A Ferret In Love Chapter 14: Hermione's Plan B! Tada!, a harry potter fanfic

J.K Rowling: Eccentric Indeed doesn't own Harry Potter. I do.

^ Yeah, what she said.

A/N: Thank you so much to WerrnogWeasley96, WarnedBeYou, Impulse53669 and the rest of those anons.

Chapter 14: Hermione's Plan B! Ta-da!

I'm gonna die. Seriously. I can already see Merlin waiting for me up there. He tells me, "Come here old chap, let's have tea." No Merlin, I don't want tea right now. I just want to kill Hermione Granger.

I never knew I was going to die today. I never had the chance to have tea with the Queen yet nor have I even seen a candy pooping unicorn. I have not even written my will yet!

This is madness. Hermione's Plan B is. You want to know what happened? Okay, relax and listen to this horrifying tale.

It all started in the early morning of the day. Now all of you wake up to the sound of your alarm clock or the chirping of the birds. I do too, but that morning neither alarm clock nor bird woke me.

It was Potter's dulcet tones:

"SWEET MOTHER OF MERLIN!"

And then this followed:

"BLOODY HELL MALFOY?"

"UGGGH, WEASELBEE?"

"WHAT–WAH—MALFOY?"

"AAAHHH POTTER!"

"Shut up will you? I'm still sleeping."

"BLAISE WE'RE IN A ROOM WITH POTTER AND WEASLEY WHY ARE YOU DOING NOTHING AND NOT PANICKING?"

"Oh."

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

It took us a full ten minutes before we calmed down. Well, not exactly. We were all pacing around the room, frantically searching for a way out. And guess what? We found none! Oh the joy – please not the sarcasm hanging off every word.

I grumbled hopelessly then it hit me. Contact Hermione, wait –

Oh shit this is Plan B.

"HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE!"

Azkaban is a horrible, horrible place, Draco. Just calm down and try not to kill them.

"HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE—"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP? Screaming her name won't make a way out of here appear! You have been yelling for an hour and my ears are bleeding!" I exclaimed from my bed, glaring at Potter and Weasley who both flushed. God, they're annoying.

They scowled and plopped down in their beds. I sighed thankfully for the silence. I was ready to kill them earlier, I have been sitting here for an hour listening to their shouts while Blaise went back to sleep as if the idiot's screams were lullabies.

I looked around and nodded. This is the Room of Requirement. The only things in the room were a fireplace, some couches and formed in a circle in front of each other, were our four poster beds.

That would explain all the horrified screaming earlier. I mean, who wouldn't be scared to death when you wake up and see Potter and Weasley in front of you? And things get worse after that, you find out you're stuck in this exit less room with them.

I sighed irritably and realized that I was still wearing my pajamas. I searched around for my wand then it dawned on me – she took it. And I looked up to see scowling faces of her best mates; they were probably looking for their wands too, only to realize the fact that their best friend took it because of this Plan B of hers.

Weasley glared at me. "This is your entire fault you know. If you never had truce with her she wouldn't force us to be friends with you."

I glared back at him saying nothing. I will never regret making Hermione my friend. Frankly, it was the best decision I have ever made in my whole life.

Weasley glared harder. "I hate you, you stupid ferret." It happened so fast that I froze for a moment not being able to say anything. I shook myself conscious. "Weasley, you are on fire."

He looked, horrified. "Geez, Malfoy I like girls for Merlin's sake." I realized what he was thinking and I gagged. "I didn't mean that way! I mean you are on fire – literally. Or rather your hair is."

He turned to Potter who was frozen in his bed, pointing at Weasley's head, which truthfully, was on fire. I am not kidding.

What I had witness was extremely comical. Weasley ran around the room flailing his arms like a chicken, Potter shook out of his frozen state and was frantically putting out the fire with a damp cloth. When it was all over, I was laughing to the point where I was probably going to wet my pants soon and the two friends were all exhausted and glaring at me angrily. Well, Blaise, he was still sleeping.

I calmed down after a few minutes and breathed deeply. I smirked, "Alright there Weaselbee? Not that I care though. Just wondering if Mummy Potter kissed your boo boos away."

Weasley and Potter turned beet red and glared at me. Then their eyes widened. I felt conscious—is there something on my face."What?" I asked roughly. But it wasn't them who answered.

In a cool, nonchalant tone, Blaise said, "'Mate, your hair is on fire."

Shit. "PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!" After a few minutes of that I was sitting exhaustedly on my bed, my blazing hair, being put out by Blaise who smirked at me. Potter and Weasley on the other hand were laughing their asses off. I hope they wet their covers.

It was my turn to flush and glare angrily. "Why did that happen?" Weasley wondered the same thing. Potter and Blaise shrugged. "The both of you were being stupid. As usual."

Karma really is just around the corner. After Weasley and I put out the fire on Potter and Blaise's heads we demanded apologies which they reluctantly gave. I smirked at Blaise's annoyed face.

"So," I started, staring at everybody else, "what now?" They shrugged and I sighed."We need some instructions or a letter." They looked thoughtful for a moment then Potter spoke up, "Hermione must have left us one. We just have to – make it appear or something."

