Are you throwing hard objects at my head yet? This chapter is sad, but necessary too I think to knock sense into both.
My grad semester has begun and I'm dyingggggggggg. 5 page papers, extensive PowerPoint presentations, and 500 pages of reading - PER WEEK. I'm not sure how often I will be updating now, but I will try to make it as frequently as I can - or when I feel like procrastinating. Thank you again so much for the support and the over 200 reviews! You guys truly amaze me and I hope you've stuck with it after the last chapter.
There's a short flashback towards the beginning but it's in italics.
Chloe wasn't sure how long she'd been crying on her bed. She just knew she had a headache, from the crying… the hangover…. The pain and ache in her heart.
The sun had risen, she could tell that much from the light that seeped through her blinds.
She was happy that Aubrey hadn't bothered her much.
Yes, Aubrey had been concerned when she saw Chloe rush back to the table, grab her purse and jacket, and storm outside to hail a cab. She had seen Chloe's red-rimmed eyes and the hurt in her expression.
"Chloe – what's going on? Are you okay?" Aubrey said breathless chasing down the street after Chloe.
"She came to Atlanta, Bree!" Chloe said whipping around to face Aubrey, fresh tears making their way down her face.
"Who? Beca?" Aubrey asked confused.
"Yes. Fucking Beca Mitchell," Chloe huffed extending her arm to hail a cab.
"When?" Aubrey questioned scratching her head. If Beca had gone to Atlanta, she certainly would've known about it.
"Three years ago, when I texted her about my mom…. Jesse knew about it," Chloe choked out, still visibly upset.
"He-he what!" Aubrey asked back as Chloe opened to the door to the cab that pulled up. "Let me just get my jacket and I will come with you," Aubrey added catching Chloe's arm before she could leave.
No – I really just want to be alone right now…" Chloe said wiping her eyes and jumping in the cab. Chloe could see the questioning look in Aubrey's eyes, she knew the blonde would have a hard time not following behind, "I will be fine Aubrey, just please let me go." Chloe sniffed and shut the door telling the cab where to go.
"I'm going to fucking kill Jesse…." Aubrey mumbled as she watched the cab drive off and stormed back in the bar.
The house was quiet and Chloe hadn't heard Jesse and Aubrey arguing for a few hours. She hadn't slept, going over all the possible scenarios in her mind.
What if she had known Beca had come to see her? What if Beca had actually approached her and her mother? What if… What if… What if….?
None of these questions changed the present situation they were currently in though. No matter how many tears she shed.
She was so angry and hurt with Beca, but she couldn't help but wish the brunette would come bounding through the door, begging for forgiveness for all the lost years. But she knew Beca better than that…
No matter what she had tried, nothing had eased the ache in her heart that the tiny brunette had completely filled so long ago.
Nothing had even come close.
Once her mother had passed, she had tried filling the void even more. Her mom was her best friend, and Beca was the love of her life and she had lost both. Chloe couldn't help but feel like something was wrong with her…
So, in order to prove there wasn't, she had a lot, a lot, of meaningless sex with anyone willing. She would have to be drunk in order to go through with it and it always made her feel dirty and useless afterwards. Chloe never stayed for second dates, with the exception of Brad who had come and gone for the past few months. She always ended up crying in her mother's empty house alone since her brother had gone back to Medical school. That was until she had moved to L.A. after Aubrey's relentless requests.
But nothing ever eased that ache in her heart. Nothing had made her heart flutter and feel full again until she had laid eyes on Beca Mitchell in person after so much time had passed.
She would never confess to watching hours and hours of Beca's interviews on YouTube just so she could see the brunette in the absence of her life.
But Beca didn't want Chloe to chase her. Beca had left. And Chloe had been damaged goods since.
Chloe had kept replaying that one thing Beca had said, "You were everything…" She huffed at the words as she thought of them again in her bed. If she was everything, why had Beca left her so broken?
Chloe had been slowly petting Billie's head as her head shot up and looked at the door.
She had been curled up alongside Chloe for hours and the small dog had been a slight comfort to Chloe's aching heart.
She knew it was likely to be Aubrey checking on her, but she couldn't help but feel the flutter in her chest as the door handle turned, hoping Beca had come…
"Leave me alone, Bree…" Chloe choked out with her back to the door.
"Hi, um – I was just coming by to check on you," Jess said approaching the bed to sit beside a surprised Chloe and pet an excited Billie.
Chloe was startled to say the least, "oh… um. Thanks…"
"I know, probably not expecting me but Aubrey and Jesse are out…" Jess said lying back on the bed.
"Out?" Chloe asked, she didn't expect Aubrey to leave, she knew how overbearing the blonde got when Chloe was sad.
