Narcissus
By Frozzy
Chapter Thirteen
Dawn was low on the horizon when he returned to his temporary residence. If you could call a shack a residence, Sasuke thought with a curl of his upper lip. He had lived on the road for years, but he had never quite gotten used to the bad living conditions.
"Honey, I'm home," he said to the empty shack. He dropped his backpack onto the floor and sat down on the moldy mattress he had stolen from a nearby tavern some days ago. The shack had been completely without furniture back when he had first found it, but he had had a lot of time on his hands, so now the shack boasted a mattress, a stool and an oil lamp. It was impressive. The most impressive place he had had for a long time. The shack had no blinds or curtains, but the area around it was too deserted for privacy to be an issue. There were no immediate threats out here. He had sought refuge in the same area more than once, but he made sure to never reuse facilities.
After the conversation with his brother months ago, Sasuke had needed time to process. He had left his associates behind, telling them that he had personal business to attend to. Now, he had to figure out how to act on the facts that he had processed. Madara was dead. Itachi had killed him. Sasuke had been supposed to kill him. Itachi had also killed their parents, but he had been under orders of his village. Their village. Konoha.
For the time being, Sasuke had paused in his quest to kill his brother. He wanted to talk to him. He could kill him afterwards if the desire was still there. It was unfortunate that his brother had chosen to reside within Konoha, since it had always been lowest on Sasuke's list of favorite places. And it was even lower now. Also, while it was true that his brother had been accepted back into the village, Sasuke doubted that he himself would be granted such lenience. He had behaved just as carelessly as Itachi, but while his brother had done so out of hidden loyalty, Sasuke himself had done it for selfish reasons. The public might accept Sasuke back more easily than they had accepted Itachi, but the Hokage and the Council wouldn't. Because they knew the truth behind Uchiha Itachi. The public didn't.
Sasuke lit the oil lamp and put it on top of the stool. He watched the flame flicker and gain strength.
He wanted the town ashamed for reasons that he still hadn't completely understood himself. The only problem was Naruto. Sasuke admitted that his former friend had improved over the years both in skillset and in mind. Teamed together with Kakashi and the Hokage, Naruto proved a dangerous variable that shouldn't be underestimated. Moreover, the blond loved his hometown more than he loved himself.
In the light of the oil lamp, Sasuke's smile got warped into something more sinister.
Yes, the return to his birth town would prove a challenge. Sasuke had journeyed for far too long with no goal in mind.
"He's different," Sakura told Ino over breakfast. Ino sat in her morning robe, her hair gloriously messy, and Sakura sat in her hospital uniform with her hair combed and put up into a ponytail. Ino munched on her toast and quirked a brow at Sakura. Sakura took that as a hint to continue.
"He's different around me now than what he was in the beginning," she said. She was talking about Itachi, of course, but she didn't need to say that out loud. Ino was a bit of a mind reader. Always had been, Sakura thought. Ino didn't pry and she didn't push. She might make a lot of jokes and gossip worse than any other shinobi in Konoha, but she was perceptive and kept most of her insights to herself unless you asked her for them.
"He's your friend," Ino said. "That's why."
"He's not my friend," Sakura said and put down her glass of juice.
"Right. Sorry. He's your boyfriend," Ino said.
"I told you it's to make the council back off. Could you really imagine Itachi married to anyone? I'll be his buffer if it gets me the truth about what happened all those years ago."
"Well, you don't sound defensive at all," the blonde said. "Did you tell Naruto yet?"
"No."
"Afraid he'll judge you?"
"Afraid I'll disappoint him," Sakura said. "I can't make him understand. I don't blame him. I had a breakdown yesterday and cried my shit out all over him. He won't understand."
"I don't really understand either," Ino said. "But I also care less than Naruto, so yeah."
"It's the damn mess with Sasuke," Sakura said and rested her chin in her palm.
"You don't say," Ino said and shot her friend a smile that was meant to reassure.
"He's so sensitive when it's about Sasuke," Sakura said. "One wrong step and he won't talk to you for a week. He reacted nicely enough when I told him about the mission and how Itachi had kissed me, but this? No, no. Especially not after Tsunade stopped the official search for Sasuke. He's like a raw nerve to be around. Even if he says that he got it out of his system, I don't believe it for a second."
"Amen," Ino said with a nod.
"Why are you taking this so well?" Sakura asked, suddenly curious.
