Sapphire and Sunshine- 14
When I woke, I was relaxed and comfortable. I was still tired but I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt this good. The last thing I remembered, Naruto and I had been sitting on the couch together but now we were laying in bed and I was pressed up against up against his side. A hand smoothed a gentle path up my back and I sighed contentedly as I snuggled into the warmth.
"Sorry," Naruto murmured. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"It's okay. I was awake." It was dark outside but I had no idea if it was the same day or if I'd slept a full day and into another night. Now that I'd gotten some rest, it was really time for that talk but before I could begin, Naruto started first.
"I finally got your letters," he blurted suddenly. "But it wasn't until just before I came here. I wrote you a couple letters too but I don't think they ever got here at all. It was all a big mess and it was all my fault for not figuring it out and I'm sorry." Naruto hugged me like he was afraid I might get away from him. But I wasn't going anywhere. My mind was still trying to process what he'd said. He hadn't ignored the letters that I'd sent him. He'd never gotten them at all.
"I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore," I said quietly. How could I have assumed that he'd just decided not to answer, that he didn't want to talk to me at all? But I'd sent the letters weeks ago and I hadn't known what else to think. "How did you just end up getting them now?"
Naruto growled softly and I shifted so I could look at him. His expression was a mix of anger and annoyance. "Stupid council geezers," he muttered darkly. "Some jerk was intercepting all my mail and giving it to the secret security guys like it was some sort of security issue or something. Just because I've got Kyuubi in me doesn't mean I'm a spy," he spat bitterly.
I felt so stupid. I really should have made more of an effort to talk to Naruto in person instead of retreating into myself and wallowing in self pity. All of my emotions and physical reactions had been based on an assumption. I sighed heavily. "So what happened?"
"Shikamaru did some digging after he talked to you. He figured everything out for me since I couldn't do it on my own," he said sheepishly. "I thought that you didn't answer my letters and didn't want to hear from me. Sitting around thinking about it hurt too much so I asked for every mission I could get my hands on. When I was busy, it wasn't so bad but I hardly spent any time at home. Sorry I wasn't there when you came to visit. But I. . .I was afraid."
That sounded so painfully familiar. I splayed my fingers over his shirt and felt the beat of his heart under my hand. Naruto covered my hand with his own and let out his own sigh.
"It wasn't until I got back almost three weeks after you left Konoha that Shikamaru found out what was going on and let me know. I was so stupid."
"I think we were both guilty of that," I told him. "And I'm really sorry that they trust you so little that they'd do that to you." I knew exactly what that was like. It was incredibly difficult to win over those who were so strongly set against you.
"It's not everybody. A lot of people are actually starting to like me now. Granny Tsunade got really pissed when she found out what they were doing." He chuckled. "She nearly threw the guy off the aviary tower."
It was good to hear that the Hokage was looking out for Naruto. I knew she had a special place for him in her heart which was part of why she'd given him her necklace. I could feel the outline of the pendant under the fabric of his shirt. "So," I began carefully. "Why did you leave?" That was the big question. Now that we'd both admitted what fools we'd been, it was time to address the night that had changed everything.
"Because." He opened and closed his mouth a few time and he struggled to find words. "You were so upset earlier that day and you were really vulnerable. I totally took advantage of you. And you were drunk which made what I did worse."
Brief memories surfaced in my mind and told me that we'd had part of this conversation before when I'd been suffering from a fever. "I'm pretty sure we were both drunk," I said.
"That doesn't matter. It was wrong and I shouldn't have done it. I-" He stopped when I propped myself up so I could look down at him.
"I never told you to stop," I told him firmly. "I was well aware of what we were doing. It's what I wanted so why was it wrong?"
"Because you deserve better than me."
That was probably one of the most ridiculous things I'd ever heard him say. But as I stared down at Naruto and looked into his somber blue eyes, I realized that he was completely serious. I couldn't think of a single thing to say in response that wouldn't sound pretentious or pathetic. I wasn't quite sure if there was anything I could say that he would believe right now. So I leaned down and kissed him instead. He let out a small whimper against my lips and I threaded my fingers through his hair. When I finally pulled back, we were both breathing hard and there were tears in his eyes. Resting my forehead against his, I brushed a stray tear away with my thumb.
