Misled

1969

"Magic is amazing, isn't it, Sev?" Lily asked, a light of pure happiness twinkling in her emerald eyes as she watched flower after flower blossom in their hands and float away on a breeze. "What else can you tell me? Do you know why cats follow me around? Is that because of magic? Is magic why my mum can't properly cut my hair? Or why Tuney can't lock me out of her bedroom?"

Severus grinned at her enthusiasm.

"Is it why little marks appear on my skin from time to time . . . like scars or ink or—"

His smile faded. "What?"

They met at a park between their houses. They couldn't purposely do magic before Hogwarts, but Lily's parents bought her an owl in Diagon Alley when they went to purchase her school supplies, and training the bird to deliver secret notes to one another had been quite simple.

Lily used the park as a way to escape her sister's jealous yelling.

Severus used the park as a way to escape . . . everything.

"What happened?" Lily demanded when she saw him sitting on the swings, his head hung low to purposely let his hair cover his face. She was imposing, very unaware of personal boundaries, and she forced him to look up at her. When he flinched away from her touch, looking in the other direction as colour bloomed on his cheeks, making the bruise stand out even more, she gasped. "Oh, Sev. What else?"

He sighed and held up his knuckles, which were scabbed over. "He won't let Mum use potions anymore," he mumbled and watched as Lily channelled her accidental magic for him, placing her hand over his wounds and actually wishing them away. His black eyes locked on her hands, searching for something that was not there.

"All better!" Lily said, beaming brightly.

Severus sighed. "All better," he sadly agreed.

1976

Lily tried to ignore the gossiping girls in the bathroom. She'd attempted to join in once, eager to find out more about Amos Diggory, whom she'd taken quite the fancy to in her third year, but her roommates were far too obsessed with boys that Lily would rather have nothing to do with.

Today's topic of choice appeared to be James Potter's arse.

"Did you see him in the last Quidditch game?" Dorcas asked on the other side of the showers. "Those uniforms are so tight."

"Don't bother," Mary told her. "He's besotted with, well, you know who."

Lily huffed. "I can hear you!" she shouted from behind the shower curtain.

The girls giggled.

"Sorry, Lils. I'd rather take a bite out of Black, to be honest," Dorcas said, and Lily fought the urge to walk out and hex her roommate again for being so shallow. She'd already given the girl a stern talking to after she was horrible about rejecting Remus.

Mary snorted in reply. "I don't think you'd stand a chance. Black's too busy taking a bite out of Lupin, if you get my meaning."

Cheeks flushed, Lily darted out of the shower stall, towel wrapped around her. "What?!"

"Oh, come on, Lils. It's really not that big of a deal outside of—oh my gods!" Mary screamed. "What . . . oh no . . ." She grabbed Lily by the arm and dragged her in front of the mirror.

Lily gasped and brought her hands to her cheeks which were not flushed pink as she'd expected, but instead were coloured bright green, making her look like a dripping wet Wicked Witch of the West. "What is this?" she screamed, turning the sink on in front of her and scrubbing at her skin. Nothing happened. It was stained. "Why won't it come off? How come none of you are green?!"

Mary frowned at her friend, glaring at Dorcas, who looked like she was ready to burst into laughter. "I'll go and tell McGonagall. Maybe we can discreetly get you to see Madam Pomfrey so no one else will see you looking like the Slytherin mascot."

Lily stayed in the bathroom, sobbing, while Mary darted down the stairs to find Dorcas already giggling with the girls in the year above them. "—bright green! Oh, I could barely stop myself from laughing! Poor thing."

Mary snarled and stormed over, shoving her roommate. "Did you do this to her? It's not funny, Dorcas!"

"I didn't do anything to her! How am I supposed to know why she's turning into a toad?!"

"Who's turning into what now?" Sirius asked, carrying James down the boys' stairs on piggyback; both of them had their red ties pulled around their foreheads like bandanas. Dorcas snorted again in amusement, and Mary sighed, knowing that it would get around soon enough. "Someone put green dye in the girls' showers, and now Lily's skin is all green.

James and Sirius both paled.

Mary's eyes widened. "You didn't!"

"I swear on my life," James said, curling his left arm around Sirius's neck to hold on while he raised his right hand, "I did not put green dye in the girls' showers."

When the witches filed out of the common room, Sirius dropped James down on the sofa and sighed. "So . . . she's got a soulmate."

James pouted. "I don't wanna think about it."

"And he's a Slytherin."

"We never should've put green dye in the dungeon showers."

Are you there?

