The Silence of Silence
Quinn stood in her closet, biting her lip and perusing her clothes with her eyes squinted critically. She eyed her little black dress thoughtfully and wondered if there would really be an opportunity in late February weather to wear it. She shrugged to herself before slipping it off of the hanger and walking back into her bedroom.
Will was standing just inside her doorway in sweats and a t-shirt. He was tossing a racquetball up and down, sometimes catching it just over his left shoulder. "I'm so jealous of you right now, Quinn. Do you think you and Rachel will have time to see any Broadway shows while you're there this weekend?"
Folding her LBD carefully on her comforter before placing it on top of her already mostly-packed suitcase, Quinn nodded thoughtfully. "I think we probably will have time. I've googled the places we can go to get tickets, so I might treat Rachel to a show after her audition."
"Wow," Will said, a note of legitimate awe in his voice. "I still can't believe she's auditioning at Juilliard. That's just so incredible! I would be lying if I said that fifteen-years-ago-Will isn't a little jealous, but it's so exciting for her."
"Have you heard her sing?" Quinn questioned as she walked back into her closet to pick out an extra pair of jeans – just in case.
"I haven't, but Shelby mentioned it once or twice. I can't tell if Rachel's really Broadway caliber or if Shelby is just being the semi-biased parent that she has every right to be."
Quinn stuck her head out of the closet and placed her hand on the doorjamb to steady herself. She waited until Will had again caught his racquetball and shifted his eyes to hers before purposefully stating, "She's not being biased."
"Wow…" Will said again, trailing off with another look of awe on his face. If the girl was really that good, this audition may already be in the bag.
Having previously dressed in her comfortable travel clothes, Quinn quickly grabbed another travel-worthy outfit for Sunday as she headed back to her bed and to her open suitcase. They had to leave Lima within the hour to make it to Cincinnati in time to catch their direct flight to the City, so she was attempting to be as efficient as possible. She was headed into the bathroom to grab all of her toiletry supplies when a knock sounded on the apartment door.
Without even knowing whether or not it was Rachel (Come on, Quinn, it's totally Rachel), Quinn's heart immediately began to race. She was like a little kid, hypothetically bouncing from foot to foot while the parents packed up the car for a big summer vacation or something.
She had butterflies, and she kind of loved it.
"I'll get it," Will called over his shoulder, already halfway down the hall and to the living room before Quinn had time to fully turn from her bathroom to the entryway. She proceeded to grab her things, intent on pretending like she wasn't totally giddy with excitement to see Rachel Berry walk through the door.
"I'll have my cell phone on me at all times this weekend. I want you to call me as soon as you get out of your audition to let me know how everything went, ok? And call me tonight when you get to the hotel so that I know you guys got there safely. And Sunday before you get on your plane!" Shelby's words were rushed. She felt guilty, but she had to drop Rachel off at Quinn's and head to Columbus as soon as possible to make the required banquet service that night. She was in full-on Concerned Mom Mode. She was sad that she couldn't accompany Rachel, but she was glad that someone as lovely and trustworthy as Quinn would be with her daughter all weekend.
"Yes, I promise to call you all of the times you just mentioned." Rachel's voice was laced with the faintest trace of teasing and mirth, and Shelby smiled along with her before reaching across the center console and crushing Rachel to her in a hug. Rachel felt her sniffle against her hair. "Hey, seriously, don't cry. You'll make me cry. This is going to be a magnificent weekend, there's nothing to be sad about."
"I know," Shelby hiccupped, pulling back and carefully wiping away the running mascara from underneath her eyes. "I'm just so proud of you, Rachel."
Rachel smiled back at her mother. "Thank you for everything." They shared smiles as Rachel reached for Shelby's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Now go! You'll never get there in time at this rate." She hopped out of the car and grabbed her suitcase out of the backseat (it was bright pink) before leaning back inside the rolled down front window. "Drive safe," she said softly.
"Tell Quinn I say the same!"
Rachel rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. You must have told her that at least three times last night. For someone so trusting in her ability to manage my safety for one weekend, you sure are overbearing."
"I'm a mom," Shelby replied with a watery smile. "It's what I do."
They said their last round of goodbyes before Rachel made her way up to apartment 205.
"Come on in, Rachel!"
Quinn heard Rachel's voice from the other room before she saw her. "Thank you, Mr. Schuester."
Peeking her head around her bedroom doorframe, Quinn caught sight of her student. Rachel was placing her suitcase up against the wall as Will welcomed her into the apartment.
