Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Warning Contains: spoilers, language, blood, gore, and suggestive situations

Hello Dear Readers,

I hope that all of you are well. The weather is starting to transition and become colder, so naturally my school is littered with sick people. And all of them are trying to make me join their ranks. Hopefully, none of you are getting sick because I know just how inconvenient and unfunny it is. I'm trying my best to avoid it for as long as possible. And hopefully, you'll do the same.

This is my longest chapter to date, with more than nine thousand words. It may not seem like much when you're reading them but trust me, it becomes a chore trying to write, read, write again and then finally proofread. It takes a lot of time from my day, and I should be studying but I won't tell anyone if you won't.

So anyways, thanks to all of those who left reviews. Your thought leave me truly feeling invincible and awesome- two things that I defiantly am not. I appreciate all the support, constructive criticism, and the suggestions. You all are so patient with me, so thanks. Just as a heads up the next few chapters will be predominantly about Sakura, which is typically what you guys want so it works out perfectly. I want to help establish her personality and character as much as I can before the plot truly thickens.

So internet friends, I hope that this chapter is to your liking. I would really appropriate it if you left something kind for me to read after you're done reading this chapter. You're thoughts, comments, and concerns are always welcomed. It does not take long to leave a review but it makes my day. Let me know what you think and I'll be back in a week or so. Until next time!

~L.H.

Chapter Fourteen: Right Feel so Wrong

She kissed him.

Kami, she had kissed him! Not just once, but twice. Sakura for the life of her could not figure out what had possessed her to do something so stupid, so boneheaded, and so self-destructive. She might as well have driven a kunai straight through Naruto's back and into her heart. She had just made her life significantly more difficult. And she had done so willingly.

It had not been her first kiss. That kiss had been given on the battlefield and it had left her heartbroken and hollow. That kiss had left both of them with regrets. He regretted what could have been and she regretted not being able to return his affections. He had loved her but she never felt that way about him.

Flashback:

"Sakura! You have to help him!" Gai pulled at her arm roughly. He was dragging her with so much force that her feet barely even grazed the ground. She blinked back the double vision. She could not let another comrade die, especially one as important as Lee. She would never be able to face TenTen again. The kunoichi had lost so much already, she did not want to have to break her heart all over again.

She sank to her knees by his side. He had a severe head wound. She could see a chuck of his brain. His skull had been completely obliterated. Her eyes fixed on a pool of blood the size of a watermelon. His insides were exposed to the open air. His intestines dangled out of his torso, they looked too grotesque and rubbery to be real.

Sakura swallowed back the bile in her throat. Lee had been completely mauled from the outside in. She vaguely registered that Gai was barking orders from behind her. His voice was panicked and there was the barest hint of a quiver. It sounded so scared and desperate. It mirrored how she felt.

The infantry had been ambushed while they were still making preparations to head out. She had ran to the scene as fast as she could but she had to heal many on her way to Lee. She could only manage minor healings now and nothing short of a forbidden jutsu would save Lee. She cared about him, but she was saving that jutsu for another. She hoped it would not come to that, he would never forgive her.

"Lee-san," she said gently. She was not sure how much longer the nineteen year old had. He needed a miracle not a medic. His dark orbs rolled to the right to look at her. They were losing the light in them. His face was drained of color and glow. He already looked pale enough to be a corpse. His life was leaving him in rivulets.

"Sa-kura," he began wetly. He lifted a shaky hand and she met him halfway. She gripped it firmly in her hand. She could funnel her chakra into him but it would be for show only. There nothing she could do for him and from the weak smile on Lee's blood covered lips, he knew it too. His time was running out and there was no hope of saving him.

She had warned him to take it easy, to rest, to let his body fully recover from the constant strain he put on it. But Lee was a man of action. He pushed himself too far regularly and it had finally caught up with him. He had brought this upon himself. Her heart broke for all the people that had come to appreciate and respect the exuberant taijutsu specialist.

Her tears pelted his face. He blinked each time the salty drops made contact with his skin. Gai was crying behind her. He was too grief stricken to bother with concealing his wails. They had said their goodbyes before she even arrived on the scene.

She had been called over as an act of desperation. He had only reached out to her as an excuse to do something other than watch as his prized pupil bleed out. Lee was much more than a student. He was the son that Gai always wanted. He was Gai's contribution to the world and he was now dying before his eyes. He would have to bury another student. At least Asuma had died before he had to experience the same heart wrenching pain and agony. The Sarutobi would not have taken the loss of Ino and Choji well.

"I ha-have a re-quest." His voice was breaking. He was on the verge breaking but he was not completely broken, just yet. Even when faced with death, Lee was still showing strength. He had more courage in him than she could ever hope to have. He was nothing short of a perfect shinobi. He carried himself with class and grace. He did not deserve the end that befell him. He had earned so much more.

"Anything Lee-san," Sakura looked at him with guilt. Maybe she should try to do something for him. After all, he had done so much for her through the years. He had risked his life to protect her from the Oto shinobi during the Chunnin Exams. He had reassured her that he would keep her safe when they faced Haku and Zabuza again. He had always looked out for her. Now it was her turn.

