"Are you alright?" he asked carefully and I shook my head, not knowing where to even start. It was still so strange... I felt like I didn't know him at all, but somehow my instincts, my body did.
"Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?" I asked him quietly a few minutes later and saw him shift nervously next to me. "What do you want to know Bella?" he replied and I shook my head again before answering, "Well, I don't really know you at all. So I guess I want to know... everything."
"Everything?" He asked me cautiously and I smiled a little, he seemed so unsure and it helped me relax a little bit to know that this was as new to him as it was to me. "Where would you like me to begin?" He asked and I squeezed his hand a little tighter, still needing his new but already familiar touch.
"Well... what's your name? How old are you?" I asked quietly, not really sure myself what the appropriate questions to ask him were. He looked at me nervously before he gave me his answers, quick and to the point... but not exactly what I was looking for. "Edward Cullen... I'm seventeen." he said looking down at our entwined fingers.
"That's not exactly what I meant." I tried to keep the small smile on my face but he seemed suddenly anxious and it was making me nervous. "I meant... what name were you born with, what year were you born in." He looked up at me as I spoke and it only caused further nerves to swell up with me. I didn't know what it was about those questions that bothered him, but I didn't like that they did.
"I was born Edward Masen... Edward Anthony Masen." he swallowed and picked up our hands, adding his second hand on top of mine before continuing. "I'm forever seventeen... but in reality I was born on June 20th, in 1901." he was frowning as he told me and the questions just continued to build in my head, wanting to understand him.
"What's making you so upset?" I asked in a voice barely above a whisper and he looked up at me questioningly, his hands squeezing mine gently before he spoke again. "I've become so used to hiding the truth about who I am that it's new to me to be discussing it with you." he said and I nodded. I could see that. "I'm also afraid that I'm going to scare you off by telling you my age, or about the things that I've done." he added on in a quieter voice and I reached my casted hand up to his arm, rubbing it gently while I thought through my next words carefully.
"Edward... I'm a pretty screwed up person." he looked up at me surprised by my statement, but before he could interrupt me I held my hand up and continued. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to run screaming the first time that you tell me something that you think that I should be afraid of. I've seen and done some pretty messed up things... been tortured in cruel ways. Telling me your age isn't exactly something that will send me running." I tried to smile at the end of my sentence but it wasn't easy and came out more like a grimace, but my words had seemed to lighten up Edward's mood a little, my smile becoming more genuine as I watched him relax a little bit.
"Well... what else do you want to know?" he sighed with a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, knowing now that he was uncomfortable with the topic but willing to answer my questions anyways.
"Um... well I know that Carlisle was the one who... who changed Esme. Who changed you though – and the others? And why do you all live this way, together... as... um vegetarians or whatever?" I couldn't quite articulate it but he seemed to understand what I wanted to know, about their strange family and how they had all come together.
"Carlisle was the one who changed me... Rosalie and Emmett as well. He acted to save my life as I was on my deathbed and dying of the Spanish Influenza. Esme was next and then Rosalie, followed by Emmett. Alice and Jasper joined us several years later." as he spoke I was slightly disappointed with his lack of actual information. I had so many questions though that I just continued with the next ones. "And your diet?" he cringed back slightly and for a brief moment I found the humor in it as it was the vampire cringing at the mention of blood and not the human.
"Back when Carlisle was first changed, he knew what he had become... but he also knew what he wanted to be. He knew that he didn't want to be a killer and he managed to avoid ever even tasting human blood. But it was starving him. He became so weak that one day a deer was passing by and he just snapped. That's when he realized that animals can provide the nourishment that we need to live and he has helped each of us as we entered this life to make the decision to only feed from animals." This was the kind of answer I was looking for – more of an explanation and I was a bit more hopeful as I continued my interrogation.
"You... you're different from the others, aren't you?" I asked and he gave me a strange look before I clarified. "You can hear... um thoughts?" I bit down on my lip nervously and he closed his eyes for a moment before answering this time. "Yes. I can read minds, hear the thoughts of those around me... of anyone – except for you." I felt my breath rush out at that. I had been expecting his answer but at the same time it still managed to surprise me when he said the words and I could see him waiting anxiously for me, as though I would jump up and run away screaming at any moment.