"I can't even imagine how excited you must be. It's been several years since I last made it to the City, and I know you must be so excited…" Will kept talking, and Rachel nodded and responded in all the right places.
But her eyes had caught sight of Quinn. Will was bouncing the racquetball up and down on the floor as he continued to gush about Broadway and Times Square and all of the bright lights and the great food and yatta yatta. So he didn't notice when Rachel's eyes remained fixated just over his right shoulder. He didn't notice her bite her lip and lift her left hand in the air, slowly wiggling her fingers in Quinn's direction in greeting.
And when Quinn realized she had been caught staring – observing – she didn't run. She didn't hide. She didn't try and pretend like she hadn't been staring – observing – at all. She simply allowed her emotions to take over in that moment.
And it was those very emotions that caused the biggest smile possibly ever to cover her face.
This weekend was real. This weekend was happening. And part of Quinn was floating airily away into the atmosphere at the realization that this was more than a trip to New York City, more than her accompanying Rachel to her Juilliard audition.
This was the beginning of something much, much bigger.
Will walked out of the apartment behind them. Before fully shutting and locking the door, he asked, "Are you sure you got everything?"
Quinn nodded. "Yep, double and triple checked."
He chuckled and gave them one last round of 'good luck's and 'have a safe trip's before hopping in his car and heading toward the gym for a man date with Ken.
Quinn unlocked her car with the automatic entry as they walked up to it, popping the trunk remotely. She lifted the trunk fully before placing her suitcase inside. Rachel wheeled her (hot) pink suitcase over and pushed the handle down. As she leant down to pick it up and place it in the trunk, Quinn rushed forward. "No, no. Let me."
Quinn managed to only internally wince at how cheesy she had sounded.
Rachel held back no portion of her megawatt smile at the gesture. It had been chivalrous, to say the least.
The blush on Quinn's cheeks when she finally situated herself behind the wheel was something she unsuccessfully tried to blame on the cold wind. Making sure her charge for the weekend fastened her seatbelt, Quinn buckled her own and drove out of the parking lot. "I hope you don't mind," Quinn said, "but I've had the most awful time remembering to grab my coat from the theatre. I'd really like to have it for this trip, so I'm going to make a short detour first. We should still have plenty of time for the drive."
"Of course," Rachel quickly replied, reaching her hand out to touch her fingertips to the back of Quinn's hand on the stick. "It's not a problem." She almost had to bite her tongue to keep from adding the 'Quinn' to the end of her statement.
Quinn quickly smiled over at Rachel. She didn't move her hand, nor did she make any attempt to shake Rachel off. She just smiled at Rachel like this was an everyday occurrence and returned her eyes to the road ahead.
Progress, Rachel thought, is a beautiful thing.
Her hand, Quinn thought, is frigging soft.
Rachel's thoughts had been filled with little more than the New York City trip ever since she received her letter. She had been thinking about song selections and what she would wear, she had been thinking about possible interview questions and what they would have to say about her admissions essay, she had been thinking about what it would be like to be away and with Quinn for three days. But her thoughts weren't a jumbled mess – they were clear and precise and she knew exactly what she wanted.
Rachel wanted New York City.
Rachel wanted Broadway aspirations to eventually become actualities.
Rachel wanted Quinn Fabray.
They pulled into the parking lot behind the theatre. "Oh, great! I see Sherry's car." She pulled to a stop and left the car running. "I'll be back in just a couple minutes, Rach."
Then Quinn was running towards the building, pulling open the backdoor, and slipping inside. And Rachel was left with her lips parted and her breathing shallow. A smile blossomed across her face almost instantly, and laughter bubbled up from her chest, escaping from the confines of her throat before she had even realized that the laughter was from pure happiness. Because Quinn had called her 'Rach', and it had happened as if it was the most natural thing in the entire world.
When something is right, it's just right.
Rachel suddenly had the urge to not wait in the car. She unbuckled and turned off the vehicle before heading inside the building. She entered the backstage area and quickly made her way onto the stage.
Only recently had Rachel really become reacquainted with the stage, reacquainted with what it meant to be in the spotlight. She had performed My Man for Quinn, and she had performed just about every song she could get her hands on over the past two weeks for her bedroom mirror (and for Shelby when she was home). But there was something about the stage – even this relatively small stage with only a ghost light illuminating her back against the darkness – that made Rachel feel as if she was at home.
