Two days after returning from Thailand, Tony found a rare moment of quiet in the bullpen. Gibbs was out of the office re-sitting his firearms certification, McGee was having lunch with Cassie, and Ziva had taken advantage of Gibbs' absence to take a long lunch…at the gym. If he was being honest with himself, Tony was a little hurt by her fairly transparent effort to not be left alone with him. For all they'd enjoyed in their brief time in Thailand, the last couple of days had been as difficult as all the other times they'd returned from a similar trip away. Somehow, amid the desperate desire to be near his partner, he forgot about the crash that came after the contact high. This is how it always went. They spent a couple of days of surrender being close and honest and more or less happy. Then they came home and seemed to make up for that time by staying as far away from each other as possible and keeping conversation entirely professional.

God, it hurt.

Tony didn't know why he did it. He knew it was at least partially within his power to break the depressing tradition. And yet he'd barely allowed himself to look at Ziva today. He took a moment to glance over at her empty desk to frown. What the hell were they doing to each other? What was he doing to himself? Why had he told her he'd wait until she was ready? He supposed he'd felt a glimmer of optimism that they were almost there. Felt a flash of hope that she'd make the decision to commit—to say screw it, let's just try—in the next short while. But now they were home, back in reality and dealing with their day-in, day-out grind of life, he was less sure that she would. Not because she didn't love him. Tony knew that she did. But because she was just too damn scared. She'd admitted as much to him in Thailand, and he didn't think it would matter how many times he tried to talk her down off the ledge. She wasn't going to budge.

Tony cleared his throat in an effort to shift the aching feeling in his chest. He hoped she would prove him wrong about that. And soon.

"Tony? Hey, are you there?"

Tony blinked for the first time in who knew how long and looked up at the sound of his name. Viv was standing in front of his desk, her hand clutching the strap of her handbag over her shoulder in a death grip, and staring down at him with concern. He snapped out of his reverie, got to his feet and gave her a warm smile.

"Viv, hey. Sorry, I was just thinking."

She smiled back, but he could see it was an effort. She was clearly tired and still in all kinds of pain, and Tony had the urge to give her a supportive hug. But he didn't.

"It's good to see you again," he told her.

"You too," she said. "I was expecting you to be a little more tanned, though."

"Tanned?"

"You got the Phuket assignment," Viv said, and Tony caught on.

"Right."

Viv gestured at him. "That's why I came by, actually," she said. "I got a chance to thank Gibbs and McGee for their work on…" She trailed off, but didn't need to explain. "But not you and David."

He wanted to hug her again. Still, he didn't. "It's no problem. Tom sounds like he was a great guy. And a respected lieutenant. We were honored to help."

Viv gave him a watery smile and looked over at Ziva's desk. "Is David around?"

"No, she's currently down in the gym beating a punching bag into submission."

Viv nodded slowly with a curious look in her eye. "She okay?"

Tony couldn't resist making a vague jab at his partner. "Domestic issues," he replied, and then felt his stomach growl. He needed to get out of the office. "Hey, you want to grab a coffee with me?"

This time, Viv's smile bordered on warm. "Sure."

Tony ended up getting a roast beef sandwich at a nearby café along with his giant half caf, half decaf coffee, and felt only a small amount of shame when Viv opted for nothing more than a herbal tea. So, sue him. He hadn't eaten since breakfast, and he'd burned about a million calories in Phuket. Viv didn't seem to notice, and didn't comment on how uncouth it was that he was eating while they talked about her husband's funeral the day before.

"I know you're supposed to say it was a lovely service," Viv told him. "But it was awful. I mean, everyone said nice things and the weather was nice and the flowers were nice. But it was just…"

"You weren't supposed to be there," Tony guessed. "Not for another 40 years or so."

Viv's eyes were glued to her teacup as she nodded. "Yeah."

Tony put down his sandwich and wiped his mouth with his napkin. "I'd tell you I'm sorry for your loss, but I know that doesn't help. And it doesn't really mean anything to you."

Viv let out a hollow laugh, but aimed a quick smile at him. "When did you get to be so honest?"

Tony felt a stab of anxiety in his stomach. "It's something I've been trying out lately. I'm having varied results with it though, and in this particular case I'm happy to be proven wrong."

Viv shook her head. "Sorry, DiNozzo. I'm afraid you're right in this case."

He gave her a sad smile. "Your parents live nearby you, don't they?"

Viv nodded and blinked the gathering tears out of her eyes. "Yeah, they've been great. I think I'll be leaning on them for a while."

"I understand that's what good parents are for."

"Yeah."

"And you've got the whole Navy behind you," he added.

"I know," she said, nodding. "There's a big community there."

