Disclaimer: I don't own either FMA or HP! If I did, I wouldn't be writing Fanfiction! And I'd be rich!
~~0~~0~~0~~
Edward slammed his metal fist into the wall, causing the already unstable building to tremble. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't fucking believe it.
The old bastard, Albus-fucking-Dumbledore stood before him, staring at Edward evenly. Despite the man's…violent tendencies, Albus was sure that he wouldn't harm him.
"Why? What the hell do you need me for?!" Edward snarled.
Albus sighed. He knew the immortal man would be difficult to talk to. A man who went through so much trouble to hide himself from the world due to the fact that he couldn't die wouldn't be pleased to see a face from a different identity. Even so, Albus was able to track him, which was probably one of the most difficult things he's had to do so far.
"'Eben,' I've already told you. I need your help to watch over a certain student that will be starting Hogwarts this year."
"Yeah, but why in hell would I help you? And my name is Edwin, old geezer. Get it right." 'Edwin' snarled.
Albus pinched the bridge of his nose. Why did 'Edwin' have to be so difficult? "Remember Grindlewald, 'Edwin?' You got kidnapped and I saved you. By your laws of Equivalent Exchange, you do actually owe me." He said, frustrated.
'Edwin' let out a snort of hate. "But I'm busy here! If you self-pompous wizards haven't noticed, the whole fucking world is tearing itself apart! I have to play my part!"
"We need you too. Besides, the war is winding down. Don't you think you've done enough?" Albus asked.
'Edwin' let out a strange choking noise that sounded like a sob mixed with a snarl and another snort of hatred. "There's no such thing as 'enough.' No matter how many I save, my sins will never repent."
Albus shook his head.
"It doesn't matter. You do owe me, 'Edwin.' Plus I can try to make this…job less painful for you. You'll still be a teacher, but you'll only have sixth and seventh years to deal with. On top of that the classes will be on days best for you. I can also set up a port key network for you to travel between here and Hogwarts for you. You'll still be able to help with the war effort!" Albus argued, a slight grin working its way onto his face.
Check.
'Edwin' scowled. He couldn't find a way to defy the man's logic and it absolutely sickened him. "Fine."
Albus smiled.
And mate. Game over.
Yet, before Albus could say or do anything else, an inhumanly hard right fist swung and connected with Albus's slightly crooked nose, breaking it perfectly.
Albus's hands jerked to his face automatically. Pain rushing through his skin.
Did 'Edwin' really have to break his nose a second time?
~~0~~0~~0~~
Edward felt like he was going to puke. His insides were twisted up into nasty knots, organs choking on one another to put themselves out of misery. His eyes bulged out of his head in pure terror and disgust. Meanwhile, most the souls inside him had similar feelings, albeit much less physical sickness. The souls did a mixture a groaning, laughing nervously, snorting, any many more reactions that Edward only half paid attention to.
Because, early morning, standing within the doors of the Great Hall, Edward was staring at the monstrous amount of red and pink that raped the area with their hideous color.
Red may be Edward's favorite color, but the shade Lockheart used was sickening.
The Hall was decorated just in time for Valentine's Day. Why people celebrated Valentine's Day Edward would never know. Why would they name a day of love after a guy who had nothing to do with love at all? Edward will never know.
Despite the validity of Valentine's Day, the Hall was decorated for the occasion. Large red and pink flowers shaped like hearts were stamped to the wall. The same color confetti fell from a lovely morning sky, peppering everyone with annoying bits. As Edward walked a slow walk to his seat, he noticed Lockheart standing before the tables, dressed in a pink robe with red hearts.
Edward slunk deeply into his seat. Already he was ready for the day to be done. Giving a secretive glance at other teachers, Edward saw that he wasn't the only one feeling sickened. Severus looked like he just swallowed a lemon and McGonagall's lips were pursed into an impossibly thin line while a muscle twitched dangerously in her cheek.
Waving for chatter to die down, Lockheart exclaimed a jubilant "Happy Valentine's Day! And may I thank the forty-six people who have so far sent me cards! I have arranged this little surprise for you all – and it doesn't end here!"
Edward groaned and banged his forehead against the table. Why can't it end? Why?
The only answers that came were from the souls inside him, though they either didn't know or gave him wild and strange explanations that made no sense.
Well, they did make Edward smirk in amusement.
"My friendly card-carrying cupids! They will be moving about the school delivering your valentines" Lockheart continued, gesturing to a bunch of poor dwarves dressed up like stereotypical cupids with golden wings and harps.
