Chapter 13 Home
Ed couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned on his bed and sighed. The sheets were itchy and the mattress was too hard for his liking. And the pillow was lumpy and thin, hardly like a pillow at all, not to mention it smelt like sweat for some reason.
The room was not his favorite place in the world. Heck, he hated the damn house and almost everything in it. There wasn't even a fireplace to calm his raging emotions.
Can't believe this f**king game dragged me into a damn war. It's like the military all over again.
Anger was most prominent. In fact, anger was what hid the determination he had to keep going on. Soon it changed into a sense of desire, intertwined with the despair that reared its head after months of being suppressed. And Ed sighed. Because under all those feelings, hopelessness lingered like a bad smell.
"All I did was go to school. Got into a whole lotta shit just for a f**king library," Edward muttered under his breath.
But I sold away my childhood when I became a dog of the military. What makes me think that I can just get it back by going to school again?
Doesn't that seem like déjà vu?
Edward turned to lie on his side, staring at the outlines and shadows of his many boxes. But he's in that mess, deep. There is no way possible to get out of it. Maybe to get to the end of this is the hope that he'll miraculously survive like the countless times he did before.
He chuckled bitterly at the thought. "Al would kill me if he found out I'm fighting another war."
His thoughts trailed to his brother. He remembered that he was so caught up with moving on, walking with what was left of his feet. So obsessed with creating identity after identity. But in the end, he was only running away.
It was August, 1990. He arrived outside Oxford University, just so happened that he decided to pick another school to lecture in. He was recommended, you see. But the Head was dubious. Ed's age did not suit his height, more so his intelligence. The Head just had to see for himself.
And Edward had just created a whole new set of forged documents, all in a briefcase in his hand, together with his resume.
He smirked smugly. Not at the fact that he was where he was, but that the governments have become rather slack that century.
Everything had become so fake that Ed himself didn't know what to believe in anymore. This was his what name? Donno, lost count after eighteen totally different names. Forgot his background again? Nah, but soon maybe he'll forget his actual name.
He hesitated when the sudden biting thought that the Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the People, was reduced to this.
Then Ed took a step forward only to be knocked down, literally. His briefcase was flung open and papers flew in all directions. He landed uncomfortably on his butt.
"Ow! Watch where you're going, damn idiot!" Ed yelled.
"Omygosh, I'm so sorry!" The voice was definitely male, but it had a certain feminine pitch.
There was a rush and the sound of papers being gathered.
Such a shadow of his old self.
"Alphonse?"
Such a shell of his usual self.
"Not quite, sir." The boy arranged the papers and handed them to Ed. "I'm Alfrons Heiderich."
Ed was in a daze. Capturing the image of his little brother.
"Sir?"
"Erm…" Ed said uncharacteristically. "Do you know where I can find the Director's Office?"
Al had a friendly smile. "Sure, follow me."
It was just like him to help some random stranger that he just banged into. He might even be still collecting cats on rainy days.
"So, what's your name, mister?"
It took a moment of Ed's quick thinking to come up with an answer to such a simple question.
"Edward." He photocopied the face of his 'long-lost' brother into his mind. It was only for a second, and Ed was staring at the ground to avoid showing his joy.
For the first in a long time, Ed smiled. And it was relief, protectiveness and strange happiness. Everything became real again.
Edward remembered going through a whole lot a trouble to secure a position in the school. Not to mention how much he did to teach in at least one of Alfrons' classes. It was a whole load of trouble, forging documents, changing names and some other legal shit, but it was worth it.
He felt like he had his brother back again. And in his class, he was particularly strict to Alfrons, strangely protective to Alfrons and unusually caring to Alfrons. People bound to notice something was up. It was a whole lot more trouble, but Ed didn't care.
But then he had to leave. When he realized he could no longer slip through people's suspicion, he reluctantly quit and migrated to England.
Even though time passed so quickly and he wanted more than anything to remain that way forever. That was the longest he ever stayed in a place and almost – almost – called it home.