"I love you." I said it without hesitation and knew I meant it with every part of my being. "You changed my life and I can't imagine you not being a part of it." When he tightened his arms around my waist, I relaxed into him.
"I love you too," he said. "I'm so happy when I get to see you. I miss you when we're not together. I think about you all the time and I don't know what to do about it."
His words were such a mirror of my own thoughts that I nearly laughed. But I found myself crying instead. It wasn't because I was sad. I was so happy, it filled me near to bursting and the emotion had to come out somehow.
"Oh Gaara, please don't cry."
"It's okay," I sniffed. "I'm just happy and relieved and tired all at once."
"Well, you were just really sick and you're still recovering. It's not really surprising that you're tired," he said in sudden moment of sober clarity. "Do you want to sleep some more or do you want to eat something? I'm always starving when I wake up in the hospital."
I felt a hollow pang at my stomach and realized that I actually pretty hungry. "A little. But I think I want a bath more."
"Well, I think I can help you with that," he said as he helped me sit up. "C'mon."
I still felt incredibly weak and needed Naruto's help to make it to the bathroom. He sat me on the lip of the spacious sunken tub before turning on the water.
"Just hang on a sec. I'll be right back." He leaned in to kiss my forehead and his lips lingered over the mark I'd made as a child.
He loved me.
Cupping his face in my hands, I kissed him on the mouth. He lingered there too. Fortunately it was a really big tub or our distraction might have lasted long enough for it to overflow. But it wasn't even half full by the time we came up for air.
"I really will be right back," he said breathlessly before heading out the door. When he returned a few minutes later, he stripped out of his clothes and strode unabashedly naked across the bathroom, presumably to help me undress. I gave him a bemused look and he smiled back as he answered my unspoken question.
"I'm gonna take a bath too. You're still all wobbly and tired. What's the point of coming to your rescue if I let you drown in the bathtub five minutes later?"
I chuckled as he helped me slip out of my clothes. It turned into a sigh as I stepped down into the blissfully hot water. There was plenty of room for both of us in the tub as I settled back against him. It wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it might be even though we were both naked. It felt more natural than anything else. My eyes rolled back a little and I moaned in pleasure as Naruto lathered up my hair and started to massage my scalp.
"You were partly wrong before, you know," he said.
"Hn. How so?" It was getting difficult to concentrate as he continued his ministrations.
"I didn't change your life," he said simply.
"Of course you did. If I had never met you, I wouldn't be who I am now." I tried to turn around but he gently held me still so he could rinse my hair without blinding me.
"Maybe. We're so much alike and we experienced the same pain but I didn't change you. The only thing I did was show you that there was a different way to survive it. You're the one who chose to see it. You're the one who made that change."
I'd never really thought about it that way. When he was finished rinsing, he finally let me shift in the tub so I could look him in the eye. But he didn't give me a chance to argue at all. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed me while he started to wash my back. His hands glided over my wet, soapy skin and made me sigh into his mouth. He was so gentle. By the time he finished bathing me, I was breathless and slightly aroused. But my growing hunger made itself more of a priority.
"Maybe you're right," I admitted quietly as I fumbled with a towel so he could help me put on a robe.
"You better believe I am." Naruto put an arm around my waist and walked me into the other room where there was a tray of steaming dishes waiting.
"You were busy while you stepped out," I murmured.
He laughed and it was a wonderful sound. "Well actually, I had a little help with that. Unless you're really in the mood for instant ramen, I'm a pretty lousy cook."
I wasn't exactly a gourmet myself but I knew my way around the kitchen. There were bowls of rice, soup, and tea. The telltale scent of one of Temari's blends wafted from the pot. "I hope my sister wasn't too rough on you for waking her." She could be extremely temperamental if disturbed while she was sleeping.
"Nah. She and your brother are pretty cool. I think they're just happy that you're okay."
I was pretty sure they'd also give Naruto anything he asked for and more. Every time he came here, he just kept becoming more of a hero in their eyes. But I doubt the thought had even occurred to him. When I had the energy to be awake for more than ten minutes at a time, I'd have to spend some time with my siblings. It shouldn't take a life threatening experience to bring us closer together. Naruto and I sat down to eat and it was quiet for a few minutes.
