Drizzle turned to shower turned to pour, the brunette passed out mysteriously now sound asleep. Chloe sat in the armchair next to the window, patience run out spending her pondering in the dark, even the rain was too boring for company.
Hey, you there?
Hello?
Hellooo?
Professor X?
Constantine the Great?
Maybe wait a few seconds.
Never mind then.
"What's up?" He answered lazily from within her head, she responded more natural than expected.
Did I wake you up?
"Kinda."
What you doing?
Inaudible hesitation.
"You should get some rest."
Changing the subject?
"Yeah, but you should still get some rest."
Can't, Max's out cold.
"How did the talk go?"
You didn't hear it?
"Didn't pay attention."
Max passed out, think it was going good too.
"Oh, she just fell asleep?"
Yeah…
"That's weird."
Yeah…
"Think she'd want you to wake her up?"
Yeah probably…
Chloe looked over at the bed, it felt too desperate even in her last days. Listening to Max's soft breathing as if speaking to Chloe, she could not bring herself to disrupt that rhythm, or she just wanted to keep listening. Both Chloe and Constant shook their heads.
Can you see what she's dreaming about?
"You, obviously."
Really?
"No, I can't see thoughts or dreams."
Lame.
"Yeah."
Rain again, Chloe followed the patterns as the pouring shifted in and out of line with each gust of wind. Out in the parking lot, only dim orange lights illuminated her nightscape. Into the dark was the ocean, she imagined the waves more violent with the weather. Soft thunder now and then, Chloe pulled up her black coat to keep herself and her t-shirt warm, but her bare legs uncovered.
"Hey." Constant spoke through Chloe's zoning.
What?
"Want a drink?"
"What?" Chloe whispered out loud.
You got booze and didn't tell me? Keep it safe my ass.
"It's been in the car, didn't want to drink on the road, it's pretty strong stuff."
Nothing really came to mind as Chloe looked over at Max's rising and falling body. She snored a bit and Chloe giggled at it.
"Dork." The girl decided to move from her numbing limbs, a drink might help her sleep if anything. Yet when she looked at Max again, imagining what Max might say, something about being responsible or comments just as motherly. That much was hers, whatever time she had left and hoped for more, she was glad that she had her friend with her to the end. Chloe could really use a drink though, especially with the approaching end of their world.
Sigh.
What do you got?
"Hey Max what's wrong?"
"Are you actually asleep?"
"Maaax?"
"Damn she actually passed out."
"…"
"Hey, sleepyhead."
"You're not faking it."
"…"
"Love you."
Familiar darkness, so unwelcomed it enveloped this poor girl by force. Darkness in not only sight, but all of her senses, her balance falling or floating in a void. In this world there was only Max, hence her name was worthless with nobody to speak it, so she let it go. The last light long spiraled out of existence. Noise was white, but her hearing was black.
Continuous before she could remember.
Excitement she felt when she heard crying, softly, holding back.
It more and more drenched and flooded her consciousness, she knew that sound, and all she could sense now was endless sorrow. She moved her nonexistent extremities, her body, she thrashed without knowing where any of her was, but she did still.
Chloe. It was clear now, Chloe was crying.
Max went into a frenzy in her cage, she pushed and kicked trying to escape her body.
Chloe, where are you?
Chloe!
Clap goes the thunder.
The sky blew open, Max woke in the motel bed cold and alone. A fit of confusion comforted by sounds of rain, particularly the louder slower droplets off the roof edge. It was a good nap, however long it was in the still dark, Max hoisted herself up to see that silhouette against dim orange at the window. The outline of the ideal female figure, the shaking shoulders of Chloe Price sat in one of the two opposing armchairs, a table in between and a near empty glass. On top of the rain Max located the heater still humming, and thanked it for her warmer awakening.
She almost thought she was dreaming, but heard it again, the soft sobbing there.
Reassembling her vocal chords Max croaked out enough for comprehension.
"Chloe?"
The shape turned, caught by surprise Chloe sniffled and wiped at her eyes.
Oh crap.
Then with unconvincing composure she smiled, "Hey Max, you're awake."
Simple words that squeezed Max's heart, without breaking eye contact her body slowly slid out of bed. The floor was undoubtably cold on her bare feet, and leaving the sheets was not so pleasing to her sluggish body, but she did not care when Chloe was calling out her name.
Did I fall asleep? Max rubbed her eyes then her head in attempt to find balance on the carpet.
Fuck, I'm sorry.
Chloe watched her friend lazily climb out of bed in more adjusted light, sat on the edge trying to remember their current state of being, then remembering. She could not kid herself, seeing Max standing up Chloe almost forgot what sad pool she was just drowning in, but knew she would have to explain herself after a few steps.
Just one glass wouldn't smell so bad would it?
It's still 151.
That was gross even for you, Chloe.
Get Max to try it.
Black shirt and no pants, nearly identical dress code. Max yawned as she shuffled awkwardly towards Chloe, her vision finally adjusting enough to see her face, and the dried tears down her jowl. Then they found her eyes and they locked in soft gazing. Chloe tried to maintain her smile, Max could not help but match her.
Chloe? Max.
Maxine. Chloe.
Each sorted through the dozens of questions and greetings they could say, the one sitting decided with something more her style.
"Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey,"
Is that how mom used to say it?
Max rolled her eyes and smirked for courtesy, although appreciative the tension was lifted.
"I'm so sorry I fell asleep." Her sense of smell finally woke up when her nose scrunched at the odor of gasoline, "is that liquor?"
Oh shit of course it smells.
Chloe eyed the glass on the table, then back to Max.
"Uh yeah, turns out guy had it stashed in the car the whole time." She admitted she did not even try to stop herself, "wanna try it?"