"Is there something wrong with me, with my mind?" He looked at me in disbelief and shook his head sadly. "I tell you that I can read minds Bella, and you wonder if there is something wrong with you?" he let out a strange chuckle and I pulled back, slightly offended by his reaction.
"I'm sorry Bella... it's just... I wonder how you are able to take all of this in with such ease and understanding. Most humans would be running for the hills by now, and honestly... you amaze me." He had stopped laughing as soon as he had seen the expression on my face and I tried to smile back at him, to assure him that he was right, that I wasn't terrified of him.
As both of us relaxed again the conversation turned to find me quizzing him about his strange talent and what it was like. He described it to me in more detail than he had anything else... explaining how difficult it had first been to fine-tune it, telling me how far out he could hear – apparently it was around three miles - and how it felt to be able to hear most peoples' innermost thoughts.
Finally though I ran out of questions about his mind-reading and as he answered the last of my inquiries I found my stomach rumbling with hunger. Politely excusing himself, he left me a few minutes later to shower and dress for the day, promising me that he would still be within hearing range of the house, but explaining that he was going to speak with Carlisle for a few minutes outside. I simply nodded and once he was gone, began my first official morning at the Cullen house.
"Hey Bella!" Alice's lack of human characteristics made me smile as she bounded across the yard and landed in front of me... faster than any human could move but still slower than what I knew vampires were capable of. After I had made myself breakfast I had come out to the back porch, sitting down on the swing and pulling out the math homework Alice had apparently brought back for me the previous day. I wasn't happy with the amount that I was informed I would have to do to catch up and be able to stay on track to graduate, but I was glad that it was still possible for me to finish with the rest of my class. I hadn't been working on it for long when she appeared but it was already definitely time for a break.
"Hi Alice." I didn't really know what to say so I simply closed my book and sat back, stretching my arms above my head as I did so. Alice must have taken it as an invitation to sit and in one graceful motion she had moved to the chair opposite me and folded her legs gracefully underneath herself.
It didn't take long for the silence to begin feeling heavy as we sat there, neither of us quite sure what to say to the other, so I decided with a sudden wave of courage to take the first step and say something. Still not sure quite where to begin, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"Esme said that you and Jasper went hunting this morning..." I began nervously, realizing instantly how weird this conversation was. But Alice simply smiled and nodded at me, obviously happy that I had willingly made the first move. "Did you... have fun?" I wasn't sure if that was the right sentiment but Alice still kept smiling as she answered with a bubbly sounding 'yep'. "We're really lucky with this house... there is so much natural wildlife in this area, it makes it easy to stay within the area while we're hunting." She explained to me in more detail and I smiled back at her, glad that she seemed to be accepting of the fact that they didn't have to tiptoe around me or try and and hide what they are.
"Do you mind if I ask... I mean... I'm assuming that you and Jasper are mated?" I asked her a few minutes later and saw her smile broaden as she sighed deeply before replying. "Yes, we're mated... married... together. It doesn't really matter what you want to call it – I'm it for him and he's it for me." Her eyes sparkled as she spoke about him and I wondered if I would ever get that look to my face when I thought of Edward. It was still such a strange thought to me... that I was mated to a vampire that I didn't even really know. But it wasn't even that I was mated to Edward that was bothering me, that stuck out in my mind. In fact it really had little to do with him and almost entirely all to do with my first love, the human that I still loved even though I knew he was gone. Weston.
"Do you want to talk about him Bella... about Weston?" I realized as she asked the question somewhat awkwardly that I had whispered his name loud enough for her to hear me. Shaking my head right away I sniffled and tried to quickly pull myself together, managing to stop my tears before they could trail down my face again.
"How long have you and Jasper been together?" I tried to shake off my memories of Weston and instead went back to my questions about her, liking the subject of someone else's mating much better than the subject of my own right now.
"Alice found me back in forty-eight." I jumped slightly at the sudden voice behind me but offered Jasper a smile as he walked around to where Alice was still sitting. I watched them as she reached her hand out towards his, grabbing it in hers as he moved to stand behind her. It was internse to see their connection when you really looked, how Alice leaned in towards him without even thinking about it, how he shifted to match her movements.