"I'm sorry I couldn't do this for you," I told him as I sipped my tea.
"What are you talking about?" He looked honestly perplexed.
"You're taking really good care of me. You're better at it than I am." While I'd been helping him recover, I spent most of the time being afraid to touch him. I'd been so worried that I might ruin everything that I hadn't dared.
"Are you kidding?" He set his bowl down and scooted closer to me on the couch. "You found me when was missing. You saved me," he said quietly.
"But I was so afraid that I'd do something wrong."
"You did everything right. And Kyuubi wouldn't have talked to anyone else. There's no one else that could have done what you did."
Maybe. "Is he giving you any trouble?" I asked him as I picked up my cup of tea.
"Not really," he said and frowned at me. "Don't change the subject."
"Sorry," I murmured. I was the one who'd brought it up after all. "There are just times when I don't feel like I'm doing enough."
"Me too." This time Naruto smiled and laughed a little. "We've kind of got some issues, don't we?"
I'd always had issues and it appeared that some of them still haunted me even now that things had gotten better. "I suppose we do," I admitted with a small smile. "What are we going to do about it?"
"C'mere." Naruto held out his arms and I went to him easily. When I put my head on his shoulder, he rested his cheek on my hair. "We'll figure it out together. I think we've already proven that we're not that good at it on our own."
I had to agree. We'd both made assumptions and made ourselves miserable because of it. "I was so afraid to talk to you but it probably would have saved us a whole lot of trouble."
"Just promise me that you won't hold it all in until you get sick again." He sighed and held me tighter. "That really scared me."
"Only if you promise not to leave like that again without talking to me first."
He chuckled. "Deal." We sat together quietly for a while before he spoke again. "Hey, Gaara?"
"Hmm?"
"That night. The night of the festival. Did I. . ." He huffed a breath. "Did I hurt you?" He sounded so tentative and worried.
"No." I'd been sore afterwards but from what I'd read while researching, that was to be expected from our first time. There was little thrill that ran through me when I thought that it might not be our last.
"Are you sure? I was trying to be so careful but. . .I made you bleed."
I'd seen the spots on the sheets the next morning and knew what he meant. "You didn't hurt me. I'm just not used to it." I tilted my head up and turned his chin so he was looking at me. "It will get better." I saw his cheeks redden and the corner of his mouth curled up. There was hope in his eyes and I didn't want to do anything to ruin that. But in the spirit of not holding things inside, I needed to be honest with him. "Actually, I was worried that I might hurt you."
Judging by his puzzled look, he didn't quite understand what I meant. "But I was the one who was. . .you know."
"You'd just been. . .hurt by someone you cared about." We were both being really careful with our words. "I didn't want to make it worse or take advantage of you."
Naruto looked deeply into my eyes, his expression suddenly serious. "You could never do that." There was that simple, unshakable belief in me again. "I had a bond with him. But him and me. It was never the same as it is between me and you." He swallowed and I could see that he was still hurting on the inside but he took a deep breath and settled himself. "It's just different. I've wanted to be with you for a long time even before all of that stuff happened. I love you, Gaara."
Something in me settled as he spoke. I pressed closer to him and he kissed my forehead again. "I love you, too." We sat together there on the couch and I couldn't have been happier.
. . . . . . .
It was couple of more days before I felt well enough to spend any time in my office but I could still only manage a few hours before I got really tired. Naruto stayed by my side the whole time as if he were afraid to let me slip away again. There was a small part of me that was a little irritated at all the coddling but most of me loved every minute of it. We ate meals together, we bathed together, and he slept in my bed. It never quite got to be routine because it was still so new to both of us but it was really nice.
A few days after I'd come home from the hospital, I was in my office picking through the growing stacks of paperwork. It was going to take a long time to dig myself out of the hole I'd fallen into. I was getting ready to finish up for the day when I felt Naruto move in closer behind me and brush his lips against the back of my neck. He'd left earlier to head off into the village by himself with the promise that he'd come back soon. When his arms encircled my shoulders, I leaned back into him.
"I'm almost done," I told him.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, his voice slightly muffled against my neck. His warm breath on my skin made me shudder and the sensation shot right to my lap.
