Jessika Pava had been in some uncomfortable work situations before. A client unhappy with the finished result, or something irreplaceable damaged by a careless mover, but nothing quite compared to the chill in the air when she entered the office of Kylo Ren, President of First Order Finance, as he held the door open for a touch longer than necessary, his dark eyes on the empty corridor behind her.
At length, he let the heavy glass door swing shut, and turned abruptly, motioning her to the uncomfortable looking leather chair in front of his desk.
"Miss Pava, I assume?' he said briskly. She nodded, pasting a pleasant smile, despite his chilly reception, and held her hand out over the desk.
"Yes, please, call me Jessika. Pleasure to meet you"
"Likewise" he said, picking up her portfolio from his desk, and she quickly retracted her hand.
"So, tell me a little about your portfolio" he said, his eyes flashing to her, and felt the weight of that heavy stare. She flustered her way through her usual spiel, warming up toward the end and hitting her stride. He flipped through the pictures of finished projects and traced a large, bluntly tipped finger over one of Rey's original paintings.
When she had come to the end of her usual speech, she sat back, picking up the glass of water near her and wetting her mouth, suddenly dry beyond belief.
"Do you work alone?"
"No, I have a team of people who specialise in different aspects of the design" she said, cutting off quickly when he interrupted.
"There were two of you at the original pitch, is that not so?"
"Yes, there was my colleague, who works in a consulting capacity" Jessika rushed to explain. Kylo Ren sat back, his impressive height intimating even behind a desk.
"And may I ask why she isn't in attendance today? I am a busy man, I can assure you, Miss Pava" he said, and Jessika felt herself flush, as though rebuked.
"I understand completely, I felt that for this follow up meeting, it would suffice to be myself at the meeting. My colleague, Rey, she only consults on projects at certain points" she explained, and couldn't tear her eyes away from the granite expression on the man in front of her. She had no idea what he was thinking, except for a minute ticking of a muscle in his jaw.
"I see. Well, if First Order wouldn't be a priority for Pava Interiors and its employees, it is probably best to part ways now" he said matter-of-factly and Jessika cursed herself for not asking Rey to come along. After the weird interplay between her and Hux, and Rey's take on his character, an old school enemy, she had thought it would go more smoothly without her. She'd had no idea they wouldn't be meeting Hux again, never mind that she would be meeting with the president of the company himself.
"I can assure you, First Order would be our top priority"
"Even with the unsociable hours that the work may need to be done at? When we have clients in the office, it wouldn't do to have work going on"
"Of course, it would be my full-time occupation" Kylo Ren stopped then, frowning at her, and she felt nervous all over again.
"And your consultant, it wouldn't be her full-time occupation?"
"Not exactly, though I am sure she'd take it over a shift at Resistence any time" Jessika continued, started to feel rattled, forgetting herself in a rush to reassure this unreadable man. He seemed determined to find fault with the company, and everyone's time commitment, for some reason, and she was starting to feel frazzled.
"Thank you, Miss Pava. This has been very informative." The taciturn man opposite her said suddenly, and stood up. Jessika blinked at the abruptness of his movement and then followed slowly, feeling sure she was being dismissed from the position. He hadn't been happy with her answers or the meeting in general it seemed. Kylo Ren walked to the door and pulled it open, and Jessika drifted to it in a daze.
"Congratulations. I am happy to tell you that I have selected Pava Interiors. The accounting department will be in touch to organise the up front, and we can get started." He said, and she looked up at him in surprise.
"Next time though, Miss Pava, I really must insist on your consultant attending important meetings, as I mentioned before, I am a busy man, and I don't have time to repeat myself" he was saying, walking her toward the elevator.
"Of course. Thank you, Mr Ren. I am looking forward to working with you" she managed, still trying to take it all in. As she stepped into the waiting lift she looked back and saw Kylo Ren watching her carefully, and he flashed her something that might have passed for a smile, if it had been any less predatory. Instead, the flash of teeth reminded her of a wolf, closing in, at your door, in your house, on the prowl.