As Alice continued to explain about how she and Jasper had been wandering on their own and how she had seen visions of him, eventually meeting him in a little cafe; I watched them both carefully. Alice I had spoken to several times, she had sat with me for hours at the hospital with Edward and Esme and I wasn't surprised by her personality. Jasper on the other hand, I had only really met back when I had first come to Forks and I had never really focused on him within their family. As I watched and listened to Alice continue on about finding the Cullens in 1950, I focused in on Jasper and suddenly the nervousness, the sense of danger that I felt around him began to make sense. Squinting my eyes I could see the slight raised markings covering his neck, his wrists, and even his face. Most humans wouldn't notice the criss-crossing pattern, our eyes not nearly as good as a vampire's... but as I focused in, I recognized them immediately. I had similar markings all over my own body. Bite marks.
"Bella?" I hadn't noticed that Alice had stopped her story, both she and Jasper were staring at me curiously as a shiver rippled through me. It was a strange combination of both fear and understanding.
"I... I'm..." I didn't really know what to say, shaking my head as I tried to regain control of my emotions, flashes of my own past attempting to overtake me as I tried to squash them.
"Do I frighten you Bella?" Jasper's voice was soft and I noticed that while Alice was leaning towards me now worriedly, he had taken a step back away from me, a slightly confused expression on his face.
"No... not exactly." I began as I pulled myself together. "I... I'm sorry Jasper." I apologized quickly. "I just... I can see some of your scars and it reminded me of my own scars and I don't know... I'm not exactly afraid of you, but I guess it scares me that if you can be hurt like that then... then... then I'm not really safe here either." I mumbled the last bit quietly and closed my eyes, hoping that at least some of what I had said made sense.
It was strangely quiet on the porch for a minute and as I opened my eyes back up I was surprised to see both Alice and Jasper watching me with strange expressions. Before I knew it I was trying to fill the awkward silence, rambling nearly uncontrollably.
"They always said they'd find me... and then after... after he killed Weston... I begged him to leave me alone. He said I'd always be his, I'd never escape... it didn't matter if I left, no matter where I went, he would find me and anyone who tried to help me would suffer too." I could feel my heart racing at the thoughts at the threats that they had constantly made.
"They told me it didn't matter if it was them that had found me or others like them... I didn't stand a chance. They said that any vampires would take me once they saw the bites, once I was marked as a donor." I was practically gasping now and as I tried again to control my panic I felt Edward's presence approaching from behind, his hand reaching over to take mine as he reached me. I don't know what it was about our connection, but just feeling his hand in mine calmed me down almost instantly but for some reason now that I had started I found I had to get some things out, had to have some questions answered.
"He... he told me I smelled different than other humans, sweeter and more potent – like an ambrosia?" I looked at Edward through the tears that were threatening to spill and begged him to answer me truthfully. I needed to know what he had told me was truth – and what were lies.
"Yes Bella, you do smell different than most humans..." Alice began but Edward shot her a look and she stopped, Jasper moving to stand beside her again and glare at Edward. "But you don't have to worry about us, we have excellent control and would never hurt you." She continued anyways and I smiled at her, grateful for her honesty.
"Is that why you stayed away from me for the first few weeks I was here?" I looked to Edward questioningly and he looked away guiltily. "Yes. You see... to them your blood smells sweeter than most, it happens occassionally. But to me... your blood isn't just sweeter... it... it..." he didn't finish his sentence and I wondered what he meant. "Your blood calls to me Bella." he spoke slowly and carefully and I tried to process his words. "Your blood is like a drug to me... like my own personal brand of heroine." He swallowed thickly and I looked at him in amazement, wondering if that was true then why he was able to be there beside me, so close to me.
"I... I'm sorry... you don't have to..." I pulled my hand out of his and leaned back from him, a look of hurt crossing his face at my actions. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable." It was strange, I felt like at his admission I should be more afraid of him, I should be running away and screaming. But I wasn't and the only thing that I could focus on was that my scent was probably burning his throat painfully. I didn't want to hurt him.
