Chapter 14
Albus and Minerva appeared in Albus's office almost instantaneously, the tin that had served as a portkey, dropped unnoticed to the floor between them. Neither one felt relaxed enough to want to sit down. Instead they remained standing, and faced each other, almost like two combatants in a battle, stress evident in both their postures. With an angry flick of his wand, Albus made the logs in the fireplace blaze into fiery life, at the same time Minerva cast a drying, and cleaning spell, on her soaking wet robes. For a couple of minutes, there was a doom laden silence, the air between them seeming to almost quiver with tension, much like the atmosphere before a storm.
It was Albus that finally broke the deadly silence between them, "Minerva, I trusted you. How could you endanger Harry in this way ?" Though Albus's voice was calm, there was a hint of fury in the pale blue eyes, and his voice was devoid of it's normal warmth, seeming almost icy in it's forced calmness.
Minerva felt almost like his student once again, though even in her days as his student, he had never once spoken to her with such rage. The anger in his voice filled her with many conflicting emotions, the coldness she heard gave her a sense of dread. She was determined not to let him know how she felt though, for Harry's sake she must stand up to him, convince him to change his mind.
"I had to proove to you that they aren't fit to care for Harry, that they will ill treat him ..." Minerva answered as calmly as she could.
"You have proof that they are ill treating Harry ?" Albus's voice was sharp.
Minerva was silent, she longed to be able to say that she did indeed have proof of this, but she didn't have any evidence at all. She hadn't been there long enough to see much, all she had was her motherly instinct, which cried louder than ever that something wasn't right, and that Harry was at risk with the Dursleys. Finally regretfully, she answered, "No ... no real proof as such ... but I still believe ..."
"So, in fact, you found no evidence that Harry is being ill treated or neglected." Albus said, he was still angry with Minerva, something which surprised and saddened him, he'd never been angry with her before. He could feel the fury burning deep inside him, she had foolishly endangered Harry, he had every right to be annoyed. Only his love for Minerva let him controll his anger.
"I wasn't there long enough to find proof." Minerva was determined to keep fighting for Harry's sake, despite being un-nerved by Albus's anger. "Apparently that blasted muggle doesn't like cats, she threw a bucket of water over me as soon as she saw me. Anyone who would do this is clearly not fit to care for a child."
Minerva's face was taut with fury, her back arched in annoyance, almost like a cats. Albus half expected her to show her claws, or hiss. At any other time, Albus would have found the idea amusing, but he was still appalled that Minerva had gone against his wishes, and recklessly endangered Harry.
"I've a good mind to go back there, and turn her into a mouse for a few days ...That would teach her a lesson ..." Minerva continued, looking very much as though, she would greatly enjoy assuming cat form and hunting Petunia.
"You will do no such thing." Albus's voice was commanding, and his eyes flashed dangerously. "Harry is not to be endangered, I have made my wishes on this clear, on several occasions now."
Minerva felt a wave of misery wash over her, she hated having Albus so furious with her. Part of her just wanted to fall into his arms, and beg his forgiveness, to weep like a little child, and be comforted by him. The icy fury in his eyes, and voice, had shaken her to her core, in all the years she'd known him, he'd never been like this with her before. She supposed she should have expected it, after all she had defied his wishes, something she had never done before. She hadn't expected it though, had never thought he would react like this.
It took all Minerva's Gryffindor will power, and courage, to keep looking into Albus's eyes as he spoke to her in this way. To face that dangerous steely glint, and still say, "What about my wishes ? Don't they matter ?"
"Minerva, that is hardly fair. You know they matter, they matter very much indeed." Albus answered softly, suddenly looking very old and tired.
Though his words had been the gentlest thing he'd said, since they arrived back at Hogwarts, they still felt like a rebuke to Minerva. She felt tears forming in her eyes, fought to stop them falling. Suddenly she was overwhelmed by the days events, by seeing Harry again, for such a short time, only to loose him again. She felt weak as the last shreds of the fury, that had kept her going, drained from her.
Albus seemed to sense something of what she felt, and his voice was a little gentler, and warmer, as he asked, "Can I trust you not to go and see Harry again unless I give permission ?"