"What?" It was too early to face a dilemma as Max looked at the glass, only a bit more than a shot's worth left. The smell was not so friendly though, alcohol after a couple years ago only brought pain in a time when she tried to drown herself in it. A time that Chloe did not know how much Max wanted to join her, but now Chloe was asking Max to revisit her old enemy even as a joke, Max hesitated little.
"I'm just kidding, you don't…" Chloe was cut mid-sentence when Max grabbed the cup and mercilessly downed the thing, then suffering the consequences upon her expression of instant regret. Chloe gulped back her laughter.
Oh damn that's my Max.
"Holy shit what is that thing?" Max gasped sharply trying to cool her tongue, that did nothing so she tried to cough the scent back out.
Chloe grabbed the cup when handed back to the table, "Bacardi 151, that was badass, Max."
"151? How'd he get that? I thought it was banned."
"It is? Wait, how would you know?"
Oops, wrong answer.
The more she thought about it the more it dug into her taste buds, and from there throughout her body, "Eugh, is there any water?"
So Max did not want to talk about it, Chloe decided not to ask more, "Sure you don't want to let it sit?"
"Chloe, please?"
The rain grew lighter, but steadfast still with the next lightning and thunder. One was already more wobbly to hold onto the staring contest, and Max had not measured her body's tolerance since years ago to feel it yet.
"Fine." Chloe pouted as she reached under for the half empty plastic bottle, Max gratefully accepted and squeezed its life into hers. Chloe watched the movements of her throat as Max swallowed. She would like to think the alcohol may be playing tricks when she caught envy towards the water entering Max's body, but she knew it was far from enough. Chloe watched Max sit across from her in the opposing armchair, how soft her skin glowed in the dim light, how it would feel on her fingertips, her hands, her lips. Chloe missed her, and now they missed each other.
"Nice." Said Chloe.
"Nice." Max copied.
For minutes they gazed, dazed in a half trance listening to the rain fall, the wind howl and the sky groan. It was as if seconds or hours ago, Max studied Chloe's face and her neckline, the strands of her hair and the angle of her shoulders. In the moment Chloe did the same, unconsciously admiring this girl that was hers, remembering how they first met and how stunning this brunette woman before her could take her off guard every time she blinked. She was utterly helpless as she remembered why the rain hurt her so much.
But not yet.
The heater turned itself off, so the rain only struck harder against their eardrums. Questions Max raised to herself answered by herself, more of a reassurance with each look into Chloe's eyes.
Do I love Chloe?
Yeah.
Does Chloe love me?
I hope.
Yeah.
She waited, Chloe looked away more often. She waited, Chloe could not maintain her smile much longer. She waited.
But not yet.
A couple cars splashed through the road outside, both girls wondered what circumstances would force someone to drive out in this weather. In the distance they went, and it was just rain and their breathing again.
Max leaned forward on the table and put out a hand, unsure why, she felt that Chloe needed her touch, and she needed Chloe's. Of course Chloe took it and held on softly but firmly, caressing her skin while at it. Chloe's smile revitalized, Max's chest warmed.
Maybe in the end Chloe thought she would not have to say a thing, she could stand and take one step to Max to offer herself, and Max was in no position to refuse. However that would work out was not up to someone in Chloe's position, by the way Max anticipated her to speak, whether or not Max deduced from Chloe's ongoing reluctance. The blue haired girl knew she had given it all away.
Tell her your feelings.
Last chance.
Tell her what?
Everything.
Chloe stopped smiling, her hands stopped moving and her eyes could no longer watch her. Some of the cold froze onto her arms, some of her sorrow stuck to her shoulder blades. The rum could not ease her to sleep, and she should be appreciative it gave her this chance now.
Last chance.
The friend she met in grade school, how much their future held when she first knew they had become best friends. Suddenly with each touch of the hand there was joy. In earlier times when Chloe was more voluntary towards Maxine Caulfield, she felt safe next to her. They talked and they laughed, yet when Chloe needed her most, she did not stay. Her best friend became a memory, a memory that would then save her life, grant her reason, grant her death. By unknown means they reunited in some office building, on an apartment rooftop, at a cold city park, in the dark of a cheap motel room. She now in essence existed for this woman. Not the least bit ironic that she with her whole heart and then some desired to exist for this woman. Love was not overrated for her yet, love was always what she needed, and love was what she wanted to give.
Rain felt awfully quiet. Rain had not missed a beat.
Last chance.
Last chance to be honest to Max, or to herself, to the universe, to fate.
I…
She proposed.
…I don't want to go.
Silent confession, she must look her in the eye.
"Max." Chloe breathed out, the thunder had been silent for a while now, and waited still.
Max looked up, uncertain what position she sat in would make it easier, just being herself.
"Chloe." Smile no doubt, Max pulled Chloe closer so they rested on their elbows, dark eyes kindly supporting each other.
Déjà vu to some extent, circling words that Chloe held back on that cliffside as a storm tackled the earth, utilitarian sin against humanity by the lighthouse for one to live at the cost of thousands. However there was no town at stake, she could be sacrificing herself anyway, her life was forfeit years ago. This moment Max was in her hands, and she was in Max's.
Yet she still could not push through the door she locked for herself.
"When you go back," If Chloe could call out her own bullshit she would, the most fabricated smile in the world, "make sure you tell me to love you, kick my ass if you have to."
What am I saying…?
"You will, right?" It was mostly for Max, and the rest for herself to feel that it was for Max, "I won't forgive you if we don't fall in love."
That's so nice to say, fall in love, it's not even gonna be me.
Max tried to keep at least one corner of her lip up, but lost control of her eyebrows the moment Chloe spoke.
Come on Max, don't look at me like that.
The most fabricated chuckle in the world, "You know, Max, it'd be really nice if we could got married, even if it's not really me…well it is, but you know what I mean."
