A/N: I know I just updated, but this story is so close to being done, I want to finish it. There's maybe two chapters left, I think? Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter and, as always, comments & con/crit is welcome and greatly appreciated!
It had been three weeks. Once again, Lydia had barricaded herself in her apartment, not leaving for anything. The whole situation really frustrated her friends, because Lydia had come so far in the last few months, and now she was right back where she started.
Allison and Kira had broken into her apartment a week ago, but they wouldn't tell Stiles what had happened, or what Lydia had said. They just told him that she was doing as well as she could be right now, and when the time was right, Lydia would talk to him. But Stiles felt like that time would never come.
Because of what Lydia was going through, Stiles was somewhat in a slump as well. He still went to work, went to class, and made his dad and Melissa dinner once a week, like he normally did. But he spent most of his other time in his room, shooting electronic people.
Kira and Scott worried about him. Stiles never shut himself down to anyone, so the fact that he was doing so really worried them both, especially Scott, who'd known Stiles practically his entire life.
That's when they'd hatched the plan. It'd been Kira's idea, but Scott decided to go see Derek himself, because he knew him better than Kira did. It was something that Kira agreed to.
When Scott showed up at the apartment Derek shared with his wife, he wasn't sure what to think. Braeden answered the door, smiling at him, and let him inside.
"Derek's not here right now," she said, offering him a freshly baked cookie off a plate. "Ever since finding out about the baby, he's been driving me crazy. I finally got him to go do something productive. He's at the station."
"You think he has time to talk to me?" Scott asked, looking at Braeden. "I really need his help with something."
Braeden nodded, "Probably. What's going on?"
Scott shrugged, "It's nothing, really. I mean, it's got to do with Lydia."
Braeden nodded. Since Derek had been Jordan's best friend, Braeden understood what it was like to deal with someone who was in a slump after his death. Derek and Jordan hadn't been co-dependent – not the way Scott and Stiles were – but they had been close all the same. Derek had taken it pretty hard when he got the news of Jordan's death.
"Well, he's with John at the station. He more than likely has time to talk to you." A few beats passed before Braeden asked, "Lydia is okay…isn't she?"
Scott sighed, "She broke up with Stiles. She broke up with him because she still has feelings for Jordan, I guess, and she doesn't want to lead Stiles on or anything. Which, I mean, I can appreciate, I guess, but Stiles is a mess. And I figured since Derek was Jordan's best friend, he could maybe talk to her. Help her figure out what she's feeling on the inside."
"Scott," Braeden said, watching him closely, "I think it's a terrific idea, and I know he'd be happy to help."
-x-
It'd been a miserable four weeks without Stiles. Lydia knew that it was she who pushed him away, but she just didn't want to face the facts. She was moving on from Jordan, and even though she loved them both, she just felt terrible about it. She almost felt guilty that she was moving on without Jordan. Call it survivor's guilt if you want to, but she was just afraid of the feelings she had developed for Stiles.
When there was a knock on her door that afternoon, she groaned to herself. She really wasn't in the mood for visitors. She was lounging around in a pair of pajama shorts and one of Jordan's old t-shirts that almost looked like a dress on her because it was so huge. She had no makeup on and her hair was in a messy bun gathered on the top of her head. She knew she looked like a mess, but decided to open the door anyway. She was just hoping it wasn't Stiles.
She almost let out a sigh of relief when she was that it wasn't Stiles, but since it was Derek standing there, all stoic like normal, she wasn't sure what was going on. Sure, Derek was usually serious, but the look on his face almost made her regret opening the door in the first place.
"Lydia," Derek said. "Can I come in? There's something we need to talk about."
Lydia nodded, stepping aside so Derek could enter the apartment.
"You're kind of my cousin, Lydia," Derek started, taking a seat on the loveseat. Lydia sat down beside him. She wasn't surprised that it was all business; it was always straight to the point with Derek. "I mean, my uncle is married to your mom, so that makes us cousins. But I think we have some kind of bond because of…" his voice trailed off.
But he didn't have to finish his sentence for Lydia to know what he meant. She took a deep breath.
"I know that Jordan was your best friend," she said to him, her voice cracking a little. "You guys were practically brothers, the way you were around one another constantly. I know you miss him."
"Just like you do," Derek said. "I mean, obviously not in the same way, but still…Lydia, Jordan loved you."
Lydia nodded, "I know he did. And I loved him, too."
"His last wish was for you to move on," Derek said, taking a deep breath himself. He did that whenever he felt his emotions getting the better of him. "Are you going to keep your promise to him? Moving on?"
"I loved Jordan with everything I had," Lydia said. "I would never want to make him unhappy. And I want to honor his dying wish. I really do." She sighed, taking a moment to gather the thoughts that were in her head before saying, "But this is Stiles. Stiles is Jordan's brother. I'm stuck in this place where I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be or what I should be doing."
Derek licked his lips before looking at Lydia carefully, "Lydia, I knew Jordan better than I've ever known anyone – well, besides Braeden, of course. Jordan would want you to be happy. Your happiness meant more to him than anything else ever did. Stiles told him once that when you love someone – when you truly love someone – you want their happiness over everything, even sometimes over your own. Jordan would want that for you."
"I miss him, Derek," she said, her voice cracking just a little. That's when he scooted over to her a little bit and wrapped her up in a hug.
"I know you do," he said. "I miss him, too. But you've gotta go on living, okay? It's okay to miss him, it's okay to go and visit his grave like I know you do every couple of weeks, but please…Lydia, please go on living. Honor Jordan's memory by living your life, okay?" He pulled away from the hug and then said, "Lydia, being with Stiles isn't going to hurt Jordan's memory. It's not, okay? However, what it is going to do is make your bond with the Stilinskis even closer than it already was. They already think of you as family. And you know that Stiles loves you. I know he's said it."