At the very least she should be able to honor his last request. She would do everything in her power to make it become reality, whatever it may be. She owed him that much. She was getting too good at looking at someone in the eye while they died. She was beginning to become somewhat of a specialist in the art of saying goodbye. She hated it. She hated what this war had turned her into.

His other trembling hand cupped her cheek. She leaned into his touch. His breathing was coming in ragged puffs. The medic in her wanted to tell him to conserve his strength but that would be a wasted recommendation. He was dying. And he would continue to die, regardless if he stopped talking or not. She wanted to hear what he had to say. She wanted to have his words to distract her from what was happening.

His fingers were freezing even though the air was muggy and hot. His thumb stroked her skin softly. She looked into his eyes with as much composure as she could. He had seen her cry too many times in the past. She wanted to be strong for him, for herself. "Sm-mile for me. Ju-just once mo-re." Sakura let out a heartbroken laugh. She knew what he really wanted from her, but he was too big of a gentleman to ask for it.

She lowered her lips until they met his cold ones. There was barely any contact, her lips hovered over his. It was hardly a full lip lock. Lee was having trouble breathing. She did not want to contribute to the problem and make matters worse for him. The kiss was short, sad, and utterly sparkless. It left her full of regret and pain. It was nothing like what a first kiss should have been, but she was a shinobi. They were shinobi. How many of her fellow ninja had died before they experienced such a sensation?

The silly grin and far off look on Lee's face made it worth the inner turmoil and guilt she experienced. She had just made one of his dreams come true. As silly as it sounded, she had just made his fantasy a reality. He still loved her but she felt nothing more than friendship towards him. She was happy that she could at least give him his last wish.

"You're an incredible shinobi, Lee. It was an honor to know you." It would be wrong to call him Lee-san now. They had just given each other their first kiss. Such formalities had no place with them now. She smiled through her tears at him. "I'll never forget you." She promised him fiercely. It was the first genuine smile she had worn in years.

The hand on her cheek went limp.

End of flashback

Her kiss with Minato had been so different. She had felt something other than despair and sadness. She was not left longing for something else, something more, and something different. She had been satisfied when their lips met. She had felt every cell in her body come alive. The world had stopped, her brain had stopped, and her cursed thoughts had been silenced. The aching and depression had been pushed away. At the moment she was not Sakura, she was not a kunoichi. She was just a woman who was in the arms of a man. It was so simple, so plain, so comforting and natural.

He had given her a break from thinking about the unbelievable amount of pressure that was on her. He made her forget how lonely, how sad, how broken, and how scared she was. When she was kissing him she was happy, she was light, and she was free. When she kissed him, she had given into her desires.

She was falling for him and that much was undeniable. And what was worse she remembered every detail of it. She had been exhausted but the jolt of electricity she had experience when she kissed him, had pushed back the tired fog long enough for her to store every detail in her brain. It kept playing back in her mind on repeat.

She remembered how strong his shoulders had felt under her hands. She remembered how his lips were slightly chapped. She even remembered how it felt when his callused fingers danced across her arms. Sakura snapped her eyes open to end the torment. She felt the heat rising to her cheeks. She avoided getting sleep because she knew that Minato would haunt her in her dreams. She was a mess, even more so than before the Iwa mission. That level of anxiety was child's play compared to what she was dealing with now.

She jumped at the slightest sight of yellow. It had become her least favorite color. Just a flash of the saffron had her heart pounding and palms sweating. She was rendered completely nonfunctional before it. The color had her knees shaking and breathing in stitches. She needed help but she did not have the slightest clue on where to get it.

She was lost in this Konoha, it confused her. This Konoha mocked her with what she could not have. It flaunted all its assets that could never be hers. These people were not from her time, she was not supposed to develop bonds with any of them. Every relationship she had established was built on a foundation of lies. She was dreadfully waiting for it to all come down on her. The only people who knew her complete truth were the Hokage and to a lesser extent Minato. She could not burden the kage with her petty issues. He had a village to run. And she could not turn to Minato for obvious reasons. His name was taboo for her.

She was in way over her head and she had no idea how to stop it. She was the one who had initiated the kisses. She was the one who invited drama into her life. She was the one that had let herself get caught up in his charm, when she had known better. She was the one who had crossed her own boundaries. She was the one who had blurred the lines and turned the tables.

Now, she just had to live with her poorly though out decision. It was so bad that for the first time in her life Sakura had acted without thinking, at all. She had let her mind go blank and her heart had committed an act of ultimate treachery. She had learned her lesson the hard way. She would never act without thinking. Her brain needed to keep a secure lock on her heart. She figured the heart break she was about to suffer would drive the point home. If she knew what was good for her, she would never let her walls down again. They were there for a reason. They were there to protect her from people like Minato and people like herself.

Jiraiya willed the contents of his stomach to remain down. His dark eyes meet the lifeless gaze of a pale grey haired man. Or at least, what had been a man before Orochimaru had kidnapped, experimented, and suspended him in a glass container. Even in death, the specimen had been denied dignity. He was completely naked while he stood forever embedded in a thick sap like substance. His dusky hair fanned around him. His eye sockets were bare and from the agonized expression on his face, they had been gouged out while he was still alive.

