A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!! :D
I'm really sorry for the lack of updates with that story, people, but…you know I haven't been a lazy ass because I've been updating my other 2 stories ;) I'm super busy…and…I don't know, I wasn't ready to write this chapter…but now I've been, so here it comes!
I warn you this chapter is the half part of the one I had in mind – I've decided to make two parts of it because of the huge amount of feelings I've displayed here. Maybe you think is silly…or that this chapter has no feelings at all but…it's taken a while for me to find the correct words to phrase what I wanted for the characters to feel, the words to describe their emotions and the situations…so…I'm sorry if you think this chapter is too short, but for me is enough intense as it is right now. As always, though, each one of your reviews telling me the opposite is welcomed :D
Fanfiction doesn't let me answer your reviews lately, I'm sorry if you aren't hearing anything from me! But know that I appreciate each one of them and that I treasure them to death, okay? They mean everything to me and each one of them, being it good or bad, is something I have in mind while writing so the story gets better. I'm super thankful for having you as "readers", seriously, you're the best!!!! And I'm also sorry I can't answer your reviews one by one after your time invested in reviewing something I've write…but…please, don't forget you all are special to me… :)
For the ones who also are reading "Reality Check", I want to ask you something – aren't you enjoying the story anymore? You know I don't write to have reviews but…the last chapter, one that also took me a while, has received 2 reviews…when usually there are more of you who review, so I'd like to know if this lack of reviews is because you haven't enjoyed the chapter or because you don't want/feel like write a review. I'm not mad and I won't be mad, ever, for not receiving reviews…but I'm surprised because I thought you'd like that chapter… :S but well, I hope some of you, at least, have enjoyed it as much as I did while writing it.
Anyway, back to "learning"…here's chapter 14. Enjoy! :)
This couldn't be.
It was impossible.
Fucking impossible.
But it was.
There was no way he could deny it – the main emotion his heart was feeling was love, pure and clear love.
And this love had a receiver, an owner; a receiver who'd turned his world up and down in the most wild way, a receiver who'd showed him what love was, a receiver who'd taught him what it felt to be in love, a receiver who'd stuck with him over and over again, a receiver who'd seen past all the pretending and the mysterious façade, a receiver who'd destroyed and melted the ice walls he had his heart cover with…a receiver who'd given him the feelings and emotions he'd been craving to feel.
Gabriella Montez.
While driving towards his house Troy couldn't help but replay in his mind the fantastic night they'd spent together; the circumstances for both being together and alone in her house weren't the best ones – he knew how affected Gabriella was for her mother's trips – but still he knew that, last night, the relationship they had had become even deeper, more special, more incredible, more magic…and all in all, he felt his heart was about to explode with all the new sensations this new level in their relationship brought to him.
It hadn't been about the sex…or the love making, because what they had done had been more than sex, it'd been everything; if before the did he knew their souls were joined tightly together, after last night Troy knew that their union ran way deeper than that – their bodies were connected together, their bodies had accommodate with each other's in a way that only two twin souls' bodies would have been able to do.
And they had done it.
The feeling of seeing her perfect body in all its glory for the very first time, the feeling of having her nude body pressed tightly into his, the feeling of her heat surrounding him for the very first time, the feeling of her soft skin massaging his in a totally synchronized rhythm, the feeling of their heartbeats beating together as one, the feeling of her lips on his, the feeling of her silky skin under his fingertips, the feeling of the lovely words her mouth spoke, the fireworks he felt overcoming him when he reached his peek along with her, the feelings fruit of the abandoned pleasure proof of the huge trust they professed each other…the feeling of simply became one person, were things that he'd dreamed about but he'd still been surprised when he'd lived them for real because of its magnitude, because of its deepness, because of its intensity.
He'd never imagined it would arrive one day when he wouldn't understand life without another person, but that day had come. At the moment, his life would have no sense if Gabriella wasn't in it; she was the reason of his existence, the reason for him to feel his heart beating, the reason for him to want to live and wake up day after day so he could be with her, hold her hand, kiss her luscious lips, wrap his arms around her, taste her sweetness, welcome her warm soul, desire her body…she was the reason for him feeling a human again, and he knew that, if not with her by his side, he wouldn't be able to survive…he wouldn't want to live anymore.