"You wouldn't be so hung up on Itachi if he didn't have some redeeming qualities," Ino said and blew a lock of fuzzy hair out of her face. "Also, you know Tsunade better than most, and if you say something fishy is up with Itachi and that she's lying, then I believe you. Just don't bring him back here. I still don't like him. Good or bad guy, he gives me the creeps. I don't understand how you're not freaked out around him."
"Can we talk about something else?" Sakura asked and sat back in her chair. "How's it going with your mom?"
"Oh, she's fine now. It was the flu, so no worries. Did you want to help me repaint her kitchen next week?"
"Sure. Tell me which day and I'll take the time off," Sakura said and motioned for Ino to hand her a knife and some butter. "Anyone else helping?"
"Tenten might, but you know how she skips out on stuff."
"Not really. She's your friend, not mine."
"Can I ask one question though?" Ino asked. "If Itachi is the good guy, then why does he act like the bad guy? What purpose does that serve now? It served a purpose during the war, but it serves no immediate purpose now. So why doesn't he come clean?"
"I don't know. I really don't know. He made me promise not to tell anyone else except for you and my boys. Which reminds me, you can't tell anyone else."
"Nobody would believe me. Itachi a good guy? People will think I've gone over the deep end. I'm still not sure if I believe you myself, but I can't see why you should lie about it," Ino said and stretched her arms above her head. She yawned and looked out the window. "It's a sunny day and you'll be copped up in the hospital again."
There was a knock on the front door. Sakura and Ino looked at each other.
"You go," Ino said. "I'm not dressed."
"Since when do you care," Sakura said, but got up from her chair and walked towards the door.
"Who stops by this early in the morning," Sakura said to herself. It wouldn't be Naruto or Sai. It was too early for that. Kakashi was out of town, and their neighbor only ever stopped by if she ran out of alcohol or cleaning supplies. Why it was those exact things, Sakura had never figured out. She hoped it wasn't related, but that Mrs. Kim was an alcoholic with neat freak tendencies or dementia. Not an alcoholic who drank cleaning supplies to spice up her weekends. For some reason, Ino's friends never stopped by their apartment. It was almost always Sakura's friends, but that was probably because Sakura was more of an introvert than Ino and needed more alone time to rejuvenate, meaning that people had to stop by and get her if they wanted to talk to her. Ino, on the other hand, spent most of her time outside the apartment.
"Coming," Sakura said when she heard another series of knocks on the door. She grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door open, though she made sure not to open it too much, so Ino could stay hidden with her messy hair and puffy morning face.
"Morning, Sakura," Tsunade said. Sakura clutched the doorknob tighter. "We need to talk."
"Come inside, please," Sakura said and moved aside so Tsunade could enter. Ino looked up from her breakfast. Her jaw didn't drop, but Sakura could see the twitch of control it took her to stop it from doing so.
"I'll go take a shower," Ino said and got up from her chair. She looked casual as she crossed the room, but Sakura knew that she was just as freaked out as Sakura was. Tsunade didn't make home visits. Ever. Not as the Hokage and not as herself.
"You're here to talk about Itachi and I, aren't you?" Sakura asked and guided Tsunade towards the couch. "I can imagine it caught you by surprise, though I don't know how you found out so fast."
"I'm saving the engagement conversation for another day," Tsunade said, which made Sakura stop.
"Why?"
"Sakura, I need you to sit down," Tsunade said.
"Is someone dead?" Sakura asked.
"No."
"Will someone die?"
"No."
"Okay," Sakura said and sat down on the couch. "I'm sitting."
Tsunade nodded. She was nervous. She never made home visits and she was never nervous. Sakura wet her lips and put her hands in her lap. She waited for Tsunade to speak. She didn't press her.
"Sasuke walked into the village early this morning. He was taken into custody by the guards before anyone saw him, and he's now locked up in one of the underground interrogations rooms in the tower," Tsunade said and sat down next to Sakura on the couch. Sakura looked at her. She had heard what her mentor had said, but she didn't believe it.
"You're shitting me."
"No," Tsunade said and took a deep breath. "And I'll overlook your use of language this time, since I understand what a shock this is."
"Does Naruto know?" Sakura asked.
"No. I don't plan on telling him yet. I am telling you only because you are less attached to Sasuke than Naruto is."