He sensed that she didn't want to hear him try to problem solve things for her, so he picked up his sandwich and took another bite.

"Can we talk about something else for a bit?" Viv asked. "I just need a break from all this stuff. I need to be able to breathe."

"Sure," he said after he swallowed. "You want to hear how many girlfriends Gibbs has had since you left?"

Viv made a face. "Not really. I'm already pretty disturbed by the idea that he ever had one." She paused as he smirked, and then looked at him with curiosity. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure," he replied without thinking.

Viv seemed to hesitate for a moment, and then gestured at his hand around his coffee cup. "You're not wearing a wedding ring."

Tony automatically slipped on his poker face and engaged his shallow joker persona. "Pretty sure I'm allergic to gold and silver and commitment."

Viv took his joking in stride. "I always pegged you as being traditional in that regard. How come you decided not to make it official?"

Tony kept his poker face in place while he tried to work out what, exactly, she was getting at. "Because I haven't found anyone to make it official with."

Viv frowned like that didn't make sense with what she thought was the truth. "But weren't you—?"

He cut her off when a thought suddenly occurred to him. "Wait, are you talking about Wendy?" Try as he might, Tony couldn't quite remember whether he and Wendy were already broken up when he started working with Viv. What else could she mean? But Viv shook her head.

"I don't remember a Wendy," she said. "I'm not talking about anyone in particular. I just assumed there was a long-term partner in the picture because, well, you know." She gestured at him and looked him up and down as if her argument should be obvious. But Tony found himself more confused than before.

"I don't get it."

They stared at each other for a moment, and then Viv cracked a wide, honest smile.

"Tony," she said, her tone verging on condescending. Or possibly amused. Or both. "You are a very different man now than when I knew you."

He wanted to argue the point, but knew he didn't have a leg to stand on. "Well, it's been ten years. A lot has happened since you knew me."

Viv nodded. "I don't doubt that. But you just seem centered now. Like you know why you're doing all this. You've found the thing that makes it all worthwhile."

Tony opened his mouth, but he didn't know what to say. Viv covered from him.

"I'm not saying it's the same for everyone. But when I met Tom, it just all clicked for me. It's a hard job that we have. It takes its toll. But when I met Tom, it got easier for me to cope with all that. It was like he was my reward." She paused and shook her head. "It's probably not healthy to think of another human being like that, but it's the only way I can think to explain it."

Tony thought of Ziva, and how much he clung to her presence during their darkest times. How the knowledge that he'd get to spend time with her was sometimes the only thing that got him into work during their hardest cases. How he always wanted her there, even when he had the urge to strangle her, because, yes, she centered him. She gave him a reason to do what he did. Even when he felt that their future looked bleak.

"Yeah," he said thickly. "Yeah, I get that."

Viv gave him a knowing look. "It's not going so well?" she guessed.

He let out an impulsive laugh. "It never has."

"So, there is a long-term partner," Viv said, sounding pleased with her detective work.

Tony almost flinched at her use of 'partner'. "In a manner of speaking," he said. "And she's not the only one responsible for the man I am today," he paused to give her a look of false self-importance that made her smirk, "but she's responsible for a lot of it."

"What's her—?" Viv started, then stopped herself and almost rolled her eyes. "Oh, it's David, right? Of course it's David."

Tony stared at her, mouth hanging open. How the hell had she worked that out?

"Domestic issues," Viv repeated, answering the question on his face. "You seemed personally bummed and annoyed about it."

"That's it?" Tony exclaimed. "You got it just from that?"

Viv shrugged and picked up her teacup. "I'm a detective."

Tony heaved a sigh. "You're not recording this for Gibbs, are you? He hasn't sent you in as a spy?"

Viv chuckled. "I don't think Gibbs trusts me enough to collect his dry cleaning, Tony, let alone information about his team. I take it he doesn't know?"

"He knows," Tony said with complete certainty. "But there's not technically anything going on, so guess he's just putting up with it."

"Not technically anything going on?" she echoed. "What does that mean?"

Tony squirmed. "There's not technically a relationship there. Of a traditional kind. Exactly." He sighed again, heavier than before. "It's complicated. For as long as we work for Gibbs, it'll be complicated. You might remember that he's not particularly accommodating of life outside of work."

Viv nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, I do remember that. But can I give you some advice born of experience?" She didn't wait for him to respond. "It's worth it. I was happy to focus on my career when I left you guys. But then I met Tom. Dating him made work harder. You know, trying to find the time to focus on both him and work without half-assing either? Really hard. Marrying him made it harder still, and when kids came along it was ten times harder." She paused a smiled as she shrugged one shoulder. "But it was worth it."

