Hi, everybody! Thank you so much to all those that reviewed and followed: DCTNFG, HermoineandMarcus, NALEY23alwaysforever, Natascha2Tata, M39151, and Ms. Isabella! Be sure to check out their stories, they are quite awesome!
I'm not sure if anybody remembers Zoya, she was the blonde Russian chick in Season 2 of Chicago Fire that was with Kelly and then Cruz proposed to her for a green card marriage. Don't worry, Katya will be arriving later on in the story.
PLEASE READ BELOW BEFORE CONTINUING ON!
Both of this week's chapters for my Chicago stories were a bit difficult to write, they both have Will being a jerk and the OC being heartbroken. I always incorporate music when writing and into my stories, so I'll go into further detail. "Live To Tell" was based off of the song by Madonna, which was written for a movie entitled At Close Range about a father manipulating his two sons into a life of crime, it reminded me a bit of Kirkland with Will and Jay but without the crime. "Live To Tell" is about dealing with the agony of having to suppress your secrets, too frightened to unleash them, and it's obvious that Will does that in this chapter. I hope that my readers will be able to understand both sides to this because they're both evident!
I already used "Lucky" in Forever Rising Phoenix, and while I hate being a repeat offender, the song fits too perfectly for Lola. The main song I have for Will and Lola is "Love The Way You Lie" by Eminem featuring Rhianna, but more on that later. I apologize if it seems like Lola sounds redundant at times, but when you're flustered and at your wits end with your partner, it happens. Also, I changed Lola's eye color.
Chapter Fourteen: Live To Tell
"Thank you so much for seeing us today. You came very highly recommended by Trudy McHolland." Lola said as she and Will shook hands with Dr. Charles before sitting down. His office wasn't anything extraordinary. If anything, it was a bit messy, but sometimes geniuses worked well in that kind of an environment.
"I remember them, great people. What seems to be the problem or problems that brought you here today?" Dr. Daniel Charles asked. He was a portly man with salt and pepper colored hair and kind eyes behind black rimmed eyeglasses.
Will and Lola sat in silence, looking all over the room, until she decided to speak up, because there was no way Will was going to. Although, she had appreciated that he dressed accordingly to her white eyelet mini skater dress by wearing a dark suit.
The announcement of Tawny Rae's pregnancy had sent Will into a tailspin. He actually had to get two stitches in his hand from stabbing the clown, the combination of that and all the other bullshit on his mind resulted in him finishing in thirty third at Richmond, his worst placement in probably his whole career.
He and Jay were flying out to New York early tomorrow morning to film television appearances, both of them on Sesame Street to explain race cars followed by Lip Sync Battle, then ending with Will on The Tonight Show and Jay on Late Night with Seth Meyers. The boys were ecstatic for Lip Sync Battle, Will was all set to lip sync "Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake and "Peacock" by Katy Perry while Jay had selected "Cum On Feel The Noise" by Slade and "...Hit Me Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears. It was bound to be hysterical and would probably pop up all over social media and ESPN.
"I just feel like there's times where my words go in one ear and out the other. My opinion is undermined constantly and you never listen to me."
"Dr. Charles, I don't think Lola realizes how easy she has it. I'm the breadwinner of the family, I bring home the bacon."
"Now, Will," Dr. Charles arranged himself in his chair. "I'm not one to pass judgment here, but don't you think that sounds a little misogynistic?"
Will shrugged. "No, it's the same arrangement my parents had and they were happily married for thirty four years until my mother passed away. If we should discuss anything, it should be this one's shopping habits." He pointed at Lola with his thumb.
"I don't shop that much." Lola whispered.
"Yes, you do. $80,000 on clothes and shoes?! Lola, how much do you need?"
"Ok, fine. Shopping is cathartic to me, I have nothing else. That's not the problem here. The problem is you make everything about yourself and not us. I have no life. All I do is take care of our daughter and I'm literally trapped in our house except to go shopping or plan something to do with NASCAR involving the other wives and girlfriends."
