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Chapter fourteen.
The bar man looked at me for a moment, his eyes studying my face and clothes. "Something happen?" He asked as he grabbed the glass and dropped a few ice-cubes into it.
"Yep." I didn't want to go into this with this guy, all I wanted was a drink.
"I get it, first ones on me lil' darling." He poured a double vodka for me and I gave him a small smile as he turned and walked down the bar to serve a man who looked like he'd had one too many already. I sighed, bringing the glass up to my lips and taking a big sip, the alcohol instantly burning my throat.
"That's hit the spot." I whispered, tilting the glass up and finishing it. I looked back over to the bar man and shook my glass, his head nodding before he strolled back over to pour me another. "Can you just leave the bottle?"
He looked at me for a second and remained quiet, sliding the bottle in front of me and moving away to clear some glasses. Honestly, I don't care about the judgement right now – I just wanted to get the images out of my head and forget about the guilt that seemed to be eating me up inside. I knocked the second one back, my face screwing up for a moment as it made its way down my throat. I didn't usually drink, one of my friends used to have a problem with alcohol so I stopped drinking it to support him, thought it would be like dangling a lamb in front of a ravenous lion but after today, I needed something stronger than a cup of Yorkshire tea.
As I poured myself another my phone buzzed on the bar top, my eyes briefly glancing over the name.
"Not in the mood Reid." I declined the call and swirled the clear liquid around and around in the glass. Images of my past and that poor little boy pushing at my internal walls. My phone rang again and I growled, declining yet again to Reid's attempts to get through to me.
"Dodging my calls?" Dr Reid pulled out the stool beside me and sat down, my hands gripping the glass as I avoided looking at him.
"Yeah, strange that… it's like I wanted to be left alone." I took another sip of the drink as Reid sat there silently as if he was waiting for me to crack. "I'm not going to have another panic attack, so you can go back to whoever sent you over here to check on me."
"Nobody sent me here Clara."
I flicked my gaze up to him and studied his face, he didn't look like he was lying and honestly I don't think he's the type of guy to either. "Then why are you here…?"
The bar man interrupted, offering Reid a drink and he just asked for a cola. "Because I thought you might need some company."
I turned away from him, drinking the remainder of the glass. I don't really remember being this much of a light weight, I felt fuzzy already.
"Excuse me sir? Would you mind taking this away?" Reid picked up the vodka and the bar man looked at me as if he needed my approval.
"One more." I lifted my glass and he filled it up a little more than my first. "Thank you."
"You did everything you could you know."
"Doc, I came here to drink because I didn't want to think about it." I wiped the condensation off the side of the glass, my eyes down.
"And what are you going to do when you wake up tomorrow? When the memory comes back?" He turned his body on the stool, his knees grazing my leg. "I can tell you from experience, it doesn't work."
I licked my lips and drank some more, the coldness hitting my teeth. "I don't know Reid, I just wanted time away from everything." I turned on my stool to look at him, my body swaying a bit. "What's so wrong with having a drink?" He gazed at me and I gazed back, what was he trying to accomplish here?
"Nothing wrong with it but you're doing it for the wrong reasons." He brushed his fingers back through his hair as I pulled my knee up to my chest. The alcohol starting to take affect as I nearly fell backwards off the stool, Reid's arms quickly reaching out to steady me. "I think it's time we go back to the hotel."
"I'm fine." I shrugged his hands off and stepped off the stool, my hands holding the side of it for stability.
"Clara, you aren't fine. Do you want me to call Morgan and get him to take you back?"
I narrowed my eyes, "Don't you dare." He took out his phone and I signed, my shoulders slumping in defeat. "Okay fine, let's go…"
Reid took money out of his wallet and paid for both our drinks. "I can pay for them myself you know."
"I know. You can owe me." Reid smiled and I moved to walk out the door, my foot catching on a raised paving stone – causing me to stumble forward onto the ground, my arm scrapping on the concrete.
"That wasn't my fault…" I muttered as I Reid knelt down beside me. I didn't realise I was crying until he pointed it out.
"None of this is…" He gazed down at me with sympathetic eyes. "Come on, we need to clean you up."
I nodded as he pulled me onto my feet, his arm remaining around my shoulders for stability. "I'm sorry…"
He turned his eyes down to me for a moment as we walked across the street and back into the hotel. "For what?"
"For being a bitch."
Reid let out a small laugh and I smiled, ignoring the looks we were getting from people.
"Don't worry about it."
He walked me to my room and looked back down at my arm. "I'll help you clean that up."
"You don't need to..."
"I don't think I can trust you to do it yourself."
I scoffed and rolled my eyes, taking out my key before leaning against the frame to keep me standing up. "I don't know what you mean." I finally unlocked the door and I stumbled inside, managing to stay on my feet. "But if you must, I have a first aid kit in the draw."
Reid nodded and walked over to it, taking it out as I moved over to the bed – my eyes shutting as a yawned. "How do you do it?"
He sat beside me as he took out the antiseptic, pouring some on a cotton pad. "Do what?"
"Remain strong... Stay composed..." I let out a small hiss as he ran it across my skin.
"Sorry." He paused as he threw it into the bin. "It was hard at first but you start to build a tolerance to it."
"It's so different to my previous job, we never saw things like this." I watched him take out a small bandage.
"This case was personal for you, they won't all be like this. You just have to concentrate on stopping them from doing more harm. If you keep focusing on what the victims are going through, it will eat you alive." He finished bandaging my arm and I looked at him, he was a good guy – he didn't have to come down and look out for me but here he was cleaning me up because I was a drunken mess.
"Do you think I have what it takes?"
He stood up, putting away my kit before his hands slid back into his pockets. "I don't think it matter's what I think, it's if you believe you can do it. That's what matters."
I nodded and smiled up at him again, my body struggling to stay up right. "Thank you, Spencer. I really needed this talk."
He nodded again and smiled, "No problem. Get some sleep, I'll see you few hours." He turned and left the room, closing the door firmly behind him as I laid back, my eyes shutting as unconsciousness swiftly took over me.