Chapter Fourteen: Home Sweet Home

Savannah sat beside her mother in the car, staring blankly out the window; she'd look anywhere but at her mother. After two weeks of misery cooped up in a hospital room, Savannah was finally going home. She knew there'd be a welcome home party for her when she got there; Her Parents, Jacob, Andrew, Kiley, Her Grandparents, and Uncle Matt. She knew all her aunts and uncles would have been there if they could have.

"Are you excited to be going home?" Lucy asked. Savannah glanced over at her mother, who was driving. Savannah sighed but didn't answer her; she really didn't want to talk to anyone. Being in that hospital had given her way to much time alone to think, and what she'd thought about hadn't been comforting. "I know Kiley is really excited to see you."

Savannah shifted so that she was completely facing the window, she heard her mother sigh and knew she'd given up. Savannah watched as they pulled up in front of their house. The lights were on inside and she could see Kiley waiting on the other side of the front door. Lucy turned off the car and stared at Savannah. She wanted to give her a hug and take all her problems away, but she couldn't do either.

Savannah got out of the car and walked up the steps, the moment she was inside Kiley tackled her. "SAVANNAH!" She pulled away quickly in pain. She placed a hand on her stomach and looked around, everyone suddenly looked a little less happy.

"Welcome home…" Kiley said looking hurt. Savannah stared at Kiley quietly not sure what to say. Just as she'd expected everyone was there.

"We're so happy to have you home." Kevin said walking over and putting an arm around Savannah's shoulders. Savannah tightened up. It wasn't like I went away to college and came home for break. Or I went on a trip and now I'm back…I was kidnapped! They're all acting like nothing happened.

"Savannah, we made you something it's in the living room," Jacob said. "Kiley, Andrew and I…"

"Do you want to see it?" Andrew asked after she didn't answer. Savannah shrugged, her mother came in behind her and the smile on her face faded as she felt the tension.

"Come on," Kiley said taking Savannah's hand and pulling her into the living room. Savannah was happy to get out of her father's grip so she followed Kiley and the twins into the living room.

"Ta da!" Kiley said as Jacob and Andrew stepped away to reveal a large four-layer cake with pink icing. There were purple stars and hearts just like the ones on her favorite comforter. In blue icing it said:

Welcome Home Vannah! We Missed You!

Savannah wanted to smile, but it was as if her face had forgotten how. She looked at Kiley's eager face and could see it begin to droop at her lack of a reaction. Savannah wanted to get away but she wasn't ready to go into her room. Savannah looked at her mother father angrily, and pleaded with her eyes for some way of escape. Lucy noticed.

"Why don't we let Savannah get some rest, I'm sure she's dying to sleep in her own bed…" Lucy trailed off at the look of horror on Savannah's face. Savannah felt the tears coming before they even hit her eyes. None of them understand! I have nowhere to go to be alone…I can't go to my room…I hate this house…I hate this place…I hate everything. She left the living room and went into the kitchen.

"Jacob, Andrew, why don't you take Kiley upstairs and play with her?" Annie suggested. Jacob and Andrew nodded and took Kiley up stairs.

"I'll go talk to her, or at least I'll try…" Lucy said shaking her head. Annie, Eric, Matt and Kevin sat down in the living room.

"I told Lucy that I think we should move back to Glenoak. I know that they never sold our old house, and I already talked to a real estate agent about it…I think it would be good for everyone to get away from all of this…" Kevin said. Annie tried not to smile, but the thought of Lucy and her family moving back warmed her heart.

"I think that's a wonderful idea." Annie said.

"Sarah and I are moving to Glenoak too, we weren't going to tell you until it was final but this seems like as good a time as any." Annie beamed and gripped Eric's hand, both Matt and Lucy home.

"That's great," Eric said. He looked at Kevin who was staring sadly down at the floor. "It's going to take a lot of time, and counseling for Savannah to get over this Kevin. It will probably get worse before it gets better. She has a lot to get over emotionally."

"Savannah, everyone's just happy to have you home. We missed you so much." Lucy said taking a seat at the kitchen table with Savannah. Savannah wiped the tears away and looked up at her mother. I can't go to my room! Don't any of you understand? Of course you don't because none of you went through what I did!

"You can take a nap in our room if you want?" Lucy had a feeling she knew what this was about. She wanted to do anything she could to help. Savannah nodded and got up and left. Lucy took a deep breath to steady her as she began to cry. Kevin walked in and put his arms around her.

"She'll be okay…" Kevin said quietly.

"I just want to help her so badly…" Lucy said dabbing at her eyes.

"I know we all do…"

"Why won't she talk to me?" Lucy cried. Kevin took the seat beside her and took her hand in his own.

"I think she's a lot of pain, and it's too much for her to say it aloud. I think she's afraid to open up to us and let us know what she's feeling, and I think she wants to protect us, and she's ashamed of what happened…" Kevin looked into Lucy's eyes and gently kissed her on the lips. "We need to give her time. She'll talk to us eventually." Lucy smiled at Kevin and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Savannah sat down on her parent's bed; she looked around the room feeling somewhat relaxed. Her eyes stopped at a picture frame that was sitting on her mother's bedside table. Savannah slid over to it and picked it up. The photograph was of her; it was second grade school photo. Savannah felt tears sting her eyes as she looked down at the photo. She looked up and saw there were a lot of photos of her hanging in her parent's room; one's that hadn't always been there.

Savannah put the photo down and lay on her back, tears sliding down her face. She didn't understand why being in this house was so hard. She hadn't felt like this at the hospital.

What's wrong with me? I can't even enter my own room? I can't bring myself to talk to my family…why did this happen to me? Why did I have to be the one to survive? I can't take all these feelings…I'm tired of them…nothing but feeling Sad, sad about losing Layla. Sad about surviving without her. Sad about shutting out my family. Scared, scared of what I might do. Scared about what happened. Scared about it happening again. Scared I'll never be the same. Worried, worried I'm not the same person. Worried that I'll never be okay. Worried that nobody will treat me the same. Jealous, jealous of everyone who gets to live their life normally. Jealous that it wasn't me who was killed. Jealous that Layla doesn't have to deal with any of this. Angry, angry that I'm jealous of Layla when all I really want is for none of this to have happened. Angry that it happened at all. Angry that I survived. Angry that I can't get over it. And tired, tired of it all.

"Tell me why, God…" Savannah whispered as tears rolled down her face. "…then maybe I can move on…"

Authors Note: Hey everybody here's another update. I hope everyone likes it you get another peak into Savannah's thoughts. I had a hard time putting into words how Savannah is feeling, which is good in a sense because so is Savannah. Which is why her thoughts are the most coherent because when you're thinking to yourself you don't always think in a straight line, sometime your thoughts jump around. So that's what I tried to do with Savannah.

As I'm sure some of you noticed, I bumped it to Mature. I should have done it from the beginning I just really wanted to read it but it really does need to be rated M.