"You're lucky." Will mumbled under his breath.
"Do you know what it's like being me? I don't care how accomplished or advanced you are, every single time you're on that racetrack, my heart goes into a lurch that it'll be the last time." Lola knew that she was going to start crying, she always did whenever this was brought up. "I lay awake at night thinking of how I'll have to explain to our little girl why her daddy's gone, and on top of that you want to have more kids for me to explain that, too?"
"But, babe," Will grabbed her hand, stroking her thumb. "this isn't a new concept. We always said we'd have more children after Paisley."
"Will, I can't have another child right now and I don't know when I'll be able to. I'm severely depressed." Lola reached for a tissue. "You say I'm lucky? My life has turned into that damn Britney Spears song. In your mind, I have it all but then why do I keep crying these lonely tears at night? It's the reason why they call me the "Sad Eyed Princess".
He raised an eyebrow at her. "Where did you hear that?"
"I have my sources."
There was too much going on between them, now was not the time to throw Connor under the bus as well.
Daniel interrupted. "Are you taking anything for the depression?"
She shook her head. "No."
Although they both knew that was a lie, Lola had told Dr. Charles on the phone about how Will was in the dark about her antidepressants.
"Do you think maybe you had children too soon?"
"I've wondered that before but no, I don't think so. Lola was the most available of all my wives and it was something we agreed we were both ready for. I adore my daughter more than life itself, there's not a single thing I wouldn't do for her, but I need a son. Don't worry though." Will grabbed Lola's hand. "My dad told me about PGD, and it's guaranteed to work! So you have nothing to worry about now, Lolo. You can relax because it will all be taken care of."
"You're talking about Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis, right? It's a bit risky. Wouldn't you rather have God and fate decide?"
Will shrugged. "Not really. We already tried that and I don't think I can handle history repeating itself."
"This is all he cares about, having more babies, particularly boys. He wants a baby so badly that he even contemplated adopting his ex-wife's child! I'm sorry, Dr. Charles, but I don't think he has any business adopting a non-biological child from a woman he was previously married to."
Dr. Charles nodded. "That does sound highly unorthodox, but what was your reasoning behind wanting to make such a large life decision?"
"Listen, Dr. Charles, I'm not totally heartless. I see things from both sides. This little boy is the same age as my daughter, I figure it would be a good thing to be a father figure to him and give her a taste of what it would be like having a younger brother. Although, Lola really hates Natalie."
"And Natalie is...?"
"My ex-wife."
"Second ex-wife." Lola corrected. "And don't blame this on me! Did you forget how bossy you told me she was? Even if you hadn't, Jay and Erin filled me in. Hell, everybody filled me in. I swear the world rejoiced when you put that ring on my finger. Let's not forget that I was there when she was trying to barely leave a dime to your name in the divorce." She turned to Dr. Charles. "Will didn't even tell me about this right away, he waited an entire day to tell me. I had to call and set her straight. I'd like to think that she got the message loud and clear, but that doesn't erase how everybody needs Will to have a son, especially his father. As I was so politely reminded, having a legacy like his is pointless if there isn't a male heir to carry it on."
"But you have a daughter, there have been female race car drivers before. That Kim Burgess isn't half bad and Gabriella Dawson-Casey was pretty good in her day as well."
Lola shook her head. "We don't want her to race. Seriously, they act like this is Game of Thrones or something. Only a male heir matters." She said with a sarcastic laugh as she wiped her tears, Will had a serious expression on his face.
"Wow... Lola, you're totally right! It is! Think about it. The teams are all royal houses. House Halstead, House Voight, House Severide and House Borelli, and the Sprint Cup is our Iron Throne. I'm like the Jaime Lannister of NASCAR! I should start going by "Kingslayer" instead of "Big Red II". Or Jon Snow! Yeah, NASCAR is my Castle Black. You are such a genius." He gave her a laughing grin.
"Oh, my god! You are such an imbecile. Now is clearly not the place to bring that up!"
