Tonks 14

Tonks heard his arrival when he came home, but wasn't going to go and greet him. It was very late and soon his arrival was over an hour.

She heard him come upstairs and go into his room, but that was it; no cursing, no pain or no doors slamming. Everything was quiet, except for her. She was in pain again, with all her symptoms returning and the bandaged leg was just as bad.

She withered on the bed trying to find comfort; any kin of comfort, but nothing worked. Everything hurt just like the first time abnd she couldn't understand it. She had a very good day and now it was ruined, and all the pain was back.

She cried out in pain in the dark room as a strong wave of bile rose in her throat. She tore out of the room and ran right through the dark hall and straight into the bathroom where she threw up straight into the toilet. The soup from yesterday, gone, all the conversation they had earlier was gone as well. Everything went into the toilet, so why not the whole 'bonding' experience?

She thre up quit a lot and by the time she was finished she was drained of all energy, smelled very bad and was sweating profusely with a headache throbbing her eye region.

She managed though to stand up and flush the toilet, and go to the sink and wash her face and hands. The whole place was completely dark that she surprised herself that she had done everything without a light. She would have given herself more props but given her condition she couldn't even pat herself on the back.

She coughed a wild cough and pulled sweaty hair off her forhead and her eyes watered. She wanted to cry but that would require energy and she didn't have any to spare.

She staggered into the hall and made her way back to her room where she laid right on the edge of the bed, right on top of the covers in case she had to make a mad rush to the bathroom.

She thought about the floor but didn't think her body would have the energy to get up and make a rush.

She shook lightly with a speeding heart trying to control itself down to normal. She felt chills from her sweat but couldn't reach up and wipe her face with her sleeve. She was just glad that she had made it back to bed and could rest her wary head.

"Wrong bed," came Snape's voice from right behind her and her heart sank right into a million pieces. She had to move but she couldn't move, couldn't get out of bed. Her body wasn't cooperating and now she had to summon some energy from somewhere just to move.

She had to try. With herself halfway off the bed already she moved a tiny bit over the edge and fell into a painful heap on the floor. The extra pain with her pain already mingled maker her very aware of an approaching dark unconsciousness. She cried in a self plea, "Please don't make me move." She hoped that he'd have a heart, even if she was on the floor.

She heard him sigh in pity, or frustration; she didn't know which. She heard the bed squeak as he moved over to where she had laid moments ago.

"Help me help you lift yourself up onto the bed," he whispered.

She gave a weak nod and sat up, turn around. She felt his firm grip on her waist lift her right onto the bed. She curled up instantly to the side she was on and she felt her heart beating again. Her bad leg laid under her good one. She was going to let dark unconsciousness take over and nothing else. Since her eyes were already closed she nuzzled the sheets to bury her face in and felt him lift the blankets from under her and secure them around her warmly. He laid back down, moving onto his side giving her space, and turned to face the wall getting more comfortable himself.

-

-

She had that same nightmare again, where she was held down but the shadowed figure and the wolf was howling. She couldn't see the wolf but she knew it was there. She fought the figure.

"You'll never see him again," the shadow said. She knew the voice to be Greyback and she fought. She fought him and managed to shove him away and get to her feet.

"You are wrong," she said. She didn't have a wand or the means of a cloak as protection, but she said, "You're wrong. Nobody will ever see you again, and I will make sure of that. You may have hurt him once but you will never do it again."

"Why do I need to do it, he's already doing it to you on his own."

"She cried out, "You're wrong, he's only protecting me."

"If you believe that."

She awoke with her pillow soaked, lying in her bed. Sometimes between laying in his bed and now with it being morning he moved her. She didn't feel it and didn't care because the nightmare was fresh on her mind. Remus was coming back, she knew it. He wasn't gone for good, he just couldn't be.

And yes, he had hurt her, but he had things to do, dangerous tasks he ahd to complet and he couldn't with having to worry about her.

