Hello!
Ok, After this chapter we are having one or two more chapters and then a slight fast forward in time.
Again, thank you to my fuckawesome beta Cattinson for betaing this chapter on her vacation, thank you soooo much for taking the time!
Also, thanks to the girls on twitter for their awesome support!
All characters belong to SM, I only like to make their lives a little harder ;)!
Chapter 14: I Won't Give Up
"I Won't Give Up" - Jason Mraz
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
Tears fell from my eyes at the sight of my babies running towards me. Somewhere at the back of my mind my mother's gasp registered, but I couldn't concentrate on her, I was only seeing and hearing them. Everything around me blurred, the world stopped spinning. Their faces, oh my god their faces, that was the only thing I could see… so alight and bright with wide smiles as I kneeled on the floor to receive them in my arms. There were no words to express the utter joy I was feeling, I hadn't expected this, I thought I wasn't going to see them until Friday at noon and they were here! My angels were here! OH MY GOD! I was beyond myself, my heart pumping so fast I thought it was going to come out, I have never felt happier. They crushed against my chest and suddenly I felt whole, I felt as if everything in the world was right for once. My angels were home, they were visiting me at work. What could be better than that? I hold them tight for a second, breathing them in as I kissed the top of their heads. I even forgot mom and Alice were here until I heard mom's soft whimpers and saw Alice from my peripheral vision put her left hand over her chest, too stunned to say anything, awed by the moment.
"Oh my god! What are you doing here?" I said and pulled away a little to see their little gorgeous faces.
"SURPRISE!" Andrew cheered throwing his arms up in the air and I laughed.
"Hi daddy!" Marie greeted me cheerfully throwing her arms around my neck again.
"Hi baby," I answered kissing the top of her head again, god I was so happy to have them here, I was still a little shocked "Oh my god, what are you doing here?" I asked again, I still couldn't believe they were here, they were here! Visiting me at work! My heart was fighting its way out of my chest, my emotions were everywhere, I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I was so happy. It was so overwhelming.
"Mommy had to come earlier so we came too!" Marie said then. I lifted my head to see a stunned Bella at the door. Afraid to come closer, her eyes to someone at my back and I realized she hadn't expect to see mom and Alice here. Honestly, I didn't know who was the most shocked from all of us.
"Hi." I said softly, making her come out of her shock enough to look at me, our eyes locked for an endless minute "Thank you" I mouthed, she seemed to relax slightly and nodded.
Andrew was curiously staring everywhere, a glint in his eyes from seeing where I worked, smiling as always. Marie was looking at me expectantly, both of them oblivious to who mom and Alice were, who were standing a few feet from me. Bella remained at the door, I needed to do something, mom and Alice were still too shocked to say or do anything but cry quietly, well… Alice wasn't exactly crying, by now she was jumping up and down in excitement, a big smile on her face, she too had tears in her stunned eyes while watching our little scene, her hands were clutched together over her heart but she couldn't say anything yet. Either she was giving us space or she was just too overwhelmed to say anything. I lifted my head turning to mom, and saw she was crying quietly, her left hand covering her mouth, her eyes wide… she was staring intently at Andrew. I know what she was thinking, she was thinking of my dead brother, same happened with dad the first time he saw him. I motioned mom to come closer with a nod of my head, I could tell she was nervous, she hesitated at first but tentatively stepped closer and both, Andrew and Marie turned to her, Marie stepped closer to me, shy all of the sudden.
"Andrew, Marie… I'll like you to meet someone pretty special." I said softly, looking at them in the eye to catch their attention. Marie's eyes turned swiftly to mom but she turned back to me and came closer, reclining on my chest, I wrapped an arm loosely around her little body.
"Who?" Andrew asked in a chirpy voice.
I lift my head to mom and motioned her to kneel down too. She did and smiled at them sweetly, her eyes red with tears. I turned back to them.
"This pretty woman here, do you know her?" I asked them, just to see if Marie would recognize her. Like she did with me but both shook their heads.
"This is Esme," Marie's eyes went big with recognition "this is my mom. She is your nana." I said and mom tried to control a whimper.
"Nana?" Andrew asked staring at her curiously.
"Yep, she is my mom. Mom, these are my babies, Andrew and Marie."