"It isn't fair to demand that of me ..." Minerva's voice shook as she answered.
"Minerva in all our years together this is the first thing I have demanded, as you put it, of you, and the only reason I ask this of you, is my wish to keep Harry safe." Albus said, his words sounding harsher than he intended.
"You may not have demanded or asked for my loyalty ... but I gave it all the same, unquestioningly ... How can you ask such a thing of me now ? Speak to me as though you no longer trust me ... I don't deserve that..." Minerva's words were interspersed with sobs, as tears streamed down her face.
Seeing his love crying like this, washed away the last remnants of Albus's anger. He adored Minerva far too much to stay angry for long, now he just felt terrible, blamed himself for having been too harsh with her, for forgetting how hard this was on her.
Instantly Albus was by her side, enveloping her in a warm embrace. "Minerva, my darling I'm so sorry ... I should never have spoken to you so ... how can you ever forgive me ... I was wrong to be so angry, I should have been more understanding." For once Albus's customary calmness had deserted him, and he was almost frantic with guilt and desperation. How could he have hurt his beloved Minerva so ? Spoken to her so ? He loathed himself for his words, for his anger, which now seemed utterly unjustified to him. "Please my darling, please don't cry ... I love you ... I adore you ...I'm so sorry ... I was horrible to you ... please don't cry ..."
Minerva felt his lips brushing her cheeks softly, as he tried to kiss her tears away. All she could do was bury her head in his shoulder, and sob into his silvery beard, as Albus murmered soothing words of balm into her ear, and his hand softly caressed her hair.
Albus could feel Minerva's heart fluttering against his chest, trembling like a captive bird, she'd never seemed so fragile to him before. Was this what his choice was doing to her ? Destroying her strength ? What if the loss of Harry destroyed her ? Was he wrong ? Was it worth such suffering ? Albus was barely aware of the doubts, that began to grow deep in his inner being, his entire focus was on Minerva, and his desperation to comfort her.
Albus wrapped a strong supportive arm round Minerva's waist, and helped her to a comfortable sofa by the fire, Conjoured a warm blanket, and draped it over her shivering form, as she rested back against the cushions, her breath coming in gasps. "Minerva, my darling, you are exhausted, you need to rest." Albus said gently, his voice trembling with guilt. "And you're freezing cold too, I should have noticed it sooner, I'm so sorry. I ... I'll never treat you so dreadfully ever again, please forgive me." How could he have treated her so, how could he have failed her so ? He should have noticed how cold and hurt she was. She didn't deserve to be treated so horribly by him. Albus felt as if he would bear the shame and guilt of his anger all his life, he would never forgive himself for this. All he could do was try to make it right, do his best to sooth her.
Albus knelt by the sofa, encased Minerva's hands in his, her fingers were icy cold in his warm grasp. Speaking softly, Albus summoned a house elf, and asked for hot chocolate to be sent at once, almost instantaneously a steaming mug of hot chocolate appeared.
As Albus held the mug to her lips, Minerva sipped the warming liquid gratefully, she had never been particularly fond of hot chocolate before today, thinking it too sweet, but at this moment she was glad of it, found it soothed her nerves a little. The tears still fell down her face, like gentle rain though, and she still shivered against Albus's strong arms. Albus was close to tears himself too, but fought them back bravely, determined to be strong for Minerva, and give her comfort.
Tenderly Albus brushed the hair from Minerva's pale face, conjoured a soft hankie to dry her tears, and lying next to her on the sofa, drew her into a loving embrace, so that she was cradled in his arms, her head resting against his chest. "I love you so much, Minerva, I'm so sorry for everything, for having hurt you so, it was unforgiveable of me ..." Albus's voice quivered, as he bit back the tears of guilt and shame that threatened to flow. "You are my world, my dear, I am nothing without you. You are the best part of me, you always have been ...I should never have spoken to you so ...you are my life, I adore you. I treasure every second with you. I will never ...never be angry with you ever again, my darling."
