A/N: Don't worry peeps, I'm not gone! I just couldn't post an update last wee,k because my lovely beta had some family issues. Family always comes first, so therefore, this one here is one week later than planned. I'm sorry!
But anyway, it's an Edward point of view, and I hope you'll enjoy it :)
Chapter 13: Desperation
Edward
I had seen her struggling for the past few hours, forcing herself to stay upright with every step, but hearing Bella's body collapse onto the ground like she was nothing more than a lifeless rag doll was something I wasn't prepared for, at all.
Within seconds, I was at her side, trying to get her up again while repeating over and over again that we would be fine and that we couldn't give up now, that we were almost at the end of our struggle. It was the mantra I had been repeating constantly, not only to her, but also in my own mind. I knew we had to be close to the edge—we had to be. I couldn't have been that wrong about our whereabouts, could I?
But all my attempts to convince her were fruitless. I couldn't make her get up, I couldn't even get her to move. Silent tears were streaming down her face, mingling with the mud that was simply everywhere. It was a heartbreaking sight.
"God, Bella! Please, just get up, please!" I pleaded, feeling myself choke up. For the first time in a very long time I felt like crying. I wanted to scream and let all my frustrations out. Just for one minute.
But I couldn't. I couldn't appear weak now. I had to stay strong for Bella so I could get both of us out of this horrible situation.
"I can't," she whispered. "Everything hurts." Her voice was so frail, nothing like the beautiful, satin voice I'd become so familiar with over the past few days. I would have done anything in that moment to hear her normal cheerful voice again, or her laughter, but it was obvious that she had given up.
I put my arms under her frail-looking body, trying to get her out of the mud and onto a dry patch of grass and moss. She didn't struggle against my attempt to lift her and was completely limp in my arms. It made the ache inside of me even worse.
Although I hadn't held her before, I could easily tell by lifting her that she had lost a lot of weight the past few days. The lack of decent food and the strains of our continuous walking had taken its toll on her. Her sweatpants and shirt were big enough on her not to see the difference if you weren't really observant. But as I carried her, it was obvious that she was underweight now.
I took a seat against the trunk of one of the bigger trees surrounding us, holding her close to my chest as I kept repeating that we were so close and that she couldn't give up. Although it was probably all in vain and she had quite possibly reached her limit, I knew there was no going back.
I should have known this was going to happen soon, with how weak she had been the last few hours, or maybe even the past few days. I could see the pain in her eyes and the effort it took to keep going, but I had never been really worried about her until this morning. I could clearly hear her puke up whatever she had had for breakfast when she had excused herself for a minute. She hadn't been eating a lot lately and I was fairly certain she hadn't been sleeping either. It wasn't at all surprising that she had collapsed. Even I was feeling the effects of the lack of sleep and nutrition.
"Edward," she croaked, instantly pulling my mind from analyzing the last two days. I wiped away the bit of mud that had stuck to her face and put her long, but now dirty hair, out of her face while giving her my full attention. Even like this, she was still so beautiful.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, silent tears still falling down her face.
"It's not your fault, Sweetheart," I soothed, still stroking her cheek even though the dirt was all gone.
"If...wasn't so weak…we'd be further already," she said, her voice indicating just how weak she felt.
"Don't say that, Bella," I chastised. "You can't think like that!"
"But it's…true."
"It doesn't matter. We're in this together and we'll get out of this together!" I told her, hoping with my whole heart that I could convince her that not all hope was lost.
"I…can't go on…anymore," she whispered, her eyes failing to meet mine.
"You just need some rest, it's okay. Go to sleep and when you feel better, we can start walking again," I said, rearranging her in my arms so she would be comfortable enough to catch some sleep. But instead of trying to fall asleep, she looked at me, her eyes full of pain and defeat.
"It's useless. You should…just…go on without me," she said, seemingly needing all of her energy just to utter those few words. But even though they were just whispered, they hit me hard. As if she had slapped me in the face.
"What the fuck, Bella? No! No! I'm not going anywhere without you," I growled. I couldn't even consider leaving her behind. The thought alone made my stomach churn. I'd much rather die right next to her, than leave her alone in this.
"You should…save…yourself," she uttered, a second before her eyes closed again.
"NO!" I yelled, shaking her limp body, willing her to wake up, but all was in vain. She didn't respond to anything I said or did. I frantically moved my first and middle finger over her throat, desperate to find a heartbeat to indicate that I hadn't just lost her. I sighed in relief when I found her pulse. It was very weak, but at least it was there. She was still alive.
For now.
A/N: I'm sorry?
Thank you for reading (and reviewing!)
Lots of love, Ellen