Lily stared at the ink on her hand; the quill in her fingers trembled slightly. It had taken her months to work up the nerve to actually write a message in the hopes that maybe somewhere, whoever he or she was, her soulmate would respond. She had her suspicions, of course, but couldn't bring herself to ask him face-to-face, especially since they'd been doing nothing but fighting lately. The green-skinned prank courtesy of Potter and Black had been the biggest clue, especially when Madam Pomfrey stared at her with pity when she was secured in a bed at the end of the infirmary, far away from the line of green-faced Slytherin boys that were brought in, Severus amongst them.

When she woke up, the mediwitch had left an old book on soulmates next to her bed, and Lily devoured the whole thing in an hour. Then, she'd mistakenly asked the members of her House—because the majority were purebloods—and she'd learned far too much about the sex lives of boys, but more importantly, Black and Potter were soulmates . . . but not in love.

It didn't have to mean anything romantic.

She'd seen the way Severus looked at her sometimes, and it made her a bit uncomfortable. He'd been her best friend, the thing she associated the most with her own magic, but House politics, blood prejudice, and a brewing war was making their friendship difficult. It didn't help that he'd made terrible friends that were playing on his ambitions and interest in Dark Magic.

She couldn't possibly fall in love with someone who dabbled in such things.

She didn't even know if she could keep being friends with him.

What if he ended up hurting someone?

What if he was her soulmate?

Sev? Sev, are you there?

There was no reply.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath." Lily stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower, wearing a dressing gown. "I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

Severus looked a mess, but he was trying to hide his desperation even then. "I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just—"

"Slipped out?" she asked, no pity in her voice. She was tired, so very tired of trying to defend him. She had to defend herself enough of the time against arseholes like Mulciber and Avery—Severus's friends—not to mention the girls in other Houses who'd taken issue with her attention from Potter, regardless of whether or not it was wanted. The last thing she needed was to defend her best friend, her . . . she didn't even know what he was anymore. He'd turned on her and called her . . . he was Dark—too Dark—and it couldn't be her job to save him.

"It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends." She was loud when she spoke, turning her attention down the corridor where she could see Crouch and Sirius's brother watching them. Severus just stood there, silent. "You see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

Severus opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

I don't think you're a Mudblood.

Lily stared at the words that appeared on her arm, waiting for them to fade. When they finally did, she closed her eyes and wished that sleep would wash away the anger inside of her.

1977

The summer after they graduated, Lily swore her life to the Order of the Phoenix. As though fate found soulmate magic to be hilariously ironic, while Lily was busy helping Marlene Mckinnon wash dishes after the Order had shared a large meal together, she noticed a mark appearing on her skin. Doing her best to disguise her horror, she feigned sickness and rushed to the loo to hide.

"Damn you, damn you, damn you . . ." she cried, sitting on the floor of the bathroom, refusing to look at the ugly Dark Mark on the skin of her arm. It was cruel irony that her soulmate was a Death Eater and that she, a Mudblood, had the Dark Mark on her arm because of him.

"Sweetheart?" James's voice came through the door following a soft knock. "Marley said you weren't feeling well. Do you . . . is there anything I can do?"

Lily shook her head, rubbing at her skin as though she could force the mark to fade away faster. "I just . . . I just need a minute, James. I'll be fine."

"Is she pregnant? Is she throwing up? Did you knock up Evans, Prongs?"

"Shut up, Sirius! She's not pregnant!"

"Is she throwing up because the idea of having sex with you makes her sick?" Sirius said, laughing.

"Piss off, Pads!"

Lily groaned. "Sirius go away!"

The door unlocked after the sounds of a scuffle and she stood up, pushing against it as Sirius tried to shove his way in. "Black, I will hex you!" she shouted, reaching up to tug on his hair in retaliation. "I need some privacy!"

Sirius huffed. "Marlene said you looked like you'd seen a bloody ghost. What's going on? Lily . . . are you crying? You're really not pregnant, are you? I was just having a laugh."

"I'm not pregnant," she said, looking at both men. "Please go away," she sobbed, tears streaking down her face.

James and Sirius vanished, but Remus quickly took their place and Lily sighed, relenting and letting him inside knowing that her boyfriend and his boyfriend wouldn't let up if they thought something horrible was happening. Remus, at least, could be a voice of reason.

He stared at her. "It's not . . . it's not a woman . . . thing, is it?"

She smiled at her friend and wrapped her arms around him, grateful for the momentary laughter. "I'm fine, Remus. Just . . . everything's a bit overwhelming tonight, you know? War and . . . we'll be fighting our old schoolmates. It doesn't seem real. What'll we do if we see our . . . someone we know? What does Sirius think he's going to do if he runs into his brother at a revel? What am I supposed to do if I see . . ."