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Anayah's brother Mikey was a boy on the edge, and Rey felt a sense of deja-vu when she met him. Tall and awkward, he radiated sullen, anxious energy and her heart broke for this young boy who had no one to protect him. After a long class in which she worried how to include him, they stood around while she left protein bars out for the after class snack and made mental notes about the students who took as many as they could. She'd make sure there was extra next time.
It was one of those hellish nights where she squeezed in an early class and then the late shift at the club. As she rushed through her shower, and then her dressing routine, and rode the train uptown to work, she congratulated herself on managing to put the newly resurrected Ben Solo from her mind. Ok, so, she'd had a bit of a slip, an immediate, knee jerk drop into an alcohol fuelled pity party, but, now, two days later, she was finding herself about to keep him out her mind for the most part. Her determination was a bright and tenacious thing and she was glad it had only seemed to grow as she got older.
She was still thinking about Anayah and her brother later, when she manned the till in the club. She ran through the extortionate amounts charged to exclusive cards, and smiled convincingly at the greasy high roller types who pressed £100 tips into her hands. It felt dirty, but she's survived worse, and besides, it was for a good cause, she reminded herself, thinking that next time she should try and bring something more substantial to class, in case any of the weren't getting enough access to food.
"Rey, you have to help me, rescue me, please, I can't take it." BB sighed dramatically, collapsing on the register. Her eccentric friend had worked at Resistance a lot longer than her, and Rey knew what a high limit she had for the assholes that came through the doors.
"What's wrong?"
"Table 66, they are the worst, I don't think I can go back there."
"Tell Ackbar, I'm sure he'll kick them out for you"
"No way, these guys will make a scene, I'm sure. They're just settling the bill, can you take the receipt back to them?" she pleaded, flashing the most ridiculous puppy eyes at Rey. Rey grinned in return, always willing to spare her kind-hearted friend more stress.
"Give it here" she said, holding out her hand, and straightening her shoulders.
"Here I go."
"Don't let them see you cry!" BB called, only half jokingly.
"Never" Rey promised as she marched toward the infamous table 66. There were only four of them, these terrifying men, talking quietly, drinking alcohol that cost more than her rent for a month. She approached quietly, and waited until the man with his back to her, tall, even sitting, with a shock of rich, dark hair curling over his collar stopped talking, before placing the card and receipt back on the table.
"Mr Ren, that's everything settled for you" she said discreetly.
"Don't tell me you finally managed to frighten off that little rabbit waitress Ren. Took you long enough, you must be losing your touch" a familiar voice said and Rey could help but glance at it. The cultured accent, the dripping distain, and then, as the pale visage and red hair came into sight, she felt her stomach drop for the second time in a few days.
Armitage Hux. Again. What kind of bad luck she must be having, she couldn't begin to understand, but the urge to flee was strong as Hux caught sight of her.
She was already stepping back from the table as she heard Hux let out a low whistle and a low laugh.
"Well well, if I eyes don't deceived me. If it isn't the little scavenger." he said, and Rey froze. The entire table were silenced by his mocking remark, and Rey felt her cheeks flame red. She clenched her fists at her sides and took a deep breath.
Don't let him win, she told herself, as she made to take another step away. She should breeze away as though she hadn't heard, and avoid the table until they left. Hux knew she worked here now though, and the thought worried her. He was exactly the kind of vindictive sociopath that would frequent here more regularly just to toy with her.
"Rey?" a low voice broke through her deliberation. It was quiet, and so much deeper than she remembered, but it was achingly familiar, and she felt herself turn before she could think twice about it.
Ben Solo.
In the flesh. Unfolding himself from the low table to an awesome height.
Yep, her karma had been terrible this week, she thought wildly as her instincts screamed at her to run and hide from the confusing torrent of emotions rushing through her.