Quinn was suddenly walking down the aisle on stage right. Rachel shifted her eyes down from the single set of balcony box seats when Quinn spoke. "Imagine what it will feel like when you're on a real Broadway stage."
Rachel smiled confidently back out at her…her… teacher?
Her friend?
Her confidant?
Her future…lover?
Her Quinn.
"Hopefully," Rachel replied simply. Quinn was standing in front of the stage now, her coat draped over her arms. "Ready to go?"
"I'm ready if you're ready," Quinn replied. Rachel hoped that she meant she was ready for something more than just the drive to Cincinnati. But part of Rachel knew that Quinn meant exactly that.
A girl can dream. But not yet was beginning to feel a lot like any minute now.
Quinn turned the page of her book slowly. The paper was crisp underneath her fingertips, and she felt more than heard the crinkle of the page and the slightest bending of the spine in her hands. She and Rachel were seated next to each other at their gate, waiting for their group number to be called for their flight.
Looking over at Rachel, Quinn noticed that the other girl was staring unflinchingly out at the airplane that they would be boarding in just a few minutes. She placed her book down in her lap as she really took the time to stare at – to observe – Rachel (as if she didn't normally). The brunette's right leg was bouncing, but it was so slight that Quinn hadn't noticed it before. Her hands were clasped firmly in her lap.
Quinn tapped on Rachel's arm. Rachel turned quickly, seemingly shaken out of whatever thoughts had been occupying her mind. Quinn didn't speak, but she lifted her hands and asked, Is there something wrong?
The softest smile Quinn had possibly ever seen on the younger girl's face suddenly appeared. Quinn wasn't sure if it was because she had signed her question to Rachel or because she had asked the question, period. It's kind of silly, Rachel replied. The movements of her hands were less confident than Quinn was used to seeing.
I'm sure it's not silly at all. Please tell me, Quinn signed in return.
Rachel bit the inside of her cheek before finally relenting. I've never flown before. I really just don't know what to expect. It's… she paused as she looked for the right word …daunting.
When Quinn smiled in response, it wasn't belittling or demeaning. It was simply supportive and understanding, and her heart almost convinced her brain to convince her hands to reach out and pull Rachel into a comforting hug then and there. It'll be ok, Quinn signed. I've flown several times. It's an interesting feeling the first time, but I think you'll enjoy it.
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
Whether or not Rachel trusted her meant more to Quinn than she cared to admit.
Quinn neatly folded her coat and placed it on top of her suitcase in the overhead compartment. She grabbed her book with her right hand from where she had it tucked underneath her left arm. Sitting down in her seat next to Rachel, Quinn buckled herself in while simultaneously noting that Rachel had already done so.
Leaning her shoulder a bit into Rachel's personal space, Quinn nudged her lightly to get her attention. As soon as those beautiful brown eyes locked with Quinn's, she knew she would do anything to make them look less frightened. She was suddenly seeing that girl – cornered, found out – from their first day of classes together. Hey, Quinn signed. Rachel smiled faintly, but it was tight-lipped and her eyes didn't sparkle in the captivating way Quinn was used to. I promise there's nothing to be afraid of, Quinn tried to reassure.
Part of me understands just how irrational I'm acting, Rachel signed in response. But I can't make myself less afraid for some reason. She again folded her hands in her lap and leaned her head back against the uncomfortably awkward headrest.
Quinn suddenly found her eyes distracted by the smooth expanse of skin from Rachel's jaw down to the generously apportioned v-neck of the lovely black sweater she was wearing. Her skin was darker than Quinn's. It looked so soft, and Quinn felt herself shifting in her seat towards Rachel, crossing her right knee over her left and allowing their knees to almost brush. Rachel, she signed the girl's name deliberately. Rachel's fear had already faded minutely under Quinn's intense stare. Do you have any idea how beautiful you look in this moment? Nothing can touch you, Rachel. You're truly fearless, this flight is nothing. Don't be afraid.
Naturally, Rachel fixated on the first statement. Beautiful? she questioned.
Quinn leaned her head back against her own headrest. That's what I said, Quinn answered. And I meant it.
Rachel's knees shifted as well, and their shins were suddenly pressed together through the material of their jeans. Rachel's ankle crossed over Quinn's, resting there as if they were puzzle pieces that had just found their match. Quinn swallowed thickly, feeling as if most of the air had been sucked out of the plane. She breathed heavily once through her nose before her eyes shifted downward, noting that Rachel's hand was achingly close to her own. When she signed again, it was partly to remove her traitorous hand from the situation – the hand she knew would too willingly wrap itself around Rachel's if the other girl gave her a sign that it was ok.