She could thank Itachi for that, Sakura thought. If Itachi hadn't appeared and turned her world on its axis, she wouldn't be taking Sasuke's return as calmly as this. Amidst her confusion and suspicion, she could feel her stomach trying to rebel against her breakfast. She wouldn't vomit. She had better control of her body than that. But that didn't mean the feeling wasn't there. It was the shock, Sakura thought. It was the shock, but it wasn't actually the shock. It was concern. Worry. Worry over what, Sakura didn't know, but she recognized the feeling. She was worried that Sasuke had returned. Why?
"Does Itachi know?" Sakura asked.
"No," Tsunade said. "That's why I am here. I need your advice."
"On what?" Sakura asked.
"On Itachi. Much as it pains me to admit, you know him better than anyone else. Sasuke has requested to talk to him. Do you believe it safe to bring Itachi in to see Sasuke? And I don't mean safe in the physical sense."
"Can I see Sasuke?" Sakura asked.
"Focus, Sakura."
"Right. Sorry," Sakura said and reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Itachi doesn't harbor any malevolence towards Sasuke. Never has. Not truly. And Sasuke wouldn't have let himself be taken in by the guards if he had come here to kill Itachi. That's simple logic."
"You know," Tsunade said. She had gone very still. "You know about Itachi."
Sakura didn't know what it was that had given her away, but she knew that she was busted. She could just as well go with it.
"He gave me a blood sample," she said. "When I started healing Itachi's eyes, I found illegal drugs in his system. Drugs that were holding some kind of poison at bay. I convinced Itachi to let me create a more permanent antidote than the drugs, and he gave me a blood sample to do it. I've read some files about Uchiha Madara, and I know his work when I see it. When I examined Itachi's blood sample, I realized that the poison was Madara's work. That was after you had told us Madara was dead. So, in conclusion, I figured that Itachi had fought and killed Madara. And if Itachi had fought and killed Madara, that meant he was some kind of double agent, because otherwise they should have been on the same side."
She left out the marriage-in-exchange-for-information deal, but aside from that she had let everything else slip. And she felt relieved. She felt relieved that she no longer had to lie. She hadn't been supposed to let the drugs and poison part slip, but that was water under the bridge now. Too late to take it back.
"Itachi was poisoned?" Tsunade asked. "From his battle with Madara? There is a lot you haven't told me, Sakura."
"Likewise."
"Okay," Tsunade said with narrowed eyes. "I deserve that."
"And it's not really a poison, but I can't explain that right now until I know more."
"Fair enough," Tsunade said. She uncrossed her legs, so she could lean forward and rest her palms on her knees. "So what is your advice? Can Itachi see Sasuke?"
"If he wants to, yes. But I don't know if he wants to see him. You're really not gonna tell Naruto?"
"Not yet. And you can't say anything either. This is confidential, Sakura. Do you understand that?"
"Yes."
"You will see him, Sakura," Tsunade said, softer now. "And I will tell Naruto. Just not yet."
"I don't know if I should see him," Sakura said with a solemn shake of her head. Tsunade reached out to pat her shoulder. She did it less awkwardly than Kakashi, but it was still awkward.
"I knew you would grow into a fine woman someday," the blonde woman said with a ghost of a smile. "I'm not surprised that Itachi sees it, too. Even if your engagement is a feigned one."
Sakura's head snapped up.
"It's-"
"Let it go, Sakura. I'm in a good mood. Don't waste that. We'll take the engagement talk another day," Tsunade said and got up from the couch. Sakura showed her to the door and thanked her for coming. After she had closed the door, Ino came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her head and steam following her like a smoky shadow. She stopped when she saw Sakura stand up against the door with a haunted look in her eyes.
"You okay? What was that about?" she asked.
"Nothing," Sakura said and pushed away from the door.
"Nothing?"
"Nothing I can talk about," she said and yanked at the towel around Ino's head when she passed her on her way towards the kitchen and the dirty dishes. Ino glowered and readjusted the towel.
"I'll clear the table," Ino said. "You go to work."
Secret, secrets, secrets.
When had Sakura become the person that everybody confided in?
It was half past six when Itachi found her up on the monument, sitting on top of the Third Hokage's head. She sat as still as the rock beneath her, and instead of addressing her, Itachi sat down next to her. He knew the face of a troubled person when he saw it.
"You forgot our date," he said. "Six o'clock at the hospital."
"Sorry," Sakura said. "I took off earlier from work. Time must have skipped me."
"Something's wrong," Itachi said.
"Yeah," Sakura said and stretched out her legs before her. "Something is wrong."
