Another day was passing as I relaxed in the office about a month later, my thoughts wandering.

"Do you realize I've been a Soul Reaper for fifteen months?" I asked suddenly.

"Fifteen and a half," Sosuke corrected quietly, sorting through some paperwork. Gin was lying next to me, his head in my lap like normal, my fingers running carelessly through his silver locks. I chuckled as Sosuke.

"Not that you're counting," I teased. He just smiled. Softly, I began humming along with the smooth jazz that was playing, making Shinji smile, glad that someone in the room appreciated his music. "This year seems like it went by way too fast…"

I had entered squad six… fallen in love… trained harder than I ever had before… fell in love all over again, letting go of the first… was betrayed by my best friend and lost him… lost my first love, and found him again… transferred to squad five… started having suspicions that someone loved me… found that I was attracted to another man other than my boyfriend…

I sighed and shook my head.

What a mess…

Master… It's not a mess. I'm sure they would all understand if you just told them the truth.

I scowled.

~I can't… and you damn well know it! ~

Durnehviir sighed.

Master… you need to tell someone. The truth is starting to torture you, even I can see that.

I shifted uncomfortably and focused my gaze on the silver strands in my fingers.

You want so badly to tell them, especially the man you love, but you cannot. What do you really fear?

~For their safety, you know that. You know what their choice would have to be… if they knew. ~

Stop lying to yourself. Yes, you fear that… but not as much as you fear something even more.

I scowled, choosing not to answer, hoping he would guess wrong.

You fear they will turn on you, reject you. You fear that they won't love you anymore.

I felt my blood run cold as my hand froze.

Master, I know you, better than most. You can lie to yourself all you want, but the truth is there. That is why you continue to hide it from them. You haven't even told Kouga the full truth—and he's in no position to walk away from you!

I began to tremble, my eyes becoming unfocused.

You cannot keep doing this alone. Now that Kit is gone, you no longer possess someone that truly knows you, that truly understands you. Fear… should never keep you from acting. If you let it, fear WILL consume you.

A soft hand touched my cheek, jerking me back into focus. Gin was looking up at me, his sky-blue eyes full of concern, his usual smile long gone.

"Akalia?" he asked. I gave him a soft, shaken smile.

"I'm okay," I told him, then lost a bit of my smile. "Or… at least, I will be… Durnehviir's just… Telling me things I don't want to hear, but probably need to."

Slowly, Gin nodded, accepting that, but his eyes never left mine.

You and I both know, the moment you are sent to Hueco Mundo, the truth will be revealed to whomever is with you at the time. I hope you are decently prepared for that… and know in whom you will place your utmost trust.

I frowned again and glanced over the three in the room. Shinji… would be a bad choice… both he and Sosuke. Their opinions matter far too much to me… and I honestly don't know if I could handle their horror or disgust… but Gin… My eyes went back to his as my hand continued to caress his hair. I want to be able to trust Gin… After all, he's already keeping a secret for me. He has told no one about Kouga and I. He has never asked questions, just healed me without a word…

I knew he could see the war in my eyes… and the look in his told me he was more concerned about it than he dared show. I just gave him another reassuring, shaky smile, wordlessly trying to tell him not to worry. If anything, however, that only seemed to worry him more.

"Akalia, are you sure you're alright?" asked Sosuke, looking at me in great concern. I shook my head softly.

"I will be," I assured him softly. "I just… need some time to sort through my thoughts."

A mere glance at his eyes told me Sosuke KNEW I was lying, both to him and myself… and I found I couldn't look at him any longer. Softly, I slipped out from under Gin and walked out of the office. I had no idea where I was going… but I believe it didn't really mater. In any case, I had to leave that place, leave THEM behind… at least for now.

"Miss Kuchiki?"

The sudden, surprised but gentle voice grabbed my attention. I looked over to see Jushiro and forced a small smile… one that fell almost immediately. He smiled gently, his eyes flashing with a look of knowing and understanding.