"Yeah… Um. There's a bit of a situation, but they are handling it," Jess nodded leaning over to pull Chloe's hair from her eyes, "Aw… Chloe…." Jess sighed taking in Chloe's worn down appearance.
"Let me guess, a Beca situation?" Chloe said closing her eyes again; she didn't want to hear about it right now.
"Something like that…" Jess nodded back sadly. "Want to talk about it?"
"I just don't really understand…" Chloe sniffled, leaning her head on Jess's shoulder.
"Beca had her reasons, Chloe," Jess whispered back, "But it wasn't because she doesn't care…"
"I loved her so much…" Chloe choked out.
"I know, and she loved you too. She still loves you now, you are all she talks about to me…Do you know how many times that girl asked me if you were okay?" Jess grinned thinking back to all Beca's not-so-subtle questions.
"She-she did?" Chloe asked sitting up and rubbing her eyes.
"All the time…" Jess nodded.
"But-But Aubrey said-" Chloe questioned.
"Do you really think Beca would ask AUBREY about you? Aubrey would use her head as chopping block…" Jess smiled.
"Why did she leave… I-I needed her, Jess…People always leave," Chloe sobbed pushing her head back into Jess's shoulder again.
"Okay, Peyton Sawyer," Jess chuckled thinking Chloe had binged on too many One Tree Hill episodes again. "She doesn't believe she deserves your love, Chloe. She doesn't feel like she belongs… She's broken, just like you are…" Jess replied.
"I-I guess I never thought of it that way…I mean I know she said she never belonged, but I tried to make her feel like she did, she always belonged to me…" Chloe said fiddling with the strings on the sheets.
"That's why you two fit so well, despite how hurt you feel right now…" Jess sadly smiled. She couldn't see Chloe ending up with anyone other than Beca. And she definitely knew that Beca had only ever wanted Chloe.
"Maybe…" Chloe sniffled.
"You know, I shouldn't tell you this… But Beca's never been with anyone else, Chloe, that should tell you something right there," Jess replied honestly causing Chloe to jerk up.
"But-But I thought…?" Chloe furrowed her brows in confusion. She'd bought every magazine Beca was ever in and it sounded like she had quite the reputation…
"That shit isn't real, Chloe… Beca has men and women throwing themselves at her all the time. It's part of this world we are in now," Jess stated, she knew better than most since she was one of Beca's main artists. "I hear it about myself all the time."
"That doesn't make sense… I saw her with that girl at the engagement party…" Chloe said.
"And? Did you see Beca sleep with her?" Jess indicated.
"Well-I-uh-No, I guess I didn't…" Chloe thought to what Jess had revealed. Beca had never been with anyone. No one since Beca had left.
"Whose house do you think she ended up crying at the next morning before she went to the studio?" Jess reached over to soothe some of Chloe's hair comfortingly.
"But-what? How did I not know that? We talk all the time; you're my closest friend besides Bree…" Chloe interrogated.
"And who do you think Beca's friends are outside Aubrey and Jesse, Chlo? It's hard to deal with a crying, sad Beca Mitchell all the time…" Jess said patting Chloe's shoulder.
"Beca cried over me? Beca doesn't cry…" Chloe thought out loud.
"She's not as tough as the front she puts up, you of all people should know that. She loves you, Chloe… She just doesn't know how to show it. She's scared; she's never had someone like you in her life… It doesn't excuse her leaving, but Beca has certainly kept that weight on her shoulders," Jess said.
The two sat in silence for a while after that. But Chloe kept thinking about why Aubrey and Jesse had left… Something must've happened.
"Is she okay?" Chloe whispered out, slightly afraid of the answer to come…
"I-um-I don't know, Chloe…" Jess responded quietly, she didn't want to make Chloe more upset.
"You don't know?" Chloe bit back in annoyance.
"No one has seen or heard from Beca since the bar last night… she missed her meeting with Kelly Clarkson this morning, but Amy and Cynthia Rose are handling that…" Jess muttered back, biting her lip awaiting the redhead's reaction.
"That doesn't sound like Beca to blow off work like that…" Chloe intrigued, but felt her heart sink upon hearing that no one had seen or heard from her.
"Beca is heartbroken, too Chloe…" Jess said back, pulling the redhead back to her shoulder and comforted Chloe as best as could as she felt the tears in her skin. "This is all going to work out, you'll see…" Jess rocked Chloe gently back-and-forth.
"Still nothing?" Aubrey asked into the phone to Amy, thinking that the brunette may've tried to get in contact with one of them by now. "Okay, thanks Amy…" Aubrey said into the phone with a sigh hitting the phone against her forehead.
