The sun's rays slipped through the windows into Abigail's bedroom like stripes of sunshine splattered throughout the room. It was a late summer afternoon. While Abigail and Sam usually liked to hang outside while they worked on their homework, the sun's scorching heat made for uncomfortable studying. They surrendered to it earlier on in the day and had been working on their homework at Abigail's house instead.
"Did you get the answer for number seven?" Abigail asked as she gnawed on the end of her mechanical pencil. She knew it was a bad habit, but she wasn't really aware of when the end of the pencil made its way into her mouth. She just found it that way, no matter what she did to prevent it.
"You're still on number seven?" Sam asked skeptically. He was sitting crisscross on her bed. His homework was spread across her narrow twin bed, books and pages all lopsided. Sam always spread out when he did his homework, much to Abigail's dismay, as she had to prop herself up awkwardly on the plush rug that adorned her floor.
Abigail frowned as she stared at her homework page. Chemical equations, like an archaic language, were scribbled across the page. A lot of it had been haphazardly scratched out. She wish she hadn't crossed it out so thoroughly when she realized that she'd have to check back on other problems to see if her work was right. She thought it would probably be wrong anyway. She sighed, closing her textbook and laying her head on it like a pillow.
"Abigail…" Sam began. She knew what he was going to say. Do your homework. You haven't finished the last eight assignments. Remember the email from the professor… She didn't want to hear it. She didn't need to hear it.
"Sam. I know."
"Okay…" He said. She hated it even more when he did that. Not that she wanted him to fight with her about it. She didn't even want to talk about it. The awareness of the issue seemed to hang in the air like a cloud. A dark, foreboding cloud. She shook her head as she tried not to think about it. They tried to keep working under it, but it was impossible. Abigail felt like she had been sucked into it.
"I'm done for now," she said. "I'm going to take a nap."
"Huh? Okay," Sam said awkwardly. After a friendship lasting nearly seventeen years, he could see through her like a pane of glass. Even in grade school, Sam could tell when she was lying to him. She groaned.
"I just don't want to talk about it." Abigail muttered, sitting up against the side of her bed.
"I know," Sam said, dropping down on the floor next to her. "But Abs, you gotta know that this isn't good. I don't want to sugarcoat this."
Abigail pursed her lips and exhaled loudly through her nose.
"Don't make me. That's not fair." He said pointedly. He was right. It was unfair of her to treat him this way. After all, he had spent the afternoon teaching her what she missed in last week's classes.
"I won't…"
"So say it. You gotta tell yourself. Not me."
"I…" she started. I failed? No. She hadn't failed until she got the grade back. Surely it would not be good. Their summer class was nearly over and this was her second attempt at the class anyways. "I don't give a shit about school."
Sam looked crestfallen.
"Don't look so disappointed in me, I can't take that," Abigail said, elbowing him.
"I'm not. I swear." He directly avoided looking at her as he said it. She, too, could tell when he was lying to her.
"It's just… I've been at this for two years now. I haven't picked a major and I don't plan to. I don't care about my classes. They're not interesting. There are so many other things out there that are better, that I like." She exclaimed, toeing her textbook with her sneaker. "I can't be like you. You're good at school, and even better, you are learning to do something you love. That's really good. I don't have that."
"Then why are you even in school?" Sam asked, exasperatedly.
"Have you met my dad?" Abigail retorted. "He'd fucking flip if I dropped out. He'd think he had raised some deadbeat daughter. He was talking about me taking over the family store the other day. Asked me if I was planning on majoring in business."
Sam stifled a laugh.
"Yeah, exactly." She said, sighing and leaning her head back against the bed. The two sat in silence as they watched the sunbeams slide lazily across the ceiling. Dust particles danced in the air above them. More interesting than homework, Abigail thought.
"I should get going," Sam said. "I promised Mom I'd be home for dinner tonight."
"Okay, see you later dude." Abigail said. Sam packed up his things, leaving Abigail still sitting against her bed. She sighed loudly and slid to the floor. It was satisfying, the sound escaping her lungs. She could feel it rumble inside her. It made her want to scream, but she didn't dare with her parents home.
A twenty two year old girl... Soon-to-be college dropout... Living at home with her parents. I suck, she thought.