"You can't talk about it," Itachi guessed and looked up at the sky. The sun hadn't yet disappeared behind the horizon. Summertime gave longer and brighter days. Itachi liked summer. He didn't have an opinion on a lot of things, but he had on opinion on this.
"I'm surprised you want to hear me talk about it," Sakura said.
"I don't," Itachi said and got up on his feet. "Come on."
"Where are we going?" Sakura asked, but followed him.
"Home."
"Ino is having visitors," she said. "We can't go there."
"We're not going to your home," Itachi said with a hint of exasperation to his words. Itachi was no fool. Even if the Hokage yet had to come to him with the news, he knew the second that his little brother has passed the gates into the village. It was clear that the Hokage had passed on the information to Sakura, and that was why the young woman wasn't her normal spitfire self. Itachi didn't feel a responsibility for her, but he recognized the signs of a person who carried a multitude of burdens. Burdens that had been put there against the person's will. He could relate to her. Perhaps this was the moment where he could relate to her better than ever before. And, he told himself, that was why he had invited her back to his place. Not to seduce her, or otherwise persuade her, but because he felt a genuine note of sympathy for her. People needed to cut her some slack. He himself needed to cut her some slack.
"We're going to your place?" Sakura asked.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I am inviting you," Itachi said. "Stop with the questions, please."
"I'm not going home with you," Sakura said and stopped walking. Itachi wondered not for first time this day why Sakura had been the woman to catch his interest. She was a skilled fighter and healer, but a lot of women within the village were skilled fighters and healers. It wasn't her experience either. There were women with more experience than her, both in life and from the battlefield. Some might say that Sakura's greatest trait was her innocence and naivety, but Itachi knew that it was a façade. Sakura was as cunning as the Hokage, even if she didn't always realize it herself. Perhaps it was her modesty, but Itachi had never cared about that before, so why should he now. No, it was something else. Something that he still hadn't been able to pinpoint up to this date. What was it? What made her shine brighter than everyone else? Why did he like to spend time with her?
"Sakura, trust me," Itachi said. "There is no ulterior motive behind this."
She watched him for a couple of seconds longer. Then she nodded.
"All right," she said. "All right, let's go. March on."
Itachi's place was not too far off from her own, Sakura realized. He didn't live in the old Uchiha compound. She had already known that. If he had lived there, the press would have been all over it. Also, it was too big for one person to live in and not go insane. No, Itachi lived in an apartment like any other regular citizen. Unlike any other regular citizen, however, his apartment had only the bare necessities for an ensured existence. There were no personal items (not that Sakura had expected that), no curtains and no carpets. His living room was an empty space, which he used for training instead of relaxation. The dents in the wall and floors indicated that. The kitchen was the most domestic room of them all. It had a gas stove, cupboards and a kitchen table with two chairs. Not four, but two. The kitchen was the only room that looked finished, Sakura thought. She hadn't seen the bedroom, but she expected that to only have a bed. Maybe a dresser, but she doubted it. Itachi needed few material elements to exist. It was safe to say that he felt uncomfortable with anything else, with too much stuff at his disposal. Sakura had known that already, but it was different seeing it. It made her feel a little sad, but also a little proud.
"What about the compound?" Sakura asked.
"Owned by the town," Itachi said and gestured for her to sit down by the kitchen table.
"Still?" she asked. "With you living in the village?"
"I don't want it," Itachi said. "Tea?"
It was almost surreal to have Itachi ask her if she wanted tea, but she managed to nod without looking constipated or scared. Sakura had no idea what this was, but she got the feeling that Itachi was headed somewhere with this, so she didn't stop him. She got her tea and Itachi sat down and watched her drink it.
"You're wearing civilian clothes. Not your uniform," Sakura said. "I didn't notice before now."
"Do you know the earliest history of the village?" Itachi asked.
"Mostly," Sakura said and tried to remember. "The Senju Clan and the Uchiha Clan came together and founded the village. Senju Hashirama, the leader of the clan, was selected as Hokage. The first. I'm not usually pop quizzed on this, so correct me if I'm wrong?"