And Edward only found sleep remembering.
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Harry was obviously bothered with something.
The next few days were pretty silent for Ed. Well, he did stayed locked up in his room most of the time. Despite being figuratively nonexistent, he noticed that Harry was acting strange. Stressed out, broody and clearly avoiding any living being.
Then, Christmas was coming and everyone was decorating, including Ed. He tried stressing the fact that he didn't want to and the only reason why he was actually socializing was because he was banned from his room. Everything turned noisy.
And of all people Sirius was happiest. He had to be, having actual company for the first time in months of being stuck in the house he hated. But he was going overboard. And just so happened that Ed and Sirius were alone in a room.
Ed felt the need to interrupt the Christmas carols he was singing. With an insult of course.
"Oh sorry. Didn't see you down there," Black said with a smirk. "Merry Christmas, Elric."
Ed merely scowled.
"Only you would wear a frown during Christmas," Sirius said in a mocking voice. "Haven't you heard that smiling makes you grow taller?"
"Haven't you heard that shutting up stops aging? But you're already an old man."
"You little brat…"
Edward met his eyes with his usual intense gaze. "Why did you help me?" he said bluntly, cutting off Sirius' initial retort.
He didn't expect that. He thought of that question before, while the Order was checking up Elric. Yet Sirius still couldn't quite understand why no matter what evidence was against him, he would always have a gut feeling that the boy was trustworthy.
"Instinct, I guess." The ex-criminal rubbed his chin.
It was just so hard to maintain simple eye contact with someone like Edward Elric.
"Heh." Edward slumped into the nearest armchair. "You remind me of Mustang. Not clever enough to be as manipulative though."
"What do you mean by 'not clever enough', shrimp?" Sirius didn't seem to be offended.
Ed smirked.
"Who's Mustang?" the Amaigus asked.
Ed decided not to tell that Colonel Useless-in-the-Rain was his superior officer of a military of a country in another world. "He was my guardian, I guess," Ed said instead.
"Was?"
"Well, I'm of age you know. Don't need one now. Don't want one either, especially not a bastard like him."
"Okay," Sirius said, stepping towards the coffee table for his mug of tea. "So I'm a bastard?"
Ed pretended to consider his answer. "A bastard who has my back, I could say."
Sirius was amused. He never thought the Edward Elric would be so open with him. He wondered if Ed would tell him more, talk to him more than he did with any other adult. Maybe it was good to have at least one civil conversation with the midget. Perhaps Edward was still a little kid who wanted the support of someone who could understand him.
"I would never actually say that to his face. But Mustang helped me a lot in my life. When I thought was the worst point of my life, he got me to stand up again. And he protected me and my brother. Very discreetly though."
Sirius was intrigued by the thoughtful look of the 'teen' as he babbled thoughtlessly. Ed sounded grateful. But the way he said it in the past tense made it seem like he had lost everything already.
"But I still hate him. Damn bastard and his sarcastic remarks: 'What trouble did you get yourself into again?' 'How long are you going to be using precious funds for your wild goose chase?' 'Where did Edward go? Oh there you are I couldn't see you over my paperwork.'"
Sirius was grinning at how Ed was mimicking his 'guardian' with mock disdain.
But it still sounded like everything was gone and could not come back.
Ed didn't give much thought on what he should or shouldn't say. For first in a long time, he actually rambled.
But it was truth. The Colonel was always trying to protect him, in his way. Nina's death, Scar, the 5th Laboratory, Hughes' death… It was as if Mustang was trying to keep a child away from the horrors of the world. And also very, very, very subtly playing the parental figure. The thing was: Mustang was in the background trying to get Ed to keep his childlike innocence for just a while longer but he in turn was the same person who got him to join the military. Oh the irony.
Even though a bitter smell hung in the air, Sirius and Ed carried on with their first actual conversation for a while, ranging from stories to sarcasm to insults.
"Three…two…one… Fred, it's been a whole fifteen minutes and both of them are still alive."