It was scary but it was the truth – he needed her, everything about her, and he knew that wouldn't change anytime soon. Not that he minded because he didn't want to let her go. Ever. He needed her so much it killed him only the thought of not seeing her gorgeous face anymore, of not hearing her sweet giggle around him, of not feeling her lips on his, of not being able to feel the connection he felt with her anymore.
A shiver ran up and down his spine when he thought about it.
But he couldn't do anything about it; it was inevitable – he'd been so many years controlling his emotions in a deep and closed hole that now his heart had seen the daylight thanks to Gabriella, every feeling and every emotion were more powerful and more intense. And the one which ruled his life now was love, the love she taught him, the love he felt for her.
The separation just before he left her house had been excruciating and he couldn't help but feel a sudden sadness overcame him just remembering her face, her words…her.
"You should wear that today…"
Gabriella's head snapped up to look at Troy and her eyes widened in embarrassment. "Leave that in the drawer right this instant!"
His playful chuckles only accentuated the red tint on her cheeks. "Why? I think you would look gorgeous...wearing that…"
"Troy!" She scolded embarrassed running up to him and taking the garment of his hand and hiding it behind her. "Leave my underwear alone!"
"Oh baby, come on!" He continued with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "You know I love red…and those cute red spots…damn, those are hot…"
Her mouth opening in disbelief, she shook her head while pushing him into the bathroom. "Go get dressed in there!" Her efforts did nothing to move his body from where he was standing in front of her closet and she groaned while tightening the towel around her body, a special shining in her eyes. "Troy!"
His arms wrapped around her waist when he realized about her change of mood and Gabriella leaned her head tiredly into his chest. "Hey," he cooed softly, "I was only joking…"
"I know," she whispered not moving her head from its place.
"Then what's up?" He persisted while rubbing his hands along her back.
She closed her eyes – how in the hell could she explain to him that she felt overexposed? That she felt embarrassment running through her veins? That she felt self-conscious? That she was afraid of not being good enough for him? That she felt he needed and deserved more? But that was what she was feeling; it wasn't that she feared a bad reaction from him, she was surer than his real love for her than ever, but about the change of intensity of her own feelings towards him. She felt closer to him, more in love, more in sync…he was the man of her life, and if she could have had a doubt about that some time in the past, not anymore.
And that was scared the hell out of her, because the fear of loosing him, of not having him with her was stronger now.
The only word that could describe the night they had just spent together would be perfect – everything had been perfect; his sweetness, his softness, his understanding, his respect, his aim to make her enjoy her first time, his help and encouragement…everything, and their morning had only been as perfect. They had had a shower together only caressing each other lovely; her body was too sore to go for another round and he hadn't pressed her at all, simply massaging her whole body with the sponge, kissing her shoulders while giving her a massage, hugging her tightly into him…the tenderness of those moments wouldn't be forgotten, ever.
She hadn't felt self-conscious at all while being nude in front of him, but only now that they were both only wearing towels around their wet bodies…the real magnitude of everything they'd done fell in her head.
"Hey," he proved again, lifting her chin with his fingers so she had no option but to look into his eyes. "Talk to me…"
"It's nothing," she sniffed, cursing herself when she noticed the first tears threatening to fall. "It's just…"
His lips kissed the few tears that were already falling away and he pulled her more into his embrace, really confused by her behaviour. "Baby, please, talk to me…"
He was worried; he didn't know if the tears were a result of a regret she was feeling, a pain she was feeling or what, and he couldn't help but feel his heart breaking at the sight…at the thought. Because he felt so incredible, so at ease, so in love…everything was okay in his world; actually, everything was more than okay, everything was infinitely perfect, and he wanted for her to feel this perfection, this happiness…
"Aren't you happy?" He asked in a mere whisper, afraid of which reaction she would have.
Her head left his chest to look at him. "Of course I'm happy…I'm more than happy…"
"Then?" He questioned, his eyes shining in worry. "Why are you crying, baby?"