"Much better," I murmured as I arched my neck back. He leaned in started peppering my face with kisses. When he was finished, he latched onto my mouth and licked at my lips. Naruto was always very careful with me but he'd gotten much more forward in the last couple of days.
"I know you said you're almost done," he said when he came up for breath. "But is there any way you could be all done?" He leaned in closer as I tried to finish up the form I was working on. There were soft touches as he rubbed my shoulders and kisses to my neck that were getting really distracting. After doing his best to distract me, he finally managed to slither his way into my lap so he could wrap his arms around my neck and completely get in my way. Giving up on the paperwork, I nuzzled his ear and pulled him closer.
"I think I could get away with playing hooky the rest of the day." Not that I really needed any excuses.
Naruto sighed and shifted in my lap. The unexpected friction made me inhale sharply. We'd spent a lot of time together recently but I hadn't really had the energy for much more than some playful touching. But I was feeling much stronger today. I slid my hands up under his jacket so I could touch his bare skin. Naruto's breathing got a little heavier as he threaded his fingers through my hair. Standing carefully, we headed back to my room hand in hand. Naruto was endearingly shy in front of other people. I'm not sure if he was nervous about what other people thought or if he was more worried about what they'd think of me.
But when we got to my room and the door was shut, he turned so he could cup my face in his hands and kiss me soundly. I could still taste the tea we'd had a little while earlier. The metal emblem of his headband was cool against my bare forehead as he looked into my eyes. He always asked me first even if it wasn't with words. After giving me time to decline if I chose, he pulled the cowl up over my head so he could slide the outer part of my robe off my shoulders. I wasn't wearing much beneath the blue robe underneath but before I was completely nude, Naruto kissed me again and steered me toward the bed.
Once he sat me down on the edge, he wasted no time in shucking his own clothing and letting it fall to the floor. The last thing he removed was his headband which he folded and placed carefully on the nightstand before we went any further. I waited patiently for him to finish before holding out my hand to him. Sliding back onto the bed, I pulled him with me. I was still partially dressed but that did nothing to hide my arousal. Naruto's hand gently cupped me through the cloth as he lay down and pressed up against my side. He nibbled at the corner of my jaw as I shifted my hips up against his hand.
I only had a few moments to wonder if I was ready to have him in me again. We hadn't gone that far except for that first night during the festival but if we prepared adequately, it would be a little easier. Naruto worked the fabric of my blue robe up my body so we were both completely bare. But instead of raising my knees so he had better access, he straddled my hips instead. Our lengths brushed together making me sigh and shift my hips. Electric pulses of sensation made me shudder beneath him. When Naruto leaned forward so he could kiss me his tongue delved into my mouth, exploring every inch of me. I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else. I wouldn't want to.
While he continued to kiss and lick at my mouth, I could feel him shifting where knelt above me but I couldn't see what he was doing. And when slick fingers encircled my shaft, I didn't really have the mental capacity to speculate what he might be doing anymore. Naruto squeezed gently and pressed his cheek to mine.
"We tried it the other way last time," he panted. "Will you let me. . ?" He inhaled like he was scenting me. I didn't really know what he was asking me until he shifted again and started to lower himself carefully. A slick heat engulfed my tip and I gasped in surprise. I should have been the one asking permission.
"Are you sure you want to. . ?" I had to swallow and catch my breath. "You want to do it like this? We haven't. . .it might hurt." It sounded vaguely crass the way I said it but I was having trouble finding words at the moment. I just really didn't want him to be hurt because he wasn't prepared.
"Only with you," he murmured I my ear. "Only you." Naruto continued to slide down slowly until he was fully seated. We both moaned softly. Naruto was shaking as he sat up and arched his back. My breath was starting to come in soft pants as he tensed his muscles around me. The wet heat of him was sending pleasurable waves of sensation throughout my whole body. At this point, he hadn't even started to move yet. I slid my hands up his thighs and kneaded his skin gently.
"Naruto," I breathed. My voice had a breathy husk that was barely recognizable. "Are you okay?"
"Hmmmm." Naruto hummed in appreciation as he shifted where he sat. I thought I saw him blush but it was hard to tell in the dimness of the room. "I um. . .I made myself ready."
