AN: This is super early and wayyy longer than usual- do you love me? I adore you all so much and am ecstatic every time I get an alert for one of your reviews! You're all so kind and insightful! Thank you again J
After the first night with Embry, they took to having sleep-overs most nights that they hung out. Usually, it was twice a week, as Bella was trying to focus on acing her first semester of college. It was always at her dorm room, as Embry lived with three other guys. He never invited her, and she never asked. Assuming he was watching out for her and trying to hide her from the disgustingness that must come from a house full of boys.
Though they did sleep together, they never slept together. A few times Embry had let his hands travel her body, but once they started to wander south Bella stiffened. Though she never outright stopped him, but he seemed to take the hint and always cooled the passion after that. He would just pull her onto his chest or roll her over and spoon her, both of them politely ignoring the raging hard-on he would be sporting.
They had been talking recently of their summer plans, and Bella was starting to feel overwhelmed. She wasn't signed up for summer session at school and would have to vacate the dorms in May. She wasn't really sure where she would go for the summer vacation, and the feeling of unease made her finally start to consider opening the door to reconciliation with Charlie. Embry and Jake were both encouraging her to go visit, saying they would accompany her.
Though she didn't remember ever running into Embry when they were back home, apparently he was familiar with Charlie, who often spent time on the rez. Both he and Jake offered to let her stay with them at their respective parents for the weekend, if the reconciliation didn't end as planned.
Finally, Bella conceded and a trip was planned after an emotional, albeit awkward, telephone conversation with Charlie. She and Jake planned a trip home for the following weekend. Embry offered to go as well, but Bella insisted that he not take off work for her.
She and Jake were making a quick stop at their usual coffee shop before hitting the road. Jake ran inside to get their orders while Bella waited by the car. She was glancing at herself in the reflection from the window, noticing that her hair had started to regain its former shine and her hips were gaining a curve that they hadn't had in months, possibly never had. She decided that happy looked good on her. She smiled at her reflection, congratulating herself on leaving the broken shadow of herself behind.
She glanced toward the door when she heard the door chime and smiled at Jake as he tried to balance their coffees and what appeared to be a bag of pastries. Her smile faltered when she caught a flash of cinnamon hair in her peripheral. She turned her body towards the right, unable to stop herself. She saw him standing frozen a few feet away, his hair a crazy mess and his ray bans covering his eyes.
Bella opened and closed her mouth a few times before starting to move towards him. Once he saw her begin to move he immediately turned his gaze to the pavement and continued walking on as though he hadn't seen her. Bella stared after him, mouth agape. Did he really just pretend not to see me?
Jake reached towards her as she began to storm after Edward; however, all the stuff he was bobbling halted his progress. He tried calling after her, but she just waved him off. With a sigh, Jake got in the car and waited, knowing it was only a matter of time that this would happen, and that he needed to let it run its course.
Bella caught up to Edward and yanked his arm from behind. He whirled on her and Bella took in the rigid set of his shoulder and the straight line that was his lips. Suddenly, she was grateful for his sunglasses, knowing she probably wouldn't like what she saw in his eyes.
"What's your problem Edward," she questioned in a raised voice, "you just pretended not to see me? Really, that's what I get after everything."
She saw his jaw tense and saw that he had turned his gaze to just over her shoulder.
"You don't get to pretend I don't exist, Edward. I'm here, and we happened."
She heard him grunt, and thought that was all she would get when his gravelly voice startled her, "I thought this is what you wanted Bella. You can't tell me we're over and then get mad when I acknowledge that we are."
Bella's mouth snapped shut, and she took in his words. Her eyes roamed his face and she took in the beard that she hadn't noticed, nor had she ever seen on him. While the hair on his head was cinnamon only in the sunlight, the hair on his face was a lighter shade of red. She found herself clenching her fists to refrain from scratching her nails lightly over it.
"This isn't what I wanted… I needed a break from us; I didn't think that would mean that we would never be friends again, or that you would just forget that I exist."
Edward made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and tugged at his already unruly hair with both hands, "You can't have it both ways Bella. YOU left, and you didn't come back, and you definitely never called. It's not like we were ever really friends anyway. We were a lot of things, but that wasn't one of them."