Edward smacked his newly lifted head against the table, seething in disgust.
"And the fun doesn't stop here!" Lockheart blathered. "I'm sure my colleagues will want to enter into the spirit of the occasion! Why not ask Professor Snape to show you how to whip up a Love Potion? While you're at it, Professor Flitwick knows more about Entrancing Enchantments than any wizard I've ever met, the sly dog! And lastly, Professor Elric could easily make a small gift for your sweetheart using a tad of his alchemy!"
Severus looked like he was ready to shove poison down Lockheart's throat while Flitwick buried his hands into his head, flushing with embarrassment. Edward, on the other hand, took to glaring at Lockheart as well as the student body, telling everyone that if they knew what was good for them, they wouldn't ask.
~~0~~0~~0~~
Edward walked into his second year class feeling absolutely pissed and slightly embarrassed. All day, dwarves kept trying to give him his 'valentines' in which he would promptly kick them away and run like hell. Edward had no clue who was sending them or why; all he knew was that when he found the person doing this, he'll make sure to send them into tears.
Meanwhile, the second year class was both excited for what today would bring as well as terrified by the bad, dangerous aura that the professor had.
Today will be the official day they started their first transmutations. Elric had made it clear that alchemy was not to be messed around. He decided that before students could try and transmute, everyone in the class had to pass in their essays and pass, which was more difficult than what others would believe. Elric's class has always been a pass-or-fail class, but Elric was super tough on the essays; neither Hermione nor Neville were able to pass on their first try and they were the best when it came to alchemy! Never the less, everyone eventually got their essays turned in and passed off, something Elric had been adamant on; everyone must pass or failures drop out before any class could transmute anything.
Now, months after the essay project was handed out, they would finally be able to actually use alchemy! It was a momentous occasion!
As the classes excitement and pondering grew, Elric took to locking the door heavily, using both deadlocks and even transmuting it shut using a flash of electric blue alchemy. Though the class did murmur in confusion and slight worry, they said nothing. Elric always had strange behavior and quirks, it was nothing new.
"Okay class, today it looks like you're going to try and transmute something. If you apply all the theories I've given you and don't screw up, you'll be fine." Elric said as he went and stood before the class, arms crossed. The dangerous aura seemed to disappear, but the teacher still had tension within the depths of his eyes.
The class grew even more excited and enthusiastic, talking lightly with one another and the like while Elric passed around blocks of wood.
"Take out some pap- I mean parchment and draw your circles. Raise your hand when you're done; I'll need to check it." Elric continued, his voice hinting at slight worry for the students.
The class went and drew their transmutation circles. Some, like Neville and Hermione were concentrating so hard to get it perfectly correct on the first try, were actually sweating from the excursion. Others, like Harry and Malfoy, had to throw away multiple scraps due to the fact that they kept screwing up.
Watching this, Edward shook his head. It would be much easier if everyone just used a pen. Quills always ran out of ink to fast.
After the class was done and all circles were checked, Elric moved on. It was a good sign that no one was wrong when it came to the circle, though the students probably helped one another because everyone was using the same circle.
"Now then, place your block of wood in the center of the circle and place your hands on the edge of the circle. Concentrate on the equations you're using as well as a shape you want to make. You can make anything you'd like as long as it's not complicated. If you do it correct, it will work." Elric instructed.
A shy student raised their hand real quick. Now that they really were going to transmute something, they felt nervous.
"Huh? What is it?" Elric asked the young hufflepuff.
"Um, well, is there a possibility for a rebound, professor?" She squeaked out.
Elric gave her a small smile that was supposed to be reassuring, even though it more or less looked like a grimace. "No, there won't be a rebound. Most likely the matter won't bend to your will or nothing will happen." He clarified. "Now then! Start!"
The students placed their hands against their circles and concentrated hard on what they were trying to make. For a few tense seconds, nothing at all happened in the small room that is, until very weak blue electrical light started sparking.
Neville stared down at the light vaguely sparking at his fingers and the wood. As his circle started to glow blue, more sparking commenced over where Hermione was crouching. She beamed happily. More lights started to fill the room, sparking and shivering between nervous student's fingers.
