Chapter 14:
Control :
The next morning Jane woke up as early as usual and found herself watching Maura sleep, she looked so peaceful. Jane knew that yesterday was a good day but she was realistic enough to know that every day won't be as easy. She knew that the flash backs and nightmares would come back eventually, but she was happy to catch a temporary break. Watching Maura sleep she realized that she had been foolish for so long, denying her feelings like that. She knew that if she have had the guts to face her feelings before Maura and her would have been dating for a long time. Thinking about it maybe it was better for Maura that they weren't dating when she was taken. Things had been hard for her, and Jane knew it would have been worse on her if they have been already dating.
"God I love you so much." Jane murmured brushing Maura's hair with her fingers.
After marveling at Maura's beauty for a while Jane decided to get up and make them some breakfast. Quietly sliding out of bed she suddenly remembered that Maura went by her apartment the day before and brought some of her mail back.
As Jane arrived in the living room she immediately spotted the pile of mail on the coffee table.
So she sat down and started to go through the letters that she received and noticed some of them have already been opened.
"What the fuck." Jane said to herself reopening the envelopes containing utility bills such as electricity, cable, water or cable.
Jane who was usually so aware of her surrounding didn't even noticed that Maura was just a few feet behind her.
"Good morning Detective." Maura enthusiastically said as she entered the living room.
"Morning." Jane replied still focusing on her mail.
"Did you sleep well ?" Maura asked as she leaned over to kiss the back of Jane's head combing her hair with her fingers.
"Did you go through my mail?" Jane asked suddenly standing a bunch bills in her hand.
"Yes, yesterday when I was at your place, don't worry it's all been taking off, and I saw your landlord and your rent has been paid for the next 3 months, don't worry about it." Maura explained taking a step towards Jane to give her the traditional good morning kiss.
"Why did you do that for?" Jane grumbled agitating the bills in Maura's face.
"I didn't want you to have to worry about it." Maura replied taking a step back .
The day before, after she went to the station Maura went to Jane's apartment to pick up her mail and open the windows so it wouldn't smell like death. When she arrived she met her landlord who was told about what happened to Jane and she naturally offered to pay her rent for a few months. After picking up Jane's mail she sat inside her apartment and paid every single bill one by one, thinking she was doing Jane a favor.
"I never asked you to do that." Jane grunted going through her purse.
"It's alright I know you have more important thing to focus on."
"How much was it all together? I'm writing you a check." Jane offered her cheque book in one hand and a pen in the other.
"Put that cheque book away Jane, you don't owe me anything."
"Yes, I do, I'm perfectly capable of paying my own bills, now tell me how much it was." Jane demanded walking towards Maura.
As Jane was getting closer Maura saw an angry look in her eyes, a look she hadn't seen in a few days, and it scared her.
"Jane, please put that pen down, you know money isn't an issue."
"I know, but I'm not invalid I don't need you to do this for me, you already took me in, you feed me, you do my laundry, you take care of my medication and now you're paying my bills, are you trying to control me?"
"Of course not, I'm only trying to help you." Maura replied taking several steps back feeling threatened by Jane's attitude and look.
"I see clear in your game now, you've been isolating me ever since I left the hospital, doing everything for me so I became completely dependent on you so you could seduce me more easily."
"You're being ridiculous, I'm not isolating you, you're the one who said you didn't want to see anyone. I'm only trying to help you, I'm sorry if you feel that I'm treating you like an invalid, I'll stop doing things for you if it can make you feel better, but please calm down."
"Fuck I'm not calming down, you're trying to control me so you can make me do things, I can't believe I didn't see it before." Jane chucked standing about a feet from Maura.
Seeing the look in Jane's eyes Maura understood he reaction, she only had good intentions, she only wanted to help her, not isolate her or make her dependent of her help, but Jane's perceptions of things were seriously altered and right now it was scaring the hell out of her.
"I think It's better if we spend some time apart today ." Maura mumbled before rushing into her bedroom.
Jane stood here unable to move. She suddenly realized that she went too far, seeing the fear in Maura's eyes, she realized she was out of line that she completely lost control over nothing
Calming down Jane realized that she screwed up, of course Maura wasn't trying to control her to make her do things against her will. She had been unfair and scary, she scared her one more time and didn't know if she could fix it.
Maura lied in bed for a while asking herself if Jane would ever go back to be the woman she was before. She was now so paranoid, angry and felt threatened by everything Maura was trying to do for her. Maura knew how hard it must have been for Jane not to feel in control of her life, she knew she was a strong woman who liked to be independent and relying on her must have been humiliating for her. But what she just witnessed was more than that, Jane was angry, mad at her, for no good reason. She knew that monster completely changed the way Jane saw things and that now every time Maura was doing something nice she immediately thought she had an anterior motive, and she could accept it. What she couldn't accept was that Jane compared her to that monster thinking she was manipulating her to seduce her. Maura knew it would take some time for Jane to see things normally and stop being paranoid, but she didn't know how long she would be to take it. She felt like when Jane made a step forward she immediately took two step back and it was frustrating.
So what do you think?I think Jane found it comforting that Maura did everything for her at first but now that she feels physically better she realized(with her fucked up perception of things) that Maura was controlling her some how and we all know Jane likes to be in control.
I know this chapter is poorly written, I apologize for that, next one will be better!