Thanks for the reviews! umm sorry for posting a couple days late some expected plans came up. I know where some of yall want the story to go. i get it lol but, i'm gonna take a different route to get there. i like a lot of drama... angst so to say, before we get to the love and what not. With that being said hope you enjoy this update. please review :)

I felt so guilty about what happen with Maya. I found myself calling Ben every day. I had to keep reassuring myself I was doing the right thing, and the more I talk to him the closer I felt. It was times when I was by myself with my thoughts that made me the most uncomfortable. With Ben coming to town on Saturday for the weekend, I wondered if I could even face him.

I'd spoken to Maya on the phone a few times since that day, just for a few minutes to see how she was doing. She wanted to see, but I couldn't bring myself to see her again. I was powerless in her presence and i knew it. Everything inside of me craved her.

My day at work went pretty fast, but I didn't feel like going home to a lot of drama. My parents were still angry at Jade plus I wasn't sure how she would react to our conversation last night. So where could I go? I didn't want to hear Carmen's smart mouth about how wrong my marriage was. The more I drove around the more I wanted to see Maya. But I eventually decided to go home. I'd thought I'll sneak in the house unnoticed. I needed time to myself, but as soon as I was I in my room I heard a knock at my door.

"Elise" my mother said as she came in. "Some women name Maya called you a couple times today."

My heart skipped a beat. "Okay, thanks" I said I knew my mother expected me to elaborate but I didn't feel like getting into anything with her.

"Do I know her?"

"No, mother I met her recently."

"From where?"

I couldn't handle this tonight. I felt like screaming. I've already sacrificed my being and my soul for this family. What more do they want form me?

"What do you mean from where? She's just somebody I met through a friend."

"Honey I don't mean to pry but I'm a little concerned..."

"Concerned? Concerned about what!" I said "Let me ease your mind. Maya is just a friend I don't know where you're going with this. Do you want to know if she's a lesbian? Is that what you're asking me?"

My folks would never asked the infamous "Are you a lesbian" question beside that one time when Morgan Reese sent that letter. She eventually decided to back off. She said "Honey, I want you to know if you need to talk to me about anything I'm here for you."

I thought yes, I do need to talk to you. I wanted to tell you sometimes when it hurts. Hurts so bad I want to die. That sometimes I want to run as far as I could and never look back because I don;t want to embarrass this family. And I desperately wanted my mother to talk to me. I wanted to give her a chance to look me in my eyes and say what I've heard so many people say "I love you. but I can't accepted this" or "It's going to take me some time to get use to this, but I still love you Emily." But I never gave her the chance because I was too afraid. I simply said, "Okay mother. I'll keep that in mind. Goodnight." I wonder what price I'll pay for my silence. I know I'm letting somebody down by not standing up for who I am. I just hope that, somebody won't have to pay the ultimate price for my selfishness.

It was Saturday morning and I was on my way to the airport to pick up Ben. Once again I felt compelled to tell him everything about my past, or shall i say my present situation. I f he loved me like he said he did he'd stand by me. I needed to believe he would, but i'm not sure I did.

I took Ben to his father's house so he could her settled. We deiced to meet later for lunch. Mother and I began going over the details for the wedding. I had no particular concerns about it. We chosen lavender with silver accents for our wedding colors. With Sandra and Mother's help I chose an off the shoulder chiffon dress with double bows in the back for the bridesmaids dress. My wedding dress was stunning. It was a long lavender sequin gown. The train was about eight feet long. Every time I tried it on I felt as if I'd transform into another person. I knew my mother would make sure my wedding day was as close to perfect as possible and I knew most of my "real" friends wouldn't be coming. I was fine with whatever she wanted to do But I couldn't help but think that Maya wanted an invite to the wedding, and a part of me really wanted her to come.

Since it would be a few hours before Ben and I met up, I figured I'd kill some time and go see Carmen. I pulled into her driveway and saw several cars. I could hear music coming from the backyard. I knocked on the door, as i walked in because the door was unlock I saw that all the gang was there. They stared congratulating me again and saying long time no see.

I asked "Where's Carmen?" A part of me was offended for not being invited to this party.

Lisa said "She's out back."

I made my way to the back yard. Carmen spotted me before I could spot her. She was a little tipsy and talking louder than usual. She said "Hey Emily, girlfriend, what brings you here?"

"Just thought I'd swing by to say hello."