I pressed my thumbs into the inside of his thighs and rubbed his increasingly sensitized skin in circular motions. Naruto pulled himself up a little and settled again. The motion drew another gasp from me. But when the blonde leaned down to take one of my nipples into his mouth, I cried out. My concentration was wavering and my hands dropped to clench my fingers in the sheets. Naruto's neglected length rubbed against my abdomen and I was distantly aware that I should be doing something about that. But I was preoccupied and inexperienced and too busy being washed away with other sensations to think outside of myself. The waves continued to rise and fall as Naruto slowly moved up and down. He seemed to have gotten distracted as well. His forehead was resting on my sternum and his hands were braced on either side of me. He grunted softly each time he moved.
"Ga-Gaara," he panted. As he picked up his pace, his breaths got shorter. The pressure started to build until I couldn't take it anymore. The wanton wail that escaped me as I climaxed hardly sounded like me. Naruto gripped himself and followed closely after but he was much quieter as the hot spurt of his release painted us both. He stiffened and slowed to a stop. We stayed still while we caught our breath and our heartbeats slowed. When Naruto finally pulled himself off of me, I let out a small whimper.
"Did I hurt you?" he asked as he lay down beside me.
"No," I replied quickly as I tried to reassure him. I turned so I could lean forward and kiss him as I stroked his hair. "I just feel so much. Sometimes it's a little overwhelming." Which was the honest truth.
Naruto smiled at me and seemed extremely relieved. "Oh, good." His smile turned suggestive. "You wanna take a bath?" Most of our intimate time over the last couple of days had been spent in a tub of hot water.
"I might need a few minutes before we try again." My body felt loose and relaxed but incredibly lethargic. I wasn't sure I was up for another round so soon. We did make it to the bathroom but we settled for a quick shower. After slipping into a silk robes, we settled on the couch and I reclined on the cushions with Naruto in my arms. After a while, he let out a long sigh.
"What is it?" I asked him.
"I have to leave soon but I don't want to."
I tightened my arms around him. "I know. I don't want you to go either." Now that we'd sorted everything out I didn't want to go back to the way things were. The thought of being alone again made me ache. But I had to remind myself that it wasn't forever. We'd visit and see each other again. "Just remember that I love you."
He snuggled into me and tucked his head under my chin. "I know. And I love you too." He was quiet for a little while before speaking again. "We're going to have to figure out how we're going to see each other because I'm not letting you go."
It warmed me to hear him say that. I felt the same way. Back before everything had gone temporarily wrong, I'd been trying to think of a way to keep in contact. Due to our obligations, visits were sporadic and it was very difficult for me to leave my village at all. We were too far apart for radio contact and while letters were nice, it just wasn't the same kind of satisfying contact. After months of brainstorming and research, I'd come up with a possible solution but he'd gone missing before I could show him. Naruto made a soft, disappointed sound when I shifted to get up but I kept hold of his hand and led him back to the worktable in my bedroom. He followed me with a curious frown on his face.
I pulled a velvet lined box out of a drawer and took off the cover. Inside there were three dull stones that looked relatively unimpressive unless you knew what they were. As I'd been exploring my sand manipulating abilities, I'd found that sometimes I could sense the quality of the rock and stones beneath the surface of the earth. It was hit or miss most of the time and I didn't often have time to search in earnest but I had found these. They were chakra stones and if a person's energy resonated the right way, they became imbued with their energy.
Naruto frowned down at the box and raised a brow. "What are those?"
I pulled out a necklace made of a sturdy chain. On it hung the deep red stone that resonated with my own chakra. I'd carved a symbol in its surface; the same symbol that marked my forehead. I unclasped it and hung it around Naruto's neck. It sat a little higher than the necklace that Tsunade had given him but it would still be hidden safely under his shirt when he was dressed.
"I want you to have this," I told him.
He smiled as he fingered the stone. "I like it. But what about those?" He indicated the box again.
"Hold out your hand and raise your chakra." There was the possibility that nothing would happen. Chakra stones were relatively rare and it was even more rare to find one that resonated to a specific person. I didn't really want to explain, I wanted to show him. Naruto's look was dubious but he held out his hand and complied anyway. His eyes widened as one of the stones started to glow.
"Whoa. What's that?"
