Please review, and if you find errors, let me know. This chapter has been through about a hundred revisions.
The Scooby Doo Moment
Dave's eyes creaked open. He might have nodded off. What time was it? Twenty-five minutes since she left. He hadn't received a reply from Mindy. His brow furrowed in confusion. She usually texted him as she walked home, and she'd specifically said that she would tell him when she arrived. She should be there by now.
You there yet? He inquired. He waited. There was no response.
Did you try to pet a feral cat? Is it mauling you? No response. He checked the time again. She would be there by now.
Mindy awoke when Dave squeezed her hand. He smiled warmly at her, and she was sure she gave him an appropriately loving smile in return, though she still felt very tired.
Sunlight poured in through the windows, and though it warmed her body, there was a slight draft that made her shiver once she was aware of it. She stretched, thrusting her chest toward the dash, seeking the sunlight, which was sapping her strength in a pleasant sort of way. That must have been why she was tired. She found the source of the draft - Dave had cracked his window slightly.
Mindy looked outside. Her nap had been surprisingly long. At some point, New York must have vanished behind them - the skyscrapers and housing projects had given way to a sea of wheat. The road was deserted aside from the young lovers, and Mindy wouldn't have it any other way.
She'd never imagined that it could be so beautiful outside the city. Humanity could be ugly, sure, but New York City was still packed with more beauty than one person could see in a lifetime. The landscape whizzing past was no city, but it was still stunning in its own way. It was like some kind of yellowish Eden out there - nothing but wheat, sky, and asphalt as far as the eye could see, and them alone in all of it. If she discounted what was beyond the horizon, she could believe that she, Dave, and the wheat were the only living things in the universe. It was a nice feeling. She didn't like the idea of leaving civilization for good, but she wasn't averse to the idea of telling civilization to fuck off for a little while, provided she had Dave and an adequate amount of gas.
This was the celebration they'd been planning. Dave had graduated, and they were taking their hero gig on a brief tour as a sort of vacation. They would hit several crime-ridden cities, making appearances, spreading hope, and making detours where they liked along the way. First they'd hit Detroit, then Chicago. Then down into St. Louis and Kansas City. After that, they'd go stir up trouble in the Five Points region in Denver. Mindy was especially looking forward to Albuquerque. They'd been talking about the trip for months. It always seemed to be a far-off dream, but here they were.
Mindy closed her eyes and smiled sleepily to herself. She still intended to try to convince Dave they were ready for the hot, dusty hell that was Laredo, but she wouldn't be unhappy if he talked her out of it again. He had a way with words when he really wanted to. Or maybe he just had a way with her.
Eventually, an oasis appeared in the form of a filling station. Mindy liked their rolling fortress of solitude, but she wasn't about to pass up an opportunity to stretch her legs. Dave left the highway and pulled up to a pump.
Mindy got out of the car and walked around to Dave's side, leaning against it as he refueled. After he got the flow started, he took Mindy into his arms, pulling her close. He reached up to run his thumb over Mindy's jaw, and she dragged her fingers lazily over his arm, pressing her cheek into his chest in general appreciation of his Daveness. "Love you." He murmured. Then, he put a finger under her chin to guide her into a kiss. Her eyes drooped closed again. That was the best way to savor Dave's touch, she'd found - remove sight from the equation and focus on the tactile delights alone.
Soon - even in her tired stupor - she realized that this kiss was a little different from Dave's normal M.O.. Dave would usually run the very tip of his tongue over her lips, tormenting her with the lightness of his touch. This was more forceful. The pressure was almost bruising, but it was definitely following the contour of her lips. It was very strange. She opened her eyes.
She immediately wished she hadn't. The tongue she'd felt wasn't Dave's. It wasn't even a tongue. It was pink lipstick, and it was being applied by Katie Deauxma.
Only it wasn't quite her. At least not the Katie Dave had known. "Did I get the right shade?" She smirked, holding the lipstick up for Mindy's inspection.
Sensing that something was wrong, Dave called Marty. "Hey, you can see where Mindy's phone is, no matter which ROM she's in, right?"
"Hello to you too. I was sleeping... Christ." Marty mumbled. "You want what now?"
"Mindy told me she'd let me know when she got home. She didn't, and she should be there by now. She's not answering. I'm worrying, here. Can you figure out what's going on?" Dave pleaded.
The frantic tone of Dave's voice brought Marty out of his stupor. "Yeah, dude. I'll see what I can do."
