So, I realize that it's only been like three days since the last chapter came out, but whatever. Haven't gotten any feedback on that last chapter, so we'll see what I can get here.

Sooooooooo... This chapter... It's basically just all over the place. I kind of had fun with some parts though, and I hope it's worth reading. :)

"You don't seem exceptionally happy to see me," Gaman said, watching me almost tentatively.

What was I going to say to that? I'd all but forgotten about him and Okure and the rest back in Umougakure, or at least I was trying to. There was no reason for him to be here, and the fact that he was just reminded me of what I'd left behind. But instead of calling him out on it, I opted for a straight-to-the-point approach. "What are you doing here?"

To my surprise, he chuckled at that. "I should've known you were going to be difficult. Alright, we'll play be your rules. I'll tell you straight out. I'm taking you back to Umou. You can go home."

My entire world crumbled and I felt all of the blood drain from my face. "Home?" I whispered. "H-how?"

"Well, with the death of the Third Hokage—we did hear about that, you know—the contract he and Okure forged has become null. You see, it was an agreement between Nyuushin Okure and Sarutobi Hiruzen, not whoever held the title of Hokage. The deal's been dissolved, so I've come to escort you back."

Again, I didn't know what to say. But as Gaman continued to smile at me, I felt a surge of anger. "Have you discussed this with the Fifth?" I asked icily. "You do realize that Tsunade-sama is our new Hokage."

"Not yet," Gaman reminded me. "She hasn't been inaugurated yet. Anyway, she has no reason to make you stay. Umou made sure of that before sending me over. Now let's go pack your things, alright? We should head out on the road before it gets too late."

I stared at him, completely mortified. How can he be so pretentious? I wondered hollowly. I breathed in deeply and held it, so I wouldn't lose track of my tongue. "Did it ever occur to you," I said, "that I might not want to go with you, Gaman?"

He matched me stare for stare, but only for a moment before he began to laugh loudly. The people on the streets sent him disturbed glances before hurrying away. "Ah, that's funny, Niwaka-chan. I almost thought you were serious." When he saw my face, his laughter ebbed until an aura of stony silence surrounded him. "You were serious."

"If I go back with you," I said, beginning to gain some composure, "how soon will it be until you send me away again?"

"You know it doesn't work like that," Gaman told me quietly.

"How am I supposed to trust that?" I demanded. "How can I trust anything you say? I thought it was my parents' dying wish that I live here. Okure wants me to fulfill that and then just changes his mind? Why should I trust anything you say?"

"You have lived here." Gaman ran his hand through his hair, obviously irritated that he had to explain. "And long enough. We know how unhappy you were to leave. I told Okure not to do that to you, but he's old, he doesn't know what you had to go through."

"Gaman." I sighed. "I thought I made it completely clear before. Umou made me a Konoha ninja. This is my home, and now only Tsunade-sama can send me back."

Slowly, Gaman closed his eyes. "Niwaka-chan, you're so stubborn. I hoped you'd gotten over that. What do have holding you here? You've only lived in Konoha a few months at the very most."

"Have you completely forgotten the reason Okure made me come here in the first place?" I shouted. Now the bystanders were watching me, and none to happily. "Teamwork! Isn't that right? I'm part of a team! And I care about them." Standing my ground, I met Gaman's eyes, suddenly aware that he was a jounin and I a lowly genin. "You can't expect me to just leave them."

"Come on, Niwaka-chan, you can't tell me that you've never wanted to come back." He had me there. I'd hoped, I'd dreamt, I'd formulated complex occurrences in which Okure and Gaman begged me to come home and after milking as much praise from them as possible, I finally returned. But now that it was all laid out in front of me, I had no idea what I wanted. Umou or Konoha? Okure or Tsunade? Gaman or Asuma? Suddenly, everything seemed very blurred. On one hand, I wanted to punish Umou for throwing me away. On the other, the Nyuushin clan had taken care of me for thirteen years.

"I won't discuss this now," I announced, pointing my nose in the air. "You just had to toss this on my lap, didn't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean whatever I want to mean, Gaman," I snapped and began to walk away from him. "Leave me alone!"

"So you'll think about it then!" he called after me. "I knew you would!"

I scowled downward as I stomped across the street. Who does he think he is? But, even if I was furious right now, I knew that I would be pondering for a long while yet. Home. Umougakure had always been home.

For nearly a half an hour, I stalked, simply for the sake of stalking, but soon whatever anger I'd been holding onto began to fade away. Completely wiped of energy, I sat on the nearest bench I found, not far from the spot where team ten had first met. Shikamaru, Chouji, Asuma and me. It seemed like forever ago. Was Gaman right? Had it only been months?