"There was always a fight for power amongst the two clans," Itachi said and leaned back in his chair. "There were people amongst my clan who believed that our clan was being ostracized, put aside and given less prestige and power. Uchiha Madara, in particular, and he made no show of hiding it. This discontentment grew stronger after the attack of the Nine-Tails when the rumors started that an Uchiha was behind the attack. Madara had warned our clan previously that this would happen. Now, as it had happened, my clan began to listen to his speeches. With my father in the lead, they began to plan a coup d'état. I disagreed with this. I never cared for the politics of my clan. I cared about the village as a whole. I was an ANBU member at the time. My clan gave me the task to spy on the village to gather information that they could use in their plan to overthrow the government, but I knew that a coup d'état would escalate into another war, so I spied on the clan instead and passed on the information to the Third Hokage. The Third Hokage wanted to negotiate with my clan. Reason with them and dissuade them. It didn't work. I was then ordered to kill them."
Sakura hadn't expected Itachi to bring up this topic himself. It was part of their deal, yes, but Sakura had been prepared to wring it out of him. Maybe he had wanted to get it over with as fast as possible, which would also explain the long monologue. She had never heard him say that much at the same time, and she was stunned into silence now that he was finished. This didn't even qualify as one of their dates. For those date to work, they had to be in a public setting. If not, nobody would know that they had been on a date, and the rumor wouldn't spread to the council. This was as far from a public setting as possible. Sakura hadn't been prepared for this, but that was probably why Itachi had done it. To catch her off guard so it would be less uncomfortable for him.
"Who ordered you to kill them?" she asked through dry lips. The tea in her cup was almost cold.
"Shimura Danzo and the council," Itachi said.
"Danzo," Sakura said. "He went against the wishes of the Third Hokage?"
"Yes."
"Why did you follow Danzo's order? If the Hokage was still negotiating with your clan?"
"Drastic measures were necessary. The Hokage would not succeed in his negotiations."
"I understand," Sakura said, feeling both overwhelmed and confused. She had guessed some of this already, but she hadn't guessed the sheer extent of everything. It was hard to swallow.
"I killed my clan because it was the only way to avoid a war," Itachi said. "I would do it again if it served the same purpose. I was working under an order, but I was also following my own convictions. I could see where things were headed."
Itachi was a pacifist. Sakura wasn't surprised that he had killed his family to avoid a war from breaking out. His loyalty to his village was more important than his own feelings on the matter. And Itachi had feelings. Just like everyone else. Blind devotion to his village had simply enabled him to do the impossible: kill his family and kin.
"There were no other alternatives?" she asked.
"They were unacceptable. They would have gotten every clan member killed."
He was talking about Sasuke, Sakura realized. Provided that he did the killing of his clan, Itachi had been permitted to let his little brother live. Permitted. As if it was a hardship to let someone live. Accepting the mission had also ensured Itachi's own survival, but Sakura knew that Itachi didn't consider himself in these things. His own survival hadn't been important. Not because Itachi was a selfless person. He had lived a life that was too hard for that. But because he was loyal to a fault.
"Sasuke is back," Sakura said and clutched the cup in front of her with both of her hands to keep them from shaking too much. "He's here in the village. On lock down, but he is here."
"I know," Itachi said.
"I don't know what to do," she said, a spark of anger entering her voice. "I don't ever know what to do with any of this."
"You're doing fine," Itachi said. He stood up slowly, and walked over to her chair. Once there, he pried the cup from her hands. Without the cup to hold onto, Sakura felt oddly off balance. As if the world was turning, but she wasn't turning with it.
"I need to do something," she said and stood up from her chair. It put her close to Itachi, and she reached out and put a palm flat on his chest. She didn't know why she did it, but it helped, so she kept it there. He would have to forcibly remove it if he wanted it gone, she thought.
"I need to do something," she said again and spread out her fingers until her hand looked like a bright pink starfish against the grey fabric of Itachi's shirt. Itachi looked down at her hand and then back at her face, but his face was impossible to read. She could feel his heartbeat underneath her palm and it instilled a sense of calm within her that made her close her eyes and breathe in deeply through her nose. Itachi was safe. At some point, he had become safe to her.
"Go now."
She opened her eyes. "What?"
"Unless you want me to grab you and take you to my bed, you need to leave now," Itachi said. "And, in my opinion, that would be the wisest choice. The circumstances are less than ideal for the place that my mind is going right now."
As much as her body was ready for what Itachi was suggesting, Sakura knew that her mind was not. Itachi was just as unstable as her right now. She was processing the news of Sasuke's return and Itachi's overload of information, and Itachi himself had just relived the events of his past. Sakura took a step back and let her hand fall from his chest. The world wobbled, but it was okay. It was better now.
"Thank you," she said, and before she left, she pushed herself up onto her toes and kissed him. It was a good start. A good start to what, Sakura didn't know. But it felt good.