Yeah, you're doing great, go Chloe the selfless hero.
"You'll still love…like me, right? Even if it's not…"
Go Chloe the dumbass.
Max sat still, smiled no more. Chloe caught movement on the side of Max's freckled face, she blinked, and tears rolled down just as the droplets down the window.
Max… There were no words she could imagine to cheer her up, even more difficult when she felt the itch in her own sinuses, and her body began to shiver as her eyes began to overflow.
"Come on Max, say something." Chloe tried to swallow it back, holding her chest down temporarily. Just some confirmation could make her have reason to leave herself, a sacrifice for the good of something.
Please, Max. Tell me you will.
It would be so easy to answer her question, give her what she did not want. Max found every word heard at the opposite end of their meaning, through Chloe's eyes they spoke and through her touch they emphasized. Simply affirm her doubts, the two may end up smiling through the night after all. Chloe was not finished, she was waiting for Max to accept her as sacrifice, to allow this Chloe to slip away again, to commit her lover into the despair again. This time it was permanent, again. Max was uncertain when she began to speak, perhaps letting her body take over and mind rest would carry her to say the obvious.
I'm not letting you go, Chloe, never again.
You came back to me, I don't care how, but I'm not letting you go again.
You are mine.
I am yours.
I don't want you to go.
Chloe, stay with me.
Chloe, I love you.
Max sniffed hard in order to vocalize her response.
"Of course." Regret carried through years of compounding, they both felt the acrid sour in every vowel and consonant, "I will always love you, Chloe, no matter what timeline."
Oh Max why would you?
But Chloe smiled instead, and it was as if a thousand spears pierced through Max's chest to pull her down into a deeper guilt. Then she answered.
"Hey don't forget we gotta get married, okay?" Chloe chuckled forcefully, "and make sure you give enough hints for my dumbass to propose to you, don't you dare propose to me first!"
Max in the moment played along for whatever reason, "Of course..."
Chloe awkwardly raised an eyebrow, "promise?"
"Promise."
Max even nodded for exaggeration, "I'll give you all the hints. I'll force you to watch only the romantic comedies you hate, and casually look at bridal gowns…"
Chloe joined in in giggles, "say the word ring a bunch of times when we talk, ring, or talk about moving to San Francisco, ring…"
"I can even get Joyce in on it." Max might have a pulled an underhand, but situation called for it.
Chloe was amused though, "Oh god please no, ring."
"You know you want it, ring." Max ogled playfully.
"Go to someone's wedding and tackle everyone for the bouquet." Chloe actually laughed imagining Max in her little frame pushing all the bridesmaids away at some strangers' ceremony.
"Bet you'll be too drunk to see me catch it." Max chuckled along.
Chloe agreed, "You know me too well. But the fact you even dragged me to a wedding should be enough."
"Would it though?" Statement challenged.
"Shit you got me there." Appealed, "what else you got?"
Max sniffed wetly, "maybe we could…"
What else…
Rose petals on the bed? Candles by the windows?
The brunette shivered at her own thoughts.
"Actually," Chloe cut both of them some slack when she could not come up with anything, "I think I'd get it by then."
"Hm?" Max let out a breath, "Y-yeah."
Tears were dried when they reminisced their childhood play for an optimistic future, but hearts were not so easy to wring. Although the rain sounded less heavy, the beating in their chests could not stay steady. The weight hung above their heads, with words still unsaid in the last chance they instead spent passing jokes, in all honesty was not so bad at all. Not so bad had their innocent giggles rung half as true out of their lips as in their eyes. They knew it was temporary, they just hoped it would last longer when their smiles faded.
"Ring." Max remembered.
The other hesitated, "ring."
Oh right.
"Hey." Chloe quickly revived the spirit before it dissipated into rain, "whose last name are we taking?"
That woke her up, Max read the possibilities in her head at the same time smiling at how official they would become.
"I think…" She thought again to make sure, "yours, Chloe and Maxine Price, Chloe and Max Price."
"Doesn't Max Price sound funny?" Chloe hid her flattered face.
"I don't mind, unless you like Max and Chloe Caulfield. What did you think?"
"Pricefield." The word slipped out a little quicker than Chloe planned, "I was thinking maybe we can combine it."
You've really thought about this haven't you? Giggles on the inside.
"Chloe and Maxine Pricefield." Max looked up to visualize it, being said by different people, in different situations, "Okay, what do you think our parents would say?"
"I'm sure mom'll be okay with it, not sure about yours." Chloe smirked, "Not like they can stop us."
Max smirked the same, "No they can't."
The pictures Max would take, she hoped that Chloe would not be annoyed by her obsession. Being able to wake up next to her best friend everyday knowing they were going to be okay, no doubt to Max a life worth bending time for. For Chloe it was a different story. As much as she could imagine taking Max and herself on countless adventures around the world, they would not last as it would not be hers. Sitting across from Max, holding Max's hand, Chloe wished deeply that she could have spent more time with her. But they had only one day left on their journey, and she had to press it down to make sure Max left her happy to fall for someone else.
You can't tell her everything. It was like a fuse burning inside Chloe that she kept trying to put out. She thought their relationship may somehow be ruined if she broke down in front of Max, even though Max had proved her wrong with every memory they had together.
"Chloe?" Max squeezed their hands. Chloe looked up, feeling wet on her face she did not even know.
Worried look under her brown bangs, not doing well for Chloe's façade for a joyful trip, fading.
Dammit.
For Max, Chloe. Keep it together.
"Hey, sorry." Chloe wiped her eyes with her free hand, "just thinking about how good you would look…in a dress…yeah."
She lied, but definitely thought about it.
