I am the block you just can't break, I am the blade that you're inclined to take

I am the electricity found in your scream, I am the star that inhabits your dreams

I am the tip of an arrow of risk, And that silver mask you can't resist

I am the hero that broke the mold, I am the beast that won't do as it's told

I am the rival that ain't right, I am the snake that stays outta sight

Wii finally gathered 'em all, And it's finally time to Brawl

And here i go. (Rat, Horse, Tiger, Monkey, Hare, Dragon. Writer Release: Disclaimer Technique)

Disclaimer: Nintendo is the full legal owner of all the following: Super Mario, Mario, Link, The Legend of Zelda, Pikachu, Pokemon, Kirby, Kirby's Dreamland and all other characters and names. I usually forget to add that they belong to Hal Labs, Nintendo, Konami and all other respective owners, so I'll say that for now.

Readers are cautioned. This fic is rated Teen. This fic will contain Intense Sci-Fi Action Violence, Sexual Situations, Coarse Language and Suggestive Dialogue.

Chapter 13: The New Brawlers

"Send in the first moron." Link sighed. He, Mario and Pikachu had been dropped behind a counter in hopes of finding a tenth Smash Brother. You know, to help fill at least a starting roster of ten fighters.

"Good morning! My name is Chrono. I work at Chrono trigger and I-" A red haired young man began.

"Wait, are you another swordsman?" Link asked.

"Yes. But I have these powers. Like time-"
"NEXT!" Link yelled.

"Suppi? I'm Jeff from Earthbound. My special power is making weapons." Announced a lens wearing blond.

"Sweet, what are your powers?" Mario inquired. "Can you do that psychic crap Ness can do?"

"Well, no. The weapons thing is my power. But I-"
"NEXT-A VICTIM!"

"Howdy? My name is Banjo. And this here's my bud Kazooie." Said a large bear. He lifted his back pack and a squawking red bird gave a beaky smile.

"Pik pikapi. (Not Happening.)" Pikachu muttered.

"Hey, this is Goku guys!" Smiled a man with large hair.

"NO!" They growled in unison.

"Bobobo. Bobobobobo. (I'm the Hero from Custom Robo. I can drive a 12 inch tall robot.)" A young man with gray hair said. He was holding a blue cube in his hand.

"Don't call us, we call you." Link reminded him.

"Yo! Yo! Rollin out of Advanced Wars DS, rocking through 'em all. You just found Jake so get ready to Brawl. I'm gonna smack the Master Hand like a habit that's whack." The Smash Brother stare at Jake. He was garbed in white, although he still had on a large set of headphones.

"Pika ika. (Go home.)" Pikachu huffed.

"Yo say no cuz I'm white." Jake complained, as he stomped out the door. "Racist ."

"Did he just-a call us ?" Mario demanded. "NEXT!"
"Attention! I'm the commander from Battalion Wars! General Herman-" A pudgy man said as he waddled through the door.

"About Face! Outward, March!" Mario returned

"Uh-huh. My name is Vyse Dyne, from the cult classic Skies of Arcadia Legend. I was looking for a spot in the new Super Smash Brothers crew." Vyse answered, adjusting his clear eye patch.

"What did I just say about swordsmen? NEXT!" Link roared.

"Yay! (Hi, I'm AiAi from Super Monkey Ball. Pleased to meet you.)" A small monkey with a zorb smiled as he walked through the door.

"Pikachu, pik! (Too cute, NEXT!)" Pikachu shouted.

"Everyone calls me the Full Metal Alchemist. But you can just call me Ed." A short (I'M NOT SHORT) blond kid with a metal arm announced as he entered the room.

"NO MORE BLONDS! Get out, get out, GET OUT!" Link screamed. "I'm the only sexy blond guy."

"Good morning gentlemen. My name is Lloyd Irving, from the Tales of series. I was in Tales of Symphonia." A child with dual blades entered the room. He ran his fingers through his spiky brown hair.

"GO HOME!" Link snarled. A door opened but no one entered. "NEXT?"
"Hello, I'm Captain Omalir. I work at Pikmin. These are my Pikmin." Replied a microscopic space man. He was surrounded by a band of multicolored insects.

"We can't see you, you can't have the job. Please don't get stepped on." Link replied.

"Geez, take-a ov-a the whole interview why don't-a you?" Mario complained.

"YO! I'm Joe. But you can call me Viewtiful."
"Pika pika, pik, pik, chu pik, kachu pik pikachu. (We can also call you for the job, but don't count on it.) " Pikachu countered the red clad warrior. "Pika! (Next!)"