"What the fuck?" Mindy muttered. It was the most intelligent reply she could muster. She tried to move and found that she couldn't. She was tied up - lashed to a pillar of some sort from her shoulders down. She tried to concentrate, but her head was spinning. Dave hadn't graduated yet. He didn't even have a driver's license. They hadn't talked about the trip since he got shot. Dave was the dream, and Katie was real.
"Hit Girl wears pink, right?" Katie asked dully, waving the lipstick to get her attention.
Mindy didn't answer, instead focusing on Katie's outfit. That was familiar, though she hardly dared believe it. "You? You're Goodbye Nurse?" Mindy was suddenly wide awake, and couldn't help but laugh. "Well, this is a Scooby Doo moment." She muttered.
"I guess that makes you a meddling kid, doesn't it?" Katie quipped.
"This is how you're dealing with losing Dave?" Mindy asked incredulously. "You know, most girls would just grab a tub of ice cream and cry it out. Is all this really necessary? Also, what kind of sick bitch uses a kid as bait?" She demanded.
"I'm doing what I have to." Katie replied stoically. "All he had to do was come back to me." She shook her head and began to pace. "I kept giving ground, playing into his hero delusion, but when I saw the picture..." She paused and took a deep breath. "I realized he was too far-gone." Her voice had turned hollow. "I understand now - the only way I can help him is by being his partner. It's not ideal, but at least we'll be together again."
"He has a partner." Mindy pointed out slowly and sweetly, clearly grinding out every syllable. "And while we're talking about delusions-"
Katie cut her off. "I know that, sweetheart, and that's why you're here." She gave a sickly smile. "I need you out of his life. After I'm done with you, he'll need a new partner. And I'll be right there for him. Over time, I'll talk him down from this hero nonsense."
"It's easy to see why he chose me over you. You're pretty crazy." Mindy chuckled.
Katie's face contorted with rage. She stormed up to Mindy and slapped her, the blow echoing around the empty space.
The bound girl seemed more amused than injured. "Are you even trying? My Daddy used to hit me harder than that, and we were only playing." Her lip began to bleed.
"Maybe that's why you turned out this way. All you understand is violence." Katie looked down her nose at Mindy, still shaking with anger and trying, but failing to hide the fact that she'd hurt her hand.
"You're the one who just hit someone who couldn't hit back." Mindy pointed out in amusement. "Looks like you just fell off your high horse." She said smugly.
Katie could think of no response other than to fume silently.
"Dude, we've got problems. I just asked Cerberus for an audio sample from Mindy's phone, and... I don't think Katie's over you. The recording is Katie and Mindy arguing. Katie's saying you're going to need a new partner soon - she's threatening Mindy. I think... she hit her, dude. Mindy's acting like she's not hurt, but I don't know..."
"What the hell?" Dave reeled. "Can you see where she is?"
"I'm working on getting her location now, but a good GPS lock could take a while if she's indoors." He sighed regretfully.
Dave grabbed a black hoodie and his new mask. Nothing bulletproof, but right now it would have to do. He was out the door at a dead run, no longer feeling the fatigue that had spurred him to bed. He began following the path he knew Mindy would have taken home.
"Are you really sure it's Katie?" Dave demanded.
"Yeah. I wouldn't forget that voice." There was silence as Dave tried to wrap his head around what was happening. "I'm sorry." Marty said quietly. "But you can still help her. I'm pretty sure she's still in Queens. She's jumping around the map, but she should settle soon. Switch your phone to hero mode and keep your eyes open. Who the hell knows how Katie managed to get the drop on Mindy..." Marty gathered up two laptops and hauled them into the kitchen. He needed more room.
Dave thought Marty's point was valid, but he really couldn't dwell on it. Mindy was alone against something he couldn't understand. Someone he thought he'd loved. And it was up to him and Marty to find her before it was too late.
He'd never felt more lost in his life.
"So what's the deal with those videos? You didn't actually kill those people." Mindy framed the question as a statement. She really couldn't picture Katie killing anyone.
"Acting students from NYU. They'll do anything for work, and if you roofie them, they don't remember what they did." She said brightly. "The gunshot is edited in. You tell them it's an experimental film about heroes, you put the costume on after they're tied up-" She gestured to her own outfit. "It was pretty easy. And I've gotten so good with makeup that they probably wouldn't even recognize themselves if they saw the videos." She boasted. Her arrogant smile deflated and died. "But it didn't work." She sighed. "I had to do something more drastic. I had to let Dave know that his delusions were going to get him hurt, not just a bunch of fake heroes."