Max could not even force her lips out of her doleful face, the small hiccups in Chloe's breaking voice were scratching the last layers of her conscience. There were words Chloe needed to say to her, but Max could not dig herself past that sorry excuse for a smile trying to cheer her up, it only made her sadder.
Chloe… She wanted.
Please… She wanted to ask.
"Think I'd look good in a suit? Huh Max?" Chloe pressed on, she only had to improvise for a little longer.
No, that's not it.
That's not what you want to say.
Flash outside the window, had not been one that bright since Max woke up. Quickly followed by a deafening explosion in the sky, a series of firecrackers whipped through the splashing rain causing a car alarm to go off in some parking lot down in the next block.
Neither of the two girls moved. Chloe waited for a quick response, then she could finally segue themselves to bed, at least she hoped. As long as Max agreed with her, a nod, a smile, a simple 'yeah' would do it. That was all Chloe needed, but not what she wanted. Chloe waited.
Chloe waited some more, their hands together building up heat. Even then Chloe could not help but marvel at what a woman Max had become, all of her mannerisms stayed the same, but she was far from that little ponytailed girl she first befriended. Her longer brown hair rested just past her shoulders, as if waiting for Chloe to run her fingers through them. Her eyes so timid, so shy, but to Chloe so gleaming and bright. No matter what Max said, just the sound of her voice burned her chest. Reminding herself of how much she was in love that moment only raised her body temperature more. But the rain was pouring, and she was waiting for exactly the wrong answer for Max to abandon her, so she could fulfill her destiny that her existence was to send her best friend off to a happier reality. Her own was ultimately alternate.
Damn I want to be with Max so bad.
Max said nothing, repeatedly gulping the lump in her throat. She swore to not let her go again, if the power to rewind time was not enough of a sign, she now held onto a warm and living Chloe after near five years of crying over her death. Their fate and perhaps the fate of the universe once again fell in to Max's fragile hands, and what fate she would be subjecting them to if she chose to turn away this time. She should not, but she could, maybe she would.
Max nodded, barely. In the dark it was a wonder Chloe even saw the little motion, a real punch in the gut.
Ouch.
That's good, Max. Chloe smiled most bitter, understood how Max played along with her poor acting since the beginning. Some twisted act of kindness, some cruel concept of love and suffering for the other's sake. It hurt, Chloe felt it truly as if her entire body shriveled around a withering heart. She looked into Max's eyes through the thunderstorm and roar of the tornado, hoping she would look away from the polaroid photo to say otherwise, but she did not. In the motel room, hoping Max would force her to spit it out, to ask her to stay, to hell with the universe, to hell with their safety and maybe even their lives. But she did not.
She just nodded.
Chloe had to push extra hard for the last smile of the night, "yeah…I'd look so good and you'll be all over me."
Yeah, that's it.
Chloe continued quickly, "Alright, think that rum's getting to me, let's hit the sack, beach day tomorrow, gonna be awesome, excited just thinking about it, not sure about seeing home though but we're just passing it anyway."
That's it, Chloe, Max is good to go.
Kinda.
Not really.
She had to get up before her eyes really gave out, Chloe pushed herself up from the armchair, not surprised that her legs were nearly numb but her destination was close. All it would take was four steps to the bed, but Chloe only made one and a half before she could not move anymore. Her right hand was being pulled by something, Chloe's body anchored by her arm to Max's tightening grip.
Max…
She froze.
Please…
No…
She pulled a bit more but with no give.
Let me go.
Chloe swallowed, even tried to take that next step but her body was already losing strength. Tears forced their way out of the corners of her eyes. She set it up so well, she was so close. The bed was two steps away, make it and come morning. The rest of her effort expired trying to hold her breathing pattern, pushing against her chest's absolute need for her to let go into her sorrow.
"Chloe…" Max whispered shakily.
Max… Chloe sniffed, she was defeated upon the sound of that voice saying her name, wondering what she was going to say despite innately already knowing.
"…don't go."
Lungs seized, Chloe looked on as her vision collapsed into a teary blur. The cage she trapped her body in had shattered, and without warning her entire being felt lighter. Those were the two words she wanted to hear, the locked door she wanted to knock down opened by itself. On the other side was Max, of course it was Max, it was always Max.
…fuck.
"No…" Chloe squeezed her eyes shut in vain as if trying to shut the rain outside. She wanted so much to turn to Max and kiss her, break down in front of her, tell her every regret she would have had she pulled harder out of their bind.
Max stood up behind, reaching forward to hold the trembling Chloe, but her grip was jerked away.
"You can't!" Chloe commanded weakly pulling her arm free from her love, "you can't…"
"Chloe ple…" Max was left no room to rebuttal.
"This is my choice!"
The girl's sobbing more heard, she stomped towards the front door and yanked it open to invite the storm inside, relief the sudden overpowering volume of pounding rain allowed her a desperate gasp for air. Chloe opened her eyes to the blast of freezing wind to her skin, but they were still too close.
I'm sorry.
She thought she heard Max call her name when she charged out the door along the cold second floor railway with two simplest garments of clothing. Water on her bare feet but she did not care, it might hide her crying.
The chilling crept up Max's ankles first, then up her legs and the rest of her body. Chloe's footsteps drowned into the distance, Max did not know what to think with her arms still hung before her as if Chloe was within reach. She was prepared to cry into Chloe's body, whether it was their love or their friendship or both between them, Max believed they would draw them closer. All she could hear was the storm outside now, overtaking her memory of Chloe's voice in her head. Chloe needed her more, or Chloe needed space more.
Max looked at the black jacket Chloe dropped on the floor.