Jiraiya moved his feet to the next glass container. This one was smaller and his heart pulsed at the reason why. It housed a child, another one of Orochimaru's failed experiments. The boy's hair was as white as his own. But the roots were a dull crimson. At one point his hair was probably a vibrant red. The boy was an Uzumaki, the container was labeled with the clan's symbol.

Orochimaru was obsessed with immortality so it was only logical that he would conduct extensive experiments on Uzumaki's. They were known for their resilience and long lifespan. The young boy's glazed over eyes stared back at him. His stomach turned as he forced his feet to lead him deeper into the catacomb.

None of this should have come as a surprise. There had been rumors circulating for years about children, men, and woman going missing. Whole families simply vanished and the locations always seemed to correlate with areas Orochimaru was assigned a mission. Other villages had outright accused him of being responsible but they had always protected him. Orochimaru was his teammate. He had to take his word over the word of a stranger. He had trusted him so he turned a blind eye to the man's suspicious behavior.

The signs had all been there but he had overlooked them because he wanted too. He wanted to believe that his teammate was innocent. He wanted to believe that Orochimaru could never even imagine to do the things people accused him of. He had lied to their faces for years. But they had protected him.

Sarutobi, Tsunade and him had all protected him. But now as he stared at the scared eyes of a decapitated head of a young woman not much older than Sakura, he realized just how foolish and costly their actions-inactions- had been. Had they stopped him sooner, how many lives could have been spared?

The sound of his sandals making contact with the hard, stone floor vibrated off the walls. He was not concerned with being undetected. He did not even bother to mask his chakra. Orochimaru, no doubt, already knew who had trespassed on his site. A site that was so close to Konoha that it made Jiraiya's skin crawl. His former teammate really did not fear being caught. They had made him untouchable from other villages and even their own village.

The sannin pressed his lips in a firm line. Today Orochimaru would finally be brought back down to earth. He was no longer protected. He would finally answer to his sins. It was because of one individual that all of this was possible. And whether she realized it or not, she had already saved countless lives and changed the course of the future. Orochimaru would die because he was beyond redemption. Even Jiraiya had to admit that fact.

"Sakura-shishou, I did it!" Rin's delighted exclamation was more than a welcomed distraction for Sakura. Sakura watched as the fish flopped on the table. The brunette hastily threw it back in the small pound that was residing in the room. Despite her inner demons Sakura found herself smiling at her student with equal enthusiasm.

"You certainly did, Rin. Do you think that you can handle learning the basics of the chakra scalpel?" Her apprentice nodded emphatically but Sakura could see the tired undertone of her eyes. She was not the only one that was skirting on sleep. This girl was stubborn just like her. She placed a firm hand on her shoulder causing the brunette to look up at her, mildly surprised. "Go home Rin." The girl looked put out. Sakura laughed at her apprentice's antics."Read these scrolls on chakra manipulation and I'll demonstrate tomorrow."

"Hai Sakura-shishou!" Rin wrapped Sakura in a quick hug. The act of boldness surprised the pinkette. She watched as the girl practically bounced out the door. Sakura sighed, Rin had taken her good mood away with her.

"I'm home." Sakura called out while setting a bag of groceries on the kitchen counters. She had just managed to avoid getting drenched. The second she closed the front door the sound of pounding rain reached her ears. "Kushina!" She called over the storm. She heard footsteps running down the stairs frantically and that was her only warning. Before Sakura could even sigh in protest, she found herself enveloped in a tight hug. She was actually lifted a few inches off the ground. She patted Kushina on the shoulder as a force of habit.

"Sakura-chan!" Kushina's eyes sparkled with mischievous delight once she had finally set the medic firmly on the ground. "Did you get ramen?" She asked not bothering to contain her excitement. Sakura merely pointed to the take-out containers on the counter. If possible, her roommate's eyes lit up even more. "You're the best Sakura-chan, dattebane!" Kushina grabbed the containers with one hand and grabbed Sakura's arm with the other and she practically dragged the other girl to the table.

"So I've been thinking." Kushina began after the women had situated themselves. Kushina was already making her way through half her meal. Sakura was not far behind her, she had a long day so, understandably, she was famished.

"Uh-oh this can't be good." Sakura teased, taking pride in Kushina's sour look. She twirled the long noodles around her chopsticks in thought. She was remembering Naruto again. If it was not Minato who was tormenting her it was his blonde doppelganger. Getting under her skin ran in the family, she supposed.

"Well it should be, because I was thinking of taking your advice." Kushina pointed her chopsticks at Sakura in an accusing manner. Sakura's eyes focused on the redhead. She was defiantly even more invested now. Sakura racked her brain but came up empty.

"My advice?" Her tone was inquisitive. She gave a lot of advice on a daily basis. For instance: Kushina should do laundry more often, Kushina should think about taking up a genin team (she was always complaining that she had too much time on her hands), Kushina should help Sakura clean the apartment they shared, Kushina should eat more vegetables,- and no the vegetables in ramen do not count-, Kushina should really practice her taijutsu more-it was really horrendous. Her friend needed to be a tad more specific.

Kushina nodded her head sagely before turning beet red. Now Sakura interest was completely peaked. "Yeah remember what you said when we first had ramen together?" She began quietly. It was in an almost timid manner, a trait which was defiantly not Kushina.