"Come with me," he said softly… and I did. I let him lead me away from the court guard squads and to a small, quiet home, his home away from the office. "Now… what is troubling you? I don't need to know the details… but I've found that simply talking it out with someone else can help."

I gave him a wry smile.

"Even if none of what I say is about to make sense?" I asked. He chuckled.

"Yes," he answered softly. "Even then."

Can I trust you, Jushiro… or will you leave me, too?

I looked down at my lap as we sat down, Jushiro handing me cup of tea.

"Whatever you say will stay between us," he assured me gently.

"No matter what?" I asked. "Even if it goes against everything you stand for, the laws you uphold?"

He gave a moment's pause, making that feeling of fear course through me once more.

"Akalia… you have my word," he told me, his voice serious. "What have you gotten yourself into?"

I sighed heavily.

"It's not what I've gotten into… it's what I've always been part of," I admitted softly, taking a sip to calm my nerves. Kouga had always had utmost respect for Jushiro, saying he was a man that followed his own star, chose heart over duty, and truth over lies.

Softly, he clasped my shaking hand in his own. I couldn't look up at him, didn't dare… as I let all my secrets pour out at once, knowing that if a single person overheard, my life would end.

A Little While Later

"Akalia!" came Shinji's voice, making me look over. "There you are!"

My beloved walked into the garden towards us.

"Good evening, Jushiro," Shinji greeted, taking note of my puffy eyes. "Akalia… are you okay?"

I nodded softly.

"Thanks to Jushiro, I'm fine," I answered honestly. Relief swept across Shinji's face… though it was soon followed by the bitter sting of jealousy, making me giggle. I set my tea down and looked at Jushiro. "Thank you… for everything."

He smiled softly at me.

"Any time, Akalia," he answered me warmly. "Take care now."

I nodded and stood, taking Shinji's hand into my own as I left the garden with him. The feel of his hand in mine… it sent warmth and soothing calm through me.

Yeah… he's definitely one of mine… and I choose him.

Third Person POV

A Few Days Later

"Captain Hirako!"

The blonde paused in his steps, looking back to see Ukitake walking up.

"Forgive the interruption, but might I speak with you on the way?" he asked. Shinji nodded and the two walked side-by-side to the meeting. Sosuke was just behind Shinji, but far enough away to maintain distance… though he could still hear. Ukitake sighed softly before he began to speak. "Shinji, I know it's not my place to interfere in your squad's affairs, but I'm forced to speak up for one who won't speak for themselves."

"Is this about that talk you had with Akalia?" Shinji asked knowingly. Ukitake nodded and frowned.

"Never… send her into Hueco Mundo," Ukitake stated, his voice dead serious. Immediately, Shinji paused, looking right at the man, a frown on his usually smiling features.

"Why not?" Shinji asked. "She's more than capable of handling herself—"

"If you intend to keep her alive and unchanged, you must never allow her to set foot there," Ukitake cut him off, grabbing his shoulders, facing the younger captain. "You must trust me on this. Why this must be the way things are is not my place to say and I do not blame her for keeping them quiet… but know that she has the best intentions at heart. Akalia can NEVER enter Hueco Mundo… or she won't be coming back."

A flash of alarm crossed Shinji's face as his expression became darker, strained.

"What… do you mean?" Shinji forced out. Ukitake shook his head and released him. Then he turned around and began walking away.

"I gave her my word… or I would tell you," was the answer. "Just think about what I've said… and, if you are wise, take it to heart. Nothing good will come of her going to Hueco Mundo."

"Wait a moment!" Shinji said, rushing after the older man. "Why wouldn't she come to me with this herself?"

Ukitake looked at Shinji sadly.

"Because she does not want to lose you," was the reply, before he flashed the rest of the way to the first.

Akalia's POV

I was doing paperwork, waiting for the meeting to end, Gin relaxing on the couch nearby. It was almost like he lived here, just like I seemed to.

