Hey guys. I know, I know. It's been a really long time since I updated. All I can say is I'm sorry. I've been neglecting my duties, but in my defense, this has been an incredibly hectic life for me. I've been on trips, working six days a week, and getting ready for college. I've had barely enough time to sit down and think. Well, I'm back and I'm going to try to get this story done and get back to working on some of my other ones.

Disclaimer: I do not own any ideas, places, or characters of Final Fantasy VIII.

The Force That Divides Us

Chapter Thirteen

"Almost There and Lost Again"

Mika had been searching every little niche and cranny in the base for the Captain, but she had succeeded in hiding herself from the rest of them. Mika knew that she was hurting. Alexis had gone too far this time and said things that were highly uncalled for. If it were up to her, she would take care of Alexis permanently, but she figured that the Captain would not enjoy that. Vengeance is only sweet when done by yourself. Mika smiled. She knew that all too well. Half of her life had been filled with the need to seek revenge. She would respect the unspoken wishes of her Captain and not complain. Mika cared deeply for the Captain and would do nothing to upset her even more than she already was. She was hurt, angry with Alexis and herself. Mika knew that the Captain blamed herself for her continued misery and pain, when, in reality, she was more than innocent. She had committed herself to the good of the people, and the government saw it as treason, As usual, the government was to blame.

Mika entered the System Control Room and stopped inside the doorway as she laid eyes on the Captain, curled up in a chair, watching the monitors. She smiled and walked over to her.

"You seem to have mastered that disappearing act," she said, taking a seat beside her.

Her eyes never left the screens, "I've had practice."

"So it seems," Mika's smile faded as she watched the Captain's sad, lonely face. "Angel, are you all right?"

"…No," she whispered, turning away, hiding her face from Mika as fresh tears swelled up in her eyes.

"What can I do?" Mika asked, laying a hand on her shoulder gently.

"Tell me w hat to do," she replied, turning to face her.

"I can only give suggestions," Mika warned kindly. "You have to decide what you need to do."

"I can't," she sighed. She looked so distressed, so sad and unhappy.

"You have to," she gripped her shoulder. "No one can fix this but you."

"How can I fix it when I don't even know what to do?" The Captain asked, upset.

"That," Mika said. "You must figure out on your own."

"You're some help," she muttered grumpily.

Mika had a hard time concealing her laughter. "I can't do this for you."

"I know that," she snapped. "I just don't want to do it."

"Why?" Mika asked.

"Because it hurts so badly," she replied. "I know I have to do this, but I don't want to go through with it. I don't want to explain to him who I am, for I know it's going to hurt him. He thought I was dead, yet here I am, alive and well. It's going to crush him."

"Probably," Mika agreed. "But he needs to know."

The Captain sighed in her own defeat. "Yes, he does."

"So why don't you go ahead and get it over with?" Mika asked, dropping the hint rather bluntly.

"What?" she asked, alarmed.

"Why don't you go tell him now?" she repeated slower.

"Now?" her voice was shaking very obviously.

"Yes, now!" Mika watched as the terror in her eyes grew. "If you keep stalling, it will only get worse!"

"Yes, but…" she stammered.

"No 'buts' about it!" Mika exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "You need to do it! It'll ease most of your pain and suffered don't you want that?"

'Yes, but…" she repeated.

"I said no buts!" Mika nearly roared. "You must take the initiative! You must fix what you started! It's the only way to make things right again."

The Captain looked at Mika with the stupidest look imaginable. "Mika, you sound like one of those stupid prophets in some epic movie, standing in front of some charming, distressed hero, with the classic good versus evil plot!" There was the evident tinge of sarcasm in her voice.

"Look, at least I'm making an effort," Mika said darkly.

"Yes, and shocking, not motivating me any more than when you were lecturing me," she retaliated dryly.

"I'm trying," Mika said knowingly.

"And I'm not?" she demanded.

"From the looks of it, no." Mika answered.

"I am too!" she exclaimed. "This is a lot harder than it looks! In my defense, you didn't love him!"

"No," Mika said, her face growing much more serious. "But I do know the feeling. I know what it's like."

"Then you should be able to tell me what to do!" The Captain exclaimed, annoyed.

"Every situation is different, and this doesn't concern me," Mika replied.

"ARGH!" The Captain yelled. "How can I make it concern you?" she asked, panting.

"You can't," Mika said.

"Why not?" she asked desperately.

"Because, you just can't. This is between you and him. I have no idea what went on between you two. I wasn't there, and I don't know the bond that you had. Only you or him can fix this, and he doesn't even know what's wrong, so it's up to you." She patted her shoulder gently.

