BPOV

The salad Esme served me was arranged like a piece of edible art. It accompanied beef medallions, rice pilaf, golden mushroom soup, and homemade bread.

"This is unbelievable," I gushed as I sampled everything. "I could almost stay human just for your cooking, Esme."

She beamed as she took a seat across the table from me.

"Thank you, Bella," she said. "It's nice to have the chance to take care of you this way. My other kids don't need much from me."

"Come on, Esme," Emmett said from the living room, where a football game was on television. "We need you."

"Seriously," Rosalie added. "It would be total anarchy around here without someone to keep the guys in line."

"They have a point," I said, nodding. "And it's actually pretty impressive that you can be a parental authority to five vampires."

She waved her hand dismissively. "It's nothing. I wish there were more I could do for them. Edward, for example…" She paused, considering. "Well, there are just some things parents can't fix."

"No one can fix Edward," Rosalie said with a laugh.

"I'll bet Bella does," Emmett said. "Give them a few real nights together, and-"

"Emmett!" Esme chided. "I don't think Edward would appreciate that."

My face burned, and I stirred at my soup with more concentration than necessary.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Esme said. "Our family hasn't had to be sensitive to a new relationship in quite a while. I'm sure that everyone will remember their manners soon, though."

"It's okay," I said. "I want to hear what you all really think."

"No, you don't," Rosalie piped in.

"Yeah, I really do," I said. "I'd rather know about the problems going on than just wait around to see what's going to happen to me."

"What do you mean, Bella?" Esme asked, concerned.

I shifted in my chair nervously.

"Well, like last fall, you guys could have talked to me. We might have been able to figure something out."

Esme sighed. "Edward was so determined, Bella. I don't think anything could have changed his mind."

"Still," I said. "I should have had the chance to try. Maybe I couldn't have changed his mind, but I might have been able to change yours."

Esme reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "You're right. We definitely did that wrong," she said. "I'm very sorry."

I squeezed back. "I'm not upset with any of you about that," I said. "It just feels like no one expects me to be able to help with anything. Just because I can't run a hundred miles an hour doesn't mean I don't have anything to contribute."

"This is really bothering you," Esme said, tilting her head.

"Well, yeah," I said. "It's really frustrating."

"We're just trying to take care of you, Bella," she said, her brow furrowed. "It's the least we can do now."

"I understand that," I said. "But… I worked really hard while you were gone to take care of myself. And I did take care of myself. I know that I'm a little worse for wear, but I survived, and I'm stronger now. That should count for something."

Esme nodded thoughtfully. "You're not the girl we left behind anymore, are you?" she said, a little sadly.

I shook my head. "I'm really not. I hope you guys can like who I am now, though."

"Well, I like who you are now a lot better," Rosalie said, coming in from the living room. "The old Bella annoyed the hell out of me."

"Rose!" Esme gasped.

I laughed. "Thanks, Rosalie," I said. I meant it. I couldn't forget the irony of it, but it was nice that at least one Cullen noticed and approved of how I'd grown up.

"Seriously," Rosalie said. "I think the look on Edward's face in the office alone was worth having to move twice."

I felt my face color with embarrassment. "I'm sorry about that," I said. "I shouldn't have lost my temper that way. Jake has been a friend to me, though. I owe him so much. I can't take it when you guys talk badly about him and the other wolves."

"Well, you're not going to change that by tomorrow," Rosalie said. "Vampires and werewolves are oil and water. It's not a judgment; it's instinct. We're born hating them, and they're born hating us. Trying to make either side forget that is going to be pretty frustrating for you."

"I'm figuring that out," I said. "But I have to try. I can't hate either of you."

I ate in silence for a few minutes. Rosalie sat down beside Esme.

"So, are you and Edward going to have sex now?" Rosalie asked.

I started choking on my soup. Esme patted my back helpfully.

"Um, what?" I asked.

"Rose," Esme said. "That's between Edward and Bella." Despite her words, though, she watched my face with interest. "I'm sure she will ask us if she has any questions; right Bella?" She smiled sweetly at me.

"Well, um, wow," I said, still reeling. "I guess I just…" The two women leaned in expectantly. "I've kind of left it up to Edward. I mean, he's the one who knows about vampires and, um, that sort of thing." I looked away from them, pretending to be suddenly very interested in my salad. I speared a cherry tomato, noting that it was probably the exact shade of red as my face.

"You think that Edward knows what he's doing?" Rosalie said with snort. "I would guess that he has about exactly as much experience as you do."

I dropped my fork.

"No…," I said, my eyes wide. "I mean, he's, like, a hundred years old. He has to have met other women and, well…"

They both shook their heads at me.

"Edward takes these things very seriously," Esme said. "He wouldn't rush into something intimate, and he hasn't met anyone he's connected with like you."

"So you're saying that we're both, um…" I couldn't get the word out.

"Virgins!" Emmett supplied loudly from the living room.

Rosalie nodded. "Totally."

"He never told me," I said, leaning back in my chair. "I knew he hadn't been in a relationship with anyone, but… wow."

"Yeah, you're both clueless," Rosalie said, grinning. "So if you're waiting for him to show you the way, you're going to be waiting a loooong time."

The thought depressed me.

"I know that he was worried about…" I glanced at Esme, unsure of how much I wanted to share with Edward's mother. "He was worried about how much stronger he is than me," I finished.

"Oh, sweetie," Esme said, patting my hand. "He'll have to be careful with you, of course, but that shouldn't be problem for him. He plays the piano without breaking the keys, and he can write with a pencil without tearing the paper. I don't see why he can't use the same care with your lovemaking."

God, did she have to use that word?

"He seemed to think that it could be bad if he, uh, lost control with me," I said carefully. They seemed so unconcerned about the issue. Was it possible that Edward was overstating the danger? Was it possible that, well, it was possible?

