Okay, so i know they are all going to seem out of charecter in this, but this was the best way i could write what i wanted to have happen. It wasnt easy and that is partly why it took a week to write. I kept going back and changing things. This is what i ended up with and i hope you like it. Please review and their will be more to come.

The airplane felt cold and lonely. Kate tried not to think about what she was going back to in New York, what she was going to do. She tried to focus on the case. How he had admitted to killing her. He wouldn't tell them how he got her to New York though. Every time they brought it up he just smiled and shook his head. Detective Hunce said she would work at it and then they left. Now she was on a plane, headed back to New York, back to the mess she made. She didn't know what she would say to Castle. She didn't even know when she would see him next. The captain said he got an email from him and she should come in and talk about it. She didn't want to though. Thinking about what she did hurt. She screwed everything up. She wished she could take it back; tell him it wasn't a mistake. She didn't feel that way then or now. She was scared before, unsure of what to do. So she blocked herself off. She didn't know what it was about him that makes her act the way she does when she's around him. She wanted to know though. She wanted to explore her feeling for him. She knew that now, but it was too late.

The captain put on the fasten seatbelt sign and they prepared to land. After getting off the plane and getting her luggage she said goodnight to the boys and they went their separate ways. She made her way outside and realized she didn't have a car that Castle picked her up. Almost on auto-pilot she hailed a cab and gave the cabbie the address. She watched out the window, mesmerized by all the familiar things. She had missed the tall buildings while she was away. The tallest building in Utah was a bank and it wasn't that tall compared to New York. As she watched buildings go by she realized she was headed in the wrong direction. She didn't want to go home, not yet. She gave the cabbie another address and he turned around, rolling his eyes. She thought he might have mumbled 'women' under his breath but wasn't sure.

Kate felt the nerves ball up in her stomach. She didn't know what to expect. She got out of the cab and entered the building. The doorman smiled as she walked by. She took the elevator up to his floor. Stepping off the elevator she stared down the hall at his door. It was right there. This was the final stretch. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, hoping for the best and bracing herself for the worst. She took a few steps and stopped, calming herself again. Then she stepped up to his door and knocked.

Alexis answered with a smile on her face that quickly faded. She looked like she was struggling with a decision before finally doing something very un-Alexis. She shut the door in Kate's face.

…. ….. …. …. …

"Who was it?" Castle asked coming down the stairs. He was on his way to answer the door when Alexis shut it.

"No one." Alexis said. She looked mad and not like his sweet little girl. So he made his way to the door and opened it to see a very nervous looking Kate. He felt his heart sink. He knew this would come but he didn't know it would be this soon.

"Hey Castle." Kate said sort of smiling.

"Beckett." He said more coldly then he meant to. He wanted to be the bigger person but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Can I talk to you?" She asked. He ran a hand through his hair as he contemplated it.

"It's late." He finally said. Her face quickly fell and she looked sad. He hated that he was making her sad.

"Yeah… uh… I'm sorry. I just really need to talk to you." She said. Castle tried really hard not to blow up at her for hurting him and he could see Alexis standing close probably feeling the same way.

"Good night Kate." He said and shut the door.

…. …. ….. … ….

Kate had expected bad but she didn't know it would hurt this much. She had to do something though. If she didn't she would lose her braveness and just give up. She didn't want that. So she did something cliché and it made her feel like a complete moron. She hoped no one was still awake.

… ….. ….. …

After shutting the door Alexis quickly hugged him. She didn't want her dad to fall apart any more then he already had. It was as if she felt that holding on to him would hold him together. He wasn't expecting to hear from Kate again, but he did. She started talking to him through the door.

"Castle… I need you to listen to me… to hear me out. I'm sorry, okay. I didn't mean it. I was wrong. I thought I was protecting myself from getting hurt but instead I hurt both of us. I know you don't want to forgive me and you shouldn't. I hurt you, I know that. I just…. I want you to know that it kills me to know I'm hurting you. I tried to keep myself all boxed up. I tried to keep you from getting in, we both know this. But you did. You weaseled your way through the cracks. I'm tired of keeping my feelings at bay. I want to be with you… Rick. I love you more then you will ever know. I'm so very… truly sorry that I hurt you. If anything I just want you to know that. I'm sorry. And I know this all probably sounds stupid to you, I'm not perfect, but it's the truth." She stopped talking and Alexis looked up at him.

He didn't know what to do. He wanted to believe it all but she lied to him. Something he never thought she would do. It was so far beneath her. But this… gesture she was making right now was big, and it too was not like Beckett. So what should he do?

…. … … …. ….

Kate felt like an idiot. She opened herself up and in her mind it all played out perfectly, but now, in reality, things weren't perfect. Why should this end up in her favor though, nothing else ever does. Kate leaned her head against the wall and let a tear slide down her cheek. She knew that if he chose her he would have opened the door by now. She knew she lost, and she knew she was going to pay for it for a very long time. She didn't know if her heart would ever recover.

She stood up strait, and looked at his door. "Well, goodbye then." She said and she turned. Then… the door opened. She turned and saw Castle, gesturing for her to come inside. She walked barely inside the door before turning to him. "I'm so sorry. I just… She had a few more tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Your apology is accepted but we NEED to talk."