I reached into my pocket and ran my fingers over the Written Words' scrolls. For a moment, I considered calling one of them out, but then I realized that would just drive me deeper into a rut. Soushi would spend all her energy feeling sorry for me, Kusari would just annoy me. Sekitan might say something helpful but in an entirely blunt and unsympathetic manner. And Yorukashu was just… too nice.

Then, I thought about asking the Warriors what I should do, but I was in no mood for Soratsume's lectures. She was really the only one who I would trust to give me advice. But then there was Joucho. She would be able to read my emotions better than I could. I don't need patronization from a porcelain mouse, I thought bitterly. Which was a total lie. I wasn't sure what else would even be useful other than Joucho's patronization.

I placed my head in my hands and just sat. I sat, and sat, and sat. When someone else sat down on the bench, though, I didn't even look up. In fact, I didn't notice. What brought me out of my haze was actually the sound of paper rustling. Lifting my neck, I spun to see who was next to me and just gaped when I saw Kakashi flipping a page of the latest Icha Icha novel. Of course, I thought absently. It had to be the last person I'd expect. The world is just trying to catch me off guard today. I attempted to ignore Kakashi, unzipping one of my pockets and taking out a blank scroll. I thought he was in the hospital, anyway. Sakura lied to me. As he continued to read, I began drawing the contour of the skyline.

"Asuma tells me Tsunade will be teaching you healing."

I flicked my eyes from Kakashi to my scroll then grudgingly tossed the paper back into my pocket. (I flinched because I realized the wet ink would smudge all over my dress.) "No offense, Kakashi-sensei," I said, "but I'm sure you have better things to do than small talk with me. I'm not even on your team."

"Sasuke is still in the hospital," he informed me. "Sakura won't leave his side. I don't have the slightest idea what Naruto is doing."

"Trying to break Konohamaru out of the Hokage's study," I answered absently.

Kakashi just kept reading. "Doesn't surprise me. Anyway, I've just gotten out of recovery and here you are, on a bench, when you're supposed to be finding the Fifth. Now, the only explanation for you not following Asuma's orders is that there is something wrong."

"Which is why I'd expect Asuma to be telling me I'm a bad person for not listening. Not you and your make out books." Kakashi was great and everything; everyone said so. But why would he bother with me? To be honest, I was flattered, but at the same time, just confused.

"Ninjas should learn to expect the unexpected."

I had that coming, I thought glumly. "Okay, Kakashi-sensei, I get it. Now, what exactly do you want?"

"I'd start with why you're not training, and moping on a bench."

Okay, this is really too much. Is it really his business whether I'm moping or not? Is there a point to this? But since he was a superior, I had to answer. "Umou wants me back," I told Kakashi. "And I don't know what I'm going to do about it."

"Sounds like a problem."

"More than sounds like one."

"Asuma doesn't know?"

"Didn't know how to tell him."

"You told me."

"You interrogated me. That's different."

"You should tell Asuma."

I threw my hands up in the air in frustration. "I will! I needed to think, though. Gaman will only give me so much time to decide before he makes up my mind for me."

"Well, before you think about it too much, I'd find Tsunade-sama," Kakashi said seriously. "Until you figure out whether you're going back, she's your Hokage. And well qualified to tell you what you should do. Besides, it's only a matter of time before Asuma asks her for you. I would beat him to it."

I grimaced but nodded. "Thanks, Kakashi-sensei," I muttered. He didn't answer, and when I glanced over at him, he was immersed in his book, one hand touching his mouth in surprise. Geez, what a weird guy.

And again, I began my search, sticking my head into every building I passed. I wasn't going to take any chances on missing her. Turns out I didn't even have to worry about that because when I asked one of the various bartenders, he told me that Tsunade had left moments ago to return to her office. Slightly annoyed, I made my way back to my starting place and climbed up the steps of that enormous red building. Finally, I was in front of the Hokage's door. With my hand outstretched to knock, I stopped. For several minutes, I just stood with my hand floating in the air, until I shouted at myself that I was being extremely foolish. I knocked.

"Come in!" When I opened the doorway, there was Tsunade, exactly how Izumo and Kotestu had described her. And she also had the most generous bosom I'd ever seen. Well, now I know what they were talking about, I thought wryly. Oh god, she's terrifying. The way she was frowning and whipping her brush across the paper in front of her reminded me of an angry Soratsume lashing her tail. She didn't glance up. "What do you want?"

"Sarutobi Asuma wanted me to ask to become your apprentice," I answered, gripping my dress with sweaty hands.

Narrowing her eyes, Tsunade stopped writing and studied me closely. "And who are you?" she inquired with what seemed excessive patience.

"Nyuushin Niwaka, of team ten."