"It could be, but I don't know how likely that is," Rosalie said thoughtfully. "Has he hurt you before? You know, when he's held you, or kissed you?"

"No," I said. "Never." Edward was never less than gentle with me. His touch never felt anything but perfect.

"Hmm," she said. "What do you think, Emmett?" she called. He walked into the room, looking at me appraisingly. I nearly crawled under the table.

"It's okay, guys," I said quickly. "We don't need to talk about-"

"I think that if he was gonna crush her, he would have already," Emmett said sagely. "I think Edward's just being Edward; you know, overthinking this."

"Overthinking what?" Carlisle said as he breezed in.

"Nothing," I said immediately, hiding my face in my hands.

"Edward is afraid he'll hurt Bella if they have intercourse," Esme said with a smile.

Oh, god. Esme just said 'intercourse.' I closed my eyes and tried to picture myself in a happier place, like the dentist's chair.

"Ah," Carlisle said, nodding and furrowing his brow. "Well, I don't know that I would entirely dismiss his concern. There is certainly some danger inherent in that, uh, scenario. You two should be cautious in the beginning."

"Yeah," Rosalie said. "But Edward won't even try."

"Yeah," Emmett agreed. "I'd bet that even if they can't go all the way, they can at least let off some steam together."

"Hm," Carlisle said, nodding thoughtfully. "Perhaps I can talk with him, suggest some methods—"

"No!" I cried, jumping up. I cleared my throat, took a deep breath. "Thank you," I said a little less loudly. "But that's not necessary." I imagined Edward's face when Carlisle approached him to discuss methods. It looked a lot like I was guessing mine looked now. "Please don't talk to him about this," I begged. "He's stressed out enough right now."

"Well, Bella, he might not be so quite so stressed if you two had some quality time," Rosalie said with a knowing smile.

"Plus, you guys had a fight," Emmett added. "Right after a fight is one of the best times."

Rosalie murmured her agreement, and stood on tiptoes to kiss him thoroughly.

"Don't worry, Bella," Esme said, patting my hand reassuringly. "I'm sure you and Edward will find the forms of intimacy that work best for you."

Lovemaking, intercourse, and now intimacy. If I stayed down here any longer, Esme was going to ruin the entire English language for me.

I tried to smile through the pain. "Yeah, we'll be fine," I said. "Um, I don't think I can eat any more. I'm going to go get ready for bed."

"I'll bet," Rosalie said around Emmett's mouth. "I'm telling you, Bella. Take control. He's not going to get past all of his Victorian gentleman crap if you keep acting like you've never heard the word 'sex' before."

"Right, thanks!" I called over my shoulder and sprinted for the stairs.

Safely in Edward's room, I sat down on his bed. I let my head fall forward into my hands, and I took some deep breaths. The conversation downstairs had been uncomfortable, and a little too close to my current state of mind to be entirely coincidental. Then, of course, they had all heard us in the garage. The fact was that I did want Edward, and in a full body, very un-Victorian way. I wanted him the same way I had wanted him since the first time he had touched me. The only thing that had changed was my willingness to push that wanting aside. All of the chivalry and care that had been a part of our relationship before didn't seem to make sense anymore, not after he and I had both survived our own personal end of the world.

Emmett was right: if Edward had been going to crush me, he already would have. If him leaving didn't kill me, there was no way him loving me would.

Part of me was intoning warnings to be patient, that pressing Edward this way would only make him more reluctant and afraid. A louder part of me was telling that first part to just shut up already. I had done patient; there had been a time when that was the right thing. And there had been a longer period of time where I had stayed patient because I was afraid of pushing him too far, or scaring him away. I had behaved myself believing that, if I did, he would stay with me, and eventually, our relationship would move forward. Well, we hadn't moved forward, and he hadn't stayed. The value of good behavior was definitely being called into question.

And, holy crow, did I really just find out from Edward's mom and his sister that he was a virgin? He had known that about me for ages, and had never volunteered his own history. I had always assumed he was sparing me the knowledge of a long line of supernaturally gorgeous women who had come before me, so I hadn't asked. What he had actually been keeping from me was something that would have gone a long way toward making me feel less alone in my fumbling sexual cluelessness. Not that I could imagine Edward fumbling. He was always so graceful, so sure. I'd bet those hands…

I released another long, shuddering breath.

A shower. I needed a shower, a long cold one. Or better yet, a nice hot bath, something to relax the tension from my muscles. I went into the bathroom and turned on the tap. Steaming water began to fill the tub.

I wandered around Edward's room while I waited, touching his CD's, his books. I looked at the photographs on his dresser. As I reached to pick one up of him and Alice, I accidentally knocked some papers off of the corner of the dresser and onto the floor. Gathering them up, I noticed that a lower drawer was open part of the way. Something shiny flashed inside, and I pulled the drawer open further.

And then I dropped all of the papers again.

The drawer was full of CD's in clear plastic cases, the kind you use for CDs you've burned at home. I shuffled through the piles and found that they all had the same title written on them with black marker. The word written on them was my name. He had made me mixed CD's, dozens of them.

I slowly sank to the floor and sat down. One of the 'Bella' CDs was still in my hand. It had a date written on it along with my name; a quick look at the others in the drawer told me that the dates were all different. The meaning of this stunned me, flattered me, and ultimately seduced me in a way Edward would have found shocking. Suddenly, he wasn't a vampire, and I wasn't a mentally disturbed teenage runaway. We were just two young people, stealing kisses by the car and burning compilations of love songs. Those simple things just happened for us, came as naturally as they did to every other pair falling in love for the first time. A smile slowly spread over my face.

"Take control, Bella," I whispered to myself, and began to undress.