Tears sprang to her eyes and she nodded slightly, concentrating her gaze at a crack in the side walk, "ya, I guess you're right, Edward. Maybe that was the problem." She looked at him one last time and then turned and started to walk to Jake's car.
Edward expelled a frustrated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose, staring at the sky. He reached for her elbow, unable to resist, "look, I'm sorry. Don't leave like this. I didn't mean that I didn't want to be friends, it just probably isn't a good idea for us."
Bella looked over her shoulder at him, "You're probably right. God, I'm so stupid, I shouldn't have come after you. I'm sorry."
Edward shook his head at her, "no, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ignored you. I'm an asshole," he gave her a self deprecating smirk, which made her laugh; "none of this was your fault Bella."
He looked over her shoulder and saw Jake pacing by the trunk of his car. Edward glared at him slightly before fixing his face in a mask of indifference, "look, your boyfriend's waiting for you, and I don't want to get you in trouble, so I guess…maybe I'll just call you sometime…we can be…friends" he phrased it as a question, and Bella had to fight every natural instinct in her body not to pull him to her.
With her cheeks flushed and her eyes wide, she nodded, "I'd like that" she said with a quick squeeze to his hand. She began the walk back to Jake and at the last minute called over her shoulder, "oh, and he's not my boyfriend."
When she saw the tiny smirk that graced Edward's mouth she mentally kicked herself. Jake might not be her boyfriend, but Embry was, well sort of, and he deserved better, he deserved to be mentioned at a time like this.
She silently got in the car, followed by Jake. She could hear the thoughts running through his head and when she saw him open his mouth she simply said 'don't' and left it at that. She saw from the corner of her eye Jake struggling not to bombard her with questions, but she just turned and stared out the window, silently cutting off any conversation before it began.
They arrived in Forks an hour later and Jake pulled into the Chief's driveway. He offered to wait and make sure everything went okay, but she insisted he travel onto Billy's, assuring him that she would call if she needed him. She walked towards the porch with her bag in her hand, her eyes misting slightly when she saw Charlie standing there waiting for her.
He had the same mustache he had had since before she was born, and his bow legged stance hadn't changed at all. When she reached the porch he cleared his throat, and awkwardly patted her on the shoulder before grabbing her bag and leading her to her childhood bedroom. When she saw that nothing had been changed in the year she had been gone her throat constricted almost painfully.
Charlie gruffly told her that he'd let her get settled in and then they could head to the diner for dinner. Once he left, Bella collapsed onto her bed and stared at the glow in dark stars Charlie had put on her ceiling when she was five. She loved that Charlie didn't ask questions, it was the thing that had drawn her originally to Jake. She recognized now that she had been letting Jake take the place of Charlie in her life, to fill the void of missing him. She hadn't known just how much she missed him until she had seen his mustache twitch at the sight of her.
No apologies were made over dinner from either party, and really, none were needed. Both seemed to know they were in the wrong in some capacity, and to acknowledge it would just be re-opening wounds that were well on their way to being healed.
Charlie told her about how he had begun seeing Sue Clearwater, the widow of one of his best friends, and it was by far the most awkward conversation Bella had ever taken part in. Well, aside from when Charlie had tried to explain sex and her period to her when she was eleven. Thinking of that conversation, she realized just how difficult it must have been for Charlie to raise her in the absence of her flighty mother.
Now removed from her relationship with Edward, she could see just how traumatic that must have been for Charlie. To see your barely eighteen year old daughter running to the arms of a grown man who was covered in tattoos and lived in the city. Bella realized that Charlie probably hadn't expected her to call his bluff and move out. Evidence of this was the seemingly effortless way he welcomed her back into his home. Had he been serious about her never coming back if she left, he probably would have turned her room into a fish and tackle showroom.
That night when she was lying in bed, listening to the snores coming from Charlie's room down the hall, she was at peace. For the first time in a long time, there was a steadiness inside her. It was the first time she felt the calmness on her own. She usually only achieved some sort of relief with Embry or Jake. That she could feel this on her own made a slow smile spread across her features, and let her drift peacefully into sleep.
Upon awakening she saw that her cell phone, which was on her nightstand, was blinking ominously. With a sigh she reached for it. 5 missed calls, 6 text messages, and 0 voicemails.