"Snape?" he asked. "Well, we can only hope that something happens and those idiots don't do something stupid like actually join You-Know-Who. Maybe they'll wise up."

She looked down at her arm. The Dark Mark had faded.

1978

Lily stopped thinking about Severus and soulmates. She didn't need a soulmate. She'd found friends and family and love. James was far from perfect, but he was a good man who tried his best and, when he didn't live up to it, he fought to try harder next time. No longer the bully that he'd been in school, her husband had taken to adulthood with forced grace after the deaths of his parents. Considering Sirius's descent into near alcoholism and sleeping with a plethora of Muggle men and women alike, Lily figured that James could have handled his grief in a very different—and much worse—way.

Perhaps they were all forced to grow up too fast.

James kissed the back of her neck after pulling her long hair to the side, his fingers trailing up and down her rib cage. He nuzzled the scar at the base of her hairline, a Dark Cutting Curse she'd received earlier that month when the Order had ambushed a Death Eater revel. She and James had both been captured and offered a place in Voldemort's ranks. Lily was proof that Muggle-borns might have more power than originally believed, and James came from a long line of pure magic. A part of her actually wondered if they were just being used to lure in Sirius. There was a rumour going around that Voldemort wanted both Black brothers, and perhaps the ancestral magic of the House of Black hadn't completely settled on Regulus's young shoulders.

It didn't matter either way. Lily had spat at the feet of the Death Eaters, and James told them—in great detail—just exactly where they could stick their offer to join them. He'd been hit with the Cruciatus Curse, and Bellatrix Lestrange had shoved Lily down on the ground and threatened to cut off her head. Someone had stopped her just as the curse sliced into her skin, but Lily never saw their face. The distraction had been enough, and she'd been able to reach out and grab James's foot and activate the emergency Portkey on the laces of his trainers, sending them back to Headquarters.

"I hate this scar," James whispered. "It's proof that I couldn't protect you."

Lily smiled. "I'll protect myself," she said. "It's your job to love me."

"I can do that. Forever."

1979

"JAMES!"

Her husband bolted into the kitchen at the sound of Lily screaming to find her standing in front of the stove, her blouse torn from her chest. She was quickly shucking out of the fabric, terror in her eyes, and he could see why. Deep, ugly scratch marks were rapidly appearing on her freckled skin. "Oh, fuck."

"What is this? What's happening to me?!"

James pulled her into his arms and held her tightly, mostly to prevent her from looking at her skin—at her soul scars. "Do you know who is it?" he softly asked.

Lily cried. "I . . . I'm not sure."

Pulling back, James frowned as he looked over his wife's body while she trembled. "Keep your eyes closed, love." Her arms were completely covered in scratches, and there were large gashes on her throat and stomach that almost looked like . . . teeth marks. James pressed his fingers against the scratches on her arm, matching them up almost perfectly. Humans did this. Or . . . or something like a human.

He lifted her into his arms and carried her to bed, encouraging her to take Dreamless Sleep as she would no doubt have nightmares. While she rested, he did what he could to erase the scars on her body; some took a lot more magic than others. The scratches faded the easiest, but the bites and gashes took a lot longer. They were almost dark, but could be temporarily vanished. He made a plan to ask Dumbledore for help in removing them completely. The only one that he couldn't get rid of while she slept, was two small words that had been carved into the skin of her left arm. He was pretty sure she hadn't even seen them since they had been buried beneath a number of other soul scars.

James frowned in sympathy for whoever the poor bastard had been. He gently ran the pad of his thumb over the words on his wife's skin:

Forgive me.

Hours later, a crash came from the other room and James jumped up from bed, wand drawn. He checked to see that Lily was still sleeping peacefully and then slowly crept out the door and into the hallway only to find Sirius stumbling around in the living room, bottle hanging loosely from his hand.

"What the hell, Pads!" James whisper screamed at his best friend. "I could've cursed you in the back, you bloody—"

Sirius turned, his eyes red and wet. "Hey . . . there's my . . . my brother from another. . ."

James frowned. "Sirius?"

"Imma kill 'em all, Prongsie. Every last . . . that bloody stupid . . . just a kid, y'know? Stupid, fucking kid."

"What happened?"

Sirius reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a crumpled up piece of parchment. "She actually wrote me," he said with a laugh. "My mother. The . . . the bitch."

James snatched the parchment and gently shoved Sirius so that he'd fall on the nearby sofa and not headlong into the mantle of the fireplace. "Oh, my . . . How would your mother know if—?"

"Tapestry told her," Sirius cried into a pillow. "They killed him, Prongsie. Killed my baby brother."