Harry struggled to get his circle to spark. He was thinking of what he wanted to make easily; a small statue of Hedwig. Yet, it didn't want to work. Remembering briefly of what the professor said, Harry took the smaller details off his statue and concentrated more on the equation he memorized in his mind. The equation balanced perfectly and blue light started crackling inside the circle happily, ready to be used. Harry watched as the wood started to twist and bend, creating a small legless version of Hedwig. Her wings were splayed out as if she was ready to fly, though she didn't have any feathers carved into her. As the transmutation ended, the blue light died out and the circle stopped glowing, leaving the statue behind.
Harry glanced around, wanting to see what else was going on. Across the room, Malfoy was finishing up his own statue of what appeared to be a snake. How typical. Harry thought with a roll of his eyes. Meanwhile, Neville was showing Elric his statue of what appeared to be a potted plant of some sort. Elric was pointing at it and explaining something about alchemic marks left on the wood. Hermione was admiring her own statue of what appeared to be a small, fat, legless cat.
As transmutations from around the classroom ended, Edward broke his chat with Neville and went to sit on his desk, his legs swinging back and forth. Staring around, he was pleased that everyone got a reaction of some sort. Sadly, only eight of them were able to actually create a very basic statue. The others transmuted their wood, but not into a statue. Many of them accidently stopped at deconstruction, leaving a pile of broken down materials in their circle. Others hadn't been concentrating on their shape well enough so they created a strange blob. Overall, Edward's class had done really well; being able to get a reaction of some kind.
"Very good, everyone." He said. His class beamed back at him in surprise and happiness; Edward almost never complimented anyone. "Though only eight of you were able to create a statue, at least everyone transmuted something. If you have a pile of shavings on your desk, you broke concentration and stopped at step two which is-"
"Deconstruction." The class rang out.
"Yeah. If you have a shape but it doesn't look like anything, you lost your focus on what you were trying to make. Now, if you didn't make a statue, you'll have to come in sometimes and preform another transmutation for me and create a statue to pass. For those who passed today, good job. You can keep your statues." Edward finished. A burst of pride and happiness welled in his heart as his eight students that created something happily pocketed their creations, wonder still written all over their faces.
"Any questions?" Edward asked.
"Professor, what was the first thing you ever created?" a student from the back called out.
Edward sighed and thought hard. What was the very first thing he's created? It was so long ago, he couldn't even recall.
"To be honest, I can't even remember. It was a long time ago." He answered.
"What was the best thing you've ever created?" Another student asked.
Before Edward could answer, however, there was a loud and rude banging on the door.
"Edward Elric, we know yar in here! We gots a message fer ya!" A dwarven voice yelled.
The students watched in amusement as Edward's face lost all its color, becoming stark white. Quickly, Edward dived behind his desk, hidden from view.
"I'm not here! I was never here!" He yell-whispered to his class.
Meanwhile, the class was torn between large guffaws of laughter or nervous, unsure looks between each other. Sometimes, it was really hard to believe that Elric was considered one of the scariest teachers in the school.
Finally, the door gave out as the dwarves used their brute strength to literally knock down the door. The students watched as three of them filed dressed as very ugly, fat cupids.
"Were is he?" One of the dwarfs asked.
The class said nothing. Though the dwarves were leering at everybody frighteningly, most the class decided that Elric was scarier.
Well, most the class. Nott decided it would be hilarious to see the unmovable alchemy teacher to get some weird valentines from creepy girls. Nott glanced at the dwarf standing next to him. Leaning towards the fat creature, Nott whispered the location of the poor professor.
The dwarf grunted in acknowledgement and thanks to the young Slytherin and went to the desk.
"Edward Elric, we know yar be-ind the desk. We 'ave roughly twenty-two valentine's t' give ya."
The professor made an odd squawking sound at the number. He peered over the desk, confusion, frustration, and desperation written clearly in the golden depths of his eyes. The dwarf seemed unfazed as he stared at the man.
"Oh, his hair woven in soft sunshine,
I wish he could be mine.
How I adore that man so-"
A blue flash of alchemy later and all three dwarves found themselves falling through a hole that opened up on the ground they stood on. Edward quickly smoothed the floor back out, as if the transmutation never happened.
The students tried – and failed to stop their giggles of amusement. Edward glared around angrily at them, cheeks burning a small hint of red from embarrassment.
"Shut it! Class dismissed!" Edward spat.
The class, still laughing, quickly departed from the room with the angry blond. As Hermione was walking out the door, however, she glanced back at the flustered blond. She paused, staring at him. Neville, who was behind her, bumped right into her, not noticing she had stopped.
"Oomph! Sorry, Hermione!" Neville cried out quickly.
"It's okay, Neville." Hermione reassured him, distracted by Edward's still flushed face that was currently looking at some notes stacked messily on his desk.