She struck again by how handsome he was now. It had been a long time that she had thought him anything but, but still, he had grown into all those awkward features perfectly. And seeing him from far, and standing before him made her realise all over again how very tall he was. Bigfoot big indeed. That impression of height was borne out by his broad shoulders, he was built like a powerhouse now, and she felt very small before him. She swallowed, realising that she had been staring. His brown eyes were on hers, and she found it hard to interpret the emotion behind the look that he was boring into her.
"Found your level I see, since St Augustines. Shit sinks, and all that. Given up pretending to be a decorator already?" Hux sneered, still seated behind the table, and Rey found herself blinking out the furious silent exchange with Ben. She cleared her throat, her words level and condescending.
"I suppose you'd know. How's your father by the way?" she said, and was rewarded by Hux' pale skin reddening to match his hair.
"You little bitch… I'll have your job for that" he sniped. Rey could feel Ben's eyes on her the whole time, silent beside her.
"Do your worst, Hux" she muttered, and turned away, suddenly needing to leave the tense confrontation and distance herself from the ghost who had appeared before her. Her heels clacked on the polished wooden parquet floor, and she clenched and unclenched her fists as she walked as fast as she dared toward the staff rooms. With a too bright smile affixed to her face, practically a rictus grin, she turned to glance back, unable not to, needing to see him once more before he left, that old familiar pull, as though something inside her was tethered to him, humming in life once more.
Her eyes landed instantly on the towering body, striding after her, another waitress throwing herself to the side to avoid being bowled over. Ben's face was unreadable still, a tense mask with a clenched jaw. Her fingers reached the keypad on the staff room, and she quickly typed in her code, and slipped inside, shutting the door immediately behind her, leaning back against it with a breath of relief.
Had she really just run away from Ben? She hadn't seen him in 6 years, and as soon as she does, she turns tail and runs? Any fantasy she'd ever had of meeting Ben again, when she was older, sophisticated, when he couldn't deny that she was a woman, were gone.
"Rey?" his voice came through the door, and she jumped away from it, before remembering he couldn't open it. She backed away, watching the door as though it were a ticking bomb, her heart in her mouth. Hearing her name in his voice was bringing back all kinds of memories, good and bad, almost all painful.
"Rey – can you hear me?" he asked and she bit her nail, standing indecisively torn between opening the door or continuing to hide.
"Ignore Hux. You aren't fired" he continued. She remained quiet. It might make her the biggest coward in the world, but she couldn't face him just now. She wasn't prepared and she needed to build some kind of defence against this hole in her heart that had just blasted open again.
She took her break, slipping out the back door for some air. She pulled out her phone and called Phasma.
"What? I'm still at work" Catherine said irritably, and Rey struggled to find the words she needed.
"Rey, what's wrong?" her snappishness being replaced by concern.
"Its – I ran into him. I was working and I went to the table, and then he was there." Rey said quietly, knowing she didn't have to specify who she was talking about. She heard Catherine breath in sharply.
"What happened?" she asked after a moment.
"He said my name, and stood up and I… ran away"
"You ran away? Then what?" Catherine asked.
"Then… nothing, I'm still hiding"
"Rey" it was said in a whoosh of breath, and Rey closed her eyes tightly.
"I know. It was stupid" she said.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I mean, I'm fine, considering" she muttered, feeling foolish for overreacting so much.
"Tell me what to do now"
"Now, you go back to work, you smile, you make your tips, you be professional. If Ren is there, be courteous but busy, if not, forget about him"
"Ben"
"What?"
"You said Ren" Rey corrected her. There was a small pause over the line.
"Right, sorry. Ben"
"Ok. Thanks. I'll see you at home"
"See you later."
Rey hung onto her phone several seconds after Catherine had gone, schooling her face into impassivity. She tucked her phone into her formal shorts. Ridiculous but mandatory, and headed back inside.
She unlocked the staff room door, and was relieved to find no overbearing, oversized males lingering outside. She went out to the servers island, smiling at BB when she drew near.