"I'm sure it was," Tony said thickly.

Viv pointed at him. "You should try to fix those domestic issues before the chance is taken away from you. Yeah, Gibbs'll probably be pissed that you're putting the time into your complicated and untraditional relationship. But Gibbs shouldn't get a say in what you do and who you do it with as soon as you walk out of the Navy Yard each night."

Tony rubbed his neck. She made it sound so easy. And in his current mood, Tony was inclined to want to take her words to heart and throw them back at Ziva. But perhaps he should wait until she was finished with her boxing session.

"Can we talk about something else?" he turned back on her with a self-aware smile.

"Party pooper," Viv muttered, but then changed the subject to an ex-NCIS agent they both knew who'd been arrested for a DWI in her town a while back. Tony nodded and made all the appropriate noises and faces, but inside, he was entirely focused on his domestic issues and what they hell he and Ziva were supposed to do now.

…

If Ziva was transparent in her effort not to be left alone with him at lunchtime, Tony was just as transparent in his effort to time his departure from the office that night with hers. When she started packing her paper files into her filing cabinet just after 6 pm, Tony started doing the same with his. That earned him a wary eye from her, but he pretended not to notice and continued getting ready to leave. He waited until she stood up to put on her coat to do the same, and then flicked off his desk lamp a few seconds after she flicked off hers. Ziva swung her bag over her shoulder and then cocked her head tiredly to the side as she regarded him—What are you doing? her expression asked—and he shot her a pleasant smile in return.

"Home time," he declared.

Ziva grunted in response, and then came out from behind her desk. They walked silently but side-by-side to the elevator, and then got into the empty car one after the other. As they descended to the basement car park, Tony tried to talk himself into holding his nerve. His conversation with Viv had lit a fire in him, and now he had an audacious proposal to make. Of course, he hadn't worked out all the details yet, but that couldn't stop him. They had to stop this cycle where they stayed the hell away from each other after getting close. Because one day they might just stay apart for too long, and then…

Tony felt a little shiver go through him. He didn't want to think about that.

They stepped out of the elevator into the freezing cold car park. Dozens of cars were still parked in the rows, and it smelled like gasoline and grease. An engine rumbled across the way and tires squeaked in the other direction. It was a concrete jungle that was not even the slightest bit romantic, but it provided slightly more privacy than the bullpen.

Ziva's car was parked only a few spaces from the elevator, and she dug her keys out of her bag as they approached her bumper. Tony spoke up before she unlocked the doors.

"I have a crazy idea," he said to her.

Ziva paused and gave him that same wary look she'd shot at him up in the bullpen. "Crazy?" Her tone begged him not to explain himself. He ignored her.

"Crazy like a fox," he said, making her frown. "I think that we should go away this weekend. Up to Maine or down to Florida—God help us—but away from here."

Ziva stared at him impassively for a moment, car keys dangling from her fingers, before she briefly shook her head in wonder. "Why?" she wanted to know. "And why Florida?'

Florida was a terrible idea, and Tony knew it. He shook his head dismissively. "Not there. Just away from here to give us some space."

"Space from what, exactly?" she asked, and then looked over his shoulder. Her frown switched into a pleasant but fake smile at whoever she saw, and she took half a step back from Tony to put more appropriate distance between them. "Hello, Damien."

Tony looked over his shoulder as Special Agent Damien Phillips joined them. The younger agent was rugged up in a thick, long winter coat and a cashmere scarf, and he carried a briefcase in his hand and an overstuffed gym bag over his shoulder. Tony and Ziva didn't know him very well, just enough to say hello and chat briefly when they crossed paths, but he was a nice guy who was easy to get along with and always seemed happy and relaxed.

Tony took Ziva's cue and discretely shuffled a little further away from her, and gave Phillips an easy smile. "Hey, how's it going?"

Phillips clapped the back of Tony's shoulder in greeting as he joined them. "Hey! Heard you lucky bastards got to visit paradise in the Pacific this week," he said. "I bet that was nice."

"Sure," Tony said, glancing at Ziva. "If you take away the 30 hours it took to get there and the 30 hours it took to get back."

Phillips shrugged. "You've got to take the good with the bad, I guess. I bet it was warmer than here."

"It is true that we were not under a foot of snow down there," Ziva said.

"I've got to get onto your team," Phillips said wistfully. "I rarely get to travel further than Pennsylvania."

"They've got some lovely countryside there," Tony offered.

Phillips shook his head. "No, they don't." He smacked Tony's arm again and then continued walking to his car. "See you guys later."

Tony and Ziva smiled goodbye, and then waited until Phillips was out of earshot before continuing their conversation.

"Space to talk," Tony said, answering Ziva's earlier question. "Space to just relax."