One missed call was from Embry, and had come in at 10 the night before. She had been asleep for at least a half an hour by then. She had forgotten how early Charlie turned in for the night, and she had as well, knowing there wasn't much to do. The other four calls were all from Alice which made her scrunch her brow in confusion. She and Allie still talked weekly, but not as much as before, and the four calls in a row was a little over kill it seemed.
She opened the texts next to see if Alice had explained in one of them.
Hey Babe, checking to see if you're okay J -Embry
Bella smiled at the screen and quickly replied that everything was great and much better than expected.
Girrrrl you have some splaining to dooo- A
Bella frowned, wondering what Alice could be referring to. She had told her that she was coming to Forks, so it couldn't be about that.
B- text me and let me know what's up. I didn't get a rescue mission call, so I'm guess all is good in the hood…does Forks have a hood?- Jake
Bella laughed out loud at Jake's text. No matter what happened in her life, she knew Jake would always make her smile. She replied that everything was definitely great in the hood, and asked him and Billy to come over for dinner later.
Seriously B-town, answer your GD phone! EMERGENCY, 911, ALERT ALERT- A
Quickly Bella sent Alice a text asking if everything was fine and inquiring if the emergency was the need for a pregnancy test. If so, Bella refused, as the thought of babies made her gag.
Good to c u earlier.- E
Such a simple sentiment, but one that made her heart race. After so many months without contact of any form, seeing his name on the screen sent her a flutter. She honestly hadn't expected to hear from him, and definitely not so soon. Her fingers hovered over the keys, searching for what to write back.
She knew what she wanted to say, but was positive it was not the right thing to say. Evidence of this was the earlier text from Embry. She realized she hadn't said she missed him in her text, and that was because she didn't. She hadn't thought of him since leaving, how could she, when mostly she had just re-run her encounter with Edward over and over again.
You too, Edward. I hope it happens again soon.- B
She wanted to make an exact meeting time that would guarantee that they wouldn't go so long without seeing each other again. But she knew she owed Embry more than that. Though she was sure she only wanted to be friends with Edward; knowing that was all she was capable of, she didn't feel right doing that without telling Embry first.
While they hadn't made official declarations, they had been sharing a bed for weeks and she would be hurt if the situation were reversed. She wouldn't lie to him the way she had been lied to. However, thoughts of Embry only made her anger towards Edward flare up. She wouldn't be in the position if he hadn't lied in the first place.
The fact that her mind immediately went to that was evidence enough for her that she definitely wasn't ready for anything other than a tentative friendship. She hadn't achieved full forgiveness. While she had definitely reached the acceptance level, she had miles to go. Her one hope was that somehow, the pain would be worth it. Her heart had been ripped out and left her feeling void. She had been using Embry to fill that void.
Her trip home was becoming more than just mending fences. She hadn't realized how much she needed to separate herself from the situation in Seattle, especially after running into Edward. The clean Forks air was doing wonders at clearing her head and she finally let herself think of things she had long let rest.
She put her journal and her old copy of Jane Austen in her huge purse and grabbed an apple and water from Charlie's fridge. He was outside in the yard raking when she walked out. She explained that she was going to the park for a bit and his mustache twitched into a smile and waved her off.
Walking to her old school playground Bella took comfort in the feeling of home. She saw the curb where she had obtained the scar on her left knee, and received a wave from Mrs. Winters. She sat on the merry-go-round once she arrived and laid back to look at the clouds.
She let her mind go to her life back in Seattle and started making mental check lists of her current situation and what she wished her situation was. All she was sure of was that she wanted to try this friendship with Edward, even if that was all it could be. Mending fences with him would also mend others. She could get back to Alice, and maybe even Rose. She just hoped that she wouldn't lose the friends she had found P.E. post Edward.
They had been there when no one else could. Sure, Alice and Rose tried. But Jake and Embry were the only ones to break through her walls. She would be forever grateful to them. But if having Edward in her life meant losing them, she somehow felt like she would take that risk. She didn't know if that made her weak or just plain stupid. But she was finally being honest with herself. And at the moment that was all she could manage.
END NOTE: I'm thinking that next week's update might be an Edward's POV. What do you guys think? Do you want to see what Edward was thinking when B walked towards Jake's car, or would you rather see what Bella does when she returns to Seattle? Bella's chapter will happen either way, but if you chose Edward it will just come a week later. Let me know what you think! Love times a million! Xoxo-Jenna