"Just spit it out will ya'?" Sakura said irately. Maybe she could get Kushina to spill her guts faster if she was angry or flustered. The woman did have a quirky trait slipping whatever was on her mind when provoked. Her words usually came out a jumbled mess but Sakura had gotten surprisingly good at making sense of them.

Kushina puffed out her cheeks and glared at her friend. "IthinkikindamaybelikeMinatojustatinybit." Sakura blinked and proceeded to choke on a ramen noodle.

"You like Minato?" Kushina looked at her friend amazed how had she managed to figure that out, she was talking a mile a minute. She barely understood herself.

"Yeah and I was thinking that I'll ask him to have ramen with me. You think that's a good idea?" Kushina looked at her with big hopeful eyes. "I mean it's not weird that I ask him out? You're always saying that gender roles are stupid and-"she was rambling again. Sakura decided to end her suffering, once she remembered how to formulate coherent a thought.

"That's great Kushina! I'm sure he'll love it." She forced a big smile on her face. This is what she wanted. Her heart was beating out of her chest. Her hints had worked. Her matchmaking skills were not as horrendous as she had first though. Minato and Kushina would be so happy together and in a few short years Naruto would be born.

This is what she wanted. This was what she worked for. This was what she had prayed for. Sakura smiled at the beaming Uzumaki. The corners of her lips slipped downward on their own discretion. Sakura grabbed her throbbing stomach. If this was what she wanted, then why did she feel as though someone had punched her in the gut?

He pushed his battered frame past its limits. 'Just a little more,' he coaxed his aching muscles to keep him upright and moving for just a little longer. He could make out the gates of the village at the horizon. It was nightfall so the village would be as still as the darkness. He was hoping that would be the case. He really did not want to cause a scene with his appearance. His footsteps were bloody. His path could have been easily followed but that was the furthest from his mind.

His bones protested as pushed through the massive entrance to Konoha. The gate keepers were asleep at their post. Had it been any other day, he would have taught them a lesson that they would not soon forget, but today he was thankful for the less than vigilant night shift shinobi. The moon illuminated the village in an eerie glow. It fit his mood perfectly.

Jiraiya sighed deeply before leaping to a balcony. Her light was on, so she was awake. No doubt thinking about the past again, she needed to learn to let it go. He slipped through the door she kept open. She was a shinobi, she did not have to worry about being robbed or attacked while in the heart of village. She left it unlocked for nights just like this one, for nights that she felt lonely but was too stubborn and proud to ask for company.

A small smile crossed his lips. It was funny how things never quite turn out how people planned them too. She had found a reason to stay in the village. And now that Orochimaru was no longer a threat, maybe he could find a reason to stick around too. He fingered the sake bottle in the folds of his top. If she was thinking about the past, then there was a good chance that she had started without him. He really disliked it when she drank alone. She had a habit of going overboard when he was not around to keep an eye on her.

His eyes widened in surprise as the room he stood in was suddenly illuminated. "Sit down," her voice had too much authority to argue. Besides, he was dead on his feet anyway, he was more than happy to comply. Her steady hands began to ease and dull the pain.

Her chakra could only heal his physical injuries but he was hoping she could help him with the emotional damage as well. "I'm sorry." He furrowed his brow. Her almond eyes bore into his. "You shouldn't have been forced to shoulder that burden alone. I'm sorry that I wasn't there. I should have been there."

Her resolve did not surprise him in the slightest. She always did have a strong sense of right and wrong. Had Orochimaru's friendship with her not clouded her judgment, Tsunade would have pieced the puzzle together much sooner. She would not have left anything of the serpent to use for identification purposes. She would have obliterated him.

It was a good thing that the Hokage had omitted her from the task. He shuddered as he thought about the damage Tsunade was more than capable of. Orochimaru was a criminal but even he did not deserve the wrath of an angry slug princess.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall. He let her fix his visible wounds. She had just put his deepest fear to rest. She did not hold it against him. She did not blame him. She did not hate him. She had just released all the tension from his tightly wound muscles.

"Why were you up?"He rolled his head to the side and stared at her with a grave expression. If she was not getting drunk in her sorrows, there was no reason why she was still alert. She had dark rings under her eyes and that informed him that she had not slept in at least two nights. That corresponded with the length of his mission. He would see Sarutobi tomorrow and official give his recount. He did not have the strength to move from his spot.

He stared deeply in to her eyes and she stared unapologizing back. Her face was impassive but he saw the slightest hint of relief in her eyes. The presence of it told him all he needed to know and he was pressing his luck by asking her, but he wanted to hear it. He had waited most of his life to hear her say the words that he longed for.

Tsunade stepped away from him and spared him a haughty smirk. He ignored the disappointment that was building in him. The moment had broken just like that. "The rain was too loud." She shrugged in a dismissive manner. He closed his eyes again. He had smelled the wet pavement and streets of the village. So he had just missed a downpour. "I'm glad you're back, you pervert." His eyes snapped open. He looked at her with his mouth slightly agape.