"Well, Nyuushin Niwaka, how is your chakra control?" She laid down her brush and tilted her head to the side. Even sitting still, she looked threatening. She is so going to hurt me.

"It's terrible," I said. No use in lying. My chakra control was a disgrace to ninjas everywhere.

"And you say Asuma sent you? I will only accept a student who wants to learn, girl. If you're only here because he told you to come, I won't take you on. So do you have any other reason for being here?" Now she looked reallypissed off. Or maybe she was just really intent. I couldn't tell at all.

I thought hard for a moment. Did I want to heal? Asuma obviously thought so; otherwise he wouldn't have bothered telling me to come. But then I remembered my parents, and what I had told Yoshino. Images of Chouji, Naruto, and Lee in the hospital flashed across my vision. "I'm an orphan," I told her. Well, maybe Asuma's right. Maybe this will help me. "I have no family other than the rest of the Nyuushin clan, and I can't help but wonder whether a medical ninja could have saved their lives. I don't want to have to wonder if one of my teammates suffers the same fate. I want to know for sure that I did everything I could to save them. And that they survived."

Tsunade met my eyes, and it seemed her expression softened slightly. Good! Is that good? Am I not failing? Oh please say I'm not failing. "And your teammates are important to you?" she asked quietly.

"More than anything," I said without hesitation. Although I tried to keep my exterior confident, suddenly I was questioning myself. If Chouji and Shikamaru were so important to me, then why was I thinking of leaving? Were the two of them all that was keeping me here? Once again, my head was spinning.

When I returned to the matter at hand, Tsunade was scribbling onto her scroll again. "I'll think about your request, Nyuushin Niwaka." That was a clear dismissal, and once I heard it, I scurried out of the door gratefully. First Yoshino and now Tsunade. These women are intimidating! I'm beginning to understand why Shikamaru hates us so much.

At that point, I wasn't really sure where to go. Asuma hadn't given me strict instructions to return once Tsunade was done with me and I was in no hurry to go back. I was getting as lazy as Shikamaru. This had to come to an end before it got serious. So instead of finding Asuma, I looked for an empty training site. I did find one, but it took me forever to actually start training. For several minutes, I stared at the post that I was thinking about practicing taijutsu on. Half of me wanted to beat the living shit out of it, and the other just wanted to lie down and slip into a coma.

Woodenly, I took a swing at the post. Then another. After a while, I got into the rhythm and went through a series of kicks and punches. Once I got tired of that, I took all the shurikens off my person and walked to the very edge of the training ground. Just as I was about to toss the first one without looking, I lowered my hand as I saw someone else walk (or limp, I guess) into the clearing.

"Lee-kun!" I shouted and ran over, dropping all of my shurikens on the ground. I tried not to run into him too hard—after all, the kid was still a cripple—but I hugged him thoroughly before letting go. "I'm so sorry I haven't seen you in forever!"

"It's quite alright, Niwaka-san," he said, rubbing the back of his head and blushing slightly. "How are you?"

"I'm…" I bit my lip. "I'm… not actually sure. What about you?"

"The same," Lee replied, looking morose. Laying his crutch on the ground, he sat down against the nearest tree.

I joined him, leaning my elbows on my knees and watching a beetle scuttle across the ground. "So, what's on your mind, Lee-kun?"

"Well." Lee wrapped his arms around his legs, fuzzy eyebrows knit together in concentration. "Tsunade-sama came to heal me. But… She can't."

"Oh, Lee," I murmured, and patted his arm.

"There is—" His mouth twisted. "—a procedure that Tsunade-sama told me about. There's only a fifty percent chance that it will work. And if it doesn't it'll be fatal."

My mouth dropped open in horror. And I thought I had it bad. "I'm so sorry."

"Niwaka-san, what do you think I should do?" he asked.

"I think you should not trust anything I tell you," I answered honestly. "I can't even fix my own small problems, and I don't want to screw up your life too."

Lee smiled a little. "I'd like your opinion, at least. I do trust you, Niwaka-san."

"For reasons I can't begin to fathom," I mumbled. "Okay, Lee-kun, I'm just going to ask you some questions. You're the only one who can answer them. And maybe if I'm not too far off the mark, they'll help you. They used to make me do this at Umougakure when I was having problems." Lee nodded vigorously, reaching into his green suit and withdrawing a notebook and pencil. "Okay, we'll start simple. What is it that you want?"

"To continue being a ninja," Lee stated, "and be the best at taijutsu."

"See?" I said, smiling. "Simple. What are you afraid of?"

Lee blinked. "Um. Dying?"