I'm not supposed to want this, Quinn signed. A huge weight descended on her chest simply because she just said that! She wasn't supposed to admit such things. She was supposed to accept that, sure, she was falling in love with her student – that she perhaps had already done exactly that. But to acknowledge it in front of said student? No. She wasn't supposed to… She shouldn't have…
Then Rachel was signing, But you do.
And the weight was suddenly gone, because Rachel's signs had been statement and not question. Quinn was back in that bathroom now with Rachel's hips pressed against hers, sharing the same air and the same space and the same time. And she was imagining those lips right in front of hers, breathing each other in, out, in, out. Not yet was… was now?
No, not now, but soon. God, Quinn hoped against all rational thought that it – whatever it would turn out to be – was getting closer.
Rachel's eyes shifted over Quinn's shoulder abruptly. A troubled look descended upon her features, and she was suddenly drawing completely away from Quinn and crossing her arms over her stomach.
More than a little curious, Quinn quickly turned in her seat to face the aisle to see what the hell had caused Rachel to shut down. A middle-aged man wearing slacks and a dress shirt with a crisp tie was staring in their direction from across the aisle. Quinn's defenses immediately went into overdrive as her metaphorical hackles rose challengingly. "Can I help you with something?" Quinn asked out loud, but she also signed the words.
The man's eyebrows rose. Not only had Quinn surprised him by speaking, but she was using a glare that she had taught Santana years ago. Santana had been rumored to cause the weak to wet themselves, but Quinn could cause even the strong to lose bodily function. "You can speak?" he questioned.
"Yes, and I can hear. I can also see perfectly fine, and I don't appreciate you staring." Quinn wouldn't have added the last sentence, but his eyes kept shifting from Quinn to Rachel and back again. Staring was only ok when it was observing and when it was done by herself, not this moron.
The man's face twisted momentarily, upset at having been told off by a woman – or something, Quinn was sure. He reminded her painfully of her father, and it would be something such as 'insubordination' by a female that would get him riled up the most in this situation. Instead of reacting, however, the man simply sneered before turning back to his Sky Mall magazine and proceeding to ignore the blonde.
Quinn straightened in her seat, leaning her head back. The plane began its taxi to the runway, and Quinn felt pressure on her arm. She looked down and then over at Rachel. This time when their eyes locked, Quinn saw no fear. She connected with those brilliantly sparkling brown pools, and she felt her body immediately relax.
Thank you, Rachel signed. Quinn began to shake her head and explain that Rachel didn't need to thank her, but the girl interrupted. Thank you for being my knight in shining armor. Quinn grinned at the sentiment, and Rachel continued. You look beautiful too, you know, when you're standing up for me like that.
I was standing up for us.
You were being protective. It was adorable.
Quinn smiled and leaned back in her chair again, looking forward as the plane began to race ahead, picking up speed for its ascent into the air. Suddenly, the skin of Quinn's cheek was on fire. Rachel's lips were pressed there, and Quinn thought the plane must have crashed because this was heaven. Then Rachel's lips were gone, and her breath was ghosting against Quinn's ear – as if in a dream – and she was whispering, "Thanks."
Looking over, Quinn was met with a nervous – but not frightened – Rachel, staring out the window at the ground racing by underneath them. Quinn had done things before without thought or hesitation when it came to Rachel, and when she reached down and grasped Rachel's right hand with her left, encompassing Rachel in her warmth and comfort and safety, it felt right and fair and relatively harmless. And just before the plane's wheels lifted off of the ground, Rachel shifted back to look Quinn in the eyes, and she laced their fingers deliberately together.
The look in Rachel's eyes felt a lot like soaring above the clouds, and Quinn was oddly at perfect peace with the situation for the first time since she met this magnificent young woman sitting next to her.
A/N: What, they're not even to NYC yet? Sigh. ;-) I have a lot more planned for the next chapter or two, so hopefully that means I'll update super fast or something, right?
Again to all of the Anon reviewers, your thoughts are appreciated – more than I can really express. And to bohn28 (since I can't PM you personally), thank you for your review.
And to everyone reading along, I hope that you're still enjoying this as much as I'm enjoying writing it. Because I write for myself, but I try to write to the best of my ability because of you.