Tsunade smiled softly at him. She leaned forward until their noses were almost touching. Jiraiya did not dare to move a muscle for fear that she would lash out at him. He sat rooted in his seat as her hand disappeared into the fabric of his shirt. His eyes were trained to hers. She had yet to look away. The electricity in the room was almost visible, audible. His ears strained to pick up anything over the sound of his heartbeat.

He was so lost in her eyes that he did not even register the tugging of his garbs. Tsunade slowly pulled out her hand from inside his pockets and held the sake bottle for him to see. The toad sage blinked a few times in confusion. Recognition of the situation weighed down his stomach.

"What? Are you going to stare at me all night or are you going to join me?" She asked him with the raise of a graceful brow and teasing expression. She shook the ceramic bottle in her hand in a tantalizing manner.

His lips curled into an amused smirk. Sakura may have changed her some, but she was still the same old Tsunade in many ways and he was fine with that. It was times like these that he loved her more than anything.

Sakura had managed to avoid Minato for over a week now. The rational part of her brain was quick to remind her that she was only able to accomplish such a feat because he was letting her. If he really wanted to find her, he would have found her by now. Her daily routine was painfully predictable. She trained before the sun rose and she worked at the hospital until the sun set. There was very little change, unless she had a mission but those were rare to come by. The Hokage was keeping her close, to keep an eye on her. She had a sneaky suspicion that Minato had something to do with the arrangement.

Rin's training was coming along beautifully, the girl picked up on concepts well but apply them was still her sore spot. But she was improving at a respectable pace. Sakura had already ruled out teaching her Tsunade's taijutsu style. The girl was simply too docile and too big of a pacifist to want to do that much destruction. She did plan on teaching her the art of evasion. Oh, how she looked forward to that lesson. She smirked devilishly to herself.

"He misses you, you know?" Rin began lightly. She looked over her shoulder to meet her shishou's eyes. The woman's lips were pressed in a tight line. Sakura was getting ready to deflect the question again. Rin turned her attention back to the task at hand. She tried to keep the disappointment off her face. She would never give up. Sakura had taught her that much.

"Hmm. Rin push in your elbows in more." That's how it went. Rin would causally bring up the topic of Minato and Sakura would just as casually dismiss it. That had been their routine for the past nine days. It was a dance that both of them did waiting for the other to blink first. Rin may be stubborn but she was a lightweight compared to Sakura. Once the brunette learned to hold a grudge for four years over a silly childhood crush then she could begin to think about holding a candle up to Sakura.

Sakura did not have enough courage to ask Kushina if she asked Minato out yet. But something told her that the redhead kept getting sidetracked. Sakura had politely declined Masaki's offer for dinner, she was not here to socialize and mingle with the shinobi population. Minato had reminded her that as long as Sakura's heart was beating she would serve her village before anything else. She could not afford any distractions. She had almost died on her last mission. She needed to spend her free time improving. She needed all the extra training she could get.

Besides, she was still recovering from heartbreak and she was not even in a relationship with the man. Minato had left a gaping hole in her chest and it was more painful than a physical one. She could attest to that because she had the privilege of experiencing both in her twenty-one years. She shuddered to think about the devastation she would feel if she was actually with someone. The prospect scared her more than she would like to admit.

Minato was making a name for himself in the war but he was also making many enemies. For every Konoha nin he saved he killed two Iwa or Kumo nin. The Raikage and the Tsuchikage had a large bounty on Minato's head. It was even larger than the one that had been on Naruto's head before the forth war had begun. And that was only after the blonde had killed a handful of Akatsuki.

She feared for Minato's safety but she had faith in him. He was untouchable. He was as intangible as the wind that powered his jutsus. He was everywhere at once. His speed, wit, strength, and quick thinking was unmatched by anyone she had ever met. He was truly a demi-God. His prowess on the battlefield was awe inspiring. She heard many stories about how he fought, changing direction and power just as quickly as the wind. As long as he stayed humble and careful he would be fine.

But that knowledge only curbed the fear a little bit. She was an obsessive person by nature. She worried about the people she cared about on such a level, that she herself could barely function anymore, while they were away. Sometimes it felt that she could only breathe when she knew that he was in the village, safe from all the people that wanted him dead. She heard recounts that made her insides freeze, and that made her heart pound painfully. She was always left breathless and dizzy when she heard the nurses gossiping about his latest 'escapades' –as the Konoha nin called them.

Did they not realize that Minato was human? That he bled and broke just like the rest of them? Or was he just a pseudo-God in their eyes? Was he just some unattainable figure in their minds? Did they truly believe that he was above error and pain? Did they see him as perfection? Did they think that he was incapable of fatigue and human error?

Minato was skin and bone, which meant that he fell just as hard as the rest of them. The only difference was that no enemy would take pity on him. If he was killed, Konoha would never see his body. The missions he was accepting and doing were suicidal but somehow, someway he made it home in one piece. She prayed that would always be the case. Konoha needed its Yellow Flash. And she repeatedly had to tell herself that Kushina needed the Yellow Flash, but her treacherous heart refused to completely believe that.

"Sakura-san, these are the test results you requested." A blurry faced man placed the files on her desk. Sakura nodded her head in thanks. She looked up at him after she noticed he was still in her office. He was middle-aged and cursed with poor genes. The large bald spot, that the man tried so desperately to hide, gleamed in the lighting of her office.