She sniffed while directing her eyes away from him but it pained her to know he was so worried and almost in tears as well so she moved her head again, deciding to speak the truth looking directly into his eyes. "I'm afraid…"
"Of what?" He asked concernedly, his eyes talking about worry, about love…about everything he was feeling.
"Of how much I love you," she sighed. "Of how much I trust you…of how much I need you…"
He didn't say anything knowing his voice would break if he tried to do so at her admission but he pulled her into his chest again, his arms tightening and pulling her so each inch of her skin was touching his. "I love you too, baby, so, so much it's scary but…I can't deny that's what my heart feels…I love you, trust you, need you, crave you, desire you…you're what keeps my alive…and…and only thinking about the possibility of losing you…" He swallowed the knot in his throat and took a deep breath. "It kills me…"
He noticed her tears soaking his already wet skin freely now and he smiled softly though she couldn't see – he understood she felt as lost for words after everything her heart was feeling as him; rubbing softly her back, kissing her damp hair randomly and whispering comforting and adoring words into her hear, Troy relaxed his pose knowing she was okay…knowing they were okay, and simply directed all his will, all his energy and all his efforts in sooth her, in making her feel better.
"Better?" He asked tenderly when she pulled away and looked up to his eyes. She nodded silently and he leaned down to peck her lips softly. "I love you…"
"I love you too," she said against his lips, her arms wrapping around his neck and her fingers playing with the short hairs of his nape. "So much…"
The pair stood embraced together in front of her closet until Troy chuckled, the movement of his chest making Gabriella to pull away. "What?"
"Do you realize we're almost in your closet wearing nothing but towels, right?" His eyes shone in mischief again and she giggled.
"You're right, that's kinda ridiculous…"
"And about your…" He spoke slowly, teasingly, while directing a pointing look to what she had in her right hand.
She slapped her chest. "Okay, I'll wear them…" She conceded in defeat, again her cheeks turning bright red. "But now I need to choose another shirt…I can't wear them with the white one…"
"Why not?" Troy asked bewildered not seeing the problem – actually, the sexy bra had nothing bad in it if he had to say so himself.
She looked at him narrowing her eyes. "Do you want all the school knowing which kind of bra I'm wearing? White shirt over a bra full of red spots? Yeah right, everyone would be talking about it by lunch…"
His eyes widened in realization. "Put on the darkest one you have."
"You're a dork!" She giggled, amused by his change in demeanour – his protectiveness and jealousy surfacing, melting her heart in the process.
His arms wrapped around her waist and he leaned down, whispering into her hair. "First of all, maybe I'm a dork, but you love me anyway, and second of all, your underwear…hell, your whole body is only for me to see. I don't want any idiot commenting about how hot you are or not or even thinking about what your clothes hide…"
"Yeah right," she shook her head stubbornly. "As if someone could think that…I was referring to the fact that everyone would be laughing at me…saying I'm a slut or God knows what…"
His arms tightened. "You are the most gorgeous girl out there," his voice firm, not admitting any doubt of its truth. "If they are so blind to see who you really are…how amazing you are, it's their problem, not yours, but don't ever doubt about how incredible you are…because you are perfect…"
"No one is perfect," she said in a throaty voice, really touched by his words.
"You're right," he nodded, "but your flaws are part of who you are…your flaws mean nothing against all the good things you have because those good things are more and more important. For me, the flaws you can have…make you the perfection you are…because…for me…you…you're just perfect…"
Her answer was a passionate kiss on his lips, a kiss he welcomed pulling her closer and devouring her mouth with all the love he felt for her.
"You're perfect, too," she said when they pulled away breathing heavily.