She took the pillow and smothered it over her face and screamed into it. She was making excuses for him. He left and that was all there was to it. He left without a care as to how she was feeling.

He left and he wasn't coming back.

Tonks threw the blankets and pillow on the floor; everything went off the bed and she curled up tightly, even if she wasn't tired she shut her eyes tightly. She hated herself for not knowing how to feel anymore and hated the stupid room because all it made her do was think and feel bad. She knew she needed rest, but also knew that she'd get a more relaxed sleep downstairs where she didn't feel completely alone, even in the absence of his company.

For the millionth time she wrapped herself in the blanket and headed downstairs and lay on the couch. She knew Snape was there but didn't know what he was going. His presence was in the room but he didn't say anything. He continued to do whatever he was doing and she ladi there staring at the leg that belonged to the coffee table. She wondered how many times he had banged his leg on it in the dark? She would bet it at least had to be a few times. Not everyone was graceful all the time.

"You ever hit your leg on the leg of the coffee table?" she asked. She sat up and set the blanket aside. She was feeling warm, not sickly warm.

"What was that?" he asked.

She looked at him to see that he was looking on the shelf again for something and it made her wonder if it was the same thing as last time because the last time he looked he didn't come out satisfied and so he must've still been looking.

"Nothing," she said skipping over the question to repeat again. Instead she had to ask, "What are you looking for?"

He closed the book he was looking through and put it back on the shelf choosing another which he went right to the index.

"I am looking up information. I am not merely going to thrust you into something without knowing if you are guaranteed survival or not."

"Thanks," she managed out bitterly, not really happy with that information. After recovering she wasn't quite sure she'd live long enough now to enjoy it. What tasks could he want her to do?

Then it hit her, what if it was some bidding for the Dark Lord? And, or his followers? If that was that then she would have the firm hand when it came to 'suddenly' changing her mind.

"I am not, in any way doing any bidding when it comes to something for the Dark Lord." She made sure that when he looked at her he saw just how serious she was.

"My dear Nymphadora what favors I ask of you are for the thoughts between you and I, just like your stay here as you already know."

"Yes, yes, quite so," she answered. So everything was very secretive to him, she knew she wouldn't tell anybody so what stopped her from pressing the subject?

"Hey c-"

"Hey?" he said ridiculously, like as if to wonder why she said it to him.

She narrowed her eyes even though he couldn't see it. "Anyways, can I ask you something and can you answer it for me?"

"I thought we were done with personal questions. Do you want me to heat some water and we can grill each other again?"

"No, no I'm being serious," she said.

"Yes, you can ask, but I'm not guaranteed to answer."

"Well I know it's none of my business and all but what happened that night you came back injured? How did you get hurt?"

Something she said must've sparked an idea in him because he went on the search scanning spines until he pulled a green book out and furiously flipped through pages.

"So can you tell me?" she asked, frustrated that he was so into the book he had ignored her question entirely.

"What was that?" he asked absentmindedly reading a page; really just standing there reading it.

"Forget it," she pulled the blanket around herself and laid down stuffing her face into the couch. He was glued to the work and whatever she said sparked it. She knew that she should not have been mad. After all, maybe she had helped him out?

She listened to him read under his breath, agreeing and disagreeing with himself. She liked that he enjoyed what he did and that even though it was for all the wrong reasons, reasons of evil he had to take care of information to maybe endure her safety.

She thought she should be touched. Kinda.

Snape came over and sat at her back, where she curled into the couch at the bend of her spine.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Let me see your finger nails," he commanded. She knew he was balancing the book on the crook of one of his elbows and a hand. She knew this because the other tried to pull the blanket away and search for her arm to pull up to get to her hand. She pulled her arm out from where she thought she felt a knut and held it in the ari until he pulled her hand down and bend at the elbow. He pulled her fingers closer and examined her nails. Pressing one tightly he released it.

She tried to move her hand away but he didn't let go.

"What are you looking for?" she asked.

He pulled her pointer back painfully.