"What is going on? Did you just take a break? I thought you already took it. Was it that table, did they upset you?" BB was looking guilty at leaving Rey to take over her section.
"No, don't worry. I'm fine. Just got a bit dizzy for a second there." The last thing she wanted was BB freaking out loudly at work. She spotted her manager giving her look, and grabbed the leather-bound drinks menus.
"Better get back to it" she muttered as she walked amongst the familiar tables. Ben and Hux' was thankfully empty, and she saw someone clearing the remnants of their drinking session onto a tray.
She surveyed her section, and went to the new tables, handing out menus to people who had recently arrived. It was busy work and it helped stop her mind for going into overdrive.
At the last to the back, and just when she was starting to calm down again, she saw him.
Sitting alone, his back to the corner, one arm resting casually on the table, the other on his lap. He was watching her. There was a complete stillness to him that was new. As a teenager, he had been full of kinetic energy, a buzzing, vibrating power inside a half gown shell. Now, he sat still, like a coiled cobra, waiting for the right moment to strike. She let out a long breath, and clutched the last drinks menu to her chest like a shield, approaching him reluctantly. She offered him the drinks menu, which he cast aside without looking at.
"You came back" he said, looking up at her from his seat, his face still closed to her.
"And you waited" she muttered, shifting on her high shoes, rotating her ankle for a moment, the movement reflexive during long shifts. The motion caused his eyes to lower, and they did so slowly. They moved from her face, and down her legs to her feet, before blinking back up to her face. She couldn't read his face, that expressive face that used to tell her his every thought, was completely closed to her.
"I kind of had to come back, you can't really just leave when you want to, being work and all" she said, fighting the urge to blush at his leisurely survey of her body.
"And you work… here" he said, his words lined with an edge of contempt. She stared at him, a little shocked.
"Yes, I work here. What is it to you?" she asked, defensively, crossing her arms over her chest and looking him in the eye.
"Nothing. I just thought you'd be destined for better things. Things you were passionate about, unless that's being fawned over by drunken business men" he said, casting a contemptuous look around her. It infuriated her so much, that after years of being apart, he still felt he had the right to pick apart her and her choices, as though he still knew her.
"Not that it's any of your business., but I do have another job that I am passionate about, several of them, in fact, but there isn't exactly much left over after rent and student loans to eat, so this works for now" she snapped, wondering why she was justifying herself to him.
"So, you did go to college" he said, and she could have sworn a hint of emotion touched his impassive face, but it was gone before she was sure. She didn't answer, just stared at him.
"What do you want Ben? I have to get back to my shameful job, and you need to order or leave" she suddenly announced, spying her boss looking her way again.
"I'll take a single malt of your best Whiskey"
"Scottish or Japanese"
"You choose" he said shortly, leaning back as if dismissing her. She grabbed the menu off the table and turned away, feeling his eyes on her back the whole way.
She put in his drink order and check on her other tables quickly. A Texan business man, who was a regular, touched her arm as she cleared his glass off the table, leaving a hefty tip, before grabbing Ben's drink and making her way back to him.
"Here you go" she said, placing the drink gently on the table, and taking the card he had put out. She looked up to see his eyes were fixed on the Texan across the room.
"Do you know that man?" he asked tightly, as she shook her head and tapped his card to get his attention.
"Are you fine with closing out your bill?" she asked.
"Why? Do you want me to stay?" he asked.
"I don't care what you do" she said quickly, willing her expression to be neutral. He moved his intense gaze to her face, studying her again, and she flashed his card again.
"Yes or no?"
"Yes, close it out" he said, settling back with his drink. She took his payment card to the register, and absently looked at the details as she charged the exorbitant amount for two fingers of whiskey. The black Amex had a name embossed in gold, and she ran nails over the raised letters frowning.
"Who's Kylo Ren?" she asked when she got back, handing him the receipt and the card.