I couldn't help smiling. "It's a chakra stone. That one responds when you focus on it because it's attuned to you. And this one-" I brushed my fingers over the red stone. "This one is attuned to me." I dropped my hand and raised my chakra. The red stone started to glow and Naruto's eyes widened again. But after a moment, his expression softened and he clasped his hand around the necklace.
"It feels like you," he murmured as a faint blush spread across his cheeks.
I pulled a handful of sand from the pouch that sat on the table and started polishing Naruto's stone. When I was finished, it turned out to be a deep, sapphire blue that was nearly the same color as his eyes. After I'd strung it on another chain Naruto took it from my hands to give it a closer look. The stone started to glow again. Taking a kunai knife from the table, he started carving the surface. The tip of his tongue protruded from the corner of his mouth as he focused all his concentration on what he was doing. I could have imprinted any image he wanted but something told me he wanted to do this himself. Satisfied with the results, he grinned.
"There. It's not quite as detailed as yours but I like it." There was now a simple heart carved into the blue stone. Taking the chain in his hands, Naruto hung it around my neck himself. There was a warm burst of chakra and I felt a surprisingly intimate touch that was uniquely his. The familiarity and the warmth of it made me sigh. I wasn't sure about the range. Suna and Konoha might be too far away to resonate like this but judging from the look on Naruto's face, that might not matter.
"Thank you," he said. As he rubbed his thumb over his pendant, he nibbled on his bottom lip. "I never seem to get you anything."
I moved forward and wrapped my arms around him. "You love me. That's something I could never repay even if I tried for the rest of my life."
"Gaara." Naruto pulled back so he could look me in they eye. "There is no owing when it comes to feelings. They just are." For being such an unpredictable goof most of the time, he managed to say some profound things on occasion.
"I suppose. But it's the same with this." My fingers toyed with the stone. "Before I met you I never wanted to do anything for anyone. It pleases me that I can now."
Naruto smiled and pulled me back in for another hug. "I love it."
I wrapped my arms tightly around him and sighed. I was going to miss him so much and I really didn't want him to leave. But he loved me. That was really all that mattered.
. . . . . . .
Two days later, I was at the main gates with my siblings so we could see Naruto hand his teammates off. Kakashi nodded his head and stood to one side while he waited for us to say our goodbyes. He could be more reticent than me when he chose. Shikamaru and Temari stood apart and neither was openly paying attention to the other. They'd most likely already said farewell in private. I reached out and shook Shikamaru's hand. When I'd thanked him the day before, he'd waved it off.
"You guys are a pain." He shrugged as a small smirk pulled at his mouth. "But Temari thinks you're cute together."
If he hadn't found my letters and given them to Naruto, I'm not sure either of us would have found the answer on our own. It certainly wouldn't have happened this quickly. In the end, I'm glad that he hadn't listened to me when I asked him not to interfere.
Naruto held back a bit like he was trying to put off the inevitable. Goodbyes were hard enough for him as it was. When he'd left Suna after rescuing me I'd had to give him some encouragement with my sand and I'd do the same again if it came down to it. He was still hanging back and I began to wonder if it was because he was still shy about showing our relationship in front of others. But at the last minute, he launched himself at me and I was nearly knocked off my feet. We held each other tight and the swell of our chakra made the stones we wore glow between us. He pulled back enough to show me that breathtaking grin before moving away completely. And then he was running. Shikamaru rolled his eyes and huffed before following and Kakashi murmured farewell before following suit.
I watched them go until they were barely visible. Naruto was taking my heart with him and it would forever be his. I clasped the pendant that hung around my neck. In turn, he'd given his heart to me. I felt the stone pulse beneath my fingers and I sent and answering pulse of chakra back to its mate. I thought I saw one of the figures on the horizon turn and wave enthusiastically. My beautiful Naruto. I'd have to work really hard not to count down the moments until I could see him again. But I wasn't worried because I had faith in him. And because of him, I had faith in myself.
The End (For Now...)
Thank you all for reading. Some of you might be wondering why I didn't have them confront Sasuke. It's a big loose end and it needs to happen but I didn't want to get into that here. This part of the story was about Gaara and Naruto. I've started a sequel that will continue on where this left off. (Hopefully I can finish it like I did with this one.)