A little distance outside exposed to nature's pouring wrath, Chloe stood at the last concrete stair before the rain, actually not as heavy as she expected. Though merciless gales sliced into her pours, Chloe was somewhat glad she lost differentiation between the shiver from her heart and the shiver from the cold. Light was as dim as ever, the orange street lights were not as bright as she thought, everything behind her near pitch black for the rest of the block. A perfect setting for this dreading girl on the last night before her execution, to weep before a sky of titanic black clouds and the world beyond that will be ultimately erased in due time. Every celestial being and one Chloe Price alike, brooding at the thought of losing everything they ever hoped for, ever loved. It was ironically comforting, Chloe actually cried less watching infinite ripples expand before her eyes, nearly flooding to the stairs. The rain chaotic, matching the madness building in her head it allowed her thoughts to straighten.
"Max." She whispered.
She knew the girl could be crying alone upstairs and it was completely her fault, and soon enough she would come chasing out risking a cold and it would be completely her fault, a crack in their relationship for a moment of selfishness, completely her fault. Almost comical when Chloe realized at how much she used to blame others now that she just blamed herself three times. However in the present, the price she had settled since the beginning, against her worse judgement she persisted, might have even felt a little proud as her eyes warmed in imagination.
Everybody sat in a quiet church hall except for three at the altar, warm sunlight stained through the windows. Chloe smiled at Max in her beautiful but still modest white dress. Someone next to her was monologuing about something but Chloe could not hear or see anything else when looking into Max's glistening blue eyes like sapphire at sunrise. The suit felt tight around the edges, or she just really was not a fan of dressing up but deal with it she gladly did holding Max's hands in her own. Chloe moved her eyes down to those slightly glossy lips when Max said two simple words to confirm their bond for forever, then it was her turn. Someone repeated the same lines to Chloe, but she was not one to wait, so she simply answered, her heart pumping and smile growing.
"I do." Chloe whispered into the wet space before her, it was still raining, warm sunlight absent, all the attendees missed their invitation.
That was the price of Chloe's life, the denial of happiness to someone dearest to her so they could hurt together. She had a choice to revoke her own right of existence, so that another reality could enjoy the benefits of her loss. Chloe hated how powerless she was, how her say in the matter was exactly only just a say in the matter when Max held the switch. At the end of it all, she at least wanted to be; to feel like she was the one to pull it. But then Max just spoke out, holding the switch away from Chloe's reach.
Chloe. Voice that made her love and hate at the same time.
Don't go. A realization settling.
Arteries lost their pathing and tangled in her chest, Chloe felt a cry rise up along with regret from her surge of petty outburst. Maybe she had accepted it early on, or ever since she concluded her death could save thousands. It was an obsession she did not know about, she had made peace with death and her own affection for another she looked past the return of affection she was the sole subject of.
I love you. Chloe heard it so many times to choose from, but it took the moment standing cold at the mouth of a staircase for her to let it sink in, and how granted it was taken.
"I'm sorry." Chloe whispered.
"I'm sorry." Chloe whispered louder.
"I'm sorry." Chloe began to cry again.
She thought she had experienced love, and that it was only average. At whatever time she had bathed in Max's presence, she thought her ultimate love would be self-sacrifice, and her last achievement in life was one for the sake of Max and nobody else.
Stupid. Chloe grunted at herself.
You didn't even try to ask what Max wanted didn't you?
Do you want to leave her that bad?
No, I want to save her.
Do you even love her?
Yes.
Then what does she want?
Max's voice echoed behind her, quiet, but desperate.
Don't go.
Wet sigh both inside and outside. Two steps out into the pour, let the sky mercilessly pelt Chloe's body with endless freezing droplets, her hair become even more of a wet mess, her face soak with only rain. Should she wait now, it would not be long hearing the approaching splashes of footsteps upstairs.
A little distance inside a dark exposed motel room Max spent only a few seconds looking for her purple outer shirt, but the bathroom was too far away. Chloe's black jacket on the floor was closer, she snatched it up, squeezed it to her chest. There were tears at her eyes when she looked up, but they were hot tears, and they burned when they rolled down her cheeks. Thunder clapped out the door, Max took a deep breath to not break yet. Chloe stood outside somewhere waiting for her, so she wiped her face dry. The girl turned toward the storm but was struck by the cold in her tracks, doubt in her legs uncertain what the next steps were for. The coat in her arms contained the warmth of Chloe's body, and they pulled her forward a little.
Chloe. The next steps Max reassured herself, the person they would be leading to, she was going to hold that woman more tightly she could not escape this time. It was even more chilling once her feet left the room, but her mind was too set. Another step out and she picked up the pace and ran.
The entire building asleep, this brunette hopped for more stability upon the slippery wet floor, the brick wall extended longer than she remembered but she stepped steadfast. She maybe cracked a smile, the thought of seeing her again. Darkness to her left to a slumbering seaside town, Max traced the wall to her right until the turn at the stair. To see that silhouette at the bottom with her arms crossed and shivering, it broke Max's heart but Chloe was there, waiting for her, and she liked that.
Wasting no time, Max grabbed hold of the railing with one hand and jacket in the other, made sure she kept the weight on her heels with each descent. It was strange, how her legs slowed upon reaching the last step. Perhaps it was the cold, Max was reluctant, perhaps because she did not have a script to read off, perhaps she was afraid Chloe would run from her again.
I'm not letting her. One last step for determination, Max leapt forward into the rising water and opened the jacket over Chloe's shoulders. Then with no room for risk taking she squeezed Chloe at the waist and kept it on with the rest of her body into Chloe's back.
I got you, I got you, Chloe.
Chloe did not run, but Max almost did as she came into direct contact with the precipitation. Her legs wanted to pull back, but Max overcame her need for security easily when she had everything she wanted in her grip.
While Max did not have a plan at all, Chloe probably did not either. One standing firmly while the other buried her head into her subject's sodden back. The uneven concrete poked their soles, and water rose enough where their toes were drowned, but stuck together the two found good balance with each other. Maybe if Max held on for long enough, Chloe would suggest that they go back in bed, maybe that would not happen, but Max held on anyways.