"It's the magic of Chistmas, George. A miracle has been created and neither has actually tried to kill the other!"
"That also means you owe me five gallons, dear brother."
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"So…do you think I'm being possessed, then?"
There's another troubling thing that popped out, following the list of troubling things that seemed to come up all of a sudden. Ed was thinking about his conversation with Sirius, wondering if he had revealed anything important. Just at that moment, he realized something important and rather dangerous missing. And it was only 3.47 in the afternoon.
"That dream I had… it was different."
Ed sighed. He had been looking for Truth's black book for over two hours. It actually vanished into thin air. And he didn't feel any different. No throbbing headache, no burning back. It was as if Truth didn't know his little 'message' had left Ed's side.
"I was inside that snake. It was like I was the snake… Does that mean that Voldemort managed to transport me to London?"
"Impossible," Ed appeared from behind a chair and put his search on hold. "Someone would have noticed if you did go missing."
Harry and Hermione jumped. Ron gasped, "Stop doing that!"
"You were not gone physically. But Mouldy Lord may have the power to move you mentally." Edward's sharp golden gaze fell upon the lightning bold scar, which was hidden by black hair. He wondered if he should say more. It may raise suspicion towards himself, and Harry did not totally trust him anyways.
I'll take the risk. Ed met Harry with his usual gaze. "That's not a normal scar, is it?"
Green eyes immediately narrowed.
"Harry, you said your scar was hurting often," Hermione added.
"Then there is the possibility that that scar is like an open link to your mind. If it is that kind of connection, it would definitely give him the power over your thoughts. That in turn would give him control over your being," Edward reasoned, golden orbs flaring.
Yet he didn't flinch like most people would. "If that's the case, what can I do?" Harry asked.
Ed smirked, cocking his head smugly. "Simple. If you have an open link to your mind, just close it."
"How can I do that?"
Ed didn't answer, slightly surprised at the little doubt and suspicion Harry Potter was showing him.
"Well, I've read about ways to put up mental shields," Hermione said. "It's called Occlumency, a really advanced topic way beyond the school curriculum."
"So that will help me protect my mind from Voldemort?" Harry said.
Both Hermione and Ed nodded.
"Who would teach me?"
Ed then smirked. "Dumbledore probably already thought of this. If I'm not wrong, he's going to take care of it."
"So Dumbledore's going to teach me?" There was a certain spark in Harry's eyes, and his tone turned a slight bit hopeful.
"I doubt it." Edward's eyebrows furrowed in thought and he nibbled on his lower lip. "You see if your mind is now totally vulnerable, Voldy there can use it as a little window to spy on Dumbledore. He could see and hear everything that's going on. So in order to prevent him from using you against the old man, Dumbledore would most likely keep his distance from you."
And the hope was smashed into bits. "Is that why he never tells me anything?"
"It's war, Harry. The old man has to make each step carefully to not end up in his grave." Ed felt a bit guilty at Harry's downcast face. He bit his lip, trying a reassuring voice. "It's not that Dumbledore doesn't trust you. It's precaution. In fact, I think Dumbledore places his trust in you the most."
Ed was never the best at comforting. That's why his voice would go soft and his eyes would dart to the grimy ceiling.
"Thanks." There was a small smile.
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Ed thought things would turn for the better the next morning.
F**k Truth. F**k the Gate. F**k the book that decided to go missing at a crucial timing.
He was sitting at the edge of his bed, right after getting dressed, fists clenching the sheets and eyebrows joint together.
If Harry's scar marked him as a Human Sacrifice, it just got a whole lot more complicated. Voldemort's mind was connected to that cursed thing. Does that mean that Voldemort was part of the game? Could a mark be a bond to another?
Ed had to assume that both were Human Sacrifices. Of all the people he met, they were the most eligible. A 'Boy-who-lived' and a supposed immortal murderer. They also had something to do with the 'maimed soul' he was searching for.
But Harry doesn't know anything. Voldemort might, but Harry's still innocent. He doesn't know about Truth. And he can't meet someone he hasn't heard of, can he? Ed knew that the Truth can't call someone, that person must come to him.