Neither of them could say how long they lay in each others arms, Minerva's head against his chest, as Albus's soothing warm voice caressed her wounded soul, with words of love and adoration, interspersed with gentle loving kisses. Slowly Minerva's trembling eased, and she began to regain some of her calmness, and fighting spirit, as the shock and pain of Albus's earlier anger drained from her. For a time she rested content in his arms, then raised her head from his chest, and with something of her normal vigour said, "I know I don't have any proof Albus, but I believe more than ever now that Harry is being neglected, things just didn't seem, or feel, right to me, please believe me."
"My darling, you are exhausted, do you not think it would be better to speak of this another day ? You really should rest and recover." Albus said gently.
"No, No I don't. I want to talk about this now, right now." Minerva was determined not to give into the weakness she still felt. "Harry's welfare is too important ..."
Albus sighed, he knew Minerva's stubborn streak well, knew there was no changing her mind when she was truly determined about something. He also sensed that if he refused to talk about Harry, then she would just become even more distressed.
"Then perhaps, you had better tell me everything that you saw while at the Dursleys." Albus said, "But please do not tire yourself, I am still deeply concerned about you, my dear."
"Harry was sitting alone in the middle of the floor. No one seemed to care or even notice that he was there, didn't even wonder where he was, or what he was doing, too busy with their own concerns.." Minerva's voice was full of rage and disgust. "There wasn't even anyone in the room with him, only a year old, and left on the floor alone ..."
"But Minerva, my dear, you were only there a few short minutes weren't you ?" Albus asked as gently as he could, fearing that he would distress her again.
"Only because that bloody muggle woman threw a bucket of water over me, as soon as she saw me, bloody woman. Throwing water over a cat is a terrible thing to do." Minerva almost seemed to shudder, as she remembered how it had felt to have water flung over her, while in her animagus form.
"My poor darling ..." Albus said tenderly, "It must have been horrible for you ... but perhaps she is afraid of cats, and that's why she did it."
"She damm well will be if I get hold of her ..." snapped Minerva, her eyes flashing with some of her normal fiercesome spirit for a split second.
"Why don't you continue telling me about Harry ..." Albus said diplomatically.
"As I said, they had just left him alone on the floor, not even in the same room as them, and his face was filthy. She can't even be bothered to keep him clean ..." Minerva's voice was full of contempt, and loathing for Petunia Dursley. "Clearly he is being neglected, it wouldn't surprise me if they were ill treating him in other ways too, he should be brought back here with us ..." The look in Minerva's eyes was a desperate plea, that filled Albus with sorrow.
For a couple of minutes there was silence, as Albus's embrace tightened around her, and his head rested against hers, finally he spoke. "That is hardly proof of neglect my dear ..."
"Are you accusing me of lying ?" Minerva interrupted, her voice sounding close to breaking, as Albus felt her begin to tremble against him again.
"No, no, my darling, of course not. Please do not distress yourself, I could never, would never, think such a thing of you. I assure you of this, my darling." Albus said gently, reaching out his hand, he raised her chin so that he could gaze into her eyes. "I trust you Minerva, that has not changed, and it will never change." Albus's voice was firm and sincere.
Looking into his eyes, Minerva knew that Albus meant what he said, and his words eased the wounds his earlier fury had caused. For a second, her eyes gazed into his soul, as an unspoken message of love passed between them. Then Minerva's thoughts returned to Harry once again, and her emerald eyes which were normally so clear, became clouded with sorrow.
"If you would just go and check on him for yourself, you would see what I mean, Albus." Minerva said.
Albus sighed before answering, "If it were not for the risks I would gladly do as you wish, my dear. If it were not for the risks, I would have Harry here. I miss him very much too, but we cannot take the chance. We cannot take the risk."
"Albus, you must listen to me, all my instincts tell me that something isn't right, that Harry isn't being cared for properly. After going there I am convinced of it. Can't you just trust me, trust my instincts ..." Minerva's voice was full of desperation.
"I do trust you Minerva, but perhaps your instincts are being influenced by your missing Harry ..." Albus tried to speak as kindly as he could, "It would be very understandable if this were the case, my dear ...I would not send Harry anywhere I thought he might be ill treated or neglected, I believe Petunia will come to love Harry ...Please try to understand my reasons."
Any other day, Minerva might have felt her temper begin to flare at his stubborness, but still nestled in his warm encircling arms she just couldn't rouse herself to anger, was to drained to fight anymore.
