Note: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender. If I did I wouldn't have time to write slash about it (I would be making episode slash).
I've written my little summary thing enough times. You get it already. If not, now is the time to contemplate your own existence.
Milk and Honey
Aurora
Aang had been working on his firebending for a week now. Iroh was a good teacher, and Aang was a good student. It had worked out perfectly, Aang was progressing well, the gang and Bumi had been working on an invasion of the firenation, and in two weeks they were planning on taking back Ba Sing Sa.
But, as we all know, things do not always work out so well for the Avatar and his friends. "So, we'll invade the city from these points in the wall." Sokka spoke as he pointed to areas on a map of the earthcity.
"Bumi and his troops will attack from this side, and that will drive the soldiers to the other, and once they leave the city, the only way to escape is by taking a boat out to sea at this river. Unfortunately for them, dad and his men will be waiting for them right there, and with Bumi's troops behind them, they'll be surrounded. The only option will be for them to surrender."
"Sounds good Sokka." Katara replied. "All we need is Bumi's signature on the papers, and the deal's sealed." Sokka nodded. "I'll go take it to him immediately." The young watertribes man then rolled up the scroll with the plans and began a jog to the king's chambers.
When he got there he found Bumi sipping tea with Iroh. "BUMI!" Sokka called out and ran up to the old man, "we have the..." "Really? I didn't know tea could be used for that. That's very interesting!" The king replied enthusiastically to Iroh. "You would be amazed what you can use tea for." Iroh replied.
"Bumi!" Sokka yelled, trying to get the kings attention. "We have the pl..." "It can also be used to cure burns, and bruises." Iroh interrupted as if the boy was not even there. "Your kidding!" Bumi laughed. "Oh no! You simply need to use the right brew." "BUMI!" Sokka screamed at the top of his lungs.
Both Iroh and Bumi turned their heads and frowned at the teen. "It is rude to interrupt a man when he is discussing something so important." Bumi scolded Sokka. "Yes, especially when the topic is tea!" Iroh added. Sokka sighed and slumped to the floor, waiting for his turn to talk once the old warriors where done blabbing.
/In another time and place/
Zuko and Jet lay peacefully on their mattress resting. Both of them had had trouble sleeping the night before since the baby had decided it was a good time to do some exercise inside of it's parent's belly. Zuko was not asleep, but was in a state very similar to it. Jet was just laying next to him, arms around him.
Jet meditated on Zuko's breathing. It was hypnotizing. Before he even realized it, He was moving his hands up and down Zuko's back. He traced his fingers over Zuko's defined muscles. Even through his cloths, Jet could feel Zuko's warmth.
His hands entwined in Zuko's hair, and he pulled his head in so that he could kiss him. He planted an innocent peck on Zuko's lips, not enough pressure to bring him from his half-slumber. Jet then allowed his hands to fall down to Zuko's bottom. He gave it a wicked squeeze.
Zuko's eyes shot open, but Jet did not notice. He continued to feel up the firebender's body. Zuko smiled. "You know, it's punishable by death to molest a member of firenation royalty." Jet smiled, and looked at his mate. "Oh really? I guess I'll just have to make sure you wont be able to tell anyone."
He then pressed his lips against Zuko's, poking them with his tongue. Zuko allowed entrance, and Jet ran his tongue around Zuko's own. Zuko helped by moving his tongue around in circles, and Jet got a very good taste of him.
After about a minute of their infamous tango, Jet pulled back. Panting he smiled at Zuko. "Well, I've disabled the tongue, now for another body member." He then began to kiss Zuko's neck, and Zuko gave an uneasy smile. "Jet, you know I'm not ready yet." Jet ignored Zuko's words, and flipped him around so that his back was pressed up against Jet's chest.
Jet then allowed his hands to slide to Zuko's thighs, massaging them. "Mmmm...Jet, that feels so good, but I don't want to go any farther." Jet continued to kiss Zuko's neck and massage his thighs. "Don't worry, I wont hurt you."
Zuko smiled. "I know, and it's us." Jet raised an eyebrow, but did not stop with his kissing or massaging. "Hmm?" He questioned. Zuko smiled. "You said 'me,' but it's me and the baby, so it's 'us.'" Jet smiled into Zuko's neck. "Excuse me, I wont hurt either of you."
"I know." Zuko whispered again, feeling rather sleepy. Jet's gently sucking motion on his neck and rhythmic massaging on his thighs was lulling him into a sweet slumber. He shut his eyes, feeling for once, a complete trust with his body to another human.
Zuko was almost asleep when Jet stopped his massaging. He moved his hands higher up on Zuko's front, planning on massaging his nipples, when he felt something unnatural, something shocking.
Zuko's shirt was wet. Oh shit he's bleeding! Jet's mind screamed, and in less than five seconds his mouth screamed to. This woke up Zuko in a quite unpleasantly. He jumped up, soon to be followed by Jet. "What the hell Jet?!" Zuko cussed at him. "I was just falling as..." "YOUR BLEEDING!" Jet screamed, and pointed to Zuko's shirt.
In the darkness of their room, the color of the liquid on Zuko's shirt was unclear to him and Jet. What was clear, however, was that Zuko's shirt was, in fact, wet. "Agni!" Zuko screeched. "I didn't even know I was hurt!" "Take it off!" Jet yelled trying to rip the clothing from Zuko's body.
"Why?!" Zuko said, struggling with his boyfriend to keep his shirt on. "Because! That way we can see where the injury is!" Oh duh! Zuko's mind screamed. "Ok," he replied, now helping Jet remove his shirt.