Ziva took a full step in towards him and raised her eyebrows. "To talk?" she repeated, lowering her voice. "Are we not already talked out?"

He tried not to take offence. "No. Are we? I'd hope we'd have a few years of conversations left in us."

"Tony," she sighed, and unlocked her car.

"There's still a lot to—"

"Hey!" Abby called out as she stepped out of the elevator. "I thought everyone had left already."

Once again, Tony and Ziva discretely put a bit more distance between them. Maybe the car park didn't offer more privacy than the bullpen.

"Hey, we were just talking about Viv and the funeral," Tony lied seamlessly.

Abby made a sad face as she walked over to them. Tony thought he heard Ziva snort quietly at him. She opened the trunk of her car and swung her backpack inside as Abby made consoling noises.

"Poor Viv," she said. "The funeral was yesterday?"

Tony nodded. "She came by today. She said it was very nice, but awful."

"Yeah." Abby looked down at her feet. "I should call her and see if she needs anything. Those poor kids of hers."

Tony looked at Ziva. She arched her eyebrow and cocked her head to the side, and he read that look as well. See what you've done now? You've upset Abby.

"That'd be nice," he said to Abby.

Ziva slammed her truck, and Abby lifted her head again.

"You guys want to get a drink or two?" Abby asked. "We haven't had post-case drinks for ages. And you haven't told me anything about Thailand yet."

"That sounds good," Ziva said. "But perhaps later in the week? I am still feeling a bit jet lagged from the trip."

"Did I mention it was about 30 hours each way?" Tony threw in.

Abby looked fleetingly disappointed before she smiled brightly. "Okay. We've still got to celebrate McGee and Cassie's news, don't forget."

"Yeah, we do," Tony said slowly, watching her carefully for her reaction. Abby's smile stayed in place, but he could see sadness in her eyes. McGee's decision to change his living arrangements was hurting her, and Tony knew he'd have to talk to her soon.

Abby nodded and waved her hand. "See you tomorrow."

"Night, Abby," Tony and Ziva said in unison.

Tony turned back to Ziva and cringed at her as Abby walked away. Ziva nodded, but shrugged helplessly. There wasn't a whole lot they could do about it, aside from being a sympathetic ear for her. McGee wasn't going to break up with Cassie. That was a fact. So Abby had to work on accepting the status quo.

It wasn't advice Tony was willing to take regarding his own situation, though. His out-of-town invite to Ziva was supposed to help solve their issues. But he was getting the impression that Ziva thought he was setting them up for the opposite. But he wouldn't be deterred. Viv's words from earlier in the day were still ringing in his ears. It's worth it.

"Look, Ziva—"

"Tony," she sighed tiredly, stopping him, and then she turned around and opened the driver's door. "I do not know what else there is to say right now."

"Then we don't have to talk about things. I just…" He stepped in and caught her hand, and Ziva turned again and looked at him with wide-eyed surprise. She pulled her hand back and her eyes darted around to check for witnesses, and although he understood her action it stung him as much now as it had when she'd pulled it when they'd been leaving the restaurant in Thailand.

"Is this how this is going to be conducted?" Ziva almost whispered. "Out of town and in secret? Because it will not stay that way for long, Tony. People will find out. Especially if we insist of speaking of it in our workplace car park."

Who cares? Tony wondered, and he almost said as much. But he had a feeling that would just piss her off right now. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I have no idea. I just know that I'd like to spend some more time with you. Even if that time is hands off time."

Ziva crossed her arms as she leaned against her car. For a few moments she just looked at him as she weighed up her next words. He tried to look casual under her gaze. He smiled encouragingly and kind of goofily in the hope that she would decide they'd have a good time. And while sometimes when she was in a surly—some may say prickly—mood like she was now his antics only served to annoy her, at other times they broke her mood, too.

A smirk suddenly pulled at her mouth before she looked away from him, and Tony felt a flash of victory. Luck had smiled on him tonight. Ziva uncrossed her arms and sighed again, but without the tiredness of before.

"Okay," she finally said. "Where to? Not Florida."

"I wasn't really serious about that," he assured her. "Let's just go to New York. Get lost amongst everyone else."

Ziva nodded and dipped her head, but he saw the little smile on her face. "Okay," she said again, and then turned to get into her car. "Good night, Tony."

"Night," he returned, and then stepped back before she could reverse over him. She shot him a quick smile through the window, and then before he could blink the little Mini shot off through the car park.

With a smile on his face, Tony headed in the other direction to his car. He was over the first hurdle. Now he just had to make sure they didn't trip over the second.

I know. Pretty short, but we're still moving forward. This story isn't dead yet!