Tony hated that he was feeling this way. He made a jackass out of himself on the phone with Fornell. Then he had called Vance and said he could not come in the next week. He said he just needed some time. How pathetic was that? "He just needed some time." It made him sound like a teenager too scared to say the words breakup. This was kind of a breakup though. Breaking up with his job, with his old life. How did he move on from his life of nearly twenty years?
Fornell dialed Tony's number. It rang once and then went straight to voicemail. That was enough to make the older man worried. He knew Tony had a home phone but he could not think of the number off hand. He rolled over to the side table and searched for the phone book. Before remembering that he had tossed it to Emily to clean up the mess when she spilled oil in the driveway. He called upstairs but remembered that she had an opening shift and had left over an hour before. He frantically searched through his contacts for somebody who may be able to get a hold of Tony.
Tony pulled himself together before Tali woke. He had a long shower and changed into comfortable clothes. Before Tali woke he put two Jimmy Dean breakfast bowls into the microwave. He had planed on making a bigger breakfast but he just couldn't. He was lucky to have pulled together this much. He heard tiny feet racing down the stairs and forced a smile on his face.
"Good morning! Abba!" Tali cried.
"Good morning, Tali." Tony replied.
"What's for breakfast?" Tali asked.
"Just a microwave breakfast bowl." Tony replied.
"Sounds good!" Tali cried.
"You are always so happy." Tony commented.
Tony wished that he could be like Tali. He wished that he could feel the constant joy and thrill that she felt, but knew he never could. Tali lived in a world of joy and delight because she was three. Tali was precocious but still innocent. She was always happy because she was loved and safe. One day Tali would know how cruel the world was. Knowing that broke his heart even further. Knowing that one day Tali may have similar bullies and demons to his own. Knowing that her bullies and demons may be worse.
Vance was awakened by Fornell's phone call. He groaned and prayed that it was not something that would force him to the office. He had promised to spend the afternoon with Jared and Kayla. They were more than used to it by now but he still prayed that he would not have to break the promise to his children.
"Hello?"
"Leon? Did I wake you?"
"Yeah but I needed to get up anyway."
"Do you need to be anywhere?"
"Not for a couple hours, why?"
"I am worried about Tony."
"Tony?"
"He called me last night. He was stuttering and seemed really freaked out. I tried calling him but he didn't pick up. This morning it went straight to voicemail."
"Did you try his landline?"
"I don't have it."
"Do you have his address?"
"Not the new one."
"Hang on I will check in on him."
Vance immediately went to check on Tony. The former agent had been acting strange recently and he did not think it was entirely because of Tony's recent treatment. Really the change had come after Ziva died and Tali came into Tony's life. Tony had many problems stemming from the loss and abrupt fatherhood. Issues he never got a chance to work on. Now all this had happened. It made sense that he had fallen apart.
Tony got Tali fed, helped her get cleaned up and dressed. They had no plans that day. Emily had an interview about her book and Jimmy had taken Tori to a birthday party. It was just going to be Tony and Tali. If the weather held up they may just go to the park. If the weather turned like they were saying it might. He knew of a kid friendly museum nearby. The doorbell rang. Tony ignored it assuming it was just somebody promoting a new religion. The ring turned to knocking which turned to violent pounding. Now Tony was worried. He left Tali upstairs and made his way to the door. Tony looked through the peephole and saw Vance on the other side. What on Earth was Vance doing here? Did he suspect Tony was faking his illness? Had something happened? Could it be the Paraguay thing was his fault somehow?
"What can I do for you?" Tony asked plastering on a fake smile.
"Are you OK?" Vance asked.
"Fine just fine. I know I shouldn't have called out but I just need some time." Tony explained.
"It's fine we all need mental health days sometimes." Vance assured.
"If you aren't mad? Why are you here?" Tony asked.
"Fornell said you left him a disturbing voicemail. Are you OK?" Vance asked.
"God I am such a dork! No way I am getting that job now." Tony sighed.
"The Tony DiNozzo I knew did not stutter or doubt himself. You have changed in the past two years. Since Ziva died." Vance explained.
"I have?" Tony questioned.
"Yes and I know why." Vance replied.
"Why?" Tony asked.
"Tony you lost Ziva in a horrible way. You barely had time to mourn her before you found out about Tali. Suddenly you are a single father, to a kid you never met. That is a lot for one man to take in. Then over the past two years you have put Tali first and devoted your life to her. You haven't properly mourned Ziva. You haven't taken in what you are going through with Tali. You just dove in to caring for Tali. Tony you need to cope." Vance explained.
"How? I am all Tali has." Tony reminded.
"I will take Tali for a couple weeks. You can get her at night if you want but I want you to take time to mourn. Just you. Mourn for Ziva. Then take Tali back and teach her about her Ima." Vance explained.
A/N: Will simply taking time to mourn be enough to bring Tony around? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.