Chapter 14
He stood in the shower, his hands pressed against the tiled wall in front of him. His head under the shower, the hot water pounding down his neck and back. His body was dead tired from exertions he wasn't accustomed to any longer. He had forgotten how much energy it took to care about another person. Had also forgotten how good it felt to care about another person. To know you were the one that could make them feel safe, just by loving them. He wanted to give her everything. Make her happy; shelter her from sadness and despair. He had a feeling he could find peace, with her, and for a moment he felt like he might actually deserve it, deserve her.
The realization hit him hard. He might actually be ok with her, he thought. For the first time he let himself really, feel what that meant. When he did, it broke something in him. He could feel it coming and tried to push it back, but it was too late he didn't have the strength to fight anymore. Leaning back against the shower wall, he felt it all the way through his body; slowly he slid down the wall to the floor of the shower. Wiping his hand down his face, he tilted his face up letting the water from the shower pour over him. God, he thought pressing a hand to his chest trying to stop it from heaving, as he wept for all the things he had lost, the time wasted. It all just slammed into him, completely disabling him. For a while, he was unable to see beyond the pain he had buried so deep inside him.
When he finally resurfaced, his chest ached horribly. He took a deep breath and dropped his hand to the floor of the shower. Reaching up he turned the water off, and sat there staring at the shower door, unsure what he was suppose to do now. He was exhausted, more tired than he ever remember being. Wiping his face, he ran his hands through his hair pushing it back from his face.
He sat there for a moment more, and then reach up and grabbed the bar pulling himself up. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he wiped the steam from the mirror and stared at himself for a moment before it fogged back over. Leaning most of his weight on his arms, he looked down into the sink unsure he could face her. He was feeling a bit beaten up and he didn't want her seeing him that way.
Taking a few more breaths, he hung the towel on the rack, and pulled on his robe. Slowly opening the door, he listened for her. When he didn't hear anything, he opened the door all the way and stepped into his bedroom. Relief flooded through him when he saw her curled up on her side in the middle of the bed sound asleep.
Laying his robe on the chair, he crawled into the bed next to her. Curling his body around her, he pulled the sheet over them both. Sighing he closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around her. The warmth of her body provided the comfort he needed.