A thought flashed through her head and it brought her to her feet in a moment. There was someone, someone she could talk to about taking a fresh start. Gabrielle. Sure, Abigail didn't know even half of her story, but maybe… maybe she could help Abigail soothe her troubled mind. Even if she couldn't, she could feel herself stirring as she thought of the hot minute they'd shared against the bookshelf in the library. If Gabrielle couldn't help her figure out this shit, she would at least be a fantastic distraction.
Abigail could see Gabrielle sitting on her porch, smoking a cigarette and reading as she approached the farm. She was uncomfortable with the knot developing in her stomach. It wasn't like her to be a nervous person, but recently when she thought of Gabrielle, her stomach felt like it was in zero G. It was even worse when she saw her. As she read, her black hair framed her angular features. She reminded Abigail of the dark fairies she used to draw as a teenager: wispy little things with beautiful faces and coy smiles. Gabrielle's eyes darted across the page as she feverishly dragged from her cigarette.
Her face was pinched in concentration, but as Abigail opened up the gate, Gabrielle's face turned from surprise to happiness. Her smile was excited as she stood up from her deck chair. Abigail's stomach was floating again.
"Hey! What are you doing here?" Gabrielle said enthusiastically.
"I was just walking around and I thought I'd stop by," Abigail lied. I'm here to ask for life advice and hopefully you'll convince me that I'm not a loser, she thought snidely to herself.
"Thanks for stopping by," Gabrielle said with a smile. "I'm making some dinner if you want to stick around for awhile…" she said quietly but hopefully. She was smiling enthusiastically. Even though Abigail wasn't going to say no, she couldn't imagine how she would if she had to.
"If you'll have me," Abigail said teasingly. Gabrielle nearly inhaled her cigarette as Abigail giggled. She waited as Gabrielle gathered her things from the table before they went inside. The kitchen of her cabin had a lovely aroma. The scent tickled her nostrils and made her stomach growl. "Ooooh…" Abigail said under her breath.
"It's just some stir fry," Gabrielle said. "I hope you don't mind vegetarian."
"Oh no!" Abigail exclaimed. "Fuck, I made you eat fish."
Gabrielle laughed. "It's okay, I eat fish occasionally."
"How could I not know you were a vegetarian?" Abigail said sadly. It felt like she had been half-assing everything lately. First her homework, now Gabrielle. Her heart sank.
"Hey, it's not important," Gabrielle said. "Go sit, I'll meet you out there."
She turned her back to Abigail and continued cooking. Abigail walked back outside and flopped down in a chair. She was frustrated with Gabrielle… how could someone be so forgiving to someone who didn't bother to ask about anything when Gabrielle herself seemed to pay attention to everything? Abigail grumbled to herself as Gabrielle came out with two steaming bowls of stir-fry.
"Is everything okay?" Gabrielle asked as she sat down. Her face was one of concern.
"I've just had a crappy day," Abigail muttered.
"Wanna talk about it?" Gabrielle asked as she took a big bite of broccoli.
No, I don't want to talk about it, Abigail thought. Gabrielle would just continue to know more about Abigail while all Abigail knew about Gabrielle were secret things she wasn't supposed to know. Abigail groaned. Being catty with Gabrielle was the opposite of why she came over here in the first place.
"Ugh… Okay. I just feel like school… my dad expects me to be there, I always expected myself to be there, and Sam is so good at it," she began, stabbing randomly at the food in her bowl. "But I've been going for a few semesters now and I feel no passion for it. I don't give a shit about what I'm learning."
"Is it your major?" Gabrielle asked.
"No, because I've tried a ton of classes that I thought I'd like and I feel the same about all of them," Abigail muttered.
"Hmmm…" Gabrielle said as she put her fork down. She sat back in her chair, knees curled to her chest, as she took a drag from the cigarette in her ash tray. "You remind me a lot of me when I was going to school. I only stayed in it because I felt like it was my big ticket out of my parents' place so I could escape that place…"
"Yeah?" Abigail said, her heart thumping. Here Gabrielle was, sharing. Abigail didn't realize it, but she had stopped eating and was holding her fork mid-bite. She quickly set it down and settled in her chair as she looked at Gabrielle. Her face looked as if someone had sucked the life out of it. She looked a little paler, a little more hollow. "So what happened?"