"No pressure, huh?" the Captain muttered sarcastically.

"There's always going to be the element of pressure, no matter what you decide to do," Mika answered.

"You weren't supposed to say that," The Captain grumbled.

"Well, I'm not going to sugar coat it," Mika aid, hiding her own annoyance.

"I'd prefer it if you did," she rolled her eyes.

"I can't do that. You need to hear the truth. Lying to you won't get you anywhere."

"You sound like my mother," the Captain was highly irrigated now. "Stop it." She didn't want to have to think about her mother.

"Well, I'm sorry, but you have to hear it from someone." Mika said.

"I'd prefer not to hear it from anyone." She hissed.

"Too bad," Mika replied. "Sometimes you need a little guidance, even when you're twenty-five."

"Is that what you call this?" The Captain asked, not in the least bit amused. "Guidance?" she rolled her eyes.

"As a mater of fact," Mika said sternly. "I do. Believe it or not, you're still very young and not quite exposed to the world."

"Not exposed?" The Captain exclaimed, jumping to her feet. Her face was flushed with sudden anger.

"Yes," Mika nodded.

"Then what do you call running all over the world after some death-obsessed, possessing sorceress? Mika," she hissed. "With all due respect, I have fought more battles than you have and had more encounters with death than you will ever have, so don't tell me I'm not exposed."

"You know what I mean!" Mika countered.

"Actually, I don't!" she snapped, irritated. "Why don't you enlighten me?"

"I meant in love," she replied. "You don't know what it's like to truly and completely lose someone." The Captain opened her mouth to protest. "No, don't argue with me. You've always known exactly where he was. You've always known that he would always come running. You haven't been forced to make a choice, and you haven't lost the one person you live your life for." Her eyes glanced to the side, looking nowhere but seeing some distant memory float across her eyes. "You've never had to wonder if your life is worth the existence. You've never been tortured by the thoughts that you caused his destruction. You've never made excuses to tell him why you had to do it. You've never seen the look in his eyes that tells you he is in pain and suffers because of you…" He voice faded, ending on the saddest note imaginable.

"Mika," the Captain started gently. She reached out to her, but stopped, returning her hand back to her side, useless.

"It doesn't matter now," she muttered, shaking herself out of the trance. "Just promise me that you'll fix this. I don't want you to have to go through the same thing that I had to. I don't want you to endure that kind of pain. It's not worth it. Believe me."

"Sometimes pain is a good thing," the Captain whispered quietly.

Mika's eyes lit up like sparks. "No, it's not! Pain is never a good thing!" she hissed.

"Pain is weakness leaving the body. If you have no weakness, then what makes you human?" the Captain asked of her companion sternly.

"You will always have a weakness no matter what happens, and that weakness will never leave you body or soul." Mika turned away. "You and I share a common weakness: love. Don't lose your weakness, Angel. Don't let it get away because it's the one weakness that will make you stronger." She turned her head only enough to view the Captain out the corner of her eye.

"Mika," she watched her friend with sad eyes.

"Don't bother wasting your sympathy on me. I'm a lost cause," she walked to the door. "But you still have a chance. Don't lose it." And with those last words, she slipped away.

The Captain turned to face the monitors again. She looked at the quiet, lonely world outside and longed to be completely a part of it.

"Why is this never easy?" she demanded angrily.

&

Cooper was bent over his wonderful creation, admiring it lovingly. This was truly his masterpiece. Its beauty was astonishing even for a weapon. He knew it was better than the Lionheart, too.

But it needed a name.

He frowned at this new problem. He was no good with names. Nothing ever sounded right. He began to pace the lab, occasionally glancing back at the blade. What would be fitting for something this perfect? It needed a name. He couldn't just leave it without a title, but it had to be perfect. Nothing else would do.

"Hmmm," he stared down at the blade. "What should I name you?" He half expected an answer, but that was foolish. A weapon couldn't talk to him! "Maybe if I held it…?" he reached out to lift it, but when he touched it, a shocking sensation went through his body, causing so much pain. He winced and pulled back quickly. "What the…?" A bright light then erupted from the blade.

A cloud of white formulated at the ceiling of the lab directly above the blade. Cooper watched with curious, frightened eyes while clutching his hand. A picture appeared on the cloud.

It was the Commander and Sorceress Rinoa Heartilly.

"Whoa!" he breathed.