----------
"Fuck," he groaned tightening his arms around her waist pulling her as closer as possible. "That's getting harder each time…"
She smiled sadly thinking the same way. "I know but…when school is over…you're coming here and…and we can be together…freely…"
"I know," he sighed frustrated. "But it kills me to not be able to talk you, to touch you, to hug you, to kiss you whenever I want because of stupid people I don't give a fuck for…"
While keeping one of her arms in the small of his back rubbing it softly, Gabriella moved the other to massage his stomach, a gesture she knew relaxed him. "Don't think about it now…it'll be okay…"
His lips touched her hair and hers touched his clothed chest. "You should go now…you have to go home before going to school and you'll be late if you don't go now…"
He knew how hard it was for her to speak those words…and he also knew that she was trying her best for him to feel better, an action that made him fall in love with her even more. "I love you…"
"I love you too," she whispered looking into his eyes.
After a final kiss, Troy climbed in his car and Gabriella opened the garage's door for him, feeling how her heart broke due to the truth of his words – they couldn't be together publicly…while the only thing they wanted to do was to be able to shout their love for each other for everyone to know.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Troy hissed closing his eyes madly when he stopped at a red light.
If usually the situation at school was horrible, Troy knew that day would be just even more horrible. He needed Gabriella by his side, and only thinking that he couldn't even knowledge her existence was painful, not only for him but also for her. He wanted to give her things, to make her happy…not take things away from her, not give her reasons to be upset…but still that was what he was doing insisting in keeping everything a secret. He knew his motives weren't selfish; he also knew it wasn't as if he was ashamed of her…because he wasn't – he felt the luckiest person alive with having her love and her as a girlfriend – but he wanted to protect her from any pain or harm he knew would come her way once the truth was out.
It was a lost-lost situation.
A situation that only would get better the same moment he declared his love for her publicly…the same moment she was strong enough to defend herself, to stand up for herself the same moment the attacks began…a moment it hadn't arrived yet.
Because he knew she wasn't ready to face the school; he didn't care about what the others would say or do to him – their words held no interest for him and he knew he was stronger and scarier than them – but he knew Gabriella did. If after everything they'd gone through together she still had moments of doubt about her, as a person or human, around him, he didn't want to imagine what would be around the others; he knew for a fact the fear and the worry would eat her alive, and he couldn't allow that.
He wouldn't allow that.
Parking his car in the driveway, Troy killed the engine and went inside the house, knowing his parents would be in the kitchen waiting for him.
"I'm here!
Lucille's quick steps were the first sound his ears registered. "How's Gabi?"
"Fine," he shrugged his shoulders as carelessly as he could though his insides were boiling in rage for the ugly and unfair situation they were in, for knowing Gabriella felt bad whenever they weren't together, for knowing Gabriella hated to not be able to proclaim him as "hers" the same way he hated to not be able to proclaim her as "his".
Jack arrived at the living room just in time to see Troy's eyes darkening. "What's up?"
"Nothing," Troy rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I've just come to tell you everything is okay…now I have to go…"
"Wait a second," Jack interjected knowing his son wasn't speaking all the truth. "Is Gabi okay, Troy?"
"No, she's not!" Troy shouted, his anger and frustration giving him away. "And I am not, either! Damn, we want to be together but still we can't. I love her and I want to show the world what we have…the perfection we share…but stupid people thinking they are better than everyone don't let us enjoy what we have. It kills me each time I see her eyes and I see how she's hurting…and I can't do anything about it, I'm fed up with pretending I don't care about her because that's not a thing about care…that's about love. I love her so much it hurts…"
His last words were whispered but Jack and Lucille heard them loud and clear – all the secrecy was beginning to get Troy.
His mother's arms were around him in a second and he welcomed her comfort wrapping his around her waist. "I love her, mom…"
"I know, sweetie," she whispered really touched by the break she'd just witnessed in her son.
"I don't know what to do, mom, I'm…I'm tired…of hiding my relationship with her…I don't want for her to feel I'm ashamed of her or…that I don't want people knowing we're together because of her…I…" His voice trailed off and Lucille moved one of her hands to rub his hair motherly.
"Troy," she said softly, "Gabriella knows that…and she also knows that she's not ready to face the school…not yet at least. She doesn't demand anything more than what you're giving to her…because she knows your circumstances…your…well, what you have is more important than everything else; she wants to protect your relationship as much as you do…and…she knows she is not ready to face the school defending that…though she would love to be able to do so."