Weasley shrugged. "Maybe there is a password of some sort?" I nodded. "That is possible. Knowing Hermione, it might be something very uncommon or maybe it is in a foreign language."

"DONUTS!"

We all turned to Blaise. I blinked rapidly, "Err, I don't think so, mate."

"Abracadabra?"

"Bibbity Bobbity?"

"WHAT THE HELL—"

"Googly moogly!"

"Shut up ok? God, Hermione you have stupid friends."

Then there was a letter. Potter and Weasley looked offended and I bit back laughter. We read the letter together. It read:

Good Morning, guys. Now, you are probably wondering where you are and what's happening. Well, I'm going to explain it simply. Gents, say hello to Plan B.

You are currently locked inside the Room of Requirement. As to how you are getting out of there, I shall say nothing—you will discover soon. Or maybe one of you will, because you are all probably busy biting each other's heads off at the moment. Anyways, enjoy the day and I hope by the end of the day you lot will become friends, OKAY?

See you soon,

Hermione Granger

We gagged as we finished the letter. Become friends? Gaah, that's just disgusting. The other pair was probably thinking the same thing because they turned to me sourly. Blaise shrugged and sat back on his bed. The rest of us did the same.

After a few minutes of just breathing Weasley whined, "I'm bloody hungry." Potter nodded in agreement and I rolled my eyes. "You aren't the only one, Weasel."

He groaned. "Merlin, I need fried chicken." Blaise smiled at him. "I have fried chicken." We turned to him confusedly. "You do?" He nodded and sat on Weasley's bed, his rucksack beside him. Weasley was smiling happily, eager to see where the fried chicken was. "Where is it?"

"In my rucksack." Everybody stopped moving.

WHAT? "You have fried chicken in your rucksack?" I asked in disbelief. Blaise nodded and rummaged his bag. And there it was a whole platter of delicious fried chicken."What—How—never mind," I stuttered, shaking my head fondly. Only Blaise Zabini.

As soon as the chicken came into view, Weasley inhaled each one. Within a few minutes it was all gone. I could only gape at him. "You ate everything, Weasley. You left us nothing." He crossed his arms defensively. "I was hungry okay? I was starving, and I did not want to die." I glared at him, "So you decided to eat everything? Genius Weasley! Now the rest of us are going to starve and die!"

Potter and Blaise nodded in agreement, glaring at Weasley. I turned to him wide-eyed, "We're starving Weasley. We have nothing else to eat but – you."

His reaction was priceless, and I looked at my other companions and saw that they played along. Blaise was licking his lips at Weasley, "I never had Weasley meat before. I wonder how your kidneys will taste."

Potter did the same with a maniacal smile on his face, "Thanks for turning us into cannibals Ron. I hope you're delicious." I grinned maniacally and growled at Weasley. "I'm gonna eat ya!" He broke into a run and we chased him. He was shrieking in horror and we tried to hold our laughter. He ran to the fireplace and jumped up the couches; he threw pillows at us and set off again, jumping off the couches running to his bed. As he approached his four poster, Potter jumped from the covers and growled at him. He screamed and ran away but he bumped into Blaise and me. He was pale as a ghost when he realized he was cornered. He whimpered, "Please-please don't kill me!" We went closer to him and he closed his eyes as his death grew nearer. Then as we closed on him, I whispered, "Don't wet yourself Weasley, we were just toying you around." We burst into laughter, Blaise clapping me on the back and Potter giving me a high five (which was weird so we'll never do that again.) Weasley flushed in anger and, well, we ran for our lives.

Different things were flying everywhere; Books, pillows, blazing logs, Blaise's rucksack, Potter's toothbrush, some of Weasley's underwear and my quills. Weasley calmed down eventually, grinning. We sat on the couches with the same look of happiness on our faces.

"That was fun." He remarked and we grinned in reply, agreeing for once. We were all sweaty and tired from running and laughing. I never knew being with Potter and Weasley would be this fun. Blaise was probably thinking the same thing because he looked at me in disbelief. We just had fun with the famous duo's company. This is madness.

I grinned."What's next?" Potter grinned, slyly "Maybe we have to be chummies now, painting each other's nails and sharing secrets." We scrunched our faces in disgust, "You have a sick mind, Potter."

Weasley smirked. "I bet you want to be friends with us now, eh Malfoy?" I scoffed, "Over Blaise's dead body."

"BLAISE I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" I screamed, squirting water all over his face. We found some water guns and decided to have fun. Well, you know what happens.

He screamed and we all laughed. Potter aimed for me, but I dodged it and ran behind him, hitting his soaked head. We have been playing with this for five minutes we looked like we have been washed up on a beach. I laughed as Potter fell down on his bum and struggled to get up from the slippery floor. Then I slipped too, I looked around and saw Weasley's smug face. I growled, "I'm gonna get you!"

He scrambled away but slipped and fell down too. Soon enough, everybody was on the floor holding their sides as they cried out in laughter. "You guys are alright," I muttered, and then out of nowhere our wands fell into our hands. We were surprised for a moment then grinned. I smiled happily and cleaned the room. When we got dried, we sat on the couches, our bodies aching.