It was like watching a memory reel. Scenes of battles ran before him, always showing the Commander protecting Rinoa. He saw them defeat the Sorceress Ultimecia, saw them together on a barren wasteland fighting off death, and kiss on an ivy-covered balcony beneath a star-lit sky. He saw the bond they shared, saw the love. He felt his whole body warm up at the sight of the two young lovers. But he also saw a rift that grew between them. He viewed more scenes, only these were scenes of almost violence. He saw them fighting, now with each other. The love was fleeting. Finally, he saw them separate, her leaving for what seemed like good. He saw the years attach themselves to the Commander in his heartbroken loneliness. He then saw Sorceress Rinoa. He saw her enter the ranks of the Resistance at the beginning of the war.

But it was then that he saw what shocked him the most. He saw a lab at the Weapon's Facility. Right off the bat, he felt pain from this cold, dark, eerie lab. It looked more like a torture chamber with a table in the center and restraints lying across it. Suddenly, he saw Rinoa lying on this table. The restraints were in place tightly across her body at her shoulders, stomach, and thighs. A man stood beside her wearing a white lab coat. His face was dark and unreadable, and in his hand, he held a large needle filled with a dark substance. On the other side of the table stood the familiar form of the little Dr. Odine. Rinoa's body was limp, and it was apparent that she was unconscious. Wounds covered the visible parts of her body and her clothes were ripped and tatters.

Cooper could not help but wonder, "Had she been tortured?"

He could not take his eyes off the scene before him and watched it change again. He saw the same room, but this time Rinoa was conscious speaking with Dr. Odine. He saw the doctor hand Rinoa a black necklace, which he recognized to be the same one the Captain wore. He also saw the doctor inject Rinoa with another needle filled with dark liquid. She cringed and fell again on the table.

And a transformation took place.

Cooper watched as all the pieces finally fell together. Slowly, the young sorceress' midnight black hair changed to blood red and those chocolate brown eyes lightened, adding green around the cornea. Rinoa became the Captain. Rinoa and Nira became one.

As both the scene and the cloud faded away, Cooper's face was fixed in an expression of complete shock and awe. He finally understood why the Captain was so interested in the Commander. The Captain and Sorceress Rinoa were he exact same person!

"Well," he said out loud after some time. "This certainly explains a lot."

&

The halls of the Underground Base were desolate except for the echoing of the cowboy's boots on the walls. He knew that no one would hear him or even acre. He had so much to do in what he knew was so little time. He did not trust one member of this team and knew that it was only a matter of time before something happened. Galbadia was growing restless, whispers of attacks on the Gardens and the headquarters of the Resistance were all over the place. Irvine had come back here to warn the Underground. He knew that Vincent Deling had to have something planned for them, and he wanted to warn them. Something fishy was going on.

But right now, he needed to check up on Alexis. She had been quiet, hiding herself away since she tried to expose the Captain. He did not trust her in any way. She had too much against her, despite the fact that she was a SeeD and very close to Squall. That reminded him. He needed to warn Squall, too, even though he knew it was a wasted effort. Squall wouldn't listen, but Irvine still felt like he needed to say something regardless.

So he was headed down to Alexis' room. He only hoped that she was there, but he had the feeling that she wasn't. He had that certain dreading feeling that Alexis was already gone.

Coming around the corner, he heard voices, voices that sounded very, very familiar.

"I am NOT gay!" A male voice huffed. Irvine nearly choked when he realized whom the voice belonged to.

"I never said you were," the bubbly voice of Selphie was heard too. Irvine smiled at the sound her sorely missed.

"You're telling everyone I am!" he exclaimed, near hysterics.

"I am not!" she said, giggling. "All I'm saying is that I found a Nancy Drew boom in your room."

"And everyone is taking that as a sign that I'm gay!" he exclaimed. "Which I'm not!"

Selphie laughed at this, "FYI- that's not my fault."

"YES IT IS!" he yelled. "You started it!"

She giggled again. Oh, how he really missed that giggle.

"I can't believe this!" Zell grumbled miserably. "How am I supposed to get my macho man status back?" he demanded of her.

Before she could reply, Irvine stepped around the corner. "That would be implying that you had it before, which you didn't."

Selphie and Zell both jumped at the sounds of his smooth voice and turned to him. Zell, at first, wore a look of shock, but then, once he saw who had spoken, he narrowed his eyes at the cowboy, displaying his immediate disapproval of the statement. Selphie, on the other hand, immediately expressed her excitement at seeing him.

"Irvy!" she squealed and ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck. She held him tightly, and he patted her back gently.

"What are you doing here?" Zell demanded, sneering at the cowboy.

"Aww," Irvine lifted his hat with a wide grin. "You didn't miss me?"