"Hi." Mom said waving softly at them.
They just stared at her for a moment, trying to get this new information into their heads, trying to make the connection with everything Bella had told them and associate it with this woman before them.
…
…
"My name is Esme too." Marie said shyly. "Mommy told me it's because of you."
"It is?" Mom asked in wonder at Marie's voice. It was so soft and sweet, like honey.
Marie nodded.
"She said it was because I'm pretty like you." That made mom's face go brighter though I didn't know how that was possible. Her smile was so beautiful I wanted to take picture.
"Well sweetie… you are very pretty. Just like your mommy too, you have her lovely skin and nose." Esme smiled and Marie chuckled lightly, a lovely blush covering her cheeks.
"I'm older." Andrew suddenly said making Marie roll her eyes. I chuckled lightly and mom put her full attention on him. Her eyes filled with tears again, she just stared at him for a few moments before she spoke again.
"Andrew?"
"Yes nana?" A tear fell from mom's face at that. She was so happy, so overwhelmed.
"Can I ask you for something?... To both of you?" Both nodded, mom sniffed and cleared the rest of her tears with the back of her hand "Would you give me a hug? Please?" Mom whimpered.
Slowly, both of them moved away from me, and before I knew it they had their little arms around mom. She hugged them back fiercely, her body shaking slightly but I saw she was trying to control it she didn't want to scare them. After the most beautiful minute ever, they pulled away and mom kissed their foreheads, Andrew lifted his hand and touched mom's cheek lightly, mom put her hand over his, holding it there and stare at his beautiful green eyes.
"Mommy was right, you're pretty." He said matter-of-factly and that made mom lift her head for a second towards the door and then turned to Andrew again.
"Thank you, you're beautiful too. Both of you." Andrew smiled and stepped closer to mom, hugging her again which made mom cry again while hugging him back. Eyes shut to prevent too much tears to fall. Then Andrew pulled away and I was surprised to see that his eyes were glazed, as if he wanted to cry too. He smiled slightly and kissed her cheek making mom to hug him again, as if she couldn't have enough, as if she needed it.
Yep, he had her.
"Are you sick?" Marie asked softly and mom looked at her smiling curiously through her tears over Andrew's shoulder.
"No sweetie, why?"
"When mommy's sick she cries." Marie explained and I stiffened for a second I turned to Bella, she was still at the door, insecure about coming further and giving us space at the same time. I nodded to her to come closer, that it was ok. There was nothing to be afraid of, we were fine. We were going to make this work. She approached slowly but still remained too far for my liking, and I could do nothing more than stare at her. She was so beautiful I wanted to stare at her the whole day if possible. I missed her so much.
"Oh," Mom said "no sweetie, I'm not sick. These are happy tears." Mom smiled at her fondly while clearing her fresh tears with the back of her hand and Marie smiled shyly back.
"You happy?" Marie asked.
"Of course, I got to finally meet you, how could I not be happy?"
"I'm happy too." Marie said.
I was still looking at Bella when I heard a throat clearing and lifted my head to see Alice's expectant face.
"Oh, sorry. Andrew, Marie… there's someone else I'll like you to meet." I stood up taking Marie in my arms and mom did the same with Andrew in hers. "This is my sister Alice. She is your aunt."
"Hi!" Alice said smiling brightly, waving her hand lightly in front of them.
"Hi!" Andrew chirped smiling back – yeah, those two are gonna get along pretty well- Marie hid her face in my neck. Alice frowned.
"Marie?" I asked "Are you Ok?" She nodded against my neck "What's the matter? Are you scared?" She shook her head "Then, wouldn't you look at your auntie? She wants to meet my pretty little girl." I tried to sooth her caressing her back, she was always nervous about meeting new people. "I'm here, everything is fine." I kissed her hair. She slowly lifted her head and looked at Alice.
"Hello there!" Alice smiled soothingly at her.
"Hi." Marie said in a low voice.
"Wow, may I say your daddy was right. You are very pretty, and I love your dress! You like purple?" Alice tried to appease her with light questions.
"Thank you." Marie said blushing. I knew perfectly were she got that from. "Yes, s'my favorite color. Like Rapunzel." She said a little more confident.