"Well, mi casa es su casa. Have a drink and relax chica."

As I made my way to the bar, I heard a voice say "Well.. hello stranger"

Could it be?

I turned around and there I saw Maya. My heart began to pound, my thoughts immediately went back to out last encounter, my body began to feel warm. I almost dropped my freshly made cocktail. "M-Maya, Hi how are you." I ask kind of nervously.

Maya smirk as if she knew exactly what i was thinking and said "I'm doing fine Emily. Didn't expect to see you here."

Still trying not to feel nervous I said "No, I didn't expect to be here. I had some time on my hands and thought I'd come by to see Carmen. I haven't seem her in a while."

Maya nodded "Do you remember my friend Vanessa? You met her the day you came to the school."

Whoa! I didn't even see her standing there next to Maya. Was I thought focus and intrigued on Maya?

"Yes I do. Nice to meet you again." Why is she here with Maya?

There was something about her that was strange. I didn't like the way she always looked at me out of the corner of her eye. The lady looked sneaky.

I gave Vanessa a little light hug and made my way around to say hello to everyone. I said hi to old faces and some new faces I really miss hanging out with everyone. I also remember I was when I was the talk of the party. Carmen always saying this or that person wanted to meet me.

"So, how are the wedding plans coming along?" Carmen asked

"Fine everything is fine. You didn't tell me you were having a barbeque."

"Tell you for what? So you can tell me you don't want to be around us gay folks. Remember it was you who said you didn't want to be around us. So 'us' will just go on!"

For the first time since started this change I felt betrayed by Carmen. Even though I'd said those things I always expected her to want me around. Definitely not to exclude me from things. I know it was selfish but I wanted the opportunity to say no to her.

"Look Emily you made the decision to dismiss us. Now I don't like what you're doing and the reasons you're doing it, but it's your life. Don't ask me to pacify your ego.

Carmen was right. What nerve did I have even being here? My fiance was in town and I was hanging out here. This was no longer my life. I looked around for Maya so I can say goodbye, but she was nowhere to be found. I went inside and didn't see her.

As I walked to my car Maya got out of another car. When she saw me she asked "Leaving soon?"

"Yes, I don't belong here. I'll let you get back to your party."

"Just like that?" She looked surprised. She grabbed my hand and said "Let me say this to you Emily and once I do I'll have nothing else to say. There's something between us. I don't know what it is but it's real and it's not wrong. I've thought about you everyday and every hour of the day. I know you're getting married and I don't want to interfere with that. But what I do want is for you to think about your life. You know what you really want. Think about the life we could have. Be true to yourself Em. If you want to change something change it for you. Not for this world. But if you decide you want to be the Emily I see in those eyes, I'll go through the fire with you Em" She squeezed my hands tighter . "Every step of the way."

I swear anything sounded easy and possible when Maya said it I wanted so much to believe in her. I sort of did. I told her I needed to have her as part of my life, but she had to understand that no matter what was between us I was going to marry Ben. I also told her I devoted to changing my life. and that I couldn't give her much but I wanted to spend some time with her. I knew none of what I said to her was fair but it didn't matter to her.

She said."I know very little isn't much, but it's better than nothing. Please come by my house tomorrow."

Ben was in town There was no way I will be able to see her, but I told her i'd come by in the morning.

After Ben and I had lunch we went to my house and spent time with my parents. We talked more about the wedding plans and scheduled visits to various hotels. We had a wonderful time. Those moments mean the world to me. After a few hours I took Ben back to his father's house. He told me how much he adore my mother. He pretty much describe her as I did, as everyone's mother. Ben had work tomorrow so after church he was going to a meeting and planned a late flight back to Virginia.

When church was over I took Ben to his meeting and headed to see Maya. She was expecting me, and told me to come in, that no one would be home. She had Stevie Wonder playing in the background. The song was Part-time lover. Go Figure!

we talked and laughed for hours. We did some shopping and took a walk around the park. Maya made a fabulous lunch and we ended up on her bed holding each other. We didn't say much about the future and nothing happened sexually. I felt so safe in her arms, and for the moment I had no cares or worries. Maya said she told her mother about me.

"What did you say?" I asked

"I told her the truth."

"What did she say?" I sat up in the bed

She said 'Be careful baby. Sounds as if you're setting yourself up to be hurt.' "I told her she's was probably right but I couldn't help myself. I was helplessly in love. I told her you'd been completely honest with me, and I knew what to expect."

