Corrected by thepsychoticchef 3
Chapter 14
Newton was strange at dinner…is that even a proper way of indentifying his behavior? The man is a living, breathing oddity. He is chaos theory given human form.
That being said, he barely eats during dinner. He has moments of sudden animation where he chatters endlessly on some bit of minutiae that catches his interest. Subordinate vs. dominant among predatory species, the cellular response to drifting, and what the PPDC plans for the Shatterdomes are in the future, because fixing up a Jaeger only takes one large room, and their science only needs one more room. This kind of ranting goes on and then dies down suddenly as he returns to picking at his food.
When he smiled it was incandescent, but the light seemed to fade quickly and without warning.
Hermann had no idea what was plaguing him or how to ask. He was, personally, not one for talking about his feelings. But Newton seemed inclined to talk up, down, around, and through his issues. He had been doing it for years and only now did it appear that something had finally capped the verbal well.
When Hermann was finished eating, Newton stood jerkily and said he was going to bed early because he was tired. That left Hermann to go back to the lab alone.
Strangely the lab was a sadder place when it lacked the man's presence, so Hermann went to wander again. Well, if walking with a predetermined destination can still be categorized as wandering.
He walked up to the entrance of the balcony overlooking the Jaeger bay. He found her pressed against the railing looking at something far away.
He stood for a moment, feeling uncertain of what to say. The light dimly rose up from the level below providing bare illumination. It lit up her blue streaks in a way was momentarily blinding.
Nevertheless, he spoke first,
"Good evening, Miss Mori," she turned to face him with the ghost of a smile. He returned the expression more easily than he would have thought possible before. Maybe that was another bit of Newton detritus that was now littered throughout his personality and decisions.
"Good evening, Dr. Gottlieb," she said with a small inclination of the head. She turned back to face the balcony and did not tell him to leave. He interpreted that as an invitation and came to stand beside her at the balcony rail.
They stood there in a companionable silence. Down below a few large boxes had come in. It appeared to be the beginning parts of something. Maybe a Jaeger or the tools to help fix one. It was hard to say from this high up.
"I just thought you might like to know, I spoke with Marshall Hansen, and I don't believe you need to worry about myself or Dr. Geiszler," Hermann said as politely as he could. Her concern had been touching in its very existence. He felt it should be acknowledged in some way. She turned to him with wide eyes and a smile that was shockingly bright in the dim.
"That is most fortunate, Dr. Gottlieb. I am glad for you both." He attempted to smile back but her expression flagged and was gone in a moment. She turned to face the railing and the floor below. Hermann followed her lead. They stood in another silence, but it did not feel unwelcome.
"I'm going to be leaving tomorrow for a press tour with Raleigh Beckett," Mako informed him in a sudden aside that felt like a confession.
"Really?" Hermann asked. He was not very good at conversation.
Ever since the drift Hermann had felt solitude more acutely than ever before. And yet he could not make himself seek out the one person who might truly cure that ache. Instead, he found himself seeking out other people and initiating conversations. It was new territory for him. Whether Ms. Mori was seeking solitude from all the PPDC or just her drift partner was unknown. She seemed amenable to his presence which made him guess it was mostly the latter.
"That must be troubling for you," he said in an attempt at some sort of sympathy or empathy, he couldn't quite tell which. She looked over at him and smiled wanly.
"I wanted to fight the kaiju, Dr. Gottlieb, I wanted to bring about their destruction." Her gaze is intense and she breaks it to stare resolutely at the floor below or something else Hermann cannot see.
"I was always more concerned with the fight. Drifting was a necessary step towards that and so I took it without considering…" she breaks off and roughly swipes at her eye. Hermann rummages in his pockets until he finds a small package of tissues. He hands her the pack and she smiles at him briefly before taking a tissue to wipe her nose.
"Now Raleigh and I are tied together in ways I should have anticipated and I find it difficult to..." she laughs a little, almost embarrassed but not.
"He brings up such strong emotions in me," she is still staring far away but her lips seem to struggle with the words. A short silence falls but it is a thoughtful one; it is soberly shared between them.
"I understand that sentiment, Ms. Mori. But, unfortunately, what's done is done, and now we have to live in the consequences of our own making," he murmured trying not to lean to heavily on his cane. He felt the weight of their words in a way that almost made him want to crumple. It was tempting to simply be crushed under the weight of all of it. Not to try anymore but simply let the worry and the pain sink into him and pull him down.
Now Ms. Mori was looking at him again, very keenly.
"Did you drift with Dr. Geiszler?" she asks. Hermann opens his mouth to answer and then shuts it. He had, in essence, made an agreement with Newton to not discuss their shared drift with the infant of Otachi. And yet he felt a certain trust with Ms. Mori. He wanted to confide in somebody since he could not with his drift partner.
And yet.
Hermann did not give his word lightly. Newton had seemed deeply agitated about this point. He did not wish to…upset Newton further by going against his wish.
He still had not responded to Ms. Mori, but some new light had come into her eyes. A look of comprehension or possibly understanding. She faced forward and spoke to the air,
"Perhaps if you had…" She glanced at him sidelong, "hypothetically, drifted with Dr. Geiszler and the kaiju, the after effects would be complex and confusing."
Hermann returned to facing forward as well and spoke with a sigh.
"If I had hypothetically drifted with such a confusing man…I would indeed be troubled." He was choosing his words carefully, but more for the benefit of any other ears that might be in range of their conversation.