"Can I help you?" She asked pleasantly but her drumming fingers were an indication that her patience was wearing thin. She had to conduct two emergency operations today. She was running low on everything at this point. She was counting the seconds to when she could just collapse in her warm, welcoming bed. If she was lucky she would get a few hours of sleep before she would have to drag her uncooperative frame to work again.

"Uno, there's a man demanding to see you and he's…," the man trailed off. His big grey eyes looked at her uneasily. He was torn. He did not know who to fear more, Sakura or the pacing man standing outside. They were both equally intimidating in their own right. The medic did not want to be in her office anymore than she wanted him to be there. In the short months that she had been here, she had developed a reputation for herself. Her staff knew not to test her patience. They would lose each and every time.

Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation, it had been a long and frustrating day and things had suddenly become worse. "Send him in." She snapped. The chunnin hastily bowed to her and ushered the visitor in. She strengthened her shoulders and glared at the records the medic had just delivered. She tried to loosen her clenched jaw. She did not want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her riled up. The mere knowledge that he was in her office had her whole body shaking slightly.

"Sakura." The voice was cool, calm, collected and everything she was not. She hated him for it. If he was going to act so detached and nonplused than so would she. She had spent a good amount of time convincing herself that what took place nine days ago was just a bad dream, or a really good dream. She was not sure yet.

"Did you need something, Namikaze-san?" Sakura asked sweetly not bothering to look up at him. She was trying to send a clear message. She was not interested, and he was only wasting his time on her. She did not want him accusing her of leading him along. She did not know what was happening between them but she was going to end it before things really got out of hand.

Minato's lips twitched downward at her aloofness. This woman was nothing but mixed signals. On minute she was kissing him like the world was about to end and the next she was giving him the cold shoulder. He found her infuriating, and overwhelmingly fascinating.

"I wanted to ask why you left Team Minato." Sakura repressed the urge to roll her eyes at him. She had left Team Minato weeks ago. She managed to put this confrontation off for three weeks, she had a good run. It was now time to face the music and she would be an adult about it.

"Personal reasons, Namikaze-san. I wouldn't want to bore you with the details. You're a very busy man." She said airily with downcast eyes. She was scribbling something rapidly. He did not miss the way her hand trembled slightly, or how she poked a hole through the paper, due in part to the amount of pressure she was apply on the pen. He intimidated her and that fact did not bring joy to him in slightest way possible.

Minato bit back a scathing retort. He had given Sakura space to sort out her feeling but Minato felt that he had been more than patient with her. And now he wanted answers. "Did you ask for resignation before or after our incident?" He narrowed his eyes at her and reminded himself to remain calm. She brought out the worst in him. She brought out his anger, possessiveness, all his ugly qualities but he kept coming back for more. He needed more.

Sakura momentarily winced. 'He's calling it an 'incident' now? Well, that does sound better than affair.' As far as she was concerned, Minato was a married man and completely off limits. The kisses were a moment of weakness, they would not happen again. She would not let herself slip back into such a low point. There was too much riding on her, now that Kushina finally displayed interest in Minato. There was hope for Naruto and that was all she could ask for. She did not want to ruin things for him now.

He watched closely as she composed herself surprisingly quickly. He was secretly impressed at the amount of professionalism she was displaying. She licked her lips before responding to him. "Before," was all she offered. Minato was annoyed that she still refused to meet his eye.

"Sakura, look at me." Something in his tone compelled her to do just that. Her breath hitched. He was furious but what caught her attention was the fact that he was bleeding on her floor. His arm was hanging limply from his body.

"Sit." Minato sighed deeply and gave into her demand. She would be easier to reason with if he just gave in. He watched in a rather bored manner as she assessed his damage. "You look like hell." Her fingers tentatively prodded the affected area for any shrapnel that might still be lodged in him. Minato rolled his eyes at her. He had just come back from another one of his famed missions. He had gotten careless and as a result he was here. His wound provided him with a perfect excuse to see her and it would force the Hokage to take it easy on him for a few days. It was a win-win.

"Took you long enough to notice, bubblegum." Sakura bristled at the nickname causing Minato to smirk. He missed seeing her riled up. Angry Sakura was far more attractive than depressed Sakura. He had missed her. She was still avoiding his eyes so he took this opportunity to study her.

"How much pain are you in?" She asked him gently. She was in the process on inspecting and rather deep gash on his upper arm. She reached across her desk for a roll of bandages. 'If I heal him completely the Hokage will just send him off again.'

Sakura was caught in a bout of ethics and personal feelings. She had an obligation to her employer-the Hokage- to keep his shinobi at peak health but she also had an obligation to her sustainers- the Gods, her heart, Kushina- to keep Minato alive. She would not be able to patch him up again if he sustained a heavy injury because of exhaustion or limited mobility from the injury.

She looked at his face. He really did look like hell. For the first time Minato did not look like an untouchable God. He looked ragged, and judging from his stubble he has not been paying grooming much attention. The bags under his eyes were new as was the worn look in his irises. Minato looked human in front of her, and it scared her. 'He needs rest,' she made up her mind then and there. The poor Hokage never stood much of a chance.

