XIV - FAIL AND FOLD II

"It's not like ya think about the matter, Leo", Raphael told with a voice tone that was little calmed down. They were heading to the dojo after Don had kicked them out of his room.

"Well what is it then?" Leo demanded impatiently.

"I told ya already I don't wanna discuss about it with ya", Raph snapped, closing the door behind them.

"Why do you think I'm saying these things to you just to make you feel uncomfortable? Trust me, I'm on your side", Leonardo tried to keep his voice just firm, avoiding his usual 'lecturing-tone' that he knew made Raph see red.

"Whoa, wait a minute! Ain't that just a lil' bit hypocrite, Fearless Leader? I could say ya the same thing", Raph answered, beginning to loose his temper again,

"It's ya here with the trust-issues."

Leonardo stood quietly for a while, before answering silently:

"You don't trust me either, Raph."

"Well then", Raph spread his arms beginning to pace around the dojo,

"We're even then, huh?"

"No Raph, that's not what I meant", Leo shook his head, letting the frustration to be heard in his voice tone.

"What I mean is, that ya should get off from my back. I ain't continuin' this anymore with ya", Raph told shortly before turning to leave.

"You're not going anywhere before we have solved this", Leonardo whispered, loud enough to be heard. Raphael stopped turning slowly around to see Leonardo standing his hands on his swords' grips, ready to expose the weapons again.

"Oh, I see ya didn't have enough of a fight before?"

"No Raph, I'm pretty fed up with fighting you all the time, but I must get you to talk with me."

"'Talk' it shall be then, bro", the younger brother smirked drawing his sai out. Leonardo kept standing still, though slowly exposing his katana one at the time, thinking of was there a way to avoid the second encounter. He was starting to see a million ways he could've dealt with the situation earlier. He was just wondering was it too late to change to direction of their discussion.

"Not so Fearless after all, aren't ya? A sorry failure, if ya ask from me", Raph mocked, slightly surprised that his brother hadn't already lunged at him.

"I'm not a failure", Leonardo told slowly, keeping his voice steady although he wasn't sure he believed himself the words,

"You're just trying to mind game with me, Raph. It's you and your actions we are here to talk about."

No, Leo didn't believe himself. Raph's earlier words about he suffering due to his lack of competence were echoing in his head again. And Raph seemed to smell it.

"Games? Come on, Fearless, ya know I'm much more than that", Raph kept grinning, starting slowly to circulate Leonardo, who kept standing his shiny swords exposed. Raph took a step towards Leo, investigating him with his scornful gaze. Leo couldn't help shivering. Not because he was afraid of his brother, which he wasn't, but because he was surprised by the power of Raph's anger that suddenly washed over him. This time Leo really had made Raph angry with him.

Leo lowered his katana taking a deep breath before trying a new tactic on Raph:

"Look. I'm sorry if you feel I've threatened your privacy. I...I just didn't know what to do. You should talk to me --"

"No Leo, I shouldn't", Raph backed off a little,

"And ye're not in ta place ta tell me what I should and should not do. Not anymore, at least", Raph looked the other way while thinking back the insults Leo had thrown him at Don's chamber, before laying his eyes on Leo again,

"Good leaders aren't supposed ta spy around other's personal business."

Leo was holding his breath. He could now understand how much the lack of trust could hurt. What he had done to Raph wasn't any different that what Raph did to him by refusing to trust him.

I'm a failure. Raphael knows it. He deserves better than this sorry excuse of a leader.

Raph snapped out of his thoughts to find Leo still standing still. Raph snorted at him, boring his eyes into Leos':

"Or maybe ya just should step down and let someone take the charge who's able ta do it."

"And who is that, Raph? You?" Leonardo asked his voice almost breaking down. He sheathed his katana and stepped towards Raph. They were standing only inches away from each other.

"Anyone but ya, Leo."

"You don't mean that", Leonardo said quietly. He meant to yell the words, but somehow they came out as a mere whisper. His throat felt dry. All the authority had gone from his presence. He was suddenly aware of how weak he appeared. Raph snorted at him.

"Oh yes I do. And don't ya ever dare to stuck yer beak in my business. I've got better things to do than play with ya."

That attitude of Raph...I can't stand it!

Leonardo found strength to challenge Raphael one last time:

"Like what? Is your little army of sexslaves waiting for you? You're so high on hormones such as testosterones you're unable to do anything else than rant and fight?"

"Jealous, are ya? 'Cause yer pathetic little life revolves around meditating and kata, ya can't stand ta see me doing happily something else!" Raph went mad.

"Raph, our lifestyle, the way of ninjutsu requires some extra dedication", Leo said, gaining some more self-confidence to his voice tone. It was a familiar lecture. Familiarity gave confidence. Leo could pull this lecture through even if he were asleep.

"We are ninjas, for god's sake. I mean what would master Splinter say if --"

Spelling Splinter's name out startled Raph for good.

"I'm totally done with ya. Don't speak ta me ever again."

Raph rushed out of the dojo. From the open doorway Leo could see Don and Mike, who probably had been listening to every word of their fight. Don was shaking his head with somehow lecturing gaze in his eyes, and Mike was just looking sad.

Right now Leo wanted to fall asleep and wake up noticing this whole day would have been a mere dream.