So as long as he never meets Truth, he can still be saved.
Ed clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, eyes flashing with determination.
The boy doesn't need to be dragged into my shit.
Then I'll make sure he never sets sight on that bastard.
But in order to confirm his suspicion and close all holes, he would need 'The Darkest Alchemy' book.
Edward fumed internally. He was almost a hundred percent sure he was holding onto the book when he was in Dumbledore's office. He remembered clutching onto it when his back hurt, like it was some sort of freakin' lifeline. Then, he took the Portkey, fainted embarrassingly, and when he awoke, the book was gone.
Someone definitely took it. And when Ed found that someone, he was going to break all of that special person's limbs and castrate him. His suspects were mainly the Order. It wasn't as if they wouldn't dare take his things again, with the previous invasion of privacy.
Edward swore foully.
His murderous thoughts were interrupted by Sirius trampling past the door singing 'God Rest Ye, Merry Hippogriffs' at the top of his voice.
And it's Christmas.
Edward remembered how he recently came to celebrate this very holiday. It started when Alfrons found out how his life was utterly devoid of joy. Then, his 'little brother' got him to throw a party on Christmas, New Year and his birthday each year.
It would be all right, wouldn't it?
For just today, he could forget all about the book and Voldemort and Human Sacrifices. He could throw all the miserable thoughts to the back of his mind, leaving only the memories of snow, songs and Christmas trees.
It's Christmas.
So for just today, he's allowed to forget everything. It would be nice to just remember how to be happy. He had to be allowed that privilege. Just for today.
Edward hands unclenched and his entire posture relaxed.
And the house he loathed as a jail began to feel like home.
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It was the happiest he felt in a long time. And as the saying goes, good times have to come to an end. But it was way too short lived.
Edward received presents. To be honest, he was expecting a few. And he gave some too, even sent some back to America a few days ago, for Alfrons and the other students he reluctantly befriended. He had sent letters before to update, making sure the mother hen didn't worry at the same time giving a ridiculous but believable reason for the bird.
Owls hate Ed, period.
He just got back the replies. And the bloody bird wouldn't stop pecking him. He had to get Evie to claw at the owl to get his letters. This would be the lucky thirteenth time he had to change owls.
"Enjoying the holiday, Edward?"
Ed scowled, putting down the letters he was reading. It was 10 o' clock at night. In two hours, Christmas was officially over and he was back in his personal hell. He was sitting cross legged on the couch in the living room, the one place that had something close of a fire. However, he had forgotten about the Floo network.
"It was great while it lasted," Ed said stiffly. Even though he didn't look up, he knew who he was speaking to.
"May I take a seat, Edward?" Dumbledore said, sitting down next to him.
Ed scowled harder.
"Ah, smiling will allow one to live a longer lifespan," Dumbledore chuckled.
"Why are you here?" Ed asked bluntly.
"Molly is now putting the children to bed. The Order meeting starts in a half hour."
Golden eyes narrowed. "That means you accept my proposal?"
"Yes." The Headmaster agreed strangely cheerful. "Equivalent Exchange. And you are more of a man than a child."
The last sentence seemed to have more impact on the 'teen'.
"You trust me." It wasn't a question, merely a statement, carrying no shock or gratitude.
The Headmaster became serious. "Hohenheim is one of my oldest friends. We met through good old Nicholas Flamal. We three used to go out for Fire Whiskey and Lemon Drops. During that time he asked a lot about the Philosopher's Stone. Though he never asked for a drop of the Elixir of Life or to turn metal into gold. I could see he only desired the knowledge."
Edward carefully observed Dumbledore's expression but he could not find a clue to why the old man was telling him that story.
"Then a son whom Hohenheim never mentioned appeared. That was when he asked Nicholas for the Elixir and joined the Order. But he never told anyone why he sought immortality. Or why he suddenly decided to become part of a force he at first wanted no part of."