"What's your intimate life like? How often do you make love?" asked Dr. Charles, making notes in his leather bound journal and ignoring Will's idiotic comments. He was glad that the Halsteads had finally come to him. For as in love as Daniel could tell they were, they clearly needed his help.
Will smiled widely, wrapping his arm around Lola. "Oh, we have an amazing sex life, Dr. Charles. We make up for lost time when I get home by constantly being in bed. Look at her, she could give the Pope a hard on."
"Will!" Lola said through gritted teeth, pushing him off. "Tell Dr. Charles the truth, he's not going to judge us or rat you out." She looked over at Dr. Charles. "Well, lately he's been having a problem..." She made a sideways circle with her hand. "You know, taking longer than usual, but the other day was the first time he couldn't finish at all, but I'm still worried about all the stress he has. He's going to give himself a heart attack one day. I think he's hiding something major from me, but no matter what I've done, he won't tell me!"
"My job carries an exorbitant amount of pressure, that's why. It nearly cost me an arm and a leg to be here today."
"It's always NASCAR, NASCAR, NASCAR! We need to discuss how your relationship with Paisley is totally strained! He thinks that buying her anything her heart desires makes him Father of the Year, like when I repeatedly told him NOT to buy her a pony but also a horse?! She's four years old, she doesn't need both!"
"You're making way too big of a deal out of this. She's not going to be a race car driver, she has to have some kind of a fallback. If anything, I purchased the horse because they're a rare breed."
"Were you Father of the Year when you walked out in the middle of her dance recital two nights ago?"
It had been Paisley, Carmelle, Twyla and Annabelle's spring dance recital. The whole Halstead clan had been there to support them, but when it came time for Paisley's "Tiny Dancer" solo, Will suddenly got a phone call and had to leave.
Unfortunately, Paisley saw him walk out. Lola desperately tapped her dimples to get Paize to keep smiling, feeling her eyes water over her only daughter's heart broken expression, but damn if that little girl wasn't a trooper for carrying on with her routine.
"I told you it was Mouse. There was a problem with my Funko Pop!, the face was coming out weird and they needed my approval on the outfit. Paisley is well aware of how busy Daddy is, but maybe Mommy isn't."
This was unfortunately going nowhere. It was similar to how things were at home, Lola trying everything to get Will to open up and him constantly deflecting.
"Of course I know how busy you are! I want to be that busy, too, except you don't let me do anything! All my other friends, even the ones with children, are all doing something. I know that I can multitask and do both just like them, but Will won't let me. He doesn't think I should go back to school and he reneged on his word to let me do this photo shoot for Maxim."
"I had to. You're better than that slutty shit."
"But I wanted to do it! I still do!" Lola was too upset to cry, she was too frazzled. "Will, don't you remember "A Thousand Years"? That was our wedding song. The lyrics stood out for me, don't be afraid of me because I've loved you for a thousand years and I will for a thousand more, but there's days where I doubt you still feel the same, like being with me is an obligation."
"It's not."
"Where did the man I married disappear to? The compassionate, gentle Will Halstead I fell so madly in love with?" She grabbed both his hands in her own, making him look into her teary blue gold eyes. "Please come back to me, Willby. There's still glimpses of him here and there, but he's gone, more like a shadow. Some days I feel like I don't even know who you are anymore."
"Willby" was Lola's nickname for him that she randomly came up with one night on vacation in St. Thomas because they both despised "Willy". Nowadays, she only called him that when she was trying to get through, and the evidence was lucid that right now was not one of those times where it would work in her favor.
Lola needed to face the truth that if Will wouldn't step up to the plate now, for the sake of their marriage, that he never would.
"Neither do I."
The room went silent as Will continued to look at his feet.
"Right after Paisley was born, something happened."
Will could no longer deny this to himself, nor could he deny it to his innocent wife. Enough time had passed, he needed to come clean, even if it would inflict more pain and suffering upon those around him.
"What?" Lola's heartbeat sped up, her ears were pounding and she could feel her hands shaking.