Another flash of lightning, another roll of thunder.
Waves crashing into the shores.
Whistling wind through the architecture.
Chloe's hands rose to hold onto Max's at her waist.
"I'm sorry," She looked up to see the rain fall directly to her face, "I'm sorry, Max."
The shorter girl behind shifted but never loosened her grip as the taller talked softly through the splashes of a billion droplets, the rest of the sky staying quiet for her to be heard.
"I thought I could be a hero. If I died for anything, I would die for you, you know?" Chloe inhaled through the choking in her chest, "I just thought I could be that for you, but me being the dumbass that I am… I don't know I guess I was pushing you away by doing that wasn't I?"
Max's posture remained unchanged.
"I'm scared, Max." Her body shook on top of the chill, "I'm scared I'll never see you again, so I thought maybe I could make it so that I was like me from back then, maybe we will be so similar I could even see you after you go back. And then I'd be glad when you come back, guilt trip you a bit about you not staying in contact. We can still sneak into the pool and I'd ask you to sleep over, I'd dare you to kiss me again and you'd do it, and I'll fall for you, that's how it'll turn out right?"
Chloe felt a nod at her spine, she smiled a little with her imagination.
"I guess some weird Asian kid will show up and bust that piece of shit at your school, but who cares about that." Chloe chuckled a little.
Max was surprised that she would ever find funny at the thought of Jefferson, but of course only Chloe could manage that.
"You can convince me to go back to school, and we can be roommates together. We'd have nothing to eat but dollar ramen every night but that has its charms. I should probably find a job so I can buy you gifts and take you out to dinner. The best nights we'll just cuddle together and watch horror movies like we were kids." Smiling dumbly at the sky but Chloe was fine with that when feeling Max's arms more tender now than desperate, "then one day, maybe after we graduate…"
Here's the kicker.
"I'd have saved enough to propose to you, maybe on a beach somewhere. I'd ask you to take a picture of me while I pose, but surprise," Chloe grinned at picturing Max's flabbergasted face, "out comes a ring. You'd say yes right? You better."
Max nodded faster behind her, hair now completely drenched, although her thoughts only aligned into Chloe's words.
"And we'll…" Chloe tripped over her own voice, things she imagined but will never experience, "we'll go on so many adventures, I'll take you on that road trip and go to your books at Powell's or something…"
Oh yeah, you bet I remembered.
"…on our honeymoon we can finally go to Paris, with the money we saved from the swear jar. I don't know where we'll land in cash, but I'm sure we can make it work, we always make it work. I'll listen to you talk about photography every day, and you can take awesome pictures of me, I can take amateur pictures of you, but I bet I'll get the hang of it after living with you for so long. Then…"
What happens then?
"…We'll get a small house somewhere quiet, and I can wake you up with breakfast every day, bet you never had my eggs before, innuendo intended."
Was that supposed to be funny?
"After some time we'll have forgotten all about all that time travel bullshit, and just think about the present. We'll make new friends, and they'll make fun of how in love we are, but we know they're just jealous. Hey maybe you'll make it big, I mean you'll definitely make it big in the photography world, and I'll be your manager, or part-time model, even though I'll be more full time than anyone you've ever photographed. And then from there…I guess we'll retire someday, old lady Chloe and Maxine Pricefield, happily ever after."
Pause for a rain break, Chloe and Max both stood imagining waking up next to each other every day. Chloe drools and Max laughs, but Chloe mentions how much Max snores and Chloe laughs. Max takes their daily morning selfie but Chloe still acts as if she was photobombing their own portrait. Breakfast is sweet and sweeter every day that even the blackest coffee tastes light when watching that smile on Max's freckled face. Max likes to read to Chloe, stories or everyday happenings, on the worst days Chloe would just be brightened by the sound of her voice. Randomly out of nowhere, Max would tell Chloe how beautiful she is, and in other times Chloe would tickle Max from behind and plant a kiss anywhere while Max was caught unguarded.
When it was cold, they would find refuge in the heat of the other's body. The rain could be freezing, but if they were together it may even feel warm just as they stood outside the motel now.
"So you know I can't take that away from you." Chloe's chest shuddered uncontrollably, "if you were me you know you'll do the same thing…"
Would you? Max?
"…but if I were you, I'd also ask you to stay."
Just like you did, Max.
Took a couple seconds to think through it, but Max agreed with a slower nod, no point in denying the truth.
"I'm sorry I never asked what you wanted." Her body felt loose from Max's arms, but still secure, Chloe was not running anymore, "so I decided instead of trying to push you away…"
What are you doing?
A moment of selfishness, born out of selflessness.
What are you taking away from Max?
Is this what she wants or just what you want?
Is this what she needs? Is this what you deserve?
Chloe held a switch of her own, the door that Max opened, Chloe had yet to step through, she would now.
"I'll follow you." Chloe professed.
Max opened her eyes.
Chloe kept on, "I'll be with you, anywhere, anything you decide I'll be with you. I…"
Am I doing the right thing?
"…I want to be with you, Max…"
This is what Max wants, this is what I want.
"…I want to stay, I…" Chloe glanced down, not quite despair, but acceptance of the disappointment that she had chosen life because she wanted to love. Her own life for the sake of thousands, or even billions but she chose to glance down. The last sentence still left unsaid, the everything she needed to tell.
Max pulled her head away, loosening her arms she sensed how much Chloe was trembling.
Chloe tried again, "I…"
Even with the rain washing away her every tear, Chloe still had to wipe it from her eyes, the tears were too heavy to be rinsed by mere raindrops.