"Ow, you bloody bastard," she squealed pulling away and stuffing her hand back into the cushions where she grabbed the knut and held it loosely in her palm.

"You're a waste of space lying there, I thought I'd let you know. As for your earlier question, just think of what occurred on Tuesday."

She wracked her brain but all she could remember was falling asleep, waking, then sleeping again. It was nothing important, and she couldn't remember most of it anyways.

"I slept, what was so important anyways?" The cushions still didn't smell or anything. It was the perfect couch.

"What happens on that day every month?"

Then it occurred to her what he was talking about. Full moon. Tuesday night was the full moon and he had gone to give Remus the wolfs bane. He had seen Remus, but he returned injured? She needed to know what happened there, and what happened to Severus, and if he knew where he was and what he was doing now.

He closed the book and went over to the shelf to put it back.

"Please tell me," she begged sitting up, "Do you know where Remus is?"

"Yes, but that's not important right now, what-"

"It is! Where is Remus? I want to be where he is."

"You can't," he said. He walked into the kitchen with her following quickly.

"Severus, where is he? Why would he leave with a disconnection from me like he did?" In his face she grabbed the scruff of his robes with him standing there ever so calmly.

"Because Nymphadora," he eased her hands off, "Your mate went in head-first without thinking, not caring for whether he was going to live or die, or affect those around him until he saw the dangers in the whole thing. He thought he could just forget everything, like that and simply did that. Someone needed to remind him that he had something very important. Even if he didn't care, he had something to think about and return to."

Return to? Something to think about?

Then it all clicked in. He always made the potion for him, but this time, no matter where he was, he found him and told him about her. He made him feel guilty. Was the reason he fought with him because he defended her? Was that why he was injured?

"Is he coming back?" she croaked weakly.

"Yes, Sunday," he said and she burst into tears, crying into her hands.

He did it for her. He saw the damage and he wanted to fix it for her. Maybe he did have a heart after all. Maybe he cared.

Maybe.

"Then what's wrong with me?"

"You," he said, "The problem is you. That's it."

She wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

"Allow yourself to heal, that's all.

She looked at him with a quivering lip and tried to smile but just ended up crying. He was going to return, but was he going to feel the same?

She decided then that she was going to give him a piece of her mind, and let him know exactly how she felt and what she wanted. She was going to be strong and be happy.

"Okay," she said, "That's enough of my soap opera. I'm going to go lay down now, so yeah, bye." She excused herself and went back to the couch and resumed her position. Though she felt like a weight was lifted from her she felt "bad" but was okay, and now even a little excited. She couldn't wait to see him and she couldn't wait to heal. If she kept up the positive attitude on herself then she would heal before Sunday, which was only three days away, and that wasn't very long.

She heard him grumble to himself. Too bad he wasn't a drinker, otherwise she would have 'driven him to drink' by now.

She listened as he did his thing and soon again he was gone; like he had a million things to do every single day.

When she was home, day off, she was in her pajamas and not going anywhere or doing anything.

-

-

Snape made dinner that night and though she joined him looking halfway decent, but she was hesitant to eat anything.

"Dig in."

She looked at the food, and then him and said, "You know what happens every time I eat something you cook." She gave a quirked raised eyebrow.

"And who's problem is that?" he asked her, also with a quirked eyebrow mocking her.

"Yours."

He shrugged and started to eat.

She picked up her fork and stabbed into a potato chuck and took a bite, testing the waters to see whether she'd immediately get a stomachache or not, but found herself to be enjoying it, so she ate more which was really good.

"How do you know how to cook?" she asked between mouthfuls.

"How come you don't- wait. I wouldn't let you near anything in the kitchen."

"Ha, ha," she pointed her fork at him giving him the evil eye. She said, "Even someone like you makes mistakes sometimes, and you cannot tell me differently."

"No."

"Sure, sure. One day I'm going to lock away all those from your years at school and with them all together we're going to have a conversation about you."

"You do that and tell me what you get out, alright?"

"Yes," she agreed.