"Go ahead, Will. We're listening." Dr. Charles gently coaxed, removing his glasses.
Will took a deep breath, twisting his hands in his lap, scared shitless to unveil such a horrible truth.
"I was in Dallas for a convention. It had been a long day of signing and posing for pictures, hamming it up for the fans. The guys and I just wanted to blow off some steam, so we went to a strip club. One by one, everybody left except for me and Justin. We took a couple of the girls back to the hotel with us and it was all a blur.
There were lines of coke everywhere, I spaced out for five seconds after doing some. I only did it the one time, but that's besides the point. I look over to see Justin getting a blow job and then he started having sex with this chick. It made me think of you and how you weren't there, I was getting tempted.
One of the girls, Zoya, was all over me. I made her tie me up and blindfold me so I could feel but not touch as she gave me a lap dance. You and your exquisite body were all I thought about, I so desperately wished that you were there with me so you could be the one I touched, not that skank. I couldn't live with myself if I cheated on you. That's ok for Justin to do, but not me. If you haven't caught on already, which I'm sure you have, he's been cheating on Olive this whole time and one of his three GOTS has a daughter with him. The next thing I know after I came in my pants, Zoya had a knife to my throat and a gun to my head saying she videotaped the whole thing and would leak it to the press if I didn't do exactly what she said."
"And did you?" asked Dr. Charles, to which Will nodded reluctantly.
"I had to say whatever I could to get back to my wife and baby girl. Zoya just kept getting greedier and greedier. I bought her a house, two cars, a whole new wardrobe. I tried telling her that I told my wife but she refused to believe me. I got so stressed over it that I started gambling. At casinos, on my phone and tablet, even the weekly poker games with the team owners and chiefs. I had some really high wins and pretty bad lows, bad enough to where I've had to pay off the debts with the money from Paisley's college fund. This woman is the reason why I can't let you model, Lola. She'll come after you, she'll come after us."
"Is that it?" Lola asked, afraid to know the truth, her fear solidified when he shook his head.
"No, it's not. I'm addicted to pornography. I have strippers tie me up and give me lap dances or they have sex in front of me, mostly girl-on-girl. I technically keep Zoya employed. Her dream was to be a porn star, so it was her idea for me to invest in an adult entertainment production company. They've become pretty successful, they even have a reality show now for the next big porn star and I was able to add to the college fund and then some. I have tried constantly to stop on my own but I can't. Whenever I'm alone I watch one of my sex tapes-"
Dr. Charles interrupted him. "I'm sorry, sex tapes?"
"Yes. Ever since I lost my virginity to now, I've had every single encounter taped. Zoe, Kayla, Natalie, Lola, all my wedding nights, even the other day in the pool house. I just really get off on my exceptional skills as a lover, but it's tearing me apart inside."
If Lola was feeling a bit paranoid before, it was magnified now. His confession had transformed her into a statue of trauma, bathed in perspiration and disgust, the only movement from her rapidly beating heart.
She was so frozen that she didn't even realize Will had started crying. "Lola, I'm so sorry. I'm a sick, sick man and I don't know what to do." He rested his head on her shoulder, practically sobbing. "It's been deteriorating away at me, having to hold back and the pain building up. I wanted to tell you so many times but I was too scared of the truth my words would hold. You don't deserve this at all, baby."
"Lola, it seems as if these women are providing Will a specific, exciting head rush that you can't since he's on the road. But Will, saying that what you have them do to you is not cheating is a contradiction. It's a false rationalization, really."
"I have a problem. Sometimes I can't even focus without releasing. Those hands free orgasm porno videos help when I'm not able to get a stripper. That way I'm not even using my hands. It's not like I'm the only one to do it, everybody does, and I was never inside any other woman in five years but my wife, not even once."
Dr. Charles shook his head. "I'm sorry, but that's still a contributing factor, coming up with any excuse you can think of to get the fix. You're allowing yourself to become controlled and weakened by this inferior mindset. Your addictions are not only hurting yourself, but your family. Lola," Daniel glanced at her. "is there anything you'd like to say?"