Gabrielle laughed this sick, spiteful laugh. "I ended up living in their studio above their place and working customer service at the Joja headquarters in town."
"That's kind of the opposite of your plan," Abigail said. She really wanted to ask more about Gabrielle's parents, but she bit her tongue. She felt like that was something Gabrielle would share when she wanted to, as much as the curiosity itching in her brain wanted her to ask about.
"Tell me about it. It was soul crushing. I never had the fucking guts to move out. It was terrible. My mom… She, she was difficult, if you want to put it that way. Is. Is difficult." Gabrielle snorted. "I make it sound like she's dead. She's not."
"But you're here now, right?" Abigail said, reaching for Gabrielle's hand. "You're here and you're happy?"
"Yeah," Gabrielle said, smiling a little smile. "It's taken awhile to get used to, but I think I'm growing to like it here in Pelican Town."
"Good," Abigail said. "But how does all of this remind you of me?"
"Well… I was miserable. I was doing something I hated. Every day I felt like I was dying a little more until I just couldn't take it anymore. That's when I opened the deed to Grandpa's farm. That's when I left."
"You changed it." Abigail said quietly. She felt for the girl sitting across the table from her. The girl with her shy eyes and gentle smile. While Gabrielle seemed like an anxious person, she had the guts to do the hard thing and change her life. Abigail found herself wanting that quality within herself. Admiration. That's what she was feeling right now.
"I guess," Gabrielle said, shoveling tofu and vegetables into her mouth. "Some of those things… Some stuff just never leaves you."
"Your mom?" Abigail said with bated breath. She was kicking herself, reminding herself to mind her own fucking business.
"Yeah. Like my mom." Gabrielle said. She stared into her bowl with the hollow eyes once more. Abigail realized she had to redirect the conversation or they were bound for an emotional evening, and Abigail didn't know if she could handle that or if Gabrielle even wanted to have an emotional upheaval tonight.
"I really respect that," Abigail said quickly. "You changed your life in a huge way. That's really brave."
Gabrielle smiled. "Thanks."
"Even for a big pussy like you…" Abigail teased as she wiggled her eyebrows at Gabrielle. Gabrielle used her spoon to launch a chunk of veggie, covered in sauce, at Abigail's face.
"Disgusting, you're disgusting!" Abigail laughed, as Gabrielle reached over the table and licked the sauce off of Abigail's cheek. She sat back in her chair looking satisfied as Abigail wiped the moisture off of her cheek looking disgusted.
"Maybe you should change the things you don't like," Gabrielle said, shrugging. She began munching away at her food. She hadn't eaten much since she had been doing most of the talking.
"My dad would kill me if I dropped out," Abigail said.
"He'd be more into it if you had a back-up plan."
"I didn't think of that…" Abigail said. "I have no idea what that would be, though."
"No rush," Gabrielle said with a mouthful of food. "You'll get there."
The rest of the evening was spent in front of Gabrielle's old tube TV watching an ancient rerun of a horror movie. To both their surprise and delight, the other loved horror movies. They had spent most of the movie talking over their favorite elements of scare and things they hated.
"I'm telling you, Stanley Kubrick was a genius," Gabrielle argued.
"No fucking way. He just had a weird boner for cinematography," Abigail quipped.
"Cinematics are important!"
"Not as important as the backstory, dummy!" Abigail laughed. Gabrielle made an angry face that she bent over to press into the other girl's forehead teasingly. Abigail had started out sitting side-by-side with Gabrielle, but by the end of the movie, she had wormed her way over and had put her head in her lap. Not that Gabrielle was complaining, obviously, as she had casually placed her hand under Abigail's tunic to gently stroke the skin on her stomach. Abigail almost purred with pleasure. She enjoyed Gabrielle's touch. She reached up to put her hand on the back of Gabrielle's head, pulling her face down into a kiss. Gabrielle's laugh caught in the back of her throat and turned into a hum as she kissed Abigail back.