"Oh! You're right! Rapunzel likes purple, what other colors do you like?" Alice continued she wanted Marie to feel comfortable around her.
"Mommy likes green, so I like green too." Marie said softly and we all turned to Bella.
…
"Hello," I said again "what happened?" I asked. What had brought this on? I mean, I was more than thrilled to have them here, but… why had she come earlier? Why didn't she call me to come and get them?
"Hi, uhm… sorry to come unannounced but… you weren't answering your phone." I frowned and padded my pants pocket searching my phone. It was empty.
"No, no it's Ok," perfect "don't apologize, I was just surprised. I'm sorry I think I forgot my phone at home." I explained.
Idiot.
She nodded and turned to mom and Alice.
"Hello." She said blushing a little.
"Hi." Alice said softly with a small smile but I could see a ting of sadness in her eyes.
She missed her friend and she didn't know what to do or what to make of Bella right know. I knew she had been dying to have her friend back all these years, but the circumstances now changed a lot of things, Bella was different, she went through a lot of things after all. She didn't know how Bella felt about her and the family and Alice didn't know how to approach her. In her eyes what Bella did was wrong, but as me she understood too, so she was kind of at lost. She didn't know if things could be the same. I hoped they will, Bella needed a friend, and they had been great friends, I hoped Bella wouldn't close herself to Alice too, and I hoped Alice could find a way to her too, mostly because I hoped if Bella could feel comfortable with my family again, she would eventually feel comfortable with me again. I hoped Alice could help me, god knew I needed all the help I could get. I didn't want to fuck it up all over again.
"It's nice to see you again dear." Mom said smiling encouragingly, she knew Bella was uncomfortable. "Thanks for the lovely surprise." Mom said honestly and hugged Andrew instinctively. I still didn't know how mom really felt about all this, she told me she was happy for me, but… did she feel as Rose had about the issues against what Bella did? Or did she understand her like I did? Did she just not want to interfere as dad? No taking sides and just supporting? Happy that I was finally out of my misery? I knew she loved Bella as a daughter too, and she probably felt for her too like she felt for me all this years and just wanted us to be happy again. I think that was it, that would be just like mom. She was so compassionate and she could love with a passion beyond reason, no matter what. I'm not saying that Bella had flaws I'm just saying that she could forgive easily and do anything for anyone, as long as the people she loved wouldn't suffer and be happy. She was a mom.
"Yeah, uhm… it's nothing." Bella stammered.
"Why did you come earlier?" I asked again, part of me hoped it was because she wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see her, but I knew that was unlikely.
"My boss called this morning he has to go to New York on Saturday so he changed our meeting for tomorrow morning. It was a last minute thing, I tried to call you to let you know we were coming but… it went to voice mail."
"Oh, sorry about that. You could have called here I would have come to pick you up."
She shrugged as if it didn't matter.
"This is your hospital?" Andrew asked then and I turned to him.
"Yep, this is it."
"Can I look?"
"Well, well, well… look who's here!" I heard my dad's voice on my back and all of us turned.
"POPS!" Both cheered and Marie literally jumped from my arms to his.
"Hey there!" Dad chuckled. "What a delightful surprise! I thought they were coming tomorrow?" Dad asked looking at me.
"It really is! HEY, wait a minute! You knew they were coming this weekend? Why didn't you tell me?" Mom asked me then. Shit.
"Sorry, I wanted to surprise you but… I guess the joke was on me." I turned to Bella and smiled at her, she blushed slightly and looked down.
She blushed. I made her blush.
"Still! You should have warned me!" Mom said, getting my attention back "I would have done something special." She said sadly and now I felt bad.
Awesome.
Then, the front door opened and my one o'clock patient was here.
Fuck.
Heidi stepped around her desk quickly and asked Mrs. Wilde if she could wait a minute. I threw her a thankful look.
"Well, why don't I show you guys around?" Dad said to his grandkids, he understood I needed to talk to Bella alone.
"YES! PLEASE!" Andrew yelled and we all laughed, wow… he could give Alice a run of her money.
Mom and dad turned and went down the hallway with my kids in their arms Alice followed and started firing questions to both of them, about their likes and dislikes. When they rounded the corner I turned to Bella.