Chloe tried again but her throat just won't release, "I don…"
This was not a moment to wait, Max let go of her lock on Chloe and turned the girl around to face her. Fuse burnt out, step out of the door now.
Max Caulfield, meet Chloe Price.
Chloe sobbed, "I don't want to go! I don't want to go, Max."
Heart shattered and mended seeing Chloe break then hearing her voice, holding her living body. Max could not help but let go herself, let the deserved cry surface for her love.
"I don't want to go!" Chloe lost her consonants from her weeping, "Don't let me go, Max."
"I'm not letting you go anywhere." Max confirmed her will, pulling forward to Chloe's chest so she can hear her heartbeat, arms again connecting around Chloe's body, "I'm never letting you go. I don't care what happens, I'm never letting you go again."
Chloe quickly grabbed Max into her, holding her hair and feeling Max's head with her face. Grateful, yes, at multiplicities of things since life had dealt her. Tired, somewhat, it was still cold. Relief. She waited so long for this, days since William passed were the last days Chloe ever felt truly accepted, not needed for return, but desired solely in every essence of her existence. She found a love that was not temporary, not for anyone else, that love she hugged tightly in the rain. Her chest still quaked, but now more a jitter, an uncontrollable shivering of excitement that her existence was not a ruse. She could safely give her heart away, and with absolute faith in the one holding it would keep it endlessly nourished. Chloe knew, because she herself held that girl's heart. In the midst of all the useless drama, the threatening villains, the pouring rain and shattering worlds, Chloe had never felt so at peace.
She did now, Chloe felt it so much, so right that she was living right in that moment holding onto this brunette girl, being held in return. One more check to be marked, Chloe lowered her hands to Max's waist, Max did the same so they could come apart. Take some time away from each other's bodily touch to see each other's face, so exhausted but they were smiling. Their eyes swollen but filled with longing and endearment.
The clouds eased little for the two to have some space, the orchestras of water ripples lightened around them. The orange street lights lit their parking lot with still tenacity. Even the wind decided not to whistle anymore, at least temporarily. Some water was getting into Chloe's eyes from her hair but she did not want to risk letting go of Max to do so, for some reason she thought it was a good idea to shake her head left and right like a dog shaking dry its fur would be the best course of action. It was too late mid-spin when she realized she essentially shot all the excess water into Max's face, even later with one final whip back to clear her blue dark hair out of her eyes.
"Oh shit, sorry." But Chloe was chuckling, Max's squinted eyes under her completely messed up bangs, but that impish smirk was right under when Chloe underprepared for retaliation.
Max smiled at Chloe's fun side reemerging past the momentary worry, decided to return the favor as she with greater motion copied Chloe's offense and with longer more whip-like hair. Some of the strands stung Chloe's pale face but she laughed as she still held onto Max while the brown tendrils slapped her silly.
A distant thunder roll as if the sky chuckled along, with Max and with Chloe. It would not be completed without the final whip back to clear her brunette hair out of her eyes, exposing her usually hidden forehead for the world to see. Add a little giggle as the cherry on top for Chloe's eyes to see Max as if they were playing pirates in her backyard again. She used to always have her hair pulled back, although Chloe would appreciate Max with any hairdo, the slight tingle of nostalgia certainly widened her smile to see Max in a new light. In a softer second Chloe settled she could just stay like this, holding onto Max and seeing her smile for the rest of her days. Perhaps it was not anything special, Chloe admitted she was just really in love at the moment.
Max on the receiving end was increasingly infatuated. Her eyes, Max had never seen them like that before it made her joints weak. As if the physical sense of adoration gazing into her and blinding her, but not losing any of the wild that was Chloe. She reminisced the feeling like that night in a city park, but without any of the stars above them when they were in Chloe's eyes lightyears far and close shining just for Max. Add an orange tinge, credit to the street lights.
"Heh, found your forehead, Max." Chloe whispered before unconsciously nibbling her lower lip, jaw dropped a slit simply cherishing every second passing.
Max furrowed her eyebrows and tried her hardest to look up with her eyes while keeping her head down, searching for said 'forehead'.
"I can't see it." Max gave up, snickered at her own humor, to which Chloe cringe laughed but it was sincere.
"Wowser Max that was pretty bad." Chloe teased.
"You love it." Max teased back.
"Guilty." Chloe momentarily glimpsed down at Max's slightly parted lips and her heart skipped a beat, right back up to see Max catch a raindrop in her eye causing the freckled girl to awkwardly wink in multiple comedic expressions.
God, if you knew how beautiful you are, Max.
"Ow, forgot it was still raining." She opened her eyes normally again to see Chloe's smile, down to her lips waiting for an overdue touch. They both did almost forget about the raindrops still hitting their bodies, Chloe had a jacket hanging but Max was only in a plain black T-shirt. With reminder, the clouds picked up the pace as the showering got louder around them. Yet neither decided to seek shelter only two steps away just yet, the touch of their bodies, the sight of the other's smile was just too addicting to let go. They could stand longer, at this point they were sure a cold in the morning was inevitable, so a few more minutes counted if they could just look and feel a few minutes more. Though the photographer could request a little faster development.
Chloe, what are you waiting for? Max dared to send a direct message, eyeing between Chloe's eyes and Chloe's lips, making it obvious, a simple action flushing her face with reddening warmth.
Chloe, what are you waiting for? Chloe swallowed, maybe she just wanted to see more of Max desperately trying to get her to lean in with just her eyes.
It worked and she did not deny it, supposed some part of her was waiting for Max to initiate. After their so far eventful night, some for laughs and some for yelling, a little silence and plenty of crying, this was the kind of emotion they hoped would last. One more readthrough to make sure, Chloe blinked as all sound was sucked out from her consciousness.