Her mind was a broken roller coaster, spinning without a second to stop, out of control and so blurred nothing could be seen for a glimpse of clarity. Strippers? Gambling? Porn addiction? Was she that much of an oblivious idiot? Either way, she had gone past hitting her breaking point.
"Will, I..."
"Babe, please..."
Glaring him down, Lola unleashed the she-wolf.
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! Almost our whole marriage was a lie, and all because you needed to get your rocks off?! I did everything for you, Will! I sacrificed my future for you, raising Paisley alone while you're snorting coke and getting dry humped by STD laden whores, throwing away our child's education! Why, why did you do this?!" Lola was practically shouting in his face, hot tears streaming down her now red cheeks, she was absolutely fuming.
"Aren't I perfect enough for you?! I have done everything you ever wanted! I got my teeth straightened again, my nose fixed, my already well endowed breasts done to your liking, not to mention all the laser work! Will, I'm a walking Barbie doll, and even if I hadn't gotten plastic surgery, I'm still a natural beauty! I let you back door me every time you win a race! Do you know what that feels like?! How about I stick some freckled dildo dick up your ass so you know, you son of a bitch?!"
Without thinking, Lola hauled back and punched Will in the face so hard that he actually fell off the couch, clutching his eye.
"Argh! Jesus Motherfucker!" He sat up, rubbing his eye. "Lola, I'm going to be in front of cameras all day tomorrow! You know this!" Will rubbed his cheek in distress. "I think you broke a tooth! Where did you learn to throw a punch like that?!"
Dr. Charles stood up, holding his hand out. "Lola, I know you're angry right now, but I'm going to have to ask you not to lash out violently in here."
She started walking around and pacing. "I can't even think straight! I am beyond infuriated! Nobody will ever make you happy like I can, and you're about to find out because I'm done. I want a divorce!"
"What?!" Will got on his knees and grabbed her hands, panic at an all time high and his eyes burning with tears, both from the pain in his face and the shock of her words. "Lola, no! Please, I'll do what I can to fix this! I'll go to rehab or private counseling, anything you want! I didn't technically cheat!"
"I can't trust you at all! You never stick with anything, I'm amazed you're even here today!" Lola sat down, wiping her tears.
"Lola, I know this may seem like a silly question, but how are you feeling right now?" Dr. Charles had seen his fair share of arguments in this office before, but this one had the most venom.
"Honestly, thankful that the film crew isn't here to capture this and edit it to make us a mockery to America. That's not all. I'm enraged, I'm devastated, my head feels like it's about to pop off!" She looked over at Will. "I don't even know what to say to you right now. I can't breathe!" Lola put her hands on the sides of her face as her head went between her legs, desperately trying to catch her breath.
Taking a risk, Will put his hand on her shoulder. "It's ok, honey. We're going to work it out."
She shrugged him off. "Don't fucking touch me! At this point, I never want your hands on me again for the rest of my life."
Lola's hand dived into the inside pockets of his suit jacket, fishing out his iPhone and the Lamborghini car keys.
"I don't know how your tits and jacks addiction is going to survive, but you'll have to find another way without your phone!"
She stood up, throwing the phone on the ground and smashing it to smithereens as hard as she could with her bronze Gucci strappy sandals.
"NO!" Will shouted, bending down to pick up his shattered phone.
"While you're at it, find another way home. If you were smart, which you aren't, you wouldn't show your disgraceful face there because you are not welcome in my house!"
With a flip of her hair, Lola slung her Chanel purse over her shoulder and walked out of Dr. Charles' office, slamming the door behind her, ignoring the calls to return.
Blasting "The Hell Song" by Sum-41 as she zipped out of the parking lot in her husband's cherished electric blue Lamborghini and onto the Chicago streets, burning rubber as she left, all Lola could do was scream and cry. Things weren't perfect, but now they were nearly destroyed. How could this ever be fixed?
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