Jack leaned his back in the closest wall and sighed – it hurt him as a father to see his son so broken...but it hurt more because he knew that both Troy and Gabriella felt miserable…not being them the ones to blame, not having done anything that deserved such a punishment. He agreed with his wife about Gabriella not ready to face the school…and he knew that to put Gabriella through that could end very badly, but still there were times when he hoped both Troy and Gabriella stomped their feet in front of everyone admitting what they had…because he knew that what they had was the real thing, the real love.
"To hell the school, Troy," Jack said coming down to stay beside his wife. "Forget what the others think or may think if you two tell them you're together…you two shouldn't be feeling this way because of them. You've done nothing wrong!"
"I know," Troy sighed pulling away from his mother and wiping the random tears that were falling down his cheeks. "But that's not only my choice, dad, Gabriella should be able to tell what she wants to do…and she's not ready yet. She still is afraid with me sometimes…and…"
"Stupid teenagers with stupid parents who think they are better than everyone," Jack muttered angrily. "Those have no idea about what the real world is, damn it, they should learn to see past the superficial things they let control their lives and simply be themselves…"
Lucille wrapped one arm around Jack so she had each one of the men of her life pressed into her. "Okay you two, stop right now. Jack, what you're saying is really sweet…and also the truth, but that's the way things are at the moment. And Troy, I understand you're fed up with everything but…you knew where you were getting yourself into when you decided to be with Gabriella, and you know for a fact that she still doesn't see herself capable to stand up for herself. Give her more time to adjust to everything…and…she's strong, sweetie, she's so strong…let her show you how strong she is when she discovers it for herself…but trust her…and me, she's one of the strongest people I know."
Her voice had sounded so firm, so sure, Troy couldn't help but believe in everything his mother was saying. "I know she's strong, mom, but I also know she is afraid…and…until she realizes she's as strong as I know she is, she's hurting…"
"Then be there for her when she needs you," Jack said leaning his head on his wife's shoulder while looking at his son with pride shining in his eyes. "Show her your constant support…your love…and Gabriella will get out of her shell…once her confidence is enough for her to fight for what she wants…and loves."
Troy sighed. "Thank you, guys…I…I needed that…"
"You're welcome," his parents told at once, his mother's lips touching his temple and his father's hand patting his back.
"Gotta go now," Troy sighed facing the window. "I guess Gabriella is already at the school and I don't want for her to be alone there for long…"
"Everything will be okay, Troy," Lucille whispered really believing every one of her words. "Trust your love and everything will be okay…"
"Will do," Troy nodded smiling at his parents. "I'll call you later…love you!"
With Gabriella
Cleaning the dishes, Gabriella couldn't help but think about what Troy had told her before he went to his house; she wanted the same: to be able to be herself whenever she wanted…and to be able to be with the man she loved without worrying about consequences or about being seen.
The pretending was getting harder each time because the love they shared was more powerful each day went by; if at first the connection she felt with him had overcome her because of its intensity, at the moment, and more after letting him be the first one seeing her nude, after letting him in all the way, the intensity had increased infinitely. She couldn't bear the thought of not having him around; it hurt her so much to not be able to hold his hand and intertwine their fingers together whenever they were at school because, only with that simple physical contact, she already felt complete.
He was her other half, the person she could see himself trusting forever, the person she wanted by her side…everyday of her life. It was scary how in less than a year her feelings were so intense…but they were the way they were.
There was no point in denying the truth because that only would mean to lie herself.
But she didn't want that; she was so sure about Troy, so sure he was The One, she felt relieved to have him by her side…somehow when they were at school and in every way when they were alone. She knew his achievement in knowing what love was and in understanding what love was had been because of her…the same way her achievement in trusting someone after her father's death had been because of him.
She'd been his teacher – he'd been hers.
Gabriella couldn't help but think about what her father would think about the situation she was in; she knew he would tell her to act in consequence with her feelings…and that was what she would love to being able to do.
But she wasn't.