"You will see Kouga tonight, right?" Gin asked. I nodded, filing another sheet.

"As usual," I answered. "I'll be damned if I abandon a friend, especially to a complete and absolute solitude."

"Does the Captain even know about Kouga?"

I shook my head.

"I… I haven't found the right time to tell him… nor do I know how…" I admitted quietly. Gin shook his head at me.

"You're getting in this far too deep," he told me. I spared him a small smile.

"And who's supposed to be the child here?" I teased, making him grin. "Don't you have third-seat duties to attend to?"

His grin widened.

"Trying to get rid of me?" he teased. I laughed.

"Maybe," I teased back. "Would you listen?"

"Doubtful," was the reply, making me laugh again. Gin chuckled and relaxed on the couch. "Are you ever going to tell him what you told Ukitake, Vasilysa?"

"I don't know," I answered. "I might…"

Then my brain caught up and my eyes snapped up to his.

"Gin!" I said in shock. "You… you heard?! Everything?!"

The boy nodded, opening his eyes to look at me. The look in those eyes was very reassuring.

"I followed you when you left," he admitted. "I was worried. You weren't being yourself."

I was a great deal less tense than I should have been, realizing that I should have been prepared for execution, since he'd heard everything.

"You… you haven't told anyone, have you?" I asked, realizing why I felt so calm. Gin smiled.

"I have not," he answered. "They're not my secrets to tell."

I flashed over and hugged him tightly. I couldn't help it. I was so thankful for him right now… I just wanted to let him know that in the only way that I could.

"Air," Gin rasped out, pushing against my breasts, trying to get them out of his face. I blushed dark red and pulled back quickly.

"Sorry!" I said, holding up my hands in surrender. "Sorry! Sorry!"

"It's fine," Gin answered, getting his breath back. "You could suffocate someone with those things."

I blushed even darker and hit his shoulder, making him chuckle.

"Like that friend of yours, Rangiku's, won't end up even bigger than mine," I teased. "She's starting early."

That got Gin to think for a moment.

"How big do you suppose she'll get?" he asked curiously. I thought about it.

"My guess, around an F-cup, if not larger," I answered. "Especially at the rate she's growing. She's gonna be a real knockout when she reaches full maturity."

That got a frown on his face. I giggled.

"Jealous?" I teased. "I'm sure she won't have eyes for anyone but her white-knight in tarnished armor."

He blushed darkly and shot me a dirty look, making me laugh as I returned to the paperwork. I had only met Rangiku a few times, but the girl was spirited. I could see why Gin was so taken with her… and why he seemed bound and determined to protect her from everything. He hadn't been particularly happy to leave her when he became a Soul Reaper, but he'd had her move in with me since. I'd given her one of the spare rooms, making sure she had everything she needed. Gin, as thanks, paid a small fee for rent (about three hundred yen a month). It covered all food, clothes, lessons, and Rangiku's shopping sprees that she so loved. Sometimes, she even dragged Gin along with her.

"That was a total waste of time," grumbled Shinji as he and Sosuke drew closer to the office. "Bloody meetings with no purpose… how frustrating!"

I chuckled softly and finished the last few pages.

"Their purpose is to keep contact between the divisions so we don't grow immeasurably apart," Kensei replied. His voice made me tense. I still had not confronted him about the game yet. In fact, I'd been going out of my way to avoid him as of late…

"As I said, pointless," Shinji restated. Gin sent me a calming look, reminding me that Kensei wouldn't try anything with Shinji around.

"Akalia!" Shinji called. "Hungry?"

"Famished," I answered, opening the door to admit the three men.

"Great," Shinji told me. "Let's eat."

I smiled softly and let him take my hand, leading me from the office.

"The meeting was that bad, huh?" I teased, watching an annoyed expression cross my lover's face.