"I am" he said.
"No, you're not. You're Ben Solo" she said slowly. A muscle ticked in his jaw at her words, the only sign of displeasure.
"No, I'm not. I haven't been in a very long time"
"Since when?" she challenged.
"Since the last night I saw you, I believe, certainly not since my father died" he said it so casually that she found herself nodding along before the words registered. She froze, that left over part of her heart that still remembered the angry young man he'd been, hurting for him.
"I didn't know that. I'm sorry" she said quietly, her eyes searching his face for a hint of the boy she'd known.
"Don't be. I'm not" he said, his tone brooking no disagreement. She stared at his hardened face.
"Ben, you can't mean-" she started, but was soon interrupted by him putting the empty glass down with perhaps a little too much force and standing.
"I do mean it, and don't call me Ben. I'm not Ben, not the kid you knew. He's gone" the man before her instructed patiently, though she could hear the fire just under his careful tone.
"I don't understand" she replied honestly.
"That's fine. You don't have to. Forget the past, let it die, we have no need of it. All you need to know is that Ben Solo was a pathetic child, and he is gone" his words cut into her, little flying pieces of self-hatred and anger, so deep they embedded in her skin.
He straightened his suit jack, atop a waistcoat and trousers, a deep unrelenting black, and he almost resembled some kind of craven demon risen from hell for a moment, his hair a black helmet around his striking face, the gentle lights of the bar not touching him, seeming to shrink back from his intimidating presence.
"Why did you wait for me then, if the past is to die?" she asked suddenly, wondering what on earth he could want from her.
"I'm not used to people running away from me" he said, stepping into her personal space.
"That's funny. I am" she murmured, her hazel eyes flicking to his for a moment, and a sense of regret seemed to slide over him, as removed as he was.
"What time do you finish?" he asked suddenly, keeping her off balance with the change of topic.
"Late" she replied. He watched her a moment longer, and then reached for his phone. He unlocked it with hard taps and held it out to her.
"Put your number in" he instructed, that old familiar controlling command she remembered from so long ago. It rankled her, and she found herself shaking her head.
"Put your number in Rey, now" he said, sounding even more bossy than before.
"No. No I won't and you can't make me." She ground out, folding her arms for emphasis. He glared at her a beat longer, before tucking his phone into his pocket.
"Still as contrary as always, still rebelling against authority, you haven't changed" he said, though by his tone, she didn't feel like it was an insult.
"You are hardly an authority over me Ben"
"I told you not to call me that. My name is Kylo Ren" Rey couldn't help the snort that flew past her lips.
"I am not calling you that. I'm sorry, but I just can't. You'll always be Ben Solo to me" he was silent, and seemed to be contemplating something in his mind.
"Perhaps its best if you don't address me by name at all, if you wish to disregard my choice" he said, and Rey felt a sting at his words. Kylo Ren was a name he had chosen for himself, apparently in the aftermath of his father's death. She couldn't know what he went through then, the dark places he might have visited that led to him changing his name, then again, she only didn't know, because he had pushed her away before and cut off contact.
"Perhaps the very best thing would be to say goodbye and not see each other again. That way, I don't have to call you anything"
"No. I don't think that's going to work for me" he said solemnly.
"Well… it works for me" she bit out, feeling the anger and frustration that had been rising the entire bizarre episode start to spill out. She spun around and stomped away down the rows of tables. She lingered in the back for a while, making a restock list. She didn't venture out again until BB came to get her at midnight, and they collected their things and made their way to the train. She felt as though she had seen a ghost, and her heart had still not calmed, his new face emblazed across her vision, so much so that whichever way she turned her head, she saw him.
"Are you ok?" BB finally asked, as Rey stared numbly out the subway window, watching the darkness, broken by the odd station, flash by.
"I'm fine. I'll be fine" she reassured her, willing herself to believe it. Nothing had changed, she told herself sternly. Nothing had changed, so why did it feel like everything had.