"Newton's behavior has been more erratic than usual and I would find this to be…a matter of concern. Not to mention the utter lack of privacy would be unbearable."
Mako nodded gravely.
"Some secrets are too painful to be shared," she said softly.
"Indeed, Ms. Mori…indeed."
Silence fell once more, but it was slightly lighter. Fractionally so. Troubles had been spoken aloud and freed into the air where they were moderately less of a burden.
"When do you leave for the tour?" Hermann asked.
"5 AM tomorrow," she responds, flat and resigned. Hermann glances at his watch.
"It is almost 10 PM already, perhaps it would be time for you to attempt some rest?" he asks.
"Tomorrow will be a long day," she sighs.
"I can walk to your quarters if you would like," Hermann offers. It felt strange and uncertain and a little outdated, but Hermann was enjoying Ms. Mori's uncomplicated understanding. She smiled at him now, and Hermann imagined she might feel something similar.
Two lonely drifters…what a pair they make.
"Alright, Dr. Gottlieb, but if you are going to walk me home I believe you should start calling me Mako," she says with a hint of play. He imagines a young Ma]ko sternly acquiescing to the use of her first name with Pentacost and a few other privileged individuals.
"Then I suppose you will be calling me Hermann," he says with a similar attempt at good spirits. It feels like they need this even if it is forced for the moment.
Mako nods with childish gravitas.
"Naturally,"
It evokes a tugging at the corner of his mouth that does not feel forced. It's funny how quickly pretending becomes real, even for the adults. Making believe until one believes it. 'fake it till you make it.' A phrase Newton mind is such a powerful tool that way.
Mako lets him set the pace as they walk and attempt something like small talk to fill the empty air. It feels nice to pretend there is nothing achingly wrong in their lives. They are just two friends taking a walk and having a nice chat. She tells him the various locations her tour will take her and he discusses some papers he has been reading on alternative methods of mapping temporal and spatial distortions.
It's all quite casual until a voice interrupts them.
"Hey, Mako!" Raleigh is walking towards them from the direction of his and Mako's neighboring rooms.
She freezes and stares up at the approaching man with wide eyes. She looks not unlike the proverbial deer in headlights, and Hermann can't help but glare a little at the man for causing such obvious distress. Raleigh comes to stop in front of them with his hands buried deep in his pockets and tense shoulders.
"Hey, Dr. Gottlieb, good to see you." He says casually. Hermann inclines his head slightly and sneaks another glance at Mako, who has now transferred her gaze to the floor.
"Hello, Raleigh," she tells the concrete softly and Hermann watches, genuine confusion and concern flit across the man's features.
"Hey…um…looking forward to seeing you…tomorrow…" He says slowly and more awkwardly than Hermann would have expected. A hand detaches from a pocket to scratch at his hair. He looks sheepish, even bashful, but his emotions are always out on display for everyone to see. Mako only makes a monosyllabic noise that sounded nothing like agreement or disagreement.
"You know, I was just telling Ms. Mako that she ought to get some rest considering the early start you two have tomorrow." Hermann cut in as politely as possible. Why was he involving himself in this?
"Oh yeah! Of course…I was just going to get some shut eye after I talked to Tendo about something…" he trails off into silence once more and the three of them stand there. Three variations on discomfort and uncertainty.
"Ok well…goodnight…Mako" Raleigh says slowly, he is still staring at her like he might will her to look at him. She glances up briefly and nods to the floor.
"Good night Raleigh." And then she moves past him, leaving Hermann to nod in a silent farewell to her confused and dejected drift partner before following her down the hall. Once there is some distance between Mako and Raleigh, she slows to down so Hermann can catch up.
They continue towards her room without a word exchanged between them. He can imagine the silence is filled with the words unspoken. Words between Mako and Raleigh. Between Newton and himself. Things that remain unsaid until they are brave enough to say them.
He glances at her as they walk towards her room. Her face is clouded over with a quiet blend of frustration and anxiety; her eyes stare into a memory he cannot see. The pretend happiness is now replaced with weighted silence as they walk. When they reach Mako's door she turns to face him.
"I appreciate your help, Hermann," she says without meeting his eyes. Hermann nods, another heavy mix of sympathy and empathy.
"Perhaps…if the tour becomes…overwhelming, you might consider calling me? For the sake of having someone to talk to?" Again, why is he offering so much? When she smiles at him he feels something melt a little.
"I would like that very much, Hermann."
He pulls a pad of paper from his pocket and scrawls down the random numerals that string together to make up his cell phone number. He hands her the paper and she gives him a crooked grin.
"I believe I just managed to 'score you digits?' Or is that not the phrase?" she asks. The laugh that escapes him is short and sharp, but his lips form a real smile.
"I believe that is the phrase…Good luck on your trip, Mako." He bends in a small respectful bow. Her smile is something softer now, but she bows in return.
"Good luck with Dr. Geiszler."
After she shuts her door he considers her words. Luck is certainly much of what he will need, and possibly an act of God to prevent Newton from enacting any further stupidity.
Oh Hermann you sweet summer child...
Also Mako...Mako you are a darling and frankly if I found Raleigh more interesting I would write loads about the pair of you. As it is I feel like there is definitely a story with them. I may write a bit of it separate from this fic farther down the line. (and that bit at the end may or may not have been an excuse to ditch the Ms. Mori thing...Hermann why are you such a stickler?
Comments are love as always.