A/N: I am sosoosososoosos sorry this is so late oml

Longer chapter than usual, it seems really short to me for some reason

I hope you guys are emotionally stable because this chapter will probably kill some of you.

Ipersonally wrote this without batting an eye.

Maybe I'm soulless, idk.

DAN'S POV

"Phil." I stared in shock at Phil, who was propping himself up against the sterile, white hospital bed pillows. "Oh my gosh I'm so glad you're awake!" I let out a small sob of relief and stood up, reaching forward to give him a hug.

"Dan…" Phil muttered, holding up his hands.

I felt my face heat up as I quickly backed away. "S-sorry... I shouldn't of—"

"Dan, do you love me?" Phil asked.

I looked up at him nervously, he looked exhausted.

Everything about him, from the way his voice tremored to the way he blearily rubbed his eyes, was done in a manner that truly showed how fed up he was with his existence.

I felt another ton of guilt settle in the pit of my stomach.

"I-yes, I-I do."

Phil let out a soft sigh, glancing away from me. "Then what was it all for?" He asked, looking back at me. "I thought you hated me." Phil choked out, his eyes shining. "I thought had just found one more thing in my life to screw up."

"Phil, I can't-"

"Shut up." Phil snapped at me, silencing my words at once. "You made me feel worthless. You were the one person that I thought might actually end up liking me despite all my flaws, despite how we first met. But all you did was give the false hope of being rebuilt then tear me down even more!" Phil yelled, tears streaking the pale skin of his cheeks.

I shook my head, my vision blurring with unshed tears. "Phil, if I would have known I would never-"

"If you would have known what Dan?!" Phil yelled, the beeping on his heart monitor increasing rapidly. "If you would have known that I would have run home and slit my wrists open hoping that I would die?! What then? Would you still have treated me like a worthless toy for you to play with? A game to see how long you could mess with me before I broke? I should never have forgiven you! I should have realized you would just be another arrogant chav that thinks he's better than everyone else!

I shook my head slightly as I stepped back, hand reaching up to cover my mouth.

"I'm sorry." I croaked out. "I know that changes nothing but please, you just have to realize that I'm so sorry" Phil's eyes (now a stormy grey) bared down on me with an indescribable amount of hurt etched into them. "I know you can't forgive me, that makes two of us, but please, it's so important for you to understand that I love you. I was too self-conscious before to admit it, I was too worried that the popular status I had worked to create would be stripped away and I would be nothing.

I can't believe how childish I was, thinking that a high-school reputation actually mattered." I shook my head, running a hand through my messy hair. "But no matter what I said, no matter what I did, there was not a single point at which I didn't love you."

Phil shook his head sadly, tears running down his cheek and dripping onto the pale bedsheets. "I want to believe you Dan, I really do."

"Phil…"

"Just get out Dan. And don't come back." Phil laid back down on the bed, turning so his back was facing me.

I opened my mouth to argue, but stopped myself. What was the point? With one last glance at Phil, I turned to the door and let myself out.

…

"Excuse me." I caught the attention of a nurse walking down the hall.

She looked rather startled, most likely noticing my red face and tear soaked cheeks. "Yes?"

"Phil- Phil Lester is awake." I explained tiredly.

The nurse said something I didn't care to comprehend and hurried off in the direction of Phil's room.

PHIL'S POV

Numbness.

That was the only thing I could feel.

The next two days seemed to pass by slowly, but somehow at the same time it only felt like a second.

I guess that was understandable seeing as I did nothing. I usually am a pretty impatient person; I always have to be doing something. But not now. I've been lying in bed for three days doing nothing but staring at the celling.

I haven't had any visitors, not since Dan came. I can't say I'm surprised. My Dad is glad to have me out of the way, my mom probably doesn't even know what was happening (not that she would care), and I had told the nurse not to let Dan come and visit me; I didn't think I could deal with him anymore. It was bad enough that he was always on my mind, he would be even worse in the flesh.

I had spent most of my time in confinement just thinking. When my thoughts weren't on Dan, they were on death.

Did I regret surviving? Do I wish that I was dead right now? What would happen when I got out of this place? Would school be better or worse?

I was startled out of my thoughts by a knock on my door.

"Come in." I was surprised the woman heard me considering how feeble my voice sounded.

"Mr. Lester," the blonde nurse I had come to know as May began. "I know you don't want to speak to Dan…"

I felt myself stiffen up slightly as she nervously continued.

"You see, it's just that he has been in the waiting room all day and is refusing to leave."

"All day?" I repeated, ignoring the increased beating in my chest.

"Yes, I have asked him to leave on numerous occasions, but he wouldn't even leave to get a meal from the cafeteria when I offered him lunch. Bloody determined, that one."

I looked down, picturing Dan sitting in some stiff wooden chair, refusing to move.

May cleared her throat. "So Phil, what will you have me do with him?"

I bit my lip nervously before finally giving in. "I…I guess you can let him come in…"

She nodded, a small smile appearing on her lips. "I'll go get him."

….

A few moments later the door opened and Dan shuffled into the room.

"Hi…" He muttered quietly, avoiding my gaze.

I dismissed his apology. "Did you want something?"

Dan sighed, walking over and taking a seat by my bed. "We- I think we need to arrange something."

"What do you mean?' I inquired, noticing how miserable he looked.

"I just feel like we need to come to an understanding as to where we are. I mean obviously you hate me right now and—"

"I don't hate you." I stated bluntly, interrupting him.

Dan looked at me in shock, not quite sure what to say.

"I might be angry and disappointed, but I could never hate you."

Dan looked down at his hands, not speaking.

I let out a soft sigh as I allowed my head to fall back onto the pillow.

"Do you…" Dan began to say something but paused, rethinking his query. "Do you think you could ever forgive me?"

"I don't know." I replied quietly, my eyes fixed on the ceiling. I found it was easier to talk to Dan when I wasn't looking at him. "I want to, but I know I would be an idiot if I did. Maybe someday, but not now." I turned my gaze back to him.

He nodded sadly, looking down at me. "I get it…"

He stepped a bit closer to me, biting his lip nervously before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to my lips. It was full of sorrow, the ghost of what could have been if things had been different. He finally pulled away, a soft sigh issuing from his lips.

I kept my eyes shut as the sound of his receding footsteps echoed through the room. I kept telling myself that when I opened them he would be lying next to me; he would be there to tell me that I was amazing and that he loved me. But we just weren't ready for that yet.

He still needed to mature and figure out who he really was, I needed time to heal on my own before I made any more choices.

I didn't like the arrangement, but I knew it was what was best.

"Goodbye Phil." Dan whispered, sniffling.

The minute I heard the door close I broke down in sobs, not caring who heard me. It didn't take long for a group of nurses to come in to check on me.

"Phillip, Phil are you ok? What is it that hurts?" A red-headed nurse questioned me, checking my wrists for any sign of bleeding.

Speaking quietly so that no one could hear, I whispered.

"My heart."

To be continued...

A/N:

I could end the story right now you know.

I could just end it and they would never get together.

I'm not going to

But I could.

….

I'm sorry for that monstrosity I really don't know what that was.

….

Despite what this chapter may suggest, I am in fact not a sadist.