"All a bunch of annoying updates on things most of us already knew," was the reply as he pulled his hand from mine and instead, wrapped his arm around my waist, his hand on my hip. I blushed lightly, then relaxed and just let him.

"Sounds absolutely dreadful," I sympathized. He grinned at me, pausing in step.

"You could always make it better," he teased, making me grin back.

"Oh?" I asked. "In the middle of the street? I knew you were kinky—"

"Let's go!" growled Kensei, jerking Shinji away from me and down the street, making me shake my head with a smile as I followed after them. Shinji and Kensei were arguing the whole way, Shinji saying he had no right to get between us and Kensei saying Shinji had no right to scar other people for life.

At least it hasn't come to blows.

I silently agreed, glad it hadn't come to that yet. That most likely meant that Shinji still had no idea what had happened behind closed doors. In a manner of speaking, I was grateful for that. I wasn't sure I could handle losing either of them as friends… and knew I would if they were at odds.

"Table for—"

"Over here!" Mashiro interrupted Kensei, waving us all over. I laughed and skipped over, taking the offered seat. Shinji took the one next to me, his arm around my shoulders, and Kensei sat across from us. Lunch was filled with laughter and stories of drunken mishaps. I loved times like this, where all of us could just relax and enjoy ourselves.

"Well, should head back to the office," Shinji stated, glancing at the time. I chuckled as he stole a quick kiss, taking his leave. "See you after work."

The wink he threw me made me blush and roll my eyes, watching him walk away.

"I need to talk to you."

Kensei's voice was low as he whispered that to me, sending shivers down my spine, and not ones of fear. Understanding what he wanted, I got up and followed him out, then walked with him towards his division.

"Akalia… why are you even with that airhead?" he asked suddenly, making me hide my amusement.

~And so it begins…~

Durnehviir laughed in my head.

"He doesn't even have the decency to keep it behind closed doors!" he went on.

"Kensei, did you ever consider that I LIKE how he does that?" I asked softly. He stopped in mid-rant, looking at me in disbelief. "And can you honestly say, if I were with you instead, that you would hesitate to do the exact same thing?"

Immediately his face flooded with color and he began spouting off, denying it vehemently, saying he would never and that he wasn't talking about himself as another option, obviously, etc. etc. etc.

I chuckled softly, getting him to stop.

"Kensei, I suggest you put that night out of your mind permanently," I told him. The red in his face vanished as his expression got serious.

"I can't," he answered me honestly. "I've tried… and it continues to torment and haunt me."

He stopped me, putting both of his massive hands on my shoulders, making me look at him.

"And I know I shouldn't be like this, you're with my best friend for crying out loud!" he went on, seeming to curse his own mind. "But the more I think of you with him…"

"The angrier and more possessive you get," I finished, making his eyes widen in surprise. "I know EXACTLY how you feel, but I can't explain how I know. No, it's not because I feel the same way. I've chosen Shinji—"

"And yet he seems in no hurry to claim you," the irate man shot out. "Dammit, Akalia! I wouldn't be hesitating! I'd have already married you by now!"

"It doesn't matter what you would do," I said firmly. "I've chosen Shinji."

"Then you chose wrong!"

His voice echoed off the surrounding buildings, making me sigh and softly push his hands off my shoulders.

"You saying that… merely confirms that I've made the right decision," I told him calmly. "I'm sorry, Kensei… I've given my heart to him and him alone."

Then I started to walk off.

"Dammit!" I heard him curse. "Akalia, wait!"

I paused and looked back at him.

"Please, disregard everything I just said," he told me. "I don't… I don't understand what keeps coming over me…"

"Consider it disregarded," I answered him softly. "Though I expect a few more conversations like this in the future… and no, they will not be of your own true doing…"

His eyes locked onto mine.

"You KNOW what's happening to me…"

I nodded softly.

"And I'm afraid I cannot explain it to you," I told him softly. "I'm sorry."

Then I took my leave, completely unaware of the pair of brown eyes that had watched the whole thing.