"Nothing, compared to the pain I felt when a comrade stabbed me in the back." Sakura's hand flattered slightly on his arm. She took in a deep breath and continued to examine the wound. It was ugly, messy gash in his otherwise flawless deltoid muscle. The skin was torn and it was turning a nasty shade of purple. It looked painful.

"I'm sorry. I needed time to think." She began lamely. It was true. She needed time to think about how to best avoid him. Minato's hollow chuckle cut her off from saying more half-truths.

"Yeah and how's that working out for you?" He studied her face. She looked like she had not slept since a week ago. She looked frail and for the first time he noted that she did look too delicate for the mission, the responsibility.

"Fine." She said through tight lips. She had used her chakra to cut through his sleeve and was in the process of cleaning the wound. The mild stinging sensation registered in the back of his mind. He watched her work with flat eyes.

"Is my company really that terrible that you chose to lock yourself in this God awful place willingly?" He joked dryly. The glare she sent him brought a thrill in him. He had missed the fire behind her eyes. He had missed her, plain and simple.

"Hold still, this will string." He looked on as Sakura bandaged his arm a little too tightly. He watched silently as she tore off an end of the wrappings with her canine tooth before she tied a neat knot. She had no idea just how attractive he found that action, or how attractive he found her in general. She looked at her work with a critical eye before she hummed in satisfaction. She patted his arm out of pure habit.

"Orochimaru's dead." Minato watched as Sakura nearly dropped the roll of remaining bandages from her hands. She stared at him shell shocked. She leaned against her desk for support. His eyes never left her face as she struggled to even her breathing.

"Who?" She asked him hesitantly as if she feared his response. Surely it could not have been Minato? He would have sustained more injuries than a cut arm. She instantly began to scan the rest of him with her chakra. Only after she was completely certain that he was indeed unhurt she pulled back her hand. It trembled slightly.

"Jiraiya," his tone was rigid and his clenched fist was turning white."They found evidence of him conducting experiments. You were right." She lowered her eyes from his dark expression. She chewed on her lower lip as the magnitude of the news weighed on her. The words were still sinking in. It was hard to believe that the man responsible for so much of her suffering was dead. His execution had come so quietly, swiftly, and decisively. She was the reason why Jiraiya had to kill his former teammate. She was the reason that the toad sage would have to carry that burden until the day he died.

"I'm sorry." Sakura fidgeted with her hands. She did not like being right, especially when being right meant that people had suffered and died. But she could not just standby and let him continue. She was not capable of pretending that she knew nothing about Orochimaru. She probably would have tried to kill him herself, if she had ever crossed paths with him.

"Stop saying that!" Minato spun out of his seat and grabbed her by the forearms. Her eyes widened with a start. "Stop accepting the role of a bloody martyr so readily. None of this is your fault. Stop blaming yourself." His eyes were so intense she felt her mouth go dry just at the sight of him.

"Sor-, I understand." She quickly corrected herself at his scathing expression. He spared her a disbelieving glance. His hands had moved to her wrists and his touch was making her knees go weak. She felt herself slipping. She focused on the cracks on the wall over his shoulder instead of his stormy gaze. He would be the death of her.

"Namikaze-san if you would please excuse me, I have something urgent I need to attend too." Sakura made to get out of his grip but he held tight. She was about to demand that he let go but the words died down in her throat. She had made the mistake of looking him in the eye. She was trapped in his gaze. Kami, she wanted him. She wanted him so bad but she knew that she could not have him. He was Kushina's not hers. 'Minato loves Kushina, not me. Minato loves Kushina, not me. Minato loves Kushina, not me.' Her heart splintered each time she repeated it.

Minato stared at her. His gaze bore into her soul. He recognized the want, the need, the fear in her heart. She was biting her lip without even realizing it. He watched as her teeth slowly worked the soft pink of her mouth. A low growl ripped through his throat before he pressed his lips roughly against hers. Sakura felt her brain go numb with shock. Her limps locked up on her, her heart exploded. Her head was completely blank once thoughts had stopped circulating in an all consuming hurricane. She was not thinking about Orochimaru, Kushina, Jiraiya, or even Naruto. Her brain had simply gone blank, completely and utterly blank. Air, she needed air so badly but she did not want him to stop. She did not want him to ever stop.

She lost count of the number of kisses they exchanged. She did not remember when her hands had tangled themselves in his hair. Or even when his hands had gripped her waist, she did not even remember coming up for air. She did not even remember when he left a trail of bite marks on the skin of her neck, and her jaw. She did not even feel her back being pressed against the wall.

All she felt was his tongue in her mouth and all she heard were the low growls that he was emitting. The pressure on her hips felt so right that it could have been there for her whole life. She did remember how their lips moved in synch and how they seemed to just fit together so naturally and perfectly. Minato held her tightly in his arms and to his satisfaction he felt her pushing back and responding against his mouth.

The pace was staring to become too frantic. He would not be able to control himself if they continued. He did not want to escalate things before she was ready. He did not want to hurt her. The primal part of him was angry at his decision but he chose to ignore it. His iron clad self-discipline had a new chink in it, a new weakness. The pinkette really was trouble for him.