"She probably thinks I'm some kind of mixed nuts.. with raisins." I said shaking my head.

"No, my mother isn't like that. She thinks nothing because she doesn't know you, so she won't judge you. But trust me, after she meets you she'll have an opinion."

As we were talking the doorbell rang. Maya looked out the window and said it was Vanessa. She went to answer the door. Disgusted, I followed.

Vanessa stood there and said "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by. I hope it's not a bad time."

Maya told her to come in and have a seat. Vanessa was really starting to get on my nerves. She was always around.

I said "Hey, Vanessa what brings you by?"

"Hello Emily, didn't expect to see you here. Just passing through. How's the wedding coming along?"

"Just great, thanks for asking." I said bitterly as I try my hardest not to roll my eyes at this women.

"Wow must be nice. What are you calling yourself these days? bisexual, straight, lesbian or what? Wonder what's it's like to have a man and a women eating out the palm of your hands."

Whoa this bitch was asking to get slapped. I was heated and walking towards saying "What gives you the right to analyze..." before I could even finish Maya stepped in between us and quickly said "Would you ladies like something to drink?"

"Yes honey, a glass of wine." Did i just say.. by the look on Maya face confirmed it all. I had no idea why I said honey. Just slipped out.

Maya had to hide the smile that was forming across her face. Vanessa roll her eyes and said "Just water for me" Maya was soon in the kitchen.

Vanessa said "Trust me, I'm not trying to analyze your pathetic life. But if I were my conclusion would be that you're selfish and it's evident you think this world revolves around you. I'm amazed how you have Maya thinking you're some lost confuse soul.

"You know nothing about me," I shot back "You haven't even know me long enough to have an opinion. But what has become clear to me is you don't have much of a life. Especially if you have time to scrutinize mine"

"Oh, I have a life! I happen to care about my friends."

"Look I care about Maya, but i don't owe you an explanation for our relationship. She's a grown women who's capable of taking care of herself. So I suggest we end this conversation."

"Sure for Maya's sake because we'll never see eye to eye on this."

How dare she talk to me like that. Did I detect a little jealousy? But she did have a point. Even though I was going to marry Ben I still couldn't get over Maya. But for me being bisexual..never! I didn't want the best of both worlds.

Maya eventually came out of the kitchen as if she had n't been listing, and handed us our drinks. Vanessa drank her water and told Maya it was obvious this wasn't a good time. She hugged Maya and saw herself to the door. She looked back at me and said "Enjoy your life." with that she was out the door.

"What was all that about." I said as I looked at Maya

"Don't worry Vanessa is a little over protective."

"How old is she?"

"Twenty-nine"

"Does she have a boyfriend..girlfriend...a dog or something?"

Maya smiled. "She was engaged a few years ago. The wedding was set and the invites were out. Then he backed out at the last minute. No explanation other then he wasn't ready."

"That explains her issues with me. I think she's a little envious. Trust me there is no reason to be, my life is nothing to envy. How did you meet her anyway." I said as I sat down.

She sat down right by me leaving no room. My heat beat to quicken. I couldn't scoot over even if I wanted since i was at the end of the couch. She said "She works at the admission office at my school. We just clicked. She was a little needy at first, but that was right after her break up. I was there for her through all that. I told her I was a lesbian she said, 'Whatever' I think she was in too much pain to even care and we've been close ever since. She lives a few blocks away. She was also there for me when my father died."

I found my voice. "Well, no offense Maya but she needs to get a life and stay out of ours."

Maya chuckled. "Come on. she's alright. She.. she just doesn't want to see me get hurt."

"If you say so. I'm over it i guess." I said as I took a deep breath. I looked at the time. "Maya I got to go" she pouted. She's very cute when she pouts.

"Fine, if you must." She said "But will I see you later?" She asks in a questioning tone.

"I hope so. I gave her a hug as if it was the last time I'd ever see. That's the way it was when you never know what tomorrow might be. I got up and headed to the door. She followed. Before I stepped out the door I turned around and said. "I really hope I do get to see you soon."

She smiled kissed me on the cheek and said "I really hope so too." As she removed a couple strands of hair out my face.

I couldn't help but smile. With that I turned and walked away.

Okay so next chapter Maya meets Emily Parents!, umm oh Emily also meets Maya's mother! :O wonder how that will turn out. anyway thanks for reading. hope you enjoy and please leave me your thoughts! :)