Edward fiddled with the wrinkled letters on his lap. "You're guessing that those events were because of me."
He almost flinched when a hand patted him on his left automail knee. "Do not take this the wrong way, Edward. I know some secrets about you, but not all secrets." Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled.
Golden orbs flashed. What did the old coot know? Did the Bastard tell him anything? But Ed put up an uncaring front, setting down the paper onto his lap.
"Enlighten me."
Dumbledore smiled at the clear invitation. "I know that what you've been through is the same to what your father experienced. But I do not know what. They might be similar, yet yours is proven to be so much more terrible. Again, I do not know what. Pardon a curious old man, would you?"
Edward grew very suspicious, as well as confused. So all that the Headmaster knew was his physical condition and that something horrible happened. Was he leaving something out? Ed couldn't tell. How can someone be honest yet deceitful? Heh, he f**king talks in riddles like damn Truth.
But it is undeniably better off not knowing.
Dumbledore was highly interested in Ed's 'thinking hard' face. Looking at those eyes that resembled inextinguishable flames, he decided to finally break the silence into the next phase of his plan. Dumbledore pulled out something from his sleeve.
"You dropped this in my office." He wasn't lying particularly but his casual voice just made things seem more suspicious.
A black book.
Ed took great measure to restrain all reactions and emotions.
"You're returning this."
"Ah, yes. After all, all I see is an empty book."
The book was clearly not empty to Ed. But he still took it, peering at the cover with haunted eyes.
"It is not magic that is refusing me to read the contents, Edward."
As if the book heard those words, it heated up in Ed's hands. The back cover seemed to shock Edward, telling him to read it. He barely managed to stop his hands from trembling. It was as if the room dimmed and cold breezes gushed in, melting what was left of the fire.
Inside the back cover was the message. And something else was written beneath it. It was angrily scrawled, deeply carved scribbles.
Tell the old human to stop messing with things he is not a part of.
Edward slammed the book shut, clutching it to his chest. The letters on his lap slipped down onto the floor. Dumbledore was looking at him with a different light in his blue eyes. He gripped the piece of reading material harder.
Dumbledore waited. He started that conversation with Edward Elric to see what he would say. He was just curious after all. What would be his reaction? There was a possibility of the truth spilling out as well as the possibility of silence. There could also be lies or half-truths. And with the boy on the verge of panicking, it would be easy to pick out which is which.
Where he was stepping, was the boundary of the Gate, the territory of Truth, a place out of this world, where he shouldn't be. But that was what Dumbledore yearned to know, to touch, to conquer.
He just didn't quite expect a warning.
"Don't meddle with things that are none of your business." There was a hidden layer of threat, the promise of suffering, and the taste of despise. Moreover, there was a sense of helplessness.
Maybe normal humans can't see the book. Maybe only Sacrifices can read it.
No one needs to see the ugly things of the world written here.
That is rotten truth.
Ever heard that ignorance is bliss?
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"Harry will have to master Occulmency. Professor Snape would be the right man for the job, wouldn't he?"
Sirius smirked.
Snape didn't look too pleased. "I would be honored," he sneered.
Sirius looked like he was having a hard time controlling his laughter. Snape glared at him murderously.
Only at that moment did Ed felt that it was a good choice to come to the meeting.
And when he was busy sapping up all the entertainment, Dumbledore finished his announcement.
"I also have the thought that Edward should join in."
Ed immediately snapped out of his feel good moment. "What? Why should I?"
"Ah, I heard from the Sorting Hat that you have managed to put up impressive mental barriers. Your pointers would be greatly appreciated."
"No." Edward was ready to press on with his opinion. He always had the knack of protesting till he got his way.
"Elric, you can use that time to serve the five detentions you owe me." Snape was back to his emotionless old self. But to Ed, he was the target for revenge.
There was a tense, irritable silence followed by a tiny murmur.
"So that's settled. Meeting adjourned?"
Mad-Eye stabbed his stick onto the wooden floor. "Now that that's over, I've been waiting to wring information out of that squirt."