"So, your meeting was changed?" I asked a little disappointed I had hoped her motives had been others. Like mine last weekend.
"Yeah, tomorrow at nine in the morning. Sorry, I didn't know you wanted to surprise Esme, I never thought she would be here in the first place but I tried to call you and you never answered and the kids wanted to see you."
"Seriously, don't worry… She got surprised anyways. All of us I think."
"Yeah, that wasn't how I envisioned seeing Esme for the first time again… or Alice."
"Don't worry about them I'm sure they were happy to see you either way. So, what's the plan?"
"Ehmm… well, they haven't got anything to eat since this morning. I wanted to take them to lunch first but they wouldn't have that. I think I'll be taking them now."
"Now?"
"Yes."
…
"Ehmm do you think you could wait a little? I mean, my lunch break is after this appointment… I thought, I could come too?"
"Well… if you want I can leave them with you. I'm sure Esme or Alice can check on them for a half an hour? I can come and pick them up later."
"You don't want to come?" I asked trying my hardest damn not to show the pain this inflicted on me.
"No, it's not that… I-I have some… stuff to do."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Personal stuff." She said a little too quickly "Besides, I'm sure your family wants to spend time with them too. I don't want to be in their way, it'll be awkward."
"Bella, there's no need for that. Its fine, if you are not comfortable then they don't have to come."
"No, Edward…" she sighed "I saw Esme's face… I can't do that to her. I'll pick them up at three." She said with a tone of finality.
"Bella, come on… don't be stubborn, come with us. Marie and Andrew won't be at ease if you don't come."
"They have you. They trust you and I know you'll take care of them. I'll pick them up at three."
"What about tomorrow?"
"Well, I have my meeting at nine… I guess I'll bring them with me like last time."
I guessed that was the time when Alice saw her… I know she should know about that, but I guessed now wasn't the time for mentioning it. There were other matters at hand, and we didn't have much time.
"You know, Mom or Alice can watch them while you are at your meeting, so you don't have to worry about it. I'll be happy to do it myself but I have surgery with dad first thing in the morning."
"No, it's Ok. I don't want to bother them."
"Believe me, it won't be a problem at all. Let them help you, they'll be more than willing, I assure you."
"You really think so?" She asked skeptically.
"Yes, I'll ask them and let you know, but I'm positive it won't be a problem."
"Ok, thanks… that'll help a lot... Uhmm they are coming back," she said looking past me "I guess that's my cue to leave." She said stepping away from me and headed to them.
They were coming back from their little tour around the clinic. Marie was in Alice's arms now, and Andrew still was in mom's, both were sucking on a lollypop dad must have given to them. Marie's was purple of course, and Andrew had dad's stethoscope around his neck, I chuckled at that.
"Look mommy! I'm a doctor!" Andrew said lifting the chest piece in front of him.
"Wow, that's so cool honey!" Bella said in her mommy voice "Hey listen, can I talk to both of you for a sec?" Mom and Alice put them on the floor and they walked to Bella.
…
…
"Listen sweeties… I have to go to make some errands you'll stay with daddy for a few hours. He'll take you for lunch and I'll pick both of you up later. Is that Ok?"
"You not coming?" Marie asked, her eyes widening a little. Was she scared?
"No sweetie, I can't… but I promise I'll be back soon. You're going to be good to daddy right?" Both nodded and Bella smiled.
"Ok, but you be back soon right?" Andrew asked in concern, apart from Jane and day care I guessed they were never apart. It broke my heart, why couldn't Bella just stay? Yes, it would be awkward at first but… that was expected.
"Yes baby, as soon as I'm finished." Bella said, kissing both of his cheeks and then did the same with Marie. She stood up and faced my family.
"It was nice to see you all again. I guess… we'll be seeing us around?" She was so formal, so… distant. I hated it.
Esme stepped forward and hugged her, surprising Bella… and me if I was being honest. Mom whispered something on her cheek and Bella looked down, when she stepped back they held each other's gazes for a second and Bella's eyes glazed. Mom smiled and Bella smiled back little, then she turned to Alice and dad.
"Goodbye, see you later." She said softly.
"Bye Bella, thank you for this wonderful surprise, we're really grateful." Dad said and Bella nodded.