Aubrey and Jesse had gone all over L.A. looking for Beca, trying to think of anywhere the brunette could possibly be hiding – or where she would have gotten on foot. Aubrey was starting to worry.
"Don't worry, babe. We will find her," Jesse said taking Aubrey's hand but looking around the vacant park.
"This is YOUR fault, Jesse!" Aubrey said with a shove to his chest.
"Come on, Aubrey. Don't start this again; it wasn't my place to say anything! It's Beca's life!" Jesse spat back running a hand through his hair. They hadn't slept and Jesse was already blaming himself.
He should've pushed Beca harder to contact Chloe. He saw her slowly unraveling through her career and sat by silently and watched her crumbling. But, he knew how Beca internalized. He knew not to push her; it'd only make her do something she would later regret. Beca had to figure things out on her own, it's how she worked.
Jesse's eyes locked on the newsstand in the park, as Aubrey picked it up with a grunt, "Unbelievable."
'Elusive Beca Mitchell storms off after fight with mysterious redhead at Rocket Grill'
As Aubrey turned to the page of the article, Jesse looked over her shoulder reading along with her.
The article featured pictures of Chloe and Beca arguing in the alley behind the bar and then photos of them kissing.
'Rumor has it that Beca Mitchell serenaded a redhead who sources have identified as 'Chloe Beale'. The pair was seen at Rocket Grill last night and according to Ellie Goulding's Instagram the two were indeed together at the bar. But who is Chloe Beale? Insiders spotted a group of them, including the redhead, leaving Beca's studio late yesterday and it's rumored that Chris Carrabba from Dashboard Confessional was in attendance as well.' The article circled several pictures of the group from afar leaving the studio. 'It is said that Beca dedicated a song to Ms. Beale and serenaded her publically. Some fans have already posted to YouTube. Doesn't look like the serenading ended up taking a good turn though as the brunette stormed away from the bar after making out with Chloe Beale, cigarette in hand. We thought Beca had kicked the habit, but it seems she's started back up again. More on this story as it progresses.'
Aubrey huffed out in annoyance and Jesse leaned over to grab the rest of the papers, buying them all and feeling his frustration build again.
"What are we going to do about this?" Aubrey asked still staring at the article in disgust.
"I will handle it," Jesse nodded.
Emotions were running high and he had to step away from Aubrey and close his eyes to really think. "Come on, Beca… Where are you?" He mumbled to himself.
Jesse thought about Beca and how she handled situations. He quickly spun back around, "I know where she is."
Jesse ushered Aubrey back to the car as he chucked the papers in the backseat and silently drove.
They drove about ten minutes and wound up at the café Beca attended often as Jesse parked out front.
"What are we doing here, Jesse?" Aubrey exhaled not understanding why they were here.
"Look up in that window," Jesse said pointing to the corner of the café to a hooded figure that looked very much like Beca.
"Wha-what? Why is Beca here?" Aubrey questioned looking at her in the window. She looked sad.
"She does all her writing here. It's rare that she mentions Chloe, but she said once she feels closest to her here…. Not sure why," Jesse shrugged looking At Beca's defeated form.
Jesse undid his seatbelt and turned to open his door, "I'm just going to go in and talk to her for a bit."
Aubrey quickly reached over to grab his hand, "Let me go." Aubrey said turning to look back at Beca again.
"You know, it's funny that you're offering to go after her, funny how things have changed," Jesse smiled.
"Well, you were right about Beca, she's a good soul. She just gets lost in that head of hers, and as much of a pain in the ass as she is, I don't see my best friend being with anyone else, and I know you feel the same way," Aubrey said with a smile grazing her hand over Jesse's forehead.
"Wait a minute… Did you just admit that I was right about something? Aubrey Posen! It only took a crisis, but it finally happened," Jesse joked kissing her hand.
Aubrey kissed him on the lips quickly, "wait for us; I will get her to come around."
As Aubrey approached she noticed Beca's sunken red eyes and the paper scattered over the table. She noticed the many coffee cups and the same clothes Beca had worn the night before.
"Hey Beca…" Aubrey quietly approached not wanting to startle her from her work.
"Aub-Aubrey?! What in the world are you doing here?" Beca jumped at the voice nearing. The last person she expected to see was Aubrey, okay, maybe not the last person. That person she assumed would be crying to Aubrey, but the blonde was currently stood in front of her.
"Jesse and I have been looking for you most of the night, Beca…" Aubrey sighed sitting down across from the tired brunette.
"Whe-Where's Chloe? Is she okay? I thought she'd be with you…" Beca bit her quivering lip at the emotion she found there.
"No… Chloe's not okay. Her heart is broken all over again…" Aubrey started looking at all the napkins spread over the table.
