Words Cannot Describe

A/N: Hey guys, just another thank you for sticking with me this long. Fourth year part 1 will be up soon.

Hermione resumed her position and secretly wished there had been enough at the end to distract them from the rat but any hope she may have had extinguished the moment Remus said, "So Peter…"

Sirius was rocking in his seat, twisting his hands, pure horror and disgust on his face. He stood up abruptly, "Give me my wand Hermione," there was nothing in his voice but cold fury.

"Sirius," Hermione said cautiously, backing up and pulling out her own wand at the same time.

"Give me my wand!" he advanced on her, "I'm going to kill him! THAT RAT IS GOING TO BETRAY LILY AND JAMES! GIVE IT TO ME!" Remus and James tried to restrain him but he fought with all his might, "GET OFF! GET OFF OF ME! I'M GOING TO KILL THAT BASTARD! HOW DARE HE DO THIS TO US? WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS! HE'S GOING TO END US! HE WILL DESTROY US AND - AND - AND IT WILL BE MY FAULT! ALL MY fault…my fault…" Sirius stopped struggling and sank to the floor, shaking with sobs. He looked at James in agony, "I'm the reason you die," he whispered brokenly.

James knelt beside, tears streaming down his face and shook his head. He pulled his best friend into hug that said everything he couldn't. He didn't blame Sirius, he was just doing what he thought was best. He looked at Lily over Sirius's shoulder. She was holding Harry in her arms, her eyes were red but she didn't cry. He glanced at Moony who looked completely lost.

Remus's mind was in free-fall, now he completely understood Mya's reaction to Peter. He had had breakfast with a death eater, hugged him, sat right beside him, all of it made his guts squirm, bile rose in his throat and he had to leave the living room. He went straight to the kitchen sink, letting all the bitter contents of his stomach come up. He wanted some air and left out the back door. Bracing the tree, he let his tears fall, mourning the friend he had lost.

The others heard the door close and James pulled away from Sirius. In an almost exact re-enactment of earlier, he went upstairs with Lily following and Sirius went out the front door this time. Dumbledore looked Hermione, "It is about lunch time. We must check on the school, but if you need -"

Hermione shook her head, "I think we have everything under control here."

"As you say," Dumbledore and McGonagall nodded at her and disappeared into the fireplace.

The noise reached upstairs into the Potters' bedroom. Lily turned her head in the direction of the door, "Sounds like the professors left."

"They have to check on the school," James replied with no emotion. His eyes were fixed on his son who was examining the bedspread with all the avid interest a toddler could invest.

"James I know you must be angr-"

"That's just it Lily, I'm not. I don't feeling anything, it's like I've gone numb," James laid down, keeping a hand on Harry. "With Sirius, I couldn't accept it but with Peter it makes an awful lot of sense. All those times he'd disappear and no one could get a hold of him, the total lack of reaction to bad news. I mean he is my best friend, I've known him for nearly a decade, I didn't see it in him so why does make it sense? It should be like with Sirius, I shouldn't be able to bring myself to believe it but it's like I cannot make myself NOT to believe it."

"James, you had Harry and Hermione telling it wasn't true that's why," Lily moved closer to him.

"No Lily, the reason it makes sense is because the evidence was there and I didn't see it. I was too stupid to put it together and look at the consequence! Do you realise you let in a death eater today? Gave him food? Let him play with our son? You did it because he is my friend, I trust him so you do too. And where was I? Just standing there, letting it all happen rather than opening my eyes to what was dead in front my face. Me and my family are going to pay with our lives for my stupidity."

"James stop blaming yourself for something that isn't going to happen. You know now and that's what matters, I told you before trusting your friends is a part of who you are, it is a strength not a weakness." James sat up and Lily stroked his face.

He held the hand, "I knew I loved you for a reason." They kissed and James looked at his lap, "I may be taking it badly but I can't imagine what Sirius is going through."

Sirius paced around the yard trying to work off his steam. He knew logically that they needed to hear the whole story before making any changes but there was still a piece of him that wanted nothing more than to strangle the rat. Sirius didn't know how or when but he'd make sure Peter got his. The worst bit is that even though Peter was the death eater, he was the one to make him secret keeper. James had wanted him to be it, he had effectively killed his friends. The sound of footsteps on grass alerted to him to another presence. "Come to give me another pep talk love?" he asked with bitter humour.