A breath in and a smile forward, she lowered her head half way and then some towards the smaller girl before her. Eyelids fluttering in slow motion as much as her heart, a little more, a little more.
Raindrops on her forehead, Max grinned relief seeing her Chloe closing in. She closed her own eyes to fully receive Chloe's lips with her own.
So the rain fell silent.
So the sky made way.
So the ocean calmed.
One breath and two heartbeats.
Their lips met and they pressed, softly and sweetly done as the two would. In the orange glowing rainscape Chloe did not surprise Max, and Max did not tip one of her light peck. In the near freezing seaside Newport, Max and Chloe kissed each other deeply and equally, yet at the same time fighting for more to give with each heated motion. Max did not prepare enough breath as usual, but she could hold for longer now.
Not too fast, not too slow, just the right rhythm with the beating in their chests and streaming through their hair. The pouring growing gradually but could not interrupt how much Chloe wanted Max, how much Max wanted Chloe. There were no undermined emotions in this moment, Chloe pulled Max closer, Max traced her hands up Chloe's body to her neck, caressed the back of her jowl. Actions with no intent behind them, driven by simple passion from one human toward another. Each moment spent holding on to each other they became more curious to how deep their love flowed.
Before her lungs collapsed Max finally gasped as their lips disconnected, the world around them unmuted as ten by thousands the sounds of raindrops flooded their ears and senses. Max looked up to Chloe's more frequent visible breaths, but both silently agreed they were far from done as they met in the middle for eager seconds. The tongue was still a little invasive when Chloe made an introductive attempt, but Max only took a second to accept her girlfriend's advancement and accustomed herself to respond with equal likeliness. At the same time discovering and feeling satisfied at the spark within herself she could share. Chloe pressed on from there and took advantage of her stature to push her body into Max, forcing the two to take two steps back into the stairs.
Being bombarded by rain for so long, both girls felt instant relief under shelter again, but not enough to break their embrace yet. No room for other thoughts, Max detached and reattached immediately. Chloe dared to take another step inward with a turn, forcefully backing Max into the wall. She kissed and she did again, the sensation was nothing shy if not more than exhilarating. Passion driven by everything she had experienced with the girl she was grappling with, and with nowhere else to step to, Chloe grew more thirstful with each breath and wrestle both outside and inside. Somewhere since they first met, the spark to their friendship, unknown emotions nurtured by every sight of her face and sound of her name spoken.
Unlike the way Max unintelligibly whispered her name now, dialing up her temperature with every utterance.
A touch she wanted to feel more of, nervousness and happiness, devastation at her absence. Despair to find her with every attempt to fill the hole was regret, confusion but overjoy in her presence once more. A refreshing sensation filled the void and invaded her entire body and she loved it more than she ever imagined she had the capability to love anyone.
Chloe's heart raced, everything Max was, her scent and not just the feel of her body but also her hot breath to Chloe's skin. Both their breathing grew heavily, draining the stamina from their legs with every passing second. Chloe's body tingled all over, she wanted more of Max, Max's love, the way Max answered her every motion with equal resistance for dominance even when backed against the wall. For one instant the punk gave a little into her deeper fervor and dug her fingers under Max's shirt and up to the line Max finally drew.
"Wait, wait, Chloe." Max turned her head away, instinctively grabbing Chloe's wrist from advancing.
The black jacket almost fell off her shoulders when she opened her eyes in panic and jerked away.
"Oh my god Max I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" She stopped, seeing the glow in Max's warm but irresistibly captivating smile, a heartwarming little tilt to her head. To Chloe it was, with every nervous fiber in the history of her existence to accept from a girl she did not know was capable of such an exploit, lustful. Lustful for her.
"No, Chloe. It's fine, just…" Max just had to wait for an extra few seconds looking at Chloe's overflowing anticipation, and she herself smiling through the heat of her body, "let's go back in first, I'm hella cold."
What? Chloe was still stricken from the fright that she might have overstepped her boundaries, but processing Max's voice she saw how Max shivered in her single soaked shirt, breath white in the cold, yet still holding the warm smile. Although of course Chloe had to take a longer glance at the shaping of Max's shirt at her general chest area.
No bra! No bra!
"Oh shit Max you came out like this?" Chloe transformed from shock to worry as she brought her hand to Max's shoulders and began scrubbing fruitlessly under the weather.
"Haha yeah," Max bit her lower lip enjoying Chloe's care for her, "I kinda just ran out."
"But you got my jacket instead?"
"Well, it was closer." Max looked to the side slightly embarrassed but proud at her own selflessness for her girlfriend.
"Dammit Max you're too good to me," Chloe chuckled lightly and loosened her muscles for the upcoming heavy lifting, "and that's why I love you."
That's the only reason why?
Max was about to punch back with another witty comment when she was surprised by Chloe's head to her chest and squeeze behind her thighs.
"Wait Chloe!" Max's yelped as her entire body was lifted against the wall and then hoisted away in Chloe's arms.
"Let's get you in bed," She may have been overconfident in her strength with how strained her voice was, but Chloe's well warmed up body pumped adrenaline into her arms and back to carry Max, "and then we'll continue with the heater, what do you say?"
Max gave up trying to struggle for both Chloe's and her own sake, unintentionally brushed both her hands through Chloe's hair and looking into Chloe's wondrous eyes.
"Sounds perfect."
She grabbed hold over Chloe's shoulders for balance, and Chloe prepared to up the stairs.
The two words just slipped off her tongue, but Max did not fathom what they entailed until another thought at what Chloe just said. Internal panic suddenly piled up within her emotional highways, but she just simply could not think with the sudden heat intensifying in her body. It was going to happen now, and she agreed to it just like that.
"Alright Max," Chloe struggled at the first step, but make one come the next she compelled her legs to ascend, "just wait 'til the bedroom 'kay?"