disclaimer: I don't own the mortal instruments...bummer...
A million.
A million times.
A million voicemails.
A million texts.
A million calls.
A million letters.
A million apologies.
A million declines.
He tried to apologize, but she declined them.
She didn't want to speak to him.
She didn't want to see him.
She didn't want to do anything with him.
But she knew those were all lies.
She wanted to see him.
She wanted to speak to him.
She wanted to feel him.
She wanted to do everything with him.
But she took her small jar of her self control and used it to guard herself.
Bound herself.
Bound herself from him.
She wasn't just ignoring him.
She was ignoring everybody.
Simon.
Isabelle.
The boy with the blue eyes.
Everyone.
Even the mail man.
When he dropped a package by her door.
She ignored him.
She didn't want to see anyone if she couldn't see Jace.
But she could.
She could see Jace.
She could open that door and walk to his house.
She could see him.
She could speak to him.
She could feel him.
She could do everything with him.
But she didn't.
She just sat there looking at the wall with one head phone in her ear and a sketch pad in her lap.
She couldn't focus on the pad.
She couldn't focus on the soothing music coming from her ear.
She just looked at the wall.
Lost.
She was lost.
She was lost without Jace.
Her mind traveled to Jace.
How his hair curled.
How his muscles flex when he moved.
How his gaze was careful when he looked at her, like she would break at the touch of a feather.
But even though he looks at her like she is vulnerable he held her as if she could carry the world in her hands with ease.
How he made her feel strong even when they both new fragile she was.
She could see all the faith in her he had in his gentle gaze.
She never doubted that she was strong when she was with him.
But being away from him now she never felt so weak.
She didn't want to feel weak.
She wanted to feel strong.
She heard the knock at the door.
She walked there and the little peep hole.
She had to stand on her tip toes to see through it.
There he was in all his glory.
His blonde hair in a heap of curls just the way she liked it.
His gold eyes looking hopefully at the door.
"Clary." She heard him say through the door.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
"Clary open the door."
You can do it.
Just stay still.
"Please..."
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Her hand was grasping the door now.
"Go away, Jace."
A/N: I know this is a weird place to end but I'm updating again today so...