"It was nice to see you again Bella" Alice said "maybe we can have a coffee soon? You know? To talk?" Alice asked hopefully.
"Well…"
"Please Bella… It's Ok, I wanna help."
…
…
"Ok, I'd love to. Just, not this weekend, next time I visit. I have a lot of things to do."
"Ok. Thanks." Alice said quietly.
"And congratulations… on your baby girl."
"Thanks, her name is Camille" Alice said caressing her womb lovingly. She lifted her head and smiled at Bella, Bella smiled back and turned to me motioning me to follow her to the door, mom and dad took the kids again and began to chatter lightly, distracting them from the painful scene.
"I'll be back at three." She said "Here," She handed me the big beige bag that contained Marie's oxygen mask. "I'm sure you know how to use it?" She asked and I nodded.
"She'll be fine."
"Ok, bye… see you in a couple of hours." She stepped away holding my gaze, her face was a mask but I still could see the pain in her eyes. I knew her she could never lie to me. I knew those pained eyes pretty well they had haunted me for years. They broke my soul every time as if it was the first, and the pain was always the same, if not it was even more. She took another step back, away from me… looked down and walked through the door.
I hated it, it was too much like that morning, and the pain was so intense I thought I was going to choke. She was leaving again. I hated this… she was walking away from me again. I couldn't stand it she was supposed to be here, by my side. We were supposed to be together, not like this. I don't know how to even call our situation. What were we? Just exes? That was too lame… she had been my fiancée, she is my forever! I won't give up, I can't give up!
"Could you watch them a moment?" I asked mom, but didn't wait to hear the answer as I went after, throwing the bag with Marie's mask on the couch next to the door. I run out of the clinic and headed to the direction she had gone. I spotted her instantly. She was walking on the side walk, hugging herself as if she was cold… or holding herself together, shoulders down, her back trembling. She was crying. I couldn't stand the sight she seemed so lost and afraid.
Fragile and vulnerable.
"Bella!" I called but she didn't hear me so I ran faster. As I ran towards her I thought briefly about how this resembled my nightmares pretty well. The only difference… this was real life. Which makes it worse.
"Bella!" I called again as I reached her, grabbing her elbow. She turned to me with wide watered eyes. I was right, she was crying. "Bella," I said her name again "What's wrong? Where are you going?" She recovered quickly.
"I told you, I have some stuff to do." She said, ignoring my first question, clearing her tears harshly with her hand.
"Don't lie to me. I know you, why are you crying?"
"No you don't." She spat jerking her arm away from me, "and I'm not crying" her eyes changed, she was angry now.
"Yes I do! Now tell me the truth… is it really just because of my family? Why don't you want to come with us?"
"Because I don't want to Edward!"
"Why? We have been out for lunch with them before! What's different now?"
"Just forget it… I have to go." She turned to walk away again but I couldn't leave things like this, I grabbed her by the elbow again and turned her to me.
"No Bella, we promised we were going to communicate, remember? Why don't you wanna come with us?"
"Forget it Edward! I don't wanna talk about this!"
"Why don't you wanna come with us?"
"Because I don't want to!"
"WHY? Because of my family? They'll be fi-"
"I don't wanna be with you!"
…
…
…
"Bella… I-"
"I'm here because of them, I talk to you because of them… that doesn't mean I want to Edward… yes we have two kids together, and I did a bad thing and I feel guilty about it so I'm here with them, trying to do what's best for them for once and stopped to think about myself, but that doesn't change anything… you still did what you did, and I can't be around you without thinking about it. Besides… I don't want to confuse them either, they have been asking me questions about us since they met you, and I barely know what to say. I don't want them to get the wrong idea. We are not a family Edward."
…
…
…
I need a minute…
…
I need air…
…
…
…
"I-I'm sorry… I didn't know… I thought… I just… I just wanted to have a normal meal… with the people I love."
"Then go have it… I don't fit in that equation anyway. Don't know why you bother, you don't have to act, don't feel like you have to include me in your family gatherings… I'm not part of it anymore. The kids love you and you don't need me for that."
And with that she turned and walked away from me.
Again.
