Chapter 14 – That mess of details
So we trade for liquor for blood
In an attempt to tip the scales
I think you lost what you loved
In that mess of details
They seemed so important at the time
Now you can't even recall
Any names, faces, or lines
It's more the feeling of it all
Peyton's POV:
She's in that room for about 10 minutes, I guess. How could she do that? It'd be like me going to Lucas and telling him she's pregnant with his baby! Ok, maybe it's not the same, but no one was supposed to know what I did yesterday. It's no one's business, and right now I don't even know what to do. I don't want anyone to come and talk to me about it, like they have any idea what it feels like. When I think of my past I only see mistakes. My present is made of loneliness. And my future? I see nothing. I don't think the word 'future' means anything anymore. I've tried, I really did, I kept telling myself it was gonna go away and that I still have something to look forward to. People seem to think it's so easy sometimes. To stop cutting. To stop crying. To start getting better. But only the ones who've been through something like that know that it's not that simple. It's like I have no control, something takes over me. Anxiety, sadness, anger. All of it together. And then there's nothing I can do. I mean it, there isn't. It's not about getting better, it's about wanting to get better. I don't, I really don't. And I don't understand why. I wish I did. I wish I woke up and had this desire to live, to smile and feel happy. It's all gone now.
I can't be here anymore. I don't wanna see Brooke and Sarah's faces when they finish their little conversation. As I'm leaving, I stumble into a nurse, causing her to drop a bunch of pills. I help her to take them back and, careful so that she won't see it, I keep a lot of them. I don't know why I did this. I leave the hospital, running. But there's nowhere to go. Not here, in this city, or any other one for that matter. That's when I realize I don't wanna be anywhere. There's only one way this can happen. One way to be free from it all. For good. I don't care anymore. I take the pills – there are about 20 of them – and put them in my mouth, swallowing them quickly. It's one of these moments. I have no control, and I don't care what happens, as long as it happens quickly.
Well, in the dark we're just air
So the house might dissolve
Once we're gone, who's gonna care
If we were ever here at all?
I guess you noticed the cliffhanger still hangs on! I know this chapter's really short, that's exactly why I posted two chapters in one day, but I had to get both girls' POVs on what happened. I'm already working on the next chapter, it should be up pretty soon, one week max!
Song: An Attempt to Tip the Scales, by Bright Eyes.