"I need to eat something." Weasley groaned and we chuckled. "Well, there's no food around. So sorry." He laughed and turned to Blaise, "Got any hidden food in your amazing rucksack?" Blaise smirked, "Nah, I only packed chicken."

Weasley grinned. "I forgot about that. Thanks by the way mate, you saved my life."

POP. There was a plate of muffins on his bed. Then it dawned on us.

'You guys are alright.'

POP. Our wands.

'Thanks by the way mate, you saved my life.'

POP. Food.

Everybody else grinned.

"POTTER I LOVE YOU!"

Donuts.

"MALFOY YOU HAVE THE MOST WONDEFUL HAIR IN THE WORLD!"

Treacle tarts.

"ZABINI YOU ARE AWESOME!"

Roast beef.

"THANKS MATE! YOU TOO!"

Pumpkin Juice.

We were having a feast. Earlier we found out how everything works here. When you say a nice thing about somebody, you will be given whatever you want at the moment, but when you insult each other your hair will burst in fire. Hermione is a mad genius.

We have been screaming compliments for an hour and we have been able to shower and change our clothes. And now we are stuffing ourselves with food fit for an army.

When we were finished, we plopped back to the couches and sat there in silence. Blaise piped up, "So, gents, what else do you want to do today?"

Potter perked up, "I know what we'll do. Are you with me?" We rolled our eyes, "As long as it's not something for babies, okay? We big men now. Big, strong, non-crying men."

"HOW COULD SCAR KILL MUFASA! THAT LITTLE SHIT!"

"Calm down, Malfoy."

"Shut up, Harry! I'm with Malfoy! I'm gonna skin that goddamn lion alive!"

"Ron!"

"Guys? Are you all crying?"

"NO WE ARE SWEATING THROUGH OUR EYES!"

"Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase,"

"Hakuna Matata, ain't no passing craze,"

"It means no worries, for the rest of your days!"

"It's a problem-free philosophy,"

"HAKUNA MATATA!"

"Ooh, a flying carpet!"

"A WHOLE NEW WORLD,"

"Blaise—shut up."

"Diseases have movies?"

"Ron, Cinderella isn't a disease."

After our Televily Watching or whatever Potter calls it, I can tell you honestly that:

1)Scar is a bleeding git.

2)Hakuna Matata is pretty much awesome.

3)I want to have a magic carpet ride, with someone special (like Hermione, or, er my goldfish (?))

4)Cinderella isn't a disease.

5)WE NEVER CRIED. WE WERE SWEATING THROUGH OUR EYES IN A VERY MANLY MANNER.

Okay, so maybe I wasn't really gonna die. And this isn't exactly a horrifying tale. This was a really fun day. Something that you'll never expect from a couple of Slytherins and Gryffindors. But what the heck, the world is barmy and so is everyone in it.

After everything we did, we were all exhausted and only wanted one thing. A way out of here. And now is the perfect time for another letter to appear telling us step by step on what to do to escape.

Oh, wait – ' As to how you are getting out of there, I shall say nothing—you will discover soon.' Well, Hermione, just so you know, we haven't discovered away out of here yet! So would you like to help our poor souls now?

"HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE?" I sighed irritably and they sighed in response. "No bleeding idea. Blaise?"

He shrugged. "Hermione want us to be friends, doesn't she? Maybe, if we, you know, become mates it'll open and let us out?" We were silent for a moment, thinking about it. We sat up and stared at each other, unsure of what to do or say. I mean, I had fun, but you can't lose hatred overnight. It would take time.

Blaise was the first one to speak up, "Yeah, I'm alright with you two." The other two grinned sheepishly and nodded at him. "You're alright too Zabini."

Weasley grinned wider. "And hey, you gave me chicken right? So, yeah mate, I practically love you!" We laughed and they both had a manly hug. Then they suddenly glowed and a sign appeared over their heads:

Permitted to leave.

Ron Weasley and Blaise Zabini – Mates.

We blinked in surprise. Blaise was right. Okay, so – OH GOD, I HAVE TO HUG POTTER?

Potter seemed to be thinking of the same thing and said, "Nope, I am not hugging you." I glared. "Well, neither will I. I would have to be completely, utterly mad to do that."

Did I tell you I was absolutely mad? Well, I am.

"Yeah, and you know what else Malfoy? I slept in a cupboard for 11 years. So yeah, I had an awful life!"

"Well, mine sucks too. I never really felt that my parents loved me and my childhood is just horrible. So, uhuh, we both have suckish lives, Potter!" We both cried as we gripped each other in a, please note, very manly hug. Well, that settles things; I guess it wouldn't hurt to try being friends with these idiots. Yeah, I guess it's alright.

Permitted to leave.

Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter – Mates.

Hermione Granger better be grateful. The things I do for love.

I know right? You do crazy things like hugging your sworn enemies and being mates with them. Good luck to our new set of friends may you – err, not kill yourselves. Apologies for posting this really late, I kind of spent the past days reading Commentarius, check out the story by the way it's awesome. So, let me know what you think okay? Review!