I stepped back into the clinic Alice was with the kids on the floor playing with the toys there. Thankfully their back was on me because I didn't know what my face looked like but it was enough to make my mom and Alice worry. Alice was quick in gathering the kids' attention and mom came to me.
"What's wrong?" she asked in a hushed voice.
"Me."
What else? I was an idiot, I fucked up.
I started all this.
Mom was about to say something, but Marie turned and saw me so I quickly changed my face into a mask. I've been doing it all this years for my patients surely I could do it for them too. I didn't want them to see me like this, I needed to look and be strong for them. Even if my insides were shredding.
"Daddy!" She ran to me and I caught her in my arms bringing her up to my chest. I hugged her fiercely, I needed her. It was the only connection I had with her… and as far as things looked it'll probably be the only connection I'll ever have. I buried my face on her hair, her scent calming my scorching heart just a little. My kids brought me peace, light… and pain at the same time, but thankfully the peace and light they brought was enough to go through this day that until a few moments ago seemed to be the best ever, only to turn into a nightmare the next, but nothing would ever overshadow the immense pain I felt right now.
"I don't wanna be with you!"
Deep breaths
"I'm not part of it anymore."
"Dr. Cullen… do you want me to tell Mrs. Wilde to come back later?" Heidi interrupted softly bring me out of the painful memories.
"No, I'll be there in a sec. Mom, could you watch them for a few minutes?" I asked her "while I check on Laura?" I would have asked dad to replace me but I needed that half hour to recompose myself. The pain was still too much to bear.
"Of course dear, I wasn't planning on going anywhere. Whatever you need." She said and I turned to Heidi.
"I'll be there in a second." I confirmed.
"Ok, they are in examination room number 2."
"Thank you Heidi." I said and walked to where Andrew and Alice kept playing, Marie still in my arms. I kneeled down and put her on the floor while I remained on my hunches.
"Marie, Andrew… I have one more patient to attend. Would you be ok for a few minutes? Nana and Alice will be here if you need anything and after this we'll be going to lunch. Is that Ok?"
"Can I pick?" Andrew asked.
"Sure kiddo, whatever you and Marie want." I smiled at him.
I stood up and went into the hallway, I felt Alice following me.
"I'm fine." I told her.
"Don't give me that bullshit. You don't have to pretend, it's all over your face. What happened?" I turned to face her letting out a long breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Well… nothing that I didn't expect. She doesn't wanna be around me. That's why she didn't stay."
"I'm sorry Edward…" I shrugged.
"It's not your fault, and I can't blame her either."
"It'll be alright you'll see… things happen for a reason, what's meant to be will always find its way."
"Yes but… what happens when I can't find the way? She hates me… how can I change that?"
"Be yourself… she hates that man, the one who cheated… you are not him. You are not a cheater Edward, you made a mistake… I don't promise you two are going to be back together any time soon but I know she'll forgive you one day. Just be you, show her… it's not going to be easy but you can't give up. This is your last and only chance. I have faith in you."
"Thank you Alice, I needed to hear that."
"I'm here for you." She smiled.
"Thank you… So, what do you think?" I asked nodding towards them.
"OH! Edward! They are amazing!" Yep, she was jumping up and down again "and they look just like you! I can't believe I didn't see it when I saw Bella at the beach! You were right Andrew is so funny and witty! And Marie is the cutest thing EVER! She is so smart! And beautiful! Oh my god! PLEASE! Let me do the balcony!"
I groaned.
"Alice… not now please." I complained.
"Ok, sorry… I better let you go then, well discuss that latter. We'll be waiting for you here."
"Thanks, I'll hurry… it's just a check up."
Andrew wanted something sweet, so I took them to Café Crepe. It had been our favorite place to come, so I thought of introducing it to the kids. Maybe one day we could all come together.
As a family.
I won't give up, I knew it was going to be tough but I won't quit. Her words hurt but I couldn't let them waver on my resolve. I was going to be strong, at least Alice had faith in me and that meant something.
After café crepe I took them for a quick walk around the block, they were so excited. Of course mom and Alice tagged along. Mom kept asking about what food and delights they liked and Alice kept asking them about hobbies and general likes and dislikes. I just listened to them, happy to hear their excited voices. I had been so alone for such a long time that their happy chat was like music to my ears.