"Not particularly," Zell mumbled.

"Zell!" Selphie exclaimed, rightfully smacking the annoying guy. "Of course we missed you, Irvy!" She assured him with a big smile.

"Yeah, we did," Zell said quickly, rolling his eyes. "But what ARE you doing here? Shouldn't you be at Galbadia Garden, helping the Headmaster?"

"I'm doing someone a favor," Irvine replied with nothing further.

"Who?" Selphie asked.

"An old friend," he looked away, almost as if he were ashamed.

"What kind of favor?" Zell asked, suspicion in his eyes.

"It's nothing bad!" Irvine exclaimed. "It has to do with the war! I'm helping the Underground."

"Why? Didn't Squall tell all Gardens to remain out of Galbadian affairs?" Zell demanded.

"Then why are you here?" Irvine countered, even though he already knew the answer.

"We had to rescue his Commander-ness," Zell said, rolling his eyes again. "He went and got himself kidnapped."

"Ha, I never thought I'd live to see the day when someone got the best of Squall," Irvine said with a laugh.

Selphie watched Irvine closely as he and Zell held their conversation, bonding together almost like old times. But something disturbed her. Something about Irvine didn't feel quite right. He didn't seem like his old self. A change had happened in him, and she wasn't sure if she liked it much.

Irvine turned his attention to Selphie, displaying confusion as her big green eyes pierced through him. "What?"

She opened her mouth and spoke very softly, very unlike her, "What do you know that we don't?"

The Captain scowled at her lousy luck. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn't there be, for once, a simple solution? She groaned, tearing her eyes finally away from the monitors. She couldn't just run away again, although she desperately wanted to. She'd been running for most of her life, and she'd found that it just doesn't work. Nothing ever gets solved that way. Besides, she was sick of running anyway. It hadn't gotten her very far lately.

So now the question was what to do next? Even though it scared her, she believed that she really should go talk to Squall. She did owe him the truth, even though it would hurt both of them. She feared what he would say, though. She cared so much for him and didn't want to push him away from her. But she did deserve that. She deserved his anger for all the pain and suffering she put him through over the past five years.

"Maybe Alexis was right," she whispered, eyes dropping to the floor.

The words on the page both scared and angered Squall. These were things that no one was supposed to know. He had tried so hard to protect Rinoa, and even in her death, he'd failed. He couldn't stop this crazy organization from stealing valuable information about her, and he knew that he wasn't going to be able to stop Galbadia from disturbing her final resting place. He gripped the paper tightly in both hands, despair filling him to the brim.

Quistis watched him with sad eyes and gently laid a tender hand on his arm. "It's not your fault."

"It is," Squall replied. "I should have had all this information burned when she died." He shook his head, holding the paper even tighter. "I've failed her, Quistis."

"Stop it," she said gripping his arm. "You have done no such thing. These are circumstances beyond your control. There is no way you could have prevented this."

"I could have destroyed her data!" he exclaimed bitterly.

"There are still others who know!" Quistis replied, actually remaining calm, despite Squall's rising temper.

"Like who?" Squall demanded, his despair turning now into almost total rage. "Who else could've known about her power estimate?"

"You'd be surprised," she whispered, looking away.

"Don't you see?" he exclaimed, flinging the paper from his hand. It drifted onto the table that stood nearby. "I could have done something, and I didn't!"

Quistis only shook her head. She knew that there was no way to get through to him when he got like this. She removed her hand from his arm and left the room, with nothing more to him.

"I could've done something…." He whispered, saddened.

Her mind was made up, finally. She knew what needed to be done and knew that it was imperative that she do it. Squall deserved the truth, and the truth she would give to him. She did, however, fear the outcome and fear what would happen between them, but she now know that she had to tell him.

She left the Control Room and headed down to his prison with such determination that she almost scared herself. She had finally decided on what needed to be done, and she wasn't going to back down now. She'd come too far, made too many sacrifices and hurt too many people.

"Where to in such a hurry?" A voice asked her from the shadows in the corridor.

She stopped, momentarily distracted and turned in the direction of the voice she knew all too well. "I need to talk to Squall."

Seifer stepped out of the shadows and narrowed his cold eyes on her. "About?"

The Captain scowled. "I think you know." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"So you're actually going to tell Puberty-Boy the truth?" he asked, sneering.

"Look," she said darkly. "I don't need your input on this." She started to walk away, but he grabbed her and stopped her.

"Well, you're getting it," he held her tightly, preventing her from going anywhere while he had something to say. "I don't think you should go through with this."