"Bella, no." he shook his head sadly, reaching out for my hand again. I hesitated for a moment before handing it back to him slowly. "Your scent is... is..." he paused for a second, unsure of what to say. "Bella, I swear to you that I will never hurt you." he finished and I smiled at him, at his face full of worry and sadness.
"I wasn't the only one that they used... he had others all over the States... he called himself a blood-tracker. He found us and kept us alive because after living with better blood he couldn't go back to normal blood... he swore that if I ever left Arizona he would hunt me down wherever I went and I would still be his." I was shaking slightly as I returned to the topic to my time with them but Edward's hand in my own still managed to keep me together enough that I could continue.
"Bella I promise you, I will not let anyone hurt you ever again. They will not ever get anywhere near you." I nodded my head before I heard Jasper's voice cut in. "Edward, about a year ago Peter was telling me about a run-in with a vampire in the South... he had seen the mated pair enter a house and when he followed them out of curiosity the pair had told them of this ring of sweet-blood they had developed."
Edward was about to say something in return but something Jasper had said rang through to me. "Peter? Tall, long hair – red eyes, short partner, bite marks like yours?" I asked him quietly and he nodded a surprised yes at my words. "He... he saved me from them. It was the last time I saw them, they were about to take from me and she was angry with him for everything he wanted to take. And then Peter, he just was there and he and his mate wouldn't let them near. He threatened them and they began fighting... it didn't last long and they left pretty angrily. Peter introduced himself once they were gone and didn't say anything else except for a cryptic message, stating that he would see me again someday." I finished my story and heard a low rumble from deep inside Edward's chest. Alice and Jasper were both still silent as they processed my words.
We didn't say much else that first morning as we sat outside on the porch. Jasper and Edward each asked a couple of questions but I was getting quickly overwhelmed with how much I had said, having never previously told anyone about anything that had happened and I think they could all sense it. Alice changing the topic to ask me about a shopping trip the following week during spring break and possibly watching them all play baseball on Sunday during a thunderstorm. But as the conversation from the morning faded away, my worries and fears still remained. My nightmares reminding me that night about what they had done to me, what they had threatened to continue to do to me.
The next two days were quiet. I spent most of my time working on the mountain of school-work that Alice had brought me, Edward helping me when I needed it and rarely leaving my side. I saw the others for brief periods but to be honest, I felt that I needed the quiet time to heal a little bit, to accept that this was my life now.
"Bella? Wake up Bella." I jolted up in bed, the sheets falling down my body as I breathed heavily through my fear. The dreams had been so vivid, so real. I didn't even realize I was crying until Edward had me wrapped up in his arms, my head buried in his chest as he gently stroked my back, rocking me softly back and forth.
"It's alright Bella, you're safe. I'm right here and no one can hurt you." he whispered softly over and over as I tried to calm myself down. But the images were still fresh in my mind, memories combined with my fears had me terrified and I couldn't seem to get a handle on it.
"You're safe Bella. I promise." he continued on until finally my tears had run dry and I pulled back from him, sniffling as I wiped my cheeks with my hand.
"I... I'm sorry." I apologized quietly, my voice rough from my outburst. I didn't think he was going to say anything else but he took me by surprise, nearly pleading with me a minute later.
"Talk to me Bella... please tell me about what happened so I know how to help you."
A/N: Yay! An update finally! I know I've been a horrible author lately, not updating regularly. Life is just crazy busy and that's my only excuse. But I am still writing, still trying to get here every so often to update, hopefully more regularly than I have been. For those who have stuck with this story, thank you and I hope that this chapter doesn't disappoint you. It's a little slow moving, but the storyline picks up again in the next couple of chapters.
*Just a disclaimer here. I'm not a doctor or a lawyer or a social worker. I know there may be mistakes in this story but really I'm just writing it for fun and as much as I try to be accurate, things are going to slip through the odd time. I also want to add that some of the events in my stories tend to be based on things that I've experienced and I try to make my characters react as they would in the real world. You may or may not agree with the way I always write things, but that's okay. That's what makes fiction so great!
** I don't own anything Twilight. It all belongs to it's creator Stephenie Meyer who I am grateful allows us to play with her creations!