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Unexpected Variables-Chapter 14

She was watching him and he knew it. She was cataloging something, noticing something, studying something, and with anyone else it would have been a bit unnerving, but it was Bones, so he figured his life would always consist of some of this. While he wondered what she was making note of, he was determined not to ask. He figured there were some things he was better off not knowing.

"What did you parents do to make you the way you are?" She asked cryptically during one of their unscheduled, non baby naming lunches.

"Huh?" He had a mouth full of sandwich.

"Or Pops, I guess. What did they do to make you the way you are?"

He swallowed. "The way I am? How am I?"

"You know, so…Boothy."

"Sorry, Bones, I'm gonna need a little clarification on that one."

She munched on some snap peas while she considered her answer. Laying her free hand on her belly she said "Well, you're very considerate. You hold doors for people. Last week you helped that store clerk pick up the inventory she dropped. You think of people's feelings and try to treat them accordingly. You're honest and polite. You're brave. You're smart; smarter than you let on, actually, which I don't understand, but it seems to work in your favor. You genuinely care about people, even people you don't know. You're just…good, Booth, and I would like to know how that came to be."

He smiled. She didn't give compliments easily or often but when she did his heart always swelled. It made him feel like he might actually be the person she saw in him.

"Well," he said after a moment, "I think some of it was my mom."

"Mary-Margaret." she said, remembering.

"Yeah. She was big on manners. We always had to be polite and helpful. Pops was the same. My father," his eyes darkened and she knew why, "he demanded respect, so he didn't get it. We were afraid of him, but we didn't respect him. I always wanted to do right by my mom and Pops because I wanted them to be proud of me. I didn't care much what my dad thought."

"But all those things that make you you, Jared grew up with too. And he is not like you at all." She hated the subject of Jared and all the ways he was and was not Booth, but she was trying to analyze data and he was a necessary factor.

"Jared." Booth said with a sigh. "Jared just took a different path than I did. He's more like my dad. It's all about him. I guess I could have gone that way, too, at one point, but I didn't."

"You could never have been like Jared." She shook her head vehemently. "He's…he's fundamentally different. I just wondered how you became who you are. You have qualities I would like our child to possess. I see them in Parker. I want to know how to bring them out in our daughter."

"She's part you and part me, Bones. She is who she is."

"I would like very much for her to have my intellect."

He sensed a "but" so he waited before he spoke.

"But, overall I think I would prefer she be more like you."

"Why?"

"You are better with people. You are able to feel and see things…things I miss. You understand jokes and pop culture. You are kind, considerate and honest without being harsh. In general, I find you to be more well rounded than I am, which I feel, makes life easier to navigate. I want that for our daughter."

"See, I think I would prefer she be like you."

"Why?" Now it was her turn to wonder.

"Well, because Bones, you're brilliant and loyal and while your face is gorgeous, the most beautiful part about you is your heart. I would like it if she had a beautiful heart."

His words took her breath away.

"I think your heart is beautiful, too." She truly meant it.

"Well," he said, throwing the remnants of his lunch away, "sounds like she can't miss in the heart department." He grinned.

"Or looks." Brennan added. "Both her parents are very attractive. We're both intelligent as well."

"Okay, so she'll be good looking with big brains and a big heart." He winked at his partner. "I think she'll be just fine in life with that combo."

"She still has to be a nice person, though. Those other things won't get you very far if you are insufferable."

"You sound just like a mom."

Her eyes widened. "You think?"

He stopped to really look at her as she sat across from him. With her rounded belly, her hair thicker than before, a permanent rosy tinge to her cheeks and now a charmingly innocent expression of delight and wonder on her face, Booth hadn't known he could fall more in love with her than he already had.

But just right then, he did.

"Bones, don't doubt yourself. You're going to be a great mom."

"How did you know I've been doubting myself?"

"I wasn't sure until you said that."

She sighed. "There are so many books, Booth, and websites and people with advice and all of them have different programs and systems and methods. I don't even know where to begin."

"You know, Bones, you are going to hate my answer, but it's the truth. Are you ready?"

"I always want the truth. You know that."

"Okay." He paused dramatically. "You are going to have to trust your gut."

She tilted her head at him with a look of semi-irritation on her face. "My gut?"

"Yeah, Bones. Your gut. Or your maternal instincts or whatever you want to call it. It's the little voice inside your head that will tell you what to do. What works best for you and Mallory."

"First of all, Mallory is off the list. Angela calling the two babies M&M all the time ruined all M names for me. Secondly…" She looked insecure.

"Secondly what?"

"What if I don't have any?"

"Any maternal instinct?" Booth was completely bowled over that she would even contemplate such a thing.

"Yes. Science has proven that it's not innate within all mothers. How else do you account for infanticide? Or women who give their children up for some other lifestyle? Women who walk away from their children because they don't…" She couldn't finish the last one.

"Your mother did not walk away because she wanted a different life. She ran because she wanted to protect you. You know that."

She looked down at her hands, resting on her abdomen. "She's not here to teach me what I need to know."

He came around to her side of the desk and leaned down, one hand on the desk, one on the arm of her chair, effectively pinning her in and forcing her to look him in the eye. "Now you listen to me. We just finished talking about your big heart. Everything you need to be a great mom is right in there." He took his hand off her desk and touched her chest, right over her heart, with one finger.

"Booth, the heart is a muscle…"

"What you need is in there. And if it's not?" He moved his finger to the side of her forehead. "It's in here."

"I don't know anything about babies. I have little to no experience with them. I wanted a baby, even a few years ago, but now that I'm so close to her being here I find that there is so much I don't know."

"Here." His finger was at her heart again. "And here." His finger on her scalp. "And here" He pointed at himself. "You've got me, Bones. And if we can't figure it out we have Angela and Hodgins. Even Cam. If all else fails we have your Dad or Russ and Amy. But have we ever failed at anything we've decided to do together?"

She shook her head, eyes glistening. "No" came out in a strangled whisper.

"And we aren't about to start with our daughter, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise me you won't worry about this."

"I won't. Worrying never solves anything."

He studied her face and decided to pretend to accept her answer. He kissed her quickly and said "Good. Now, I have to get back to work. I've got a two o'clock with Hacker."

She pasted on a smile and told him she'd see him later.

He barely heard her as her walked out of her office.

Special Agent Seeley Booth was already working on a plan.

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