"What?" she tried her best to hide the shock.

"I think you should just leave it alone and get his help." He replied sternly. "It's too late, and telling him the truth will only make things worse. You can't change the past, and you can't make things better. It's unrepairable, so it's best just to leave it alone and keep going."

"Keep going?" she demanded, ripping herself out of his grasp. "I'm not you, Seifer. I can't just let go of my past, and I can't just run away from the mistakes I've made. I won't be able to get on with my life until I've taken care of this."

"Really?" he asked face hardening as he stared at her. "Because it seems to me that you've already done a lot of running."

She looked away, ashamed and stung by his words. "I know, but I'm through with running. It's done nothing for me this far."

"How can you expect to change this late?" he demanded.

"Because I know I can," she replied, walking around him. "You can't change my mind. I have the will, and I have the resolve."

"You're setting yourself up to get hurt," he warned.

"Maybe so," she agreed. "But I've been hurt for the past five years."

"You can't take much more," he said.

"Seifer," she said, turning her back to him now. "I'm not a child. I can take care of myself, and I can fight my own battles." She walked away, heading back again to her task at hand.

"Humph," he said as he watched her leave. "Good luck with that."

She pretended she didn't hear that as she walked away from him. Her mind was made up, and she didn't need the negative voice of someone else hindering her. This was something that needed to be done, and she'd put it off for far too long. It was time she stepped up and took control.

It didn't take long to reach the cell where Squall resided. She entered to find him leaning against the wall, arms over his chest, staring down at the floor. She'd seen him like this so many times, and it definitely brought back memories, both good and bad ones. He looked up, his cold eyes meeting hers, and that's when she saw the anger that resided in them. She titled her head curiously.

"Why?" he demanded coldly.

"Why what?" she asked, confused.

"What made you think that you had the right to do that?" his voice was growing louder.

"I-I had to," she whispered.

"You had to?" he exclaimed. "You had to ruin our lives and throw us into chaos? Don't you realize what you've done? You've affected all of us! You've affected all of Garden!" A fire of hatred burned deep in his eyes.

"I didn't mean to!" she pleaded, trying to make him understand. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this."

"Well it did!" he yelled. He had pushed himself off from the wall and was advancing towards her. "Tell me, who all have you told? Who all have you blabbed to?"

"No one, I swear!" Tears were streaming down her face. "No one knows. I kept it a secret!"

"A secret?" he boomed. "Then explain to me why my people found it in the possession of your engineer!"

"Because I-" Then she looked at him, tears now dry as dust. "What?"

"If you claim that no one knows about that information, then how come Selphie and Zell discovered it in the possession of your Weapons Engineer?" he demanded.

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she realized that they weren't talking about the same thing.

"What?!" she exclaimed, her own anger boiling up inside her.

"Who all saw it?" he demanded, angrily.

"IS THAT ALL YOU CARE ABOUT?!" she screamed, enraged. "Is that all that matters to you?! A stupid, outdated power estimate that has almost no meaning or truth to it?!"

"It also contained a biography of someone very important!" he retaliated.

"A bio that everyone already knew!" she snapped. "It's not like her life was a complete secret!"

"There was still some classified information!" He came closer, angry, but she was not afraid. "You had no right to take those things out of my possession and then distribute them to your little lackeys."

"I had every right!" she yelled. "I had more right than you did! You were the one who crossed the line!"

"Rinoa's life was entrusted into my care and that includes information on her power!" he barked.

"Well, look what a damn good job you did!" she screamed and stormed out of the cell.

Squall was taken back by her words. They stung and hurt him deeply. But she had a point. He had failed Rinoa.

The Captain stormed down the hall, anger boiling over her. She'd never been so angry in her life and she felt like punching or breaking something. She had all this rage and nowhere to put it. She suddenly broke out into a run, thinking of only an exit, a way out. She wanted nothing more than to get away from this place. She'd told herself she wouldn't run anymore. Running was the only thing that helped her now, and even that gave her little to no relief. She thought that telling the truth, pouring out her soul would help her, but it has seemed to only further complicate things.

She finally found the exit and ran out into the fresh air and dropped to her knees, panting, her thoughts racing. What was she going to do? There was no hope for Rinoa, no hope for her. She wanted to give up, abandon all hope that she once had. She sighed and looked up.

Alexis was standing right in front of her.

She tried to speak but no words came out. She was engulfed in total fear.

"Hello, my love," the voice of Cabait was suddenly all around her, and everything went black.

A/N: I know it has been forever, and I wouldn't be surprised if most of you have left me, but I'm coming back!