"Now why would I do that?" Hermione mirrored his tone. "It would just ruin such a fine display of brooding, I should know, Harry had it down to an art form. Not quite in his league, his bouts were more self-deprecating and you could really get that dark feeling. You seem more vengeful and angry, although you got the guilt there too."

"Thanks for the rundown. I'll be sure to work on that." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"No problem," Hermione leant against the house, watching him wear the grass beneath. "You realise they are alive and safe in house right? Why are you beating yourself up for something you haven't done?"

"I would've done it."

"But now you won't."

Sirius stopped, "How do you know that? Look at what happened with you guys and the time turner. If I didn't do it, then you wouldn't have had to come back now would you?"

"Sirius we didn't change anything that time around, pun intended, once you alter something a new course of events happen. Harry and I didn't affect the continuity of time but this is kind of like making a loop. Time went one way, then I turned back, crossing over here and starting a new line in another direction. This is why when I go back, I won't remember. The future is yours to make of what you will."

"Maybe I won't screw up this time," Sirius resumed his pacing.

"You didn't screw up the first time either Sirius. Does the fact that you escaped Azkaban prison and broke into Hogwarts while being hunted by dementors all in the name of protecting your godson mean nothing?"

"Fat lot of good it did anyone, the rat got away and I had to go on the run so my godson had to go back to his god-awful relatives."

Hermione smiled wryly, "That is something you are actually going to be grateful for later, on both accounts, even if it was a raw deal all around. You are good man Sirius Black, you were just trying to do the right thing. Now come on, let's go eat some lunch."

"But I'm not finished brooding yet," Sirius whined playfully.

"Do it later," Hermione held the door open for him and he trudged through like a child told to come in from playing. They found Lily and James already in the kitchen with Harry in his high chair. Remus sat at the table but the werewolf got up to hug Sirius and pulled back with smile.

"I'm fine, just needed some air and time to think," Remus assured his friends. Hermione sat next to him at the table and leant forward to whisper,

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Remus grasped her hand gratefully, "It's a lot to deal with but what can we really do except finish hearing about what is going to happen and fix it for the better. Truth be told I figured it out earlier so I had time to get used to the idea. It's just hard to imagine Peter doing something like that to us. I'm guessing that that isn't the last we've heard from him either."

"No it isn't," Hermione said apologetically.

Remus sighed, "Well the prophecy said the servant would help Voldemort rise again so I figured as much. I won't pretend it doesn't hurt me but I have to accept the inevitable."

"But it's not the inevitable Remus, we can't stop Peter from being a death eater but we can definitely change the rest." Remus nodded just as Lily called out,

"Lunch is ready!"

"I think you'll find fourth year to be very entertaining in some ways," Hermione said to the room at large as they assembled to eat their sandwiches and chips.

"More Cho?" Sirius asked eagerly.

"And Ginny?" James added.

"And veela," Hermione smirked as the men choked.

"My son meets a veela?" James was awed and maybe just a tad jealous.

"Well he sees some and meets a part one," Hermione shrugged. "They become friends in a way." The men exchanged gleeful looks.

"Whatever brought that about, let's not change it. I want to meet a Veela too!" Sirius said in a faraway voice.

"Oh brother," Lily slapped her forehead. "Not to be a downer but I noticed you said in some ways Mya."

"It won't be pretty to say the least but don't focus on that right now. I think we need a break from all the bad stuff." Hermione went back to her sandwich and Lily jerked her head in assent. In all honesty, Hermione really did not want to think about Voldemort's rebirth, a piece of her wanted to wait a while since they were ahead of schedule but just like with third year, it needed to be done and it was vital if they wanted to fix the future.

"So tell me something Mya," Remus said casually, "what about you?"

"What about me?" Hermione cocked an eyebrow.

"No boys catch your eye? Aside from Lockhart that is," he grinned at her blush. Hermione had forgotten about Viktor, then there was Cormac, and of course Ron. Oh no…

She opened her mouth to make some excuse but a whooshing sound heralded the arrival of the professors, "Well would you look at that, McGonagall and Dumbledore are back. I have to run to get the fourth year notes, I'll meet you in the living room then shall I?" Without waiting for answer, she ducked her head and all but ran from the room leaving four snickering adults behind her. Hermione detoured into the living room to get the third year, acknowledging the professors, and ran to straight to her bedroom. She grabbed the fourth year notes and went back down. Carefully not meeting any of the marauders' eyes, she sat down in her spot.

Let the fun begin…