Marie was more at ease now that she was getting to know them better, and Alice couldn't be happier. She was afraid Marie wouldn't like her as she had been too quiet at first.
"So, Marie… who's your favorite princess?" Alice asked when we stepped back into the clinic.
"Rapunzel!" Marie said happily.
"OH! I love Rapunzel too… you know, I saw the movie last week."
"You did?"
"Yes, of course… it is so awesome but, you know what else is awesome?"
"What?"
"Her big, big tower, don't you think?"
"YES! It so pretty! It has a balcony!"
Fuck.
"Oh my god! You're right! Rapunzel has a balcony!"
"Alice…" I warned but she ignored me and took Marie from my arms.
"Yes! She sings there. I wanna sing on my own balcony too, but I don't have one." Marie pouted.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Way to help Alice.
"Aww, you don't have one?"
"Nop." Marie said popping the p and making mom chuckle.
"Do you want one?"
"Yes."
"Would it make you happy?"
Fucking Alice.
"Yes, very… I'd love to have a balcony like Rapunzel's"
"So you'd love to have a balcony. How much would you love it?"
"Soo much! I want to be a princess too!"
"Mhmmm, so you want a balcony to be a princess…" she mussed "what could we do about that." Alice said smiling wickedly at me.
I took Marie from Alice's arms.
"Enough" I told Alice and then turned to Marie "You are my princess. You don't need a balcony for that."
"I'm a princess?"
"Yes, of course you are a princess, you are my little pretty princess. Don't listen to Auntie Alice, she's crazy." Marie chuckled and Alice scowled at me.
"What do you have against my balcony?" Alice said angrily.
"I thought it was for Marie?"
She started whimpering then.
Fucking hormones.
I ignored her and entered into my office sitting on my desk with Marie on my lap, mom entered and put Andrew on the floor, he run to me and I sat him on my other leg next to Marie.
"I'll go and check on your dad, tell me when Bella comes to pick them up. Alice…" Mom motioned her to follow her which Alice did unwillingly.
"Where are we?" Andrew asked looking everywhere.
"This is my office." His eyes went wide and he started looking everywhere.
"It's pretty." He said.
"Thank you."
"Look! We are here!" He said in amazement then, holding the picture I had from them on my desk.
"Of course kiddo. I love that picture I have it here for every time I miss you, I only have to look at it."
"You miss us?"
"Of course, everyday." I told him and kissed the top of his head.
"I miss you too." He said softly.
"Oh! That's mommy's picture!" Marie cheered then grabbing my full attention.
"What?" I asked and saw her taking the picture of me and Bella, my favorite picture of us. The one Alice took us at thanksgiving four years ago.
"Mommy has this picture too." Marie said smiling back at me.
"What?" I asked again.
"Mommy has this picture too, it's in the drawer on her desk, I saw it once. That's how I knew you at the park."
"Mommy has this picture too?" I asked incredulous.
"Yes. It's very pretty."
Bella had that picture? Hidden in her desk? Why did she have it? What did it mean? When or how did she even get it? As far as I knew she left without anything from us, she didn't even come for her stuff. Why did Bella have our picture? I knew she loved that one too, she had printed a copy and put it on our living room, it was still there.
I tried to not let hope to come to me, but it was hard. She had our picture. Does that means she is not over me? At least not completely? Does that mean I still have a chance? Then, why did she say she didn't want to be with me? Why did she leave today? AGH! I wish I could just read her mind!
Was Bella really over me? Or did she keep the picture just because? I know it might seemed stupid to get over excited about it but I couldn't help myself… she had a picture of me too. Before I could ask Marie for more information, the phone rang.
"Yes Heidi?"
"Dr. Cullen, Bella is here."
"Thank you, we'll be out in a moment. Can you please tell mom? She's in dad's office." I said before hanging up.
"Mommy's here." I said standing up with both of them in my arms. God they were heavy, how Bella managed alone was beyond me.
Once in the reception I put them on the floor and the run to Bella, she received them with a big smile. She seemed better than when she left. Of course she had a couple of hours to compose herself.
"Hey sweeties, did you have fun?"
