KissMeDeadlyT-T: This one's kinda angsty ;3;
Also, I'm really glad you guys liked the last drabble so much. xD
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Title: Scars
Rating: T
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He's doing it again.
From their bedroom, he can see the dim glow of the light from the bathroom down the hall. The soft light gleams on the hardwood flooring. The bed and sheets next to him are warm— Ed hadn't been gone very long. Roy knows, though. He knows that it doesn't take long for this to happen. It had been going on since the first time they slept together.
He tosses the heavy blankets off of himself and stands up. He grabs a loose T-shirt and throws it on over his boxer briefs, because the house is chilly at night and he can feel it even through the cotton. Then, being careful to avoid that squeaky floorboard right by the door, he leaves their room and pads softly down the hall.
He hears muffled sobs. They are muted slightly by the door, which is only open a fraction, but they are still loud and pure enough to break Roy's heart a little bit more with each and every one. Quietly, he pushes open the door. He already knows what he will find. Even though the image is burnt into his mind, it isn't any less painful to see.
Ed stands in front of the mirror in nothing but his boxers. His hair is loose and tumbles down his back in a waterfall of golden waves, his tanned skin glowing a pale caramel in the light. Scars mar his otherwise flawless skin, flecks of darker or lighter flesh dotting along his back, the right side of his torso, his leg, and his back and stomach, where he had almost died by becoming an Edward-kabob. His body is small, but underneath soft skin Roy knows there are wiry muscles that allow Ed to move as quickly as he does. Roy's heart always feels a little funny when he looks at Edward— the boy, scars and all, is beautiful. He really, with all of his heart, believes that.
The only thing ruining it is the tears trailing silently down his cheeks. Wetness in fiery gold eyes. Water snubbing the flame. They gather in his eyes, bead up, then fall, and his shoulders wrack with another sob. Slowly, as if in a trance, Edward's fingers come up to run shakily along the jagged scar marring his right shoulder, collarbone and chest, and he lets out a breath that trembles with repressed pain and sorrow and regret and agony. Roy can't take seeing this anymore. Without saying anything, he walks forward and lulls Ed into an embrace, pulling him away from the mirror and towards himself. He feels wetness on his shirt and has to swallow past a painful lump in his throat when Edward's mismatched fingers make fists in the cloth and he chokes on another sob.
He doesn't ask what's wrong, because he knows. He doesn't murmur comforting words, he doesn't tell Ed everything will be okay— because he can't promise something that might not come true. So he stands there without saying a word, holding Ed close to his heart until sobs turn to sniffles and sniffles fade to thick swallows.
Finally, Roy pulls back, just enough to be able to look down at Ed's tear-stained face. "Hey," he says softly, gently pushing messy blond bangs away from damp gold eyes. "Are you okay?"
Ed's gaze returns to the mirror. He swallows hard, his flesh hand coming up to touch automail scars again. Looking away from his reflection, he hesitantly meets Roy's searching black eyes. "It's just…"
"I know." And he does.
Ed blinks quickly, like he's trying not to cry again. "I hate this," he whispers, finally squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face into Roy's chest. "I hate looking in the mirror and seeing this. Them." His fingers curl angrily into a fist on his shoulder and his voice is thick. "My scars. I hate being reminded every day of what I did. It's hard enough seeing Alphonse in the armor— I can't even look in the mirror without hating myself." Roy's arms tighten around him, and Ed lets out another sob. Roy can feel wetness on his shirt again. "I don't even know what to do anymore. We've been searching for so long, and we're nowhere closer to returning ourselves back to how we were. What if there's no way?" His voice rises hysterically with every word. "What if I can never return Al to his body? What if we can't go back? This is my fault and I don't even know what to do."
Roy is not the best at comforting others, because he doesn't like to sugar coat things and he refuses to tell someone a beautiful lie when the reality may very well be a painful truth. Still, he can't stand seeing Edward like this— it breaks his heart. Bending slightly to Ed's level, he offers a half-smile (though he's sure it looks more like a grimace; he can't find it in him to smile when Ed is in pain) and softly says, "Listen, Ed. I've told you this before. I can't guarantee you will be able to get yourselves back to normal, but you can't let it bring you down like this. Do you know what will happen if you do?" Ed looks at him with big, sad, watery eyes. "You'll lose hope. You can't do that— you have to keep walking. Isn't that what you told that girl in Liore?"
"Rose," Ed whispers.
"You told her that she has two strong legs, so she should get up and use them." Roy trails his fingers along Ed's metal leg. He's not even sure if Ed notices, but he doesn't care. "You should take your own advice."
"But—" Ed's voice breaks. Tears gather in his eyes and his lip trembles as he tries not to let them fall. "But I don't," he finally gets out, his voice cracking. "I fucked up and I bound Al to an empty shell and I lost two limbs—I… I don't know how to keep walking when my legs are just as weak as the rest of me. I don't have two strong legs."
"Yes you do," Roy says firmly. "People make mistakes, Edward, and yours have made you who you are today. You aren't weak. You're the strongest person I know. You're fifteen and you've seen more than I have. There's a reason you're named Fullmetal, you know." Ed softens a little bit. "You are fullmetal. You're strong. These legs aren't weak." He grips them firmly in his hands, holding Ed's gaze steadily to make sure he understands. "Maybe one of them isn't real, but think of who made it, and the reason you decided to get it— Winry and Alphonse. Your friends. They are your life and they make you strong. Your automail doesn't make you weak. It makes you you, and you, Edward Elric, are strong."
The tears in Ed's eyes finally spill over. With a barely-swallowed sob, he throws his arms around Roy's neck and buries his face in his chest and cries. This time is different— the sobs are less heart-broken and more relieved, as if Roy had somehow lifted a million pound weight off of Ed's shoulders. This time, he really does smile, planting a soft kiss on the crown of Ed's golden head.
"I j-just…" Eyes red and puffy, Ed pulls back slightly, angling his head up. He sniffles. "I… How do you…"
Roy furrows his brow. "What?"
"How do you… do that?" When Roy still looks lost, Ed swallows and looks away. With a light flush, he continues, "I mean… how do you manage to make me… make me feel… like I'm…"
"Perfect?" Roy suggests with a smile when it's evident Ed can't find a word.
Ed's flush darkens. "Something like that," he mutters. He looks up again. "How do you do it? Even when I… I'm so…" He glances to the mirror. "Ugly. Look at my scars," he mumbles in disgust.
"You're not ugly." Roy trails the back of his fingers lightly across Ed's jaw and down his neck, smiling a bit when Ed shudders. He finds the scars on Ed's shoulder and collarbone. "Your scars are a part of you too. They're beautiful. And so are you."
Ed's eyes seem to glimmer. "You really think so?"
"Of course." Roy smiles gently again. "You might not be perfect, Ed, but you're perfect to me."
Ed softens and his lips relax, like he might smile. He lets his forehead fall forward onto Roy's chest, mismatched arms tightening around him. "Thank you," he says quietly.
"Anytime." He cups Ed's cheek in his hand and wipes away the wetness there with his thumb. "No more tears?" he murmurs.
Ed's lips twitch up into a wobbly smile and he places his metal hand over Roy's. "No more tears."
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KissMeDeadlyT-T: I suck at conclusions ;-; I wanted it to be more, but I just… *ERROR 404 BRAIN NOT FOUND*
I didn't manage to write this exactly how it played out in my head, but I think it turned out ok enough… *cuddles in fluff*