When it was finally off, both of them slapped their foreheads. It was still to dark to really see anything. "Turn on the lamp!" Jet yelled at Zuko, knowing it would be quicker if he did it, considering he could shoot fire from his finger tips.
"You just think of that genius!" Zuko cussed at him, angered that he had been so idiotic also. How would their baby ever survive if it's parent's were simultaneously stupid? "Just lite the damn flame!" Jet cussed back. Zuko huffed, but did just so. They were both dumbfounded when they saw what was wetting Zuko's chest.
It was a cream-colored liquid, definitely not blood. "What the hell is that?!" Jet yelled, pointing at Zuko's chest. "How the hell am I supposed to know?!" Zuko yelled back. For a moment, they stood in silence, then, once again simultaneously, called out at the top of their lungs "LING!"
The young midwife heard their screaming, as well as everyone else in the camp. "The way those two act around each other you would think they were married." Ichy joked to a boy standing next to him. They both giggled, Ling, though hearing their insults, ignored it.
She quickly ran to their tree and climbed the ladder leading up it. When she got in the home, firm hands laid hold of her. Before she could scream, she was literally tossed into Jet and Zuko's bedroom. There, she was able to find out that her captor was none other than Jet.
"What is it?!" She yelled, both out of anger and concern. Jet pointed to Zuko's bare chest, and Ling glared at a very dumbfounded young firebender. "What's the big deal? I'm sure this isn't the first time he's sweated. Have you two been doing anything rough with each other?" She replied with a bit of annoyance in her voice.
"It's not sweat you fool!" Zuko screamed at her, causing Ling to jump. "Then what is it?!" She yelled back. "That's what you're here for!" He yelled in response. Ling held a 'oh, right' look on her face, and ordered Jet to leave the room while she examined Zuko.
"Please lye down." She asked him, escorting him to his bed. He lay on his back while she stared at his chest. "I'm going to need to put some pressure on your chest, near your nipple, if you don't mind?" Zuko shook his head. "No, what ever you think will help."
Ling nodded, and moved her soft hands just above his nipple. Zuko got goose bumps, and had to force himself not to shiver. Even though he was in a relationship with another male it didn't mean that he didn't still find certain females attractive.
Not to be implied he was interested in Ling. Just that he did find her pretty, and it's kind of embarrassing having a pretty girl run her hands over your chest. When she reached the spot she was obviously searching for, she applied some pressure.
To Zuko's horror, more of the unknown liquid squirted from his nipple. "SPIRITS! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" He screamed at her. She just smiled wickedly in response to him. "It's breast milk." Zuko looked at her for a moment with the expression on his face this crazy bitch just lost her mind!
"What?!" He yelled back in reply. "Your producing breast milk." She said, as if it was the most simple fact on earth. "How the hell can I produce breast milk?! I don't have any breast!" Ling giggled. "You don't need to have breast to produce breast milk silly!" Zuko glared at her.
"If you didn't need breast to produce breast milk then they would call it nipple milk!" He replied sarcastically. She shook her head. "Actually, any human can produce breast milk, male or female. You just need to have the right hormones to produce them. In a regular male, he would be given herbs to make him lactate, but in your case..."
"Wait just a minute, you mean to tell me there are men who actually TRY to produce breast milk?!" Zuko interrupted, confused and petrified at the same time. Ling nodded her head. "It happens from time to time. Now, as I was saying, in your case, your pregnancy would cause your body to produce such hormones, hence, breast milk."
"But shouldn't it show up after the baby is born?" He asked more calmly. Ling shook her head. "No, women who are pregnant start lactating months before the child comes. In your case, it' weeks."
Zuko grabbed his forehead, shut his eyes, and slumped completely onto his mattress. "GREAT! Just what I needed in my life. Breast milk!" Zuko suddenly jerked his hand from his forehead and his eyes shot open.
"AM I GOING TO GET BREASTS?!" He yelled, jerking his body up and grabbing Ling on her arms. She just giggled. "No, I think not. That is, if you continue to lactate." Zuko's jaw dropped. "You mean I'm going to have to milk myself now?!"
Ling smiled wickedly again, and nodded her head. "That, or have to deal with, well, 'leaks' like this one." Zuko fell back on to his mattress, returned his hand to his head, and groaned in agony. "Don't worry Zuko," Ling said, stroking his hair, "I'll help."
Zuko then blushed profoundly. It was bad enough he was leaking milk from his nipples like a cow, he was not going to have this woman milking him like one to. "Thank you, but no Ling. I think I'll be able to do that on my own."
Ling shrugged. "Suite yourself then. Should I go get Jet?" She questioned. Zuko nodded. "Yeah, he's probably scared out of his mind right now." Ling then got up, and went to the door, opening it. As the door opened, Jet fell in. It was obvious he had been eavesdropping. Ling and Zuko glared at him, but he only smiled in response.
"What did you hear?" Ling questioned. Jet laughed. "Well, unless Zuko is producing breast milk, I didn't make out a single word you guys said." Ling giggled, Zuko frowned. "What?" Jet questioned, not knowing why they both seemed to think his comment was so funny.
Sorry this chapter took so long to get up. You writers know how your just on a role, then one day you wake up, and it's just blah...
Story of my life. But school is finally out, and a HUGE weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I already have an idea for my next chapter. Can any of you guess who the new villain is now that Zhao is dead (or is he)? He's one of my own, been mentioned before?
Guess you'll just have to wait and see!
This is one of my more comical chapters. Sometimes you just got to replace mind blowing sex with stomach aching laughter. Keeps your readers satisfied. :)