Why So Serious?

A Batman Begins/Dark Knight fanfic

Rating: M, for safety's sake.

Pairings: Bruce/Joker, Harvey/Rachel,

Warnings: AU, Slash, Language (Mostly mine), Hetero, Violence, High School Humor, Murder, Bullying, and Brucie!Bruce.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bruce Wayne, the Joker, Batman, or anything else related. They belong, I believe, to DC comics and Bob Kane. I don't own The Johnson theme song, Charming Ultra, or Jan Seybold. I do own Strawberry Dream, Diana Cross, and The Diana Files. I co-own The Wannabe Russians with Akito-chan. I also own The First Annual Wayne Junior Engineering Competition of Gotham High. I don't own Scrubs. I do not own Death Note. I don't own Forest Gump. I do not own Toyota. I do own a Sienna. And a friend by that name, and I'm hers, there's nothing gay about it in our eyes. -sings-
I don't own Akeelah and the Bee. I do not own the song, I Wish I Was Queer. I do noty own Ellen Degeneres, George Takei, and Lily Tomlin. I do not own Psych.

A/N: 69 REVIEWS!! (total) I love that number! Next I'm going to shoot for... -drumroll- ONE HUNDRED!! I know you guys can do it! 31 left! My news: First Week Activities Score: 2/2 volleyball games! Winners! And... I was the server from 11 points to 21 (game point)! I won the game with serving! My teammates helped a lot too. It was awesome, nerds against preps and we beat the preps! NEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRD POWWEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR!!

So, my lovely band of faithful, beautiful, wonderful minions. Help me achieve my goal of one hundred reviews. I'll be very happy -bats eyelashes- LOVE YOU, GUYS!!

Why So Serious?
"Oh please, Batman. If you had the guts for that type of fun, you would've done it years ago. I, on the other hand..." -Joker, Return of The Joker

Joker's POV

"Sleeping Beauty awakes." I raised my head and stared into a face I'd never thought I'd see again. I burst out laughing,

"You always did have a flare for the dramatics... Harley." She smiled and sat on my knee. Harley was my friend when my parents died, even though she is four years older then me. She always was one smart cookie. We were best friends, but after she got into high school, we lost contact. Her full name is Harleen Quinzel, but I call her Harley Quinn, a pretty good pun, and she calls me pet names, like Puddin' and Mistah J.

We're like siblings, only closer. We have never been in love, but I think she had a crush on me for a while. But she was dating some other guy, Jason Todd, I think, last time I heard from her.

"It's a talent, Puddin'. I got you away with only one eyewitness! From a campus, during school, it must be a record!" There was a witness? Oh no. And one more important question.

"What's with the handcuffs? My wrists are going numb." Harley laughed, and snuggled closer, her arms snaking around my neck.

"You know I love you in chains, Mistah J." With a kiss to my cheek, she bounced off my lap and over to a desk, littered with papers and writing utensils. Wait a second, I thought back to the newspaper that I had been reading.

"You're a reporter, Harley? What do you need with me? And can you take these cuffs off, they hurt like hell." A henchman-for-rent, his pocket said Buster, walked over and released me from my... bondage situation. Harley picked a pen and a pad of paper, then plopped down in a coushy, office chair, spinning around as she sat. I sat down across from her in an equally comfy chair, but not spin-able. I rubbed my wrists as she continued,

"I want an interview... from John Napier, about Batman. As soon as I heard that name, I knew you were involved, though it was a little disturbing to hear it. You haven't been John Napier since--"

"Yeah, I know, it wasn't my fault! Old Man Pennyworth told a mob of reporters that my name was John Napier. You don't think he... knows about... IT, right? " I whispered, aware of the burning eyes (and ears) of Harley's henchmen. She laughed again,

"You can talk freely in front of them, they all know. And, he couldn't know about it. Everyone involved is either dead, in prison, or in this room." I shook my head,

"Yesterday, I met not only the Lieutenant, but Scarecrow." Harley gasped, and then leapt from her seat.

"Scarecrow? I thought.. I thought he was in jail!"

"So did I." She sat back down, and fidgeted, slightly.

"Oh." That single syllable seemed to echo as the room fell silent.

Bruce's POV

I patted my fingers against my leg, my way of keeping time, a nervous habit I started when I was younger. There was a movie, Akeelah and the Bee, where the main star did this too. I was inwardly freaking out, but I wonder, why do I care so much? If Harvey, Rachel, Alfred, Jim, any of my many friends got kidnapped, I would worry, but I wouldn't be this worried. They can take care of themselves, we have Tae Kwon Do together every Saturday morning, to keep us fit and nimble.

But Jack, Jack can't, he's injured, and as far I know has little physical strength, and he's so short, too. When we get him back, I'm personally going to force him into joining us. I'll kidnap him myself, if need be. Why am I fretting? This is a lover's job, Jack's girlfriend (boyfriend?) should be doing this.

I know nothing about him, really, I want to know more, I have to know more. Otherwise, Stage Two: Seduction, will never be complete. I really need to think of a new word, it sounds like I wanna seduce him. People might actually think I'm gay. It's laughable, so what if I have never had a girlfriend, I will someday! I'm just a late bloomer!

I wonder what it's like to be a homosexual. What's that song, uh, I Wish I Was Queer, So I Could Get Chicks. There's a line... "I'm not queer, I'm too ugly." Just because I'm handsome, does that make me gay? Let's run a test.

Name one gay color: Lavender

Name three famous gay people: Ellen Degeneres, George Takei, and Lily Tomlin.

First love: Remains to be seen.

Do you have strong feelings for the opposite sex: At the moment, no. But there's something about Jack. I don't think it's love, wait, what am I saying, of course it's not love.

Roar. Inner Bruce Gay. Roar.

...Traitor... my own mind thinks I'm gay.

The squad car pulled up.

Joker's POV

After giving Harley the basics, I'm not part of the show, I refused, la de da, etc, and catching up on what we've missed. I realised I should tell someone about my life, other than Harley, who was there for most of the time. Otherwise, my story, the people who most likely will murder me before graduation, and people I treasure will get lost in the sands of time.

Bruce Wayne. He's the only person I can tell. He already knows more than most people, and he has so much power. I think I can trust him.

"I want to go home." Harley looked surprised, and a little hurt.

"Okay, Puddin', can I give you a ride?" I nodded and stood up, stretching slightly, before following Buster and Harley out the door. The other guards stayed behind, protecting her office. Buster spoke for the first time,

"Miss Quinzel, we have to take a different car, the eyewitness definitely saw the van. Should we take the mustang or the jeep?" Mustang! Mustang!

"Jeep." she replied, coldly, and lead the way to the little, green car. I think I hurt her feelings, wanting to leave so suddenly.

"Harley, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I just realised I have a matter of life and death to attend to. Maybe mine, maybe even yours. Okay, Har?" She nodded and hopped in the back, I joined her. Buster was our driver, the ride was made in silence, evidently, Harley was still a little sore.

"We're here. Get out." Yup, still sore.

When I made my way up to my landing, a suprise rested in the starwell.

A/N: Tada! Review and Remember ONE HUNDRED!! Oh, and I loved George Takei in Psych, GET ME MY BLUEBERRIES, I CAN TASTE THE DIFFERENCE!!