Kissing Gabrielle was like eating a slice of her mother's cake- she never wanted it to end. Each kiss was sweet, delectable, and different from the last. Gabrielle wrapped her arms around Gabrielle's neck as she kissed her; Gabrielle slid out from under Abigail's head and crawled on top of her. Abigail giggled as she kissed the other girl. She gently bit Gabrielle's lower lip with her teeth as she kissed her playfully. Gabrielle inhaled sharply and wound her fingers in Abigail's hair.
"You're so fun," Gabrielle whispered against Abigail's lips. Abigail smiled as she kissed her.
"So are you," she purred.
Just like the cake, though, the sweet kisses came to an end as Gabrielle pulled away to look at Abigail.
"Can I ask you a question?" she said.
"Interesting timing…" Abigail muttered.
"Seriously."
"Okay! What is it?"
"What's the furthest you've ever gone with another person?" Gabrielle asked. She stared expectantly at Abigail as Abigail tried to figure out how exactly to tell Gabrielle she had never gone far with another person.
"You go first."
"Okay… well, all the way."
"Okay,"
"With another girl, I mean. I've never had sex with a man," Gabrielle said as she rested her weight on one elbow.
"Me either…." Abigail said, trailing off. Hopefully, that would suffice for Gabrielle.
"But girls? I mean, obviously, you're into girls," She said with a smirk, kissing Abigail's neck.
"I've… never been with anyone," Abigail said quietly. "I've kissed someone before, casual making out, but I've never…"
"Oh." Gabrielle said. "Oh!" She had connected the dots. "So the museum…"
"That's the furthest I've ever been with someone," Abigail whispered. She braced herself.
"So?" Gabrielle said, shrugging.
"You don't care?" Abigail said surprised, stroking Gabrielle's hair.
"No, I don't care at all. Are you saving yourself for marriage or something?" Gabrielle teased. She knew Abigail's feelings about marriage when she had heard that Harvey and Maru had gotten engaged last week. Abigail did a fantastic impression of puking.
"I've… well… I've never liked someone enough to want to go that far." Abigail said, her face growing hot. Gabrielle's face changed from one of jest to one of seriousness. She pressed her forehead to Abigail's as she looked her right in the eyes. Her hair fell to the side, creating a dark curtain that they hid behind.
"I'm happy you chose me," Gabrielle whispered. "Even if we only ever go that far. I like you. A lot."
Abigail could feel her heartbeat in her throat. The zero G sensation in her stomach was overwhelming. She was elated that this gorgeous girl laying on top of her liked her, too. She was terrified of the fact that they had chosen to head this way. It would be hard to go back if anything went wrong.
Fuck it.
Gabrielle was still trying to read Abigail's face when she pulled her into a frenzied kiss. She wanted Gabrielle to feel the swelling sensations in her chest... admiration, affection, passion. Gabrielle reciprocated the intensity, which only caused Abigail's heart to soar higher. The words "I like you too" weren't said, but they were definitely understood.
The girls kissed passionately as they writhed together on the sofa. Gabrielle was bent on her knees over Abigail's body as she cupped her pale face in her hands. Abigail tugged at the hem of Gabrielle's shirt. Gabrielle rose up on her knees to peel her shirt off, revealing her tanned and toned body. The farm work did her good, Abigail thought, as she sat up with Gabrielle in her lap to adorn her torso with kisses. Gabrielle came back down to sit cross-legged in her lap, curling her legs around Abigail's waist as Abigail explored her body with her lips and tongue.
It was Abigail's turn this time as she fiddled with the hooks on Gabrielle's bra until it finally stopped resisting and Gabrielle slid it off over her shoulders. Her nipples were small and hard as Abigail took one in her mouth. She tried to mimic what Gabrielle had done to her the other day as she bit and sucked on Gabrielle's breast. Gabrielle moaned softly and Abigail could feel her begin to rock back and forth in her lap. Abigail moved across to the other nipple, working it in between her lips and teeth as she massaged the other breast with her free hand.
"Abigail," Gabrielle panted, "Abigail."
"Hm?" Abigail said, looking up at her as she bit her nipple, showing her teeth. Gabrielle watched her with a longing expression as her breath grew hasty.
"Let's go in my room," She said, gasping as Abigail bit down harder than she had before. Gabrielle responded with a slight buck to her hips against Abigail's.
"Okay," Abigail said. Now there definitely was no turning back.