The two sat in silence for an unknown amount of time, Beca just fiddled with her fingernails and then began spinning her thumb ring again, trying to keep her mind occupied. Beca began to feel the tears again down her face. She didn't even know it was possible to cry anymore.
"I hear you went to Atlanta," Aubrey said with sadness in her voice as she saw Beca nod.
"I know how much you must hate me for what I've done to Chloe…" Beca began lifting her head to meet Aubrey's eyes. "But, I really love her. And I've never loved anyone before…But you and I both know Chloe is way too good for someone like me… She always has been."
"I don't hate you, Beca. That doesn't mean you're not a total pain in my ass, but I don't hate you. Jesse and I LOVE you Beca, you're a part of our weird little family unit." Aubrey began. "And, as for Chloe, she is my best friend."
"I know that," Beca bit out.
"And as her best friend, I know that no one makes her happy the way you make her happy. No one," Aubrey glared her eyes into Beca's, making sure she was getting the point.
"That-That's not-I can't-" Beca started fumbling on her words again.
Aubrey shook her head realizing Beca still wasn't getting the point, "Why do you come here, Beca?"
"Well, it makes me feel close to her I guess," Beca whispered.
"And this is where you do most of your writing?" Aubrey prodded.
"Well, yeah, it's where I think the clearest," Beca nodded confused by the question.
"And why do you suppose that is?"
"Because I feel close to Chloe here," Beca shrugged.
"So, she's your inspiration to write then, yes?" Aubrey said, thinking she was finally getting somewhere. It all came back to music analogies with Beca.
"Well yeah, but you knew that," Beca replied.
"Just needed you to say it, just like I wanted to hear you say you loved Chloe, which you did," Aubrey grinned.
"What's the point, Posen?" Beca shot back crossing her arms.
"My point is, what exactly do you think inspires Chloe?" Aubrey asked and Beca could feel her eyes watering again. "You, Beca."
"Come on, Aubrey…" Beca said nervously.
"You still aren't getting it, Mitchell. I saw Chloe when she lost her mom, it was something I never want to see again and I thought I'd never see her pull out of it. All she wanted was her mom. And YOU," Aubrey pointed to her.
"I know. I feel like shit… I will never be able to make it right with her… she deserves better," Beca bit her trembling lower lip to keep from causing a scene in the café.
"Would you stop! Do you know what pulled her out from that darkness? It certainly wasn't me; no matter how hard I tried… it was you, Beca. Her mom wanted Chloe to find her purpose; she wanted Chloe to make her way back to you…" Aubrey said reaching over to grab Beca's hand and reassure her that she had been Chloe's purpose all along. That she mattered.
"Chloe's mom wanted that?" Beca whimpered out.
"More than anything," Aubrey said with a nod and slight smile. Beca was finally getting it.
"She will never forgive me…" Beca shook her head again.
"You know Chloe's heart better than anyone, Beca. She's got her walls, just like you do and she's been hurt a lot in her life… and she's lost a lot. I've watched you bury yourself so completely in work these past few years that you're barely capable of leaving the studio and I've watched Chloe throw herself at anyone to try to ease the ache in her heart. But it never works, Beca. You two always somehow end up together again, don't you get it?" Aubrey explained.
"I think I am starting to get it…" Beca nodded in understanding and moved her hands to run through her unruly, unwashed hair. "What do I do?"
"Prove yourself. If Chloe is what you want, you've got to prove it to her, she's broken… and YOU need to fix it," Aubrey shot back. "Give her that box."
"What? How do you know about the box?" Beca asked in shock. No one knew about her, as she called it, 'sad box of lyrics for Chloe.'
"I know everything, don't underestimate the power of a Posen," Aubrey grinned.
"But you'll be a Swanson soon, and those have no power," Beca finally chuckled.
"Hey – that's my fiancée so watch it!" Aubrey laughed back and turned serious again. "You need to get her to talk about that ring too, if you can get her to talk at all…" Aubrey sighed.
"She's not talking?" Beca gaged concerned.
"It's been a really long time since I've seen her this way, Beca… Fix it," Aubrey said with a threatening tone grabbing her purse and standing from the table. "Because if you don't fix my best friend, I swear I will rip your vocal chords out with my hands, understood?"
"Yikes, I got it," Beca signaled her defeat and knew she needed to attempt to make things right with Chloe.
"Come on, let's go. Jesse is in the car," Aubrey said as Beca shakily stood from the table.
"He's in the car and you came in to talk to me?" Beca asked stunned.
"Don't make it a thing, Mitchell, let's go," Aubrey said as Beca cautiously followed behind her to the car.
Still with me? Totally hate me? Review? Maybe?