"Professor? Are you okay?" Hermione called out, side stepping Neville to backtrack into the classroom.
"Huh? I'm fine, Hermione." Edward answered her, only giving her a glance out of the corner of his eye.
Hermione looked at him in surprise. Neville was still in the room. Turning to Neville, she was about to make an excuse for the teacher calling her by her first name but before she could say anything, Neville started speaking.
"He calls you by your first name too?" Neville asked her in surprise.
"Too?" She answered back.
Neville nodded quickly, a small grin plastered on his face.
Hermione glanced back at Edward, her mind still set in her decision.
"You don't seem to fine, Ed. Usually you're more focused on your work. Plus you're blushing." Hermione stated, a triumphant smile decorating her features.
Edward gave her a small mock glare before sighing in annoyance and leaning back onto two legs of his chair.
"It's these stupid dwarves and their valentines! I don't know who's doing this but I think it's the basta- I mean the Weasley twins." Edward growled.
Hermione stared at the blond in disbelief and shock. Did Ed really believe someone was pranking him? Hermione glanced over at Neville who was looking at the professor in slight confusion. Even Neville knew that it wasn't a prank! Hermione could hardly believe that Ed was really this clueless.
"Um. Ed. These aren't pranks. These valentines are from, um, girls…" Hermione trailed off, disbelief filling the tone of her voice.
Edward stared at Hermione in wide-eyed disbelief. Finally, he gave a weak chuckle. "Hermione, I'm a teacher…"
"That doesn't mean anything. Look at Professor Lockheart!" Hermione butted in. "Girls think you're handsome so they send you things like this. Have you never noticed how some girls look at you, Ed?" Hermione continued. Neville merely nodded in agreement.
Edward snorted rudely at the mentions of Lockheart but her words did strike a chord. Now that Edward thought of it, he remembered how many of his older years' classes had many girls in them in the beginning but got kicked out for not doing their work. But maybe the truth of it was that-that girls found him…attractive? Edward wanted to scoff at the thought but it did make sense in a way. It explained the valentines and the girl-full classes in the beginning. What Edward didn't understand was why. He wasn't exactly the…the tallest person out there, though he hated to admit it. Not only that but his body was crisscrossed with scars and he was missing two limbs! But, then again, those girls didn't know that. Yet, either way, he was way too old for them.
"But I'm too old!" Edward told Hermione in confusion. "And no, I haven't noticed." He continued.
Hermione rolled her eyes at the childish way Edward was reacting. "You're only- what twenty-three? That's only six or seven years. Not to gross."
"And girls really do stare at you, Edward." Neville butted in nervously. "I hear them all the time at meals."
Edward groaned and rubbed his face. He didn't understand women.
He really, really didn't
~~0~~0~~0~~
Edward groaned in annoyance and tiredness at the banging that assaulted his bedroom door. The only day he decided to go to bed early and someone was determined to wake him up. Not only that but he wasn't even trapped in a nightmare for once! Sometimes, Edward felt like the whole world was against him.
Ignoring the angry grumbles of the souls that echoed in his mind, Edward dragged himself out of bed.
"Hold on a second!" Edward snapped.
The banging instantly died down.
Edward yanked his lovely red coat over his shoulders to block his sleepwear and pulled on some gloves and socks. Making sure that no metal showed, Edward yanked open the door.
Much to his surprise, both Harry and Carrot-top were standing there. Both boys were sweating as if they've run a mile and were wide-eyed in fear and slight shock. Leaning against the door frame, Edward glared angrily at them.
"Why the hell are you two here? You woke me up!" Edward spat.
"We're sorry, professor but we have news about the Chamber!" Carrot-top panted.
Edward straightened up at the sound of this and the souls stopped grumbling, all of them falling silent for once.
"What'd you find out?" Edward gasped.
"It was Hagrid! Hagrid opened the Chamber fifty years ago!"
~~0~~0~~0~~
Okay! I got one out! Told ya!
This was a bit more humorous of a chapter, I hope. I'm not very good at writing humour, but I tried my best!
Sorry it's a bit shorter, but things are starting to wrap up! There's only 2 more chapters left!
I'll try and get another chapter out before next weekend, but it matters on how much homework I get and such.
Anyway's, question time!
Kale Of The Dragons- Sorry, but Ed's friends aren't coming back.
Kazaru13- Ed is 667 years old
Anyways, thank you all for reading and please review! They motivate me!