"Can't we at least have some contact with Harry, send letters or birthday cards, or christmas presents ? Can't the Durlseys at least let us know how he is doing occasionally ? There's no risk in that." Minerva was almost pleading with Albus, to permit this one small thing.
Albus would have loved to agree, for a moment he was tempted to say yes, but just as he was about to grant her wish, the image of Lily's twisted corpse flashed unwanted into his mind, sending a searing surge of terror of seeing Harry lying dead through him. It was like raw wounds opening, and it changed his mind, without him being even aware of it.Sadly, gently, he answered. "I only try to keep him safe my darling, I know it is hard, but letters and scrolls can be traced, deatheaters might find out where harry is and that would endanger him."
"But he is protected by the blood protection already, isnt that enough, why must we also have so much secrecy ?" Minerva asked.
"I do not wish to take any risks, no matter how small. I only wish to keep him alive." Albus answered, then with a tremble in his voice "I miss him too, my darling, but we must be strong." Seeing the sorrow in Minerva's face, Albus reached out to grasp her hand, before continuing sadly. "If people found out where he was, then there would be reporters on the Dursley's doorstep, wizards rushing over to congratulate the boy who lived, in such chaos there would be so much danger. It is so much better if Harry's whereabouts is kept secret, it is an extra gaurantee. Not to mention that Petunia needs time and space to learn to love Harry."
"If I had Harry I would not have to learn to love him." Minerva said, in a voice that broke Albus's heart.
"Oh my Dear ..." Was all Albus could bring himself to say, as his arms tightened around her, as though seeking desperately to ease her pain. Words of comfort surged through his mind, but none of them seemed adequate to him, as guilt and self hatred tightened their grip on his soul. Why must they live through the torment of such dark times ? Now that Voldemort was gone, couldn't there be some light for them, for her ?
"Albus ..." Minerva said hesitantly, "I think I just want to be alone now ...I just need some time ...a night alone ..."
"I understand my dear." Albus said sadly, it was the first time Minerva had chosen to spend a night apart from him, and he couldn't help but be saddened by her choice. "It has been a difficult day, you need time to recover, to rest. I will miss you though, but if you are sure ..."
"Yes Albus, I am sure." Minerva answered. All she knew was that she just wanted to be on her own, she wasn't sure why, just that she felt as though her sadness over Harry must suffocate her, like a weight pressing down on her.
"Then I will wish you a very good night my darling." Albus tried to keep the sorrow and loneliness from his voice, but he couldn't hide the sadness in his eyes. His good night kiss was tender and loving, but in it there was sorrow, and a hint of fear.
After Minerva had left, Albus stayed sitting alone on the sofa. He couldn't summon the will to go to his bed, as he rested back against the cushions, he noticed how they still held a hint of Minerva's favourite perfume, almost as though a part of her was still there with him. Sighing Albus laid his head against the cushions, lavender and scotch heather, his only comfort that long lonely night, as the tears of remorse fell, like highland rain.
Author's Notes
Thanks to everyone who reviews, it really does make me determined to finish this story, and make it the best it can be. So reviews are great, espeicially now when I'm struggling with some chapters a little. So please review.
Well I hope Albus wasn't too mean to Minerva ? It was fun writing an angry Albus, maybe cos it's so unusual, and I just felt I couldn't see him really raging at her, or yelling, or anything, that just isn't Dumbledore imo. Though I do think an angry Dumbledore would be quite scary. Hope the romantic stuff was nice too ?
Things to Come
Chapter 15 this chapter trys to set up things that happen a bit later in the story. When Albus can't help, Poppy must try. Despite feeling so weak, Minerva still tries to fight for Harry.
Chapter 16 Minerva is worried by strange silences.
Chapter 17 When old mentors disapprove, will Albus listen ?
Chapter 18 (This chapter is an absolute nightmare to write, I've struggled for over two weeks with it now, kicks chapter 18. I might split it in two if it gets too long. ) Poppy's suprised, Severus is surprised, Albus is surprised. I don't want to give too much away about this chapter lol.
Chapter 19 Since the previous chapter will have a cliffhanger at the end, it's difficult to say much. Severus, Poppy, and Rolanda are an unlikely team.