Lydia sighed, "There's more to it than that." Her own eyes searched his green ones before saying, "Derek, I'm in love with him."
Derek's eyes widened a bit in surprise, but then he nodded and said, "Is that a bad thing?"
Lydia sighed, "I don't fucking know. It just dawned on me that I do love him, and I don't want to hurt Jordan's memory."
"Lydia," Derek said, watching her intently. "You're not hurting Jordan's memory, okay? Moving on would make him happy for you."
-x-
After showering and doing her makeup and hair, Lydia called Kira. She was going to venture over to their apartment, to see Stiles, but she wanted someone to assess his mood first. Kira sounded surprised that Lydia wanted to come over, but didn't really say anything more about it. She told Lydia that Stiles was really depressed about everything, and when Lydia told Kira that she wanted to make things right, she could've sworn she heard Kira let out a yelp of excitement.
"That's great, Lyds," Kira said to her. "I'm really happy to hear you say that. Stiles just hasn't been himself."
Lydia nodded, even though she knew Kira couldn't see her. "I wanna make things right, Kira," Lydia said. "I want things to be good between Stiles and myself again. I miss him like crazy."
"And he misses you," Kira said. "Lyds, he misses you a whole fucking lot."
And that was mainly what had prompted Lydia over to the apartment Stiles shared with Scott and Kira. Kira let her in before she even knocked like she was expecting her – and who was she kidding? Of fucking course Kira was expecting Lydia, after the call she'd made.
Lydia looked around the apartment once she'd entered, seeing Scott sitting on the couch, a movie paused on the TV. "Where's Stiles?" she asked. She was slightly surprised he wasn't out here.
"He's been busy with COD marathons," Scott answered. "The truth is…well, we haven't really seen a whole lot of him lately. Not since the two of you…" his voice trailed off. Lydia didn't need him to explain, though; she understood completely.
"I'll just go to his room, then," Lydia said. She started towards the hall, but was stopped by a noise from Scott.
"Look, Lyds, you've been our friend for a long time," Scott started, and Lydia nodded. "But Stiles, he's my best friend, my brother. And I need you to not hurt him anymore than you already have, okay? Because the way that you broke up with him – Lydia, that just killed him inside. I've gotta look out for him."
Lydia swallowed the lump in her throat before nodding. "I know, Scott," she said, taking a deep breath. "I'm here to fix that."
"I hope to God you're able to," Scott said. Lydia just nodded.
Deciding it was best, Lydia knocked on Stiles' bedroom door. She could hear him rustling around, but he didn't answer it. So she knocked again.
"Dude, Scott, I just want to be left alone right now," Stiles said, and his voice sounded wrecked with emotion. Lydia started feeling incredibly guilty about what she had done to him. So she knocked again.
"Scott, I'm serio –" his words were cut off when he flung the door open and saw Lydia standing there. He swallowed visibly before saying, "You're not Scott."
She shook her head, "Nope. It's me."
Stiles nodded.
"Can I come in? There's something I need to talk to you about."
Stiles nodded and stepped aside so Lydia could come in. Once inside, she took note of all the soda cans, the pizza boxes and the dishes that were in his room. It looked like he hadn't left in weeks.
"Sorry about the mess," Stiles said, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at Lydia. "I've been busy and not in the cleaning mood for a while."
Lydia nodded, going over to sit down on his bed. Stiles followed her over.
"There's something I need to say to you, Stiles," Lydia said. Stiles nodded as he sat down a respectable distance away from her. "I should've said it earlier, but I waited and waited, and…I just think that you need to hear it now."
Stiles nodded again.
"I was in love with Jordan," she said. "It felt like he got me, like he was the other half to my whole, if that makes any sense. And when he died over in Afghanistan, I just felt like…I felt like my whole world had crumbled. He was everything to me."
Stiles nodded, but Lydia noted the look on his face.
"I'm not here to rub things in or to hurt you any more than I already have," Lydia said. Stiles' eyes met hers and she said, "I thought I'd never get over Jordan. He meant so very much to me, and I figured that I would never be able to let anyone in ever again. Not with the way I loved him."
She cleared her throat and licked her lips before continuing, "But then you showed up in my life, Stiles. You showed up and reminded me what it was like to have someone there for me, no matter what. Your whole being, your love…when it came to me, it was totally unconditional. And I threw it away. I pushed you away because I was afraid of what I was starting to feel for you."
"And what were you feeling?" Stiles asked.
Lydia sighed. It's now or never, she told herself, and decided to take that plunge. "I'm in love with you, Stiles," she said softly. "I've felt it for a little while, but it didn't dawn on me – didn't really dawn on me – until you threw me that birthday party. That's why I broke up with you. I was so afraid that I was going to do harm to Jordan's memory, that I didn't think I could move on. But recently, it's been brought to my attention that Jordan wanted me to move on. He'd asked me to find happiness, even if he died, and I realized that I was doing more harm to his memory by not moving on.
"So I'm asking you, Stiles, for another chance. Can we start over? Can we start dating again? I mean, I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm perfect; I'm going to mess up again, I am only human, after all. But these past four weeks without you – Stiles, they were torture. I love you and I missed you so very much and I really want to try again."
When Stiles was silent for a moment, Lydia nodded. She'd gotten her answer. She didn't want him to see how upset she was, so she just cleared her throat and got up off the bed. As she started to leave, Stiles reached out and grabbed her wrist.
"I needed a moment to come to terms with this," Stiles said. Then he grinned at her, "Lydia Martin, I'd be a fool not to try again with you. I missed you so very much, sweetheart."
Lydia sat down on the bed and pulled Stiles into a hug, "Me too, Stiles. Me too."