book to the older woman, who studied it closely.
"I've never seen one of those, but I've heard the name. It's called an ultrasound, am I correct?"
"Yes ma'am," she nodded.
"You are not pregnant now?"
"No," she answered, "but I was, just over a year ago."
"Oh child," Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "What happened?"
"Attacked by a Death Eater, madam," Allison fought to keep her voice controlled. "The baby did not live past the sixth month in the womb."
"And so, your question is whether or not you'd be able to conceive once again, because you've lost a baby?"
Allison nodded, blushing slightly.
"It is not a question to be ashamed of, Miss McCormack," she insisted. "There are many cases of women becoming pregnant again after a miscarriage, though it is considered by some to be quite difficult. As for knowing when you shall conceive, it's always difficult to determine. Have you spoken to your betrothed about this?"
"He doesn't yet know how I stand on the subject, but he knows about the miscarriage."
"The only advice I could give you is to speak to him about it, preferably before the wedding, so he is very clear."
Nodding, Allison accepted the note the Matron had written to admit her to her next class, as the first was nearly over, and left the Hospital Wing, still as confused and scared as before.