"DON'T CALL ME SHORT!"
"Shut up!" Moody snarled, hobbling over to Ed's chair, jabbing his wand at his direction. "You're far too clever for my liking, predicting Dumbledore's moves. You knew, didn't you? That Occlumency would be taught to Potter. If you were working for Voldemort, crucial information has been leaked!"
"Relax, Moody. It's not like we're gonna be murdered in our beds," Tonks said.
The ex-Auror ignored the comment. "Start by telling us your real name."
"Edward Elric." He just wanted to spite the person. Never thought the truth would do the trick.
"Edward Elric was murdered! You can't play a dead man!" Mad-Eye growled.
"I faked my own death, stupid. Left Germany with an alias."
"How can you prove it?" The wand jabbing at his direction was starting to get on his nerves.
He never thought what happened nearly twenty years ago would haunt him now. It made him feel like a criminal.
"You want a DNA sample or something?"
And of course wizards didn't know what he was talking about.
Alastor looked like he was about to explode. Lupin decided to step in before anything happened. He asked calmly, "Okay, let's say you're telling the truth. Then who was buried in 'your' grave?"
Edward once again acted like he didn't care. "It's quite easy to make a body when you're an alchemist. Do I have to read out the list of materials?" Sarcasm dripped off every word.
"So you created life and ended it?" There were weird stares.
God, stop looking at me like that.
"You can make the body but not the person! The THING I made wasn't alive in the first place. It's just water and other materials put together to resemble me!"
The boy was under much pressure. Ed was sweating, clenching and unclenching his fists. It doesn't matter. The clock struck twelve exactly eight minutes and thirty seven seconds ago. Christmas is over.
"If that is true, then why was he raped and beaten to death?"
There was a moment of silence.
"It wasn't. It was stabbed five times, and 'died' drowning in blood." There was a reason why Ed was acting that way. He was up since six in the morning and now he was tired and cranky. "If you want more proof I could show you where I stabbed."
The people in the room looked at Ed like he was a psychopath. But he was so tired. Yes, that was it. Tired of reliving the time when he had to slash the thing that looked like him. Tired of the guilt and torment at the fact that he actually killed himself.
He had gone to hell and back. But didn't he know that hell dragged him back. So he was still living in its grasp.
Sometimes, don't you just want to break down?
The first concerned voice was raised above the murmurs and mutters. "Why did you decide to leave Germany? It is your home town, isn't it?"
"I had to. And that was the only way I could without anyone following."
He still looked like he didn't care. And that was a mask.
After that happened, he wanted more than anything to just disappear. Bu t he couldn't. But erasing his existence was something he must do. So he had to. He did think of how he wanted to die. Contemplating suicide, it seemed laughable. But then he felt that he would look like a wimp taking his own life. So he decided to make use of the pool of blood already available.
At least he didn't have to clean up after himself.
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Ed sighed. "I'm not here to convince you. I'm just giving facts. Bits of the truth. Then I'm waiting for the day you idiots can piece them all together and realize the real truth."
Are you inviting them to find out?
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Hi
I'm really tired now, so I'm relying on you guys to point out any grammar/spelling mistakes. Thanks a ton.
I miss Al...
I was rewatching Mustang these past few days. It definitely shows that the Flame Alchemist does care for Ed. Awwww Roy! But it is kind of ironic, right? I mean there's a lot of stuff that he doesn't tell Ed until Ed finds out himself. It's like protecting Fullmetal, but he was the one that got Ed to join the military in the first place. Well, that's how I think of it. I'd love to hear your comments.
I sort of want Harry and Ed to have a mentor-student relationship. But I think I'm getting really OOC. But hey, it's fanfiction.
Dumbledore knows something's up but he doesn't know what. He's not supposed to have anything to do with the game but he wants to find out. That's partially the reason why he wants to get close to Ed.
The last part was really f**ked up, wasn't it?
Okay, REVIEW please. Comments, questions, constructive criticism etc. THANK YOU
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
ssapphireangel