"Yeah, that one's kind of stupid in this situation," I told him, grinning faintly. "Let's say you don't go through with it. You'll regret it, yes. But do you think it's something that will just pass in a few years, or something that will keep you up at night for the rest of your life?"

Lee looked down, frowning slightly. "The second one."

"There are a bunch of others," I said, "but most of them are just way off track. It never helped me, but maybe it'll make you think about the right things, you know?"

"Yeah." Suddenly, he sat up. "What about you, Niwaka-san? What's bothering you?" I explained my situation, feeling a little uncomfortable about saying it all so openly. Once I'd finished, Lee looked contemplative. "I know what I want you to do," he said, fiddling with his pencil. "But maybe you should ask yourself some of your questions. Oh wait, you say they don't work for you."

"They really don't," I admitted. "I always come up with about fifty answers to each one and they always contradict each other." I paused. "Maybe more like forty answers if they're yes-or-no."

"I know you'll find the answer. But there's one thing." Lee leaned back against the tree and then tilted his head forward to look me in the eye. "If I let Tsunade operate. And I don't make it… Will you promise to stay?"

Although I didn't want to acknowledge that possibility, I nodded. "Of course."

Lee raised one eyebrow. "Shake on it," he ordered. Once I had, he said, "Whatever you do in any other case, it's your choice, but if I'm not here, someone needs to keep Neji's head from getting too big."

"You know I can't stand him, but for you, Lee-kun, I'll do it." So everyone wants me to look after everyone else, huh? I'm beginning to see my part in the scheme of things. Obviously, the universe is trying to tell me something.

I looked down at the hospital bed in front of me curiously. Was that me? My black-violet hair fell all over the place, knotted and messy. Thankfully, my eyes were closed. I didn't see any red. "Why am I in here?" I mumbled, plucking at the sheets.

"You're losing something." Gaman stepped into view on the other side of the bed, Kumoboufuu perched on his wrist. "Something important."

"What is it?" I asked, beginning to feel frightened. I touched the forehead of the girl on the bed—me, although I was having problems contemplating it—and recoiled. It was cold.

"Your memories," answered Chouji as he placed a hand on my shoulder. "Soratsume says that tomorrow you'll forget how to listen."

"Forget how…" I stared down at myself in terror. "I want to remember."

"Sight or hearing," Gaman said. "You have to choose."

"I won't," I told them both stubbornly. Quickly, I snatched up the edge of my sheets and flipped them up in the air, knocking Chouji's hand off of my shoulder.

When the sheet fell down again it was onto sandy shore. Within seconds it dissolved beneath a frothy wave that crashed across the beach. Floating on a giant palm leaf several meters out to sea, Naruto crouched across from Gaara. Both of them had their hands cupped in front of them as a pile of sand floated between them. Gaara's gourd bobbed on the surface further in the background. "Keep concentrating," Naruto was saying as Gaara nodded earnestly. "If you don't, we'll both sink." Gaara's face hardened as I saw him straining harder. "You're getting it now!"

Suddenly, feathers rained from the sky, covering my face and arms in seconds. I tried to brush them off, but every time I did, twice as many appeared in their place. I was getting desperate. The feathers now burned like hot coals and I couldn't breathe. I was getting swallowed whole and there was nothing I could do about it.

Then, Out of nowhere, my skin felt cool. As I opened my eyes again, the feathers began to float away, falling into the ocean. Except that the ocean was now completely sand and I was standing knee-deep in tiny green leaves. Shikamaru stood opposite me, flicking leaves off of his clothes in an aggravated sort of fashion. "Let's get out of here," he told me, and grabbed my hand.

I jerked upright in bed, staring hard at the opposite wall. My hand was tingling as if I'd rubbed nettles all over it. I'd almost forgotten I was girl, I thought ruefully. Shikamaru. Oh well, at least I didn't jump on the Sasuke bandwagon. Then I'd really have to kill myself. Flinging myself back onto my pillow, I curled into a tiny ball. Man, this sucks.

FINALLY! God, Niwaka, it took you forever but at least you admitted it. Now I can get on with my life. Oh wait...

Okay, so now we know that Niwaka's got a choice to make. Before you get too mad at her for not choosing Konoha immediately, you have to forgive her a little. I mean, she did grow up in Umou and for all intents and purposes it was her home for like thirteen years. So go easy on her, okay?

Okay, so I'm thinking it's time for that Valentine's Day special! I was not lying when I said I would do it in the middle of the summer. But if you guys would rather I wait and post this in February, speak now or forever hold your peace. 'Cause I swear, otherwise, it's going up as soon as I finish it. I'LL WAIT FOR YOUR REPLIES, MAH PEEPS.

P.S. This chapter's under Kakashi and Lee, just 'cause I didn't feel like using Tsunade twice.