"Yes! Daddy took us to a walk through the whole city!" Andrew exaggerated making me and mom laugh, who had rejoined us with dad and Alice.
"That's wonderful baby! Did you like it?"
"YES!"
"I'm glad you like it, now… say goodbye to daddy, we gotta go."
"What? Where? I don't wanna go yet." Marie said "I wanna stay with daddy."
"I wanna stay wiv daddy too." Andrew joined Marie's plea.
"Sorry babies… but daddy has to work."
"But mommy! We'll be good, we won't do noise! We promise!" Andrew continued.
"Daddy can't we stay?" Marie turned to me.
…
…
"Actually… I don't have any more appointments for the day… we can go for a walk, Heidi can call me if something comes up."
"YEY!" Andrew and Marie cheered and I smiled at their utter joy.
"Can we go and get an Ice Cream?" Andrew asked then, he had my sweet tooth.
"Sure kiddo, whatever you want."
After Mom had enough of kissing and hugging them goodbye, we stepped out of the clinic and headed to a park nearby. Bella was quiet the whole way until we put Andrew and Marie on the floor and they ran to the swings.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"I wanted to spend more time with them."
"Then ask for it, I won't say no… but don't get me involved, I told you how I felt about this."
"I wanted to talk to you too."
"Then why didn't you just say so."
"Because you never want to."
"That's not true we talked about them last week."
"Exactly, about them… I wanted to talk about us, about what happened earlier."
…
…
…
"I'm sorry if I was harsh… but that's how I felt." She avoided my eyes and turned to them.
"I'm not looking for an apology, and I'm glad you told me how you felt… even if I don't like it, I prefer it."
"Why?" She asked still avoiding me.
"Because in order for this to work, we also have to talk about us. About what's bothering us… about how we feel."
She looked down.
…
…
"Bella, I didn't want to put you in a tough position or to make you uncomfortable but, I meant what I said… I just wanted to have a normal meal with…with you and them… you are their mother I don't want them to only be with one of us at the time. I don't want them to eventually feel like they have to chose, and Ido want you there with us. It's not because I want to use you for them to like me like you said… I want you there. I understand how this can confuse them but, we can talk to them, we have to do it at some point anyway." I just wanted to spend more time with her too, to show her, to find a way to win her trust back.
…
She looked away and took a long breathe, thinking about what to say back I guess. She turned to me but her eyes didn't meet mine.
…
"Yes… we need to talk to them about this soon, but Edward…" She lifted her gaze to me then, her brown eyes staring directly at mines "I can't be part of that… I can't be part of what you want, I can't be in the same room as you and pretend like its fine, because I'm not fine." Her eyes watered slightly "I'm tired of pretending all the time for them, it's hard enough to not think about what happened when you are not around and it's a million times worse when you are. I'm just protecting myself here, don't you see it…? I need to be strong for them. What you did… it still hurts no matter how long ago it was no matter what I do… it doesn't take away the pain. I trusted you and you stab me in the back."
"Bella… I swear to you," I was starting to cry now, my voice cracking "I never meant for that to happen, you know that, right? That wasn't me, you know me… I'm not a cheater. You have no idea how much I've hated myself for what I did to you, I never wanted to hurt you, I-"
"But you still did it," She interrupted "and no matter what you say or how much I try I'll never get rid of that image. God, I saw you with her… I'm sorry Edward, but we can't pretend to be that happy family that you want. It's not right."
"Bella… I'm so sorry. I don't have enough words to tell you how sorry I am. I tried to find you… to explain, I looked for you, I waited for you... I'm-" I tried to tell her again that I still loved her, that I never got over her but she interrupted me again.
"Saying sorry doesn't change anything Edward." She whimpered my name.
"What do you want me to say then? What do you want me to do?"
"Nothing, I don't want anything from you." She said taking a step back she looked down for a moment, getting herself together for her next words. After clearing her tears with the back of her hand she lifted her head surprising me with the determination I saw in her big brown eyes.
…
…
"I don't want you anymore."
One step forward two steps back... poor Eddie, at least he's trying! Ok, So I know some of you are going to hate me and some others are going to say FUCKING FINALLY! Depending on what team you are for making Bella lash out a little... I'm sorry, but it had to happen.
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Till next time!
Saludos!
tpec