"And most of all, I want you to stop being sorry for this." His voice sent shivers down her spine. It was so passionate, raw, and slightest bit possessive. She felt safe with him, but he was not hers to hold.

"Minato, I can't. Kushina, she-" Sakura began weakly, when she finally came to her senses. His close proximity was clouding her judgment. She was struggling to catch her breath and her speeding heart. Sakura pressed her palm on her forehead. Her head was spinning out of control. She used her other arm to grip his shoulder, she needed to steady herself. Her stomach bunched into a tight knot. What they were doing was wrong. All of it was wrong. It was all at Kushina's expense. The redhead had confided her attraction to Minato in Sakura. And the pinkette had gone behind her back only to betray her.

His arms tightened around her. She was trapped against him and she was disappointed to admit that she really did not mind all that much. She was beginning to hyperventilate the more she thought about what she had just done. Sakura forced herself to take even, deep calming breaths. She lost all self-control when she was with him. It terrified her to her core thinking about just how far she would have gone. She did not know the answer to her self-posed question. She looked at him for a brief second. Being around him would only lead to more heartbreak and devastation. How was she going to get over him if he kept weaseling his way through her strategically placed walls? How could she forget him when he was always around? Why did he have such an effect on her? Why was he after her?

Minato was pleased that she was back to addressing him with familiarity. It was a step in the right direction. His eyes rested on her lips. They were swollen and a bright red, as was the skin of her neck. His male ego smugly noted that he was the cause of it. "Has nothing to do with this." His voice was firm and Sakura found herself unable to argue. He was so sure of himself, so sure of what he wanted and she envied him for that reason. She could never be that decisive when it came to matters like this.

"Minato, I really need to go." She looked at him pleadingly. His fingers traced the tear stains on her face. She was shaking in his arms. 'Minato loves Kushina, not me. Minato loves Kushina, not me. Minato loves Kushina, not me.' "I need to go." She repeated quietly in his chest. Minato slacked his hold and she all but ran out of her office with her braid streaking behind her. He watched her go with a sad look in his eyes. She wanted him but she felt that she did not deserve him and he did not know how to make her open her eyes. She was content to remain in denial.

Sakura bit her lip to keep screaming curses at the world, Minato, the Gods, and most of all herself. She ran up the steps to the Hokage Tower as fast as her unsteady legs could take her. She straightened the black collar of top. She zipped her vest all the way up to her neck. She wanted to be as presentable as possible for the Hokage, but she did not have it in her to heal the bite marks. They were proof that the madness was just not in her head. They were proof that her nightmare was reality. She needed to get out of the village for a while. She needed to clear out her head and sort out her feelings. She needed time to remove him from her system. She needed space to get over him, to forget about him. She needed a plan.

And if she was lucky Kushina and Minato would already be in a relationship by the time she got back. Distance and separation would take the edge off the lust, she assured herself. At least from Minato's end, she knew that she was not lusting after him. What she felt for him ran deeper than lust. She genuinely cared about him but she was convinced that he did not harbor similar feelings about her. For him it was just a physical attraction, she kept reminding herself. She was just the new thing in town. He would grow bored with her soon enough.

That is what happened. People eventually grew tired of her. Only a select handful exhibited the patience required to deal with her overbearing personality and multiple flaws. She was not a easy person to like. And she was an even harder person to love. His time would be better spent elsewhere. Happiness and love were luxuries that were out of her reach.

And even though it was so much more for her, she was doing the right thing by clearing the path for Kushina. Hopefully Kushina would get off her ass and take the first step already. She did not know how much longer she could hold him off. She was only human, after all.

Sakura was still regretting taking the first step, and making the first move. She was convinced that Minato would never have acted so bold is she had not kissed him first. She was a masochist. She knew that he was no good for her and that anything involving him would only lead to more heartache but she kept going back to him.

She roughly brushed back the tears as she ignored the indignant protests of the Hokage's secretary. She hastily threw open the door. It closed with a loud bang behind her. Her heart was beating in her ears and it was also in her throat. She was ruining his life. She was ruining Kushina's life. What kind of person was she? They had been nothing but kind to her. Was this how she repaid them for their kindness? She was a monster. She was the other woman who was destroying Kushina's future, her happiness. The redhead just did not know it yet. Sakura was masquerading as her friend only to betray her in the end.

"Sakura-chan, what can I do for you dear?" The Hokage politely ignored her tear stained face, anguished expression, the exposed love bites marring the skin of her neck and her swollen lips. He had a feeling about where this was heading. The Hokage fought back a sigh. There was no doubt in his mind that Minato was heavily involved with the situation developing in front of him.

"Hokage–sama I'm requesting a solo mission." Sakura looked at the Hokage with all the strength she could muster, which was not much. The request came out meek and hesitant. She sounded so broken to her own ears. Her encounter with Minato had left her vulnerable and doubting everything.

"You're in luck girlie, I happen to have one with me." Sakura felt her heart sink to the floor. The Hokage's lips had not moved once. He was not the one who had spoken. The voice was much lower and had a dangerous edge to it. It was not kind and nurturing like the Hokage's. His tone cut through her. She felt ever muscle in her body coil in dread. Both Sakura and Saratobi turned to look at the figure in the door.

"Danzo-sama." She whispered. Today was just not her day.