She was terrified of what could happen if people knew about her relationship with Troy and she didn't know if she was ready to fight them. Though she wanted nothing more than that, the truth was that Sharpay's glare, Chad's violence and fury, the girls' hate, the guys' mockery were things that still reminded her so much of what happened in New York, frosting her heart afraid to feel too much.
But, actually, her heart was already feeling too much so…which was the point in holding back her feelings?
She felt confused and lost; she knew who would have been the person she would have gone to searching answers, searching safety and comfort to think clearly – her father.
It wasn't as if she didn't trust her mother but…she'd been a daddy's girl; whenever she was with him, she felt okay, she felt happy, she felt as if nothing could go wrong. She loved her mother to death but, maybe because of how younger she was when her father died, Gabriella felt closer to her father than to her mother.
"What can I do, daddy?" She whispered closing her eyes and leaning her back into the wall, letting her body slip down until she was sitting on the ground.
"Aren't you enjoying the movie, sweetie?" Robert said, looking concernedly at his daughter and squeezing her hand to have her attention.
"Yes I am, daddy," Gabriella whispered.
Robert looked his daughter's face silently for a couple of minutes. "Then why are you so silent, so...quiet?"
Gabriella lowered her eyes. "What do you mean?"
Picking her up, Robert sat her on his lap. "If I've let you choose the movie is been because you won me the other day while playing cards…but if you aren't enjoying the movie, then which is the point?"
"I like the movie," Gabriella answered lowly.
"I know you do," Robert nodded. "It's Titanic…you're in love with that movie…but…I've seen you cry over that scene a lot of times…but still here you are, stoically unaffected. Why is that?"
"You've seen me cry?" Gabriella gasped. "When?"
Robert chuckled. "Sweetie, do you really think neither your mom nor I are aware of the times you've watched this movie at night? That we don't hear you cry when you watch it?"
Her eyes lowered in embarrassment and he sighed.
"What's up, Gabi?" He pressed.
"Megan said the other day that to cry over a movie was stupid," she admitted in a mere whisper. "And…I don't want you thinking I'm stupid…"
"What?" He asked in disbelief. "Are you serious?"
She nodded silently and he embraced her more tightly into his chest. "There's nothing wrong in crying over a movie, Gabi…if anything, that shows you're a sensible person. That's not bad…"
"Well, I still cry…but when I'm alone…" She began tentatively, looking everywhere but at her father. "I mean…if I'm alone…no one will think anything about what I do…but if not…"
"Never, and hear me Gabi, never hide your emotions," Robert said firmly. "Everything your heart feels has its importance, being good or bad. If you want to cry, cry, if you want to laugh, laugh, if you want to scream, scream…but never bury your real emotions because that's something that only will bring you pain. What if Megan thinks to cry over a movie is stupid, Gabi? Don't you feel good after you do so? There are a lot of people that love those sad movies because…I don't know, it's like you're cleaning your soul after your crying…while others prefer to watch a very funny comedy to laugh and laugh…it depends on the person, but there's no way that one thing or the other are bad, because they're not. Think about it this way – if you're watching a comedy and one of the scenes is funny you're going to laugh, right?" He waited until Gabriella nodded. "Then, why is this good…while crying over a sad scene is bad?"
Gabriella looked at her father and realized he was right – why laugh was correct while cry was wrong?
"I…I don't know…" Gabriella stuttered, narrowing her eyebrows is confusion.
Robert chuckled. "And because it just doesn't make sense, you need to know that to feel…and show what you feel…is something good. To hell people who think that to show your emotions is bad – don't tell your mother I've said that, though, you know how she gets when I say a bad word in front of you," Gabriella giggled embracing her father and he welcomed the gesture hugging her. "To feel is the strongest proof of our hearts' beating, sweetie…you…don't froze yours and let it feel, let it cry, let it laugh, let it be…let it...let it live…"
"Let your heart feel…let your heart live…" Gabriella's head snapped up, the memory of her father's words falling upon her in its whole strength.
And then she knew she had to talk to Troy.
As soon as possible.
After that…she only hoped the strength her heart was feeling at the moment with her father's memory so fresh…would still be with her when the moment was The Moment.