Chapter Thirteen

Gone

It was raining, just like it did so often in Forks. The wind howled and whistled, the skies a dark gray. Bella stared out the bedroom window at it. She watched it trail its way down the pane, the droplets forming together and moving faster and faster until they were gone from sight.

Downstairs she heard the door swing shut. She couldn't see through the light storm but Edward had been running back and forth from the house to the car packing his belongings, which mostly contained clothing and C.D's.

It was the next day and tomorrow the others (excluding Emmett and Rose) would be home. Edward was leaving for a place nearby. It was close, a few miles but it certainly wasn't under the same roof. As Carlisle was coming home there was no need for him to stay, it was only for that one day the cause of Alice's vision after all. It was never because he wanted to be there. Could she blame him?

Last night at supper Edward and Jasper sat with her. They talked while she ate. It was a friendly conversation of cougars versus lions (as a meal) when Jasper took her hand.

It was a simple gestures, it was natural. Neither one of them thought much about it, that is until Edward excused himself. The next time she saw him was when her and Jasper were leaving the empty room and he was carrying suitcases down. Jasper tried to speak to him but he kept moving and Bella couldn't stand to watch. She wouldn't watch him leave her a second time.

"Should I bring Jasper here?"

She didn't make a move to see him. In her mind's eye she could see him, he was standing directly behind her, his brows raised suggestively.

"Bella?"

"No, I'm fine."

"I came to say goodbye. I'll stay close until Carlisle returns, then I'll leave like planned."

"Oh..." Anger coursed through her. How dare he? How dare he leave her again? How dare he still love her and still leave! Damn him... Stupid unreliable vampire.

"Bella, will you look at me?"

Slowly she did. He stood like she imagined. His bronze hair dripping, he didn't mind the puddle forming at his feet. He was unaware of anything but her, and she couldn't help but be aware of the green sweater clinging to him.

"Tell me you don't want me."

Caught off-guard by such a request she left her mouth agape, no sound coming. She croaked, "why?"

"I can't walk out without being absolutely sure that you've made your decision, one that's not based off of my foolishness. If you want, I'll stay with you. I'll never leave you." He stepped forward once and he was too close, his head bent low enough that his hair dripped on hers. She could feel the ice slide over her skull wetting the strands.

"Jasper's not a convenience."

"If this is about your desire to end your life then we can discuss it. If it's truly what you want then you can have it. You can whatever it is you want, if it's in my power to give it to you."

She pushed her backside to the window. Anything for breathable space and to keep herself from hitting him which would only hurt her in the process. "I want Jasper."

"Tell me what I can do."

"You can stay here and be happy for us. You can stay while I go through my renovations."

He growled, his chest rumbling. He walked to the bed his hands in fists at his sides.

As he took his time she inhaled greedily but was filled with his sweet scent. In surprise she nearly choked on it. She didn't like the way he smelled like Jasper, the way they all smelled the same.

"Why have you always asked for the things I can't give you?"

"Why can't you do this?"

He spun on her and she was once more pinned to the window. "Why can't you love me and not my brother? You don't love me anymore but I haven't stopped loving you. I can't get over you as easily. Sometimes, Bella, we don't have choices. If I knew that when I left you none of this would be happening."

She remembered the attraction she felt for Jasper when she saw him. "It would be."

His intensity failed into agony that pierced her. "I never had a chance, did I?"

"No..." How effortless that was to say was terrible..

He cupped her cheek. "I'll be waiting in the wings. I love you, Bella, my…" He forced out the last idiom. "Sister."

She smiled, letting out the breath she had been holding since he touched her. "Thank you, brother."

He laughed, it strangling in his throat. "See me out to the car?"

"Sure, sure" she agreed using the way Jacob agreed to things. Jacob... Too bad he wasn't there with her, too bad he couldn't be, she had a feeling that she would want him there. She wanted someone to stay if only to show that they loved her enough to do so.

She followed Edward out of her room and down the stairs, scanning all the while for Jasper. He must've been out, giving them their goodbye. She felt a warm gratitude for him.

In the entrance hall Edward turned and kissed her forehead, a very brotherly action that she internally gave him credit for.

"When I come back we'll go hunting together."

"For lions," she grinned.

"Whatever you like," he said, and he didn't even look back one time as he ducked inside of the convertible and drove away, splashing mud in his wake.

Without conscious thought of what she was doing she went outside. The rain was chilling cold but she didn't mind it. Her clothes became heavier, her hair sticking to the sides of her face, mud was encasing itself in her shoes where it would undoubtedly stay.

Edward's car was gone. Edward was gone. He said he loved her but all the things she needed he couldn't give. He wanted to give her pricey gifts but none of the emotional ones, none of the things that would cement them together.

He didn't see her the way Jasper did. Jasper saw her potential as a vampire and he realized that they could never be unless she was one. It wasn't an option for her to stay human, not because of the danger but because they loved each other that much.

She'd never been more grateful that he wasn't there. She didn't want him to feel the longing she had for Edward then, the fear he wouldn't be able to decipher because it wasn't just a longing for Edward, it was a longing for his friendship which she dearly missed and the fear that she would rip them apart at the seams.

The rain stormed on, large drops beating on every bit of her frozen skin. She was violently shivering her teeth chatting terribly but she didn't register it. She sneezed and coughed and it wracked her brain but she stayed in the brew until she numbly felt arms sweeping her up. They weren't the arms she'd expected. They weren't cold, they were warm, and she huddled in the dull warmth. She heard Jasper speaking to her.

"He's not your fault, Bella."

She nodded but didn't believe.

"You're a strange human, why would you risk getting ill?"

She couldn't answer that one silently. Instead she let herself fall into her exhaustion, his voice - not his words - replaying in her mind like a lullaby. One that couldn't be composed.

A/N: There are two more chapters left on Bella's POV. The second and last part will be in Jasper's.