"Nice to meet you. I'm Ike, the lord from Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance."
"LEAVE ME BE!" Link screamed. His eye twitched as veins exploded from his head. Ike slowly backed out the door, being sure to readjust his headband which had been blown to the side by Link.

"Mesa Jar-Jar Binks, mesa wanna be Supah Sash Brudda." Jar-Jar smiled. Pikachu reached up with his tiny fist.

"Pik pika, kach, pichu, pikachu. (I have five reasons for why you can't.)" He pointed his little yellow paw forward. "Ich, ni, san, shi, go!" Pikachu blew on the smoking barrel as Jar-Jar's limp body slid down the trap door.

"Hey, hey, hey. Megaman's the most requested hero of the day." Snapped a small blue machine. Mario stared at the blue bomber. He shot a fire ball at him and hurled him out the door.

"Yo! I'm Bombah Man!" Yelled an armor clad munchkin.

"Bomberman's here too? DIE!" Mario screamed, hurling another ball of fire at his bomb hurling rival.

"Now who's taking over the interviews?" Link teased. "NEXT!"
"Hey, my name is Sonic. Sonic-" A gun shot went off, and in an instant, the limp body of the blue hedgehog was sliding down the trap door.

"Sup. My name is Cloud… I guess." Yet another blond, black clad, sword wielding maniac had entered the mix.

"Oh, just what we need: Another angst ridden anti-hero. We already have Solid Snake: We honestly don't need you. So go home and cry to your girlfriend." Link muttered. "Oh, wait: She's dead! HA!"
"Shut up you bastard. You're girlfriend dies too!" Cloud pouted.

"Yeah, but she gets reincarnated every time I do. And every time I get reincarnated, I always have a girl ready. I'm a pimp! And a real swordsman. Take that you little emo bitch." Link teased. Cloud lifted his sword. "DIEEEEE!" Link roared. Before Cloud could strike, Link cleaved the FF7 protagonist in two. "Little emo punk, NEXT!"

"HEEEEEEEEEEEY! My name is Naruto Uzumaki, the next Hokage and Super Smash Brother!"

"For the last time, no more Anime characters!" Link screamed. Pikachu began to sniffle. "Oh you don't count."

"That's discrimination, and you'll be hearing from my lawyer: Believe it!" Naruto roared, adjusting his headband in his spiky blond hair before storming out.

"How many more nitwits?" Mario sighed.

"Pika pi, pikchu pika. (Just don't forget to walk the dog.) " Pikachu sighed.

"Sup, I'm Diddy Kong!"

"Raiden, I work at Metal Gear 3."

"Ryu, I was a street fighter."

"Didn't we just tell Goku to go home? Get the hell out!" Mario roared.

"Aries, I'm the God of War."

"Ratchet" "And Clank" "At your service"

"I'm Daxter, He's Jak. He doesn't talk." "Yes I do."

"NO ELVES!" Link screamed.

"The nerds call me the Chief."

"Crash Badicoot's the name."

"Dark Samus Aran, I'm the 'son' of the original Samus Aran."

"Dante. I do the whole Devil May Cry thing."

"SA-X. The 'son' of the original Samus Aran."

"Samurai Goroh. I rock with Captain Falcon."

"Mii wants to be Brawler."

"Oh forget it! Let's just catch up with the others back at the base." Link sighed.

"A-boy howdy." Mario agreed. Pikachu nodded.

"OBJECTION!" Shouted a voice. The trio stopped packing their papers and turned to the sound. A man with slicked back hair wearing a blue suit appear. He was a lawyer. "Phoenix Wright: Ace attorney."

"Are you here to try outta for-a-the Brawl too?" Mario asked.

"Actually, I'm here to serve you a summons." He answered. "It's a suit from my client, Naruto Uzumaki, suing you people for one hundred trillion yen on the charge of denying equal opportunity employment. I'll see you in court! Believe it!"

And with that, Phoenix left the room. The three Smash Bros sighed and slowly left the room.

"The sad-a part was, even though he didn't try out... he was the best candidate." Mario sighed.

Author's Note: Avoided a racist line today. Bleeped it out. Don't I rock? Also, sorry about all the trap door jokes, but it's Jar-Jar and freakin' Sonic the bloody Hedgehog. Have a little respect. Oh, and I humbly ask that you read/review. Please? Thank you.