"Dave's not delusional." Mindy looked at Katie with disgust. "He's a hero. There's a difference. He knows he's mortal, but he does the right thing anyway."
"Because you've convinced him that it's a good idea to go out and try to get himself killed! You run around the city looking for trouble, dressed like a fucking lunatic and he follows you because he feels guilty about your father!" Katie screamed. Her tirade stopped somewhat abruptly, and she seemed to have difficulty catching her breath. "Dave is a man, and dress-up is a game for little girls."
"Look who's talking." Mindy jerked her head at Katie, indicating her outlandish evil nurse outfit.
Katie's gaze remained stony. "I'm doing this to get him to come to his senses. My point is you should've found some boy to play dress-up with. Instead, you dragged Dave down with you."
"I didn't drag him into shit." Mindy spat. "He was Kick-Ass before he ever met me. He's not with me out of guilt. He could have walked away from it, but he chose not to, because Kick-Ass is part of who he is." She paused, processing yet another one of Katie's warped ideas. "And what do you mean, find a boy? You know he's only 4 years older than me, right? And it's not like he's the most mature guy in the world, either." She smiled. "But clearly I don't mind."
"Well, I'm not going to argue with you." Katie rolled her eyes wearily. Mindy doubted that. "I'm just going to call the police and tell them you're here, and put an end to all this."
"That's your master plan? Stuff me into a Halloween costume and hand me over to the cops?" Mindy snickered.
"They'll put you in prison, and Dave will be free to live his life." Katie explained with a self-satisfied smile.
For a moment, Mindy was speechless. "There is so much crazy in you there's just no room for logic anymore, is there? What am I guilty of? Being in a costume and being tied up? Even if they thought I was really Hit Girl, there's no way in hell they'd put me in prison." The bound girl laughed. "Look at me; I'm a minor, and I'm adorable! No jury would send me to the grown-up clink. Worst case is juvie, and I could break out of there no problem." Katie's smug look faltered. "And if they put me away - either juvie or prison, doesn't matter - Dave would spend every waking moment trying to get me out, not spending time with your crazy ass."
"You're wrong." Katie shook her head, fuming. "After he gets used to life without you again, he'll be horrified at the things you two did together. He'll put the costume away, and he'll come back to me."
"Keep telling yourself that." Mindy smiled condescendingly.
Katie ignored her, dialing 911 on a cheap pre-paid phone. "I have a tip. I know where Hit Girl is." She boasted. She then gave the address of the building. There was a pause as the dispatcher said something to her. "Yes, I'm aware that abuse of 911 carries a fine, and I would be worried about that if I was lying, which I'm not!" She huffed through clenched teeth. There was another stretch of silence. "I'm not even doing this for the reward! Keep it for all I care!" She cried. "A few hours? You're serious? Then don't be surprised when she's gone. Goodbye." She hung up, stony-faced and sullen. After closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths, she seemed to recover, tapping something out on the phone.
"Today just isn't your day, Mindy." She sighed. "Plan A fell through."
Mindy let out a snort of mirth. "I noticed."
"Laugh all you want, because plan B is a lot less fun for you. I'd like to see you escape from hell. Probably a little tougher than juvie, huh?" She laughed darkly, looking up from the phone.
"And what's Plan B? You gonna leave me here to starve? I know you don't have what it takes to kill me." Mindy did her best to look bored.
"Plan B is an old friend of yours. I think he'll be excited to see you again." Katie checked her phone again, then smiled smugly. "He's on his way."
Meanwhile, somewhere in Manhattan, an oddly-dressed young man received some good news. He wore what had once been an expensive, high-quality suit - pilfered from his father's closet and re-tailored to fit him. It was probably imported from Italy or something. He didn't know. He had probably reduced its value quite a bit when he dyed it blood-red, but such was the price of style. "Change of plans, boys. The strippers will just have to start without us. Somebody just made me an offer I can't refuse." Tonight's new agenda: vengeance. He smiled broadly, putting his phone back into his garish jacket and plotting a course for the address Goodbye Nurse had just shared with him.
"Fuck! Katie is Goodbye Nurse! Listen to her latest post: 'What's black and purple and red all over? My time-sensitive gift to you, TheMotherfucker. Reply soon.' She's handing Mindy over to Chris D'Amico!"
"Fuck." Dave hissed as he ran. "Have you got the location yet?"
"Yeah." He rattled off the address. "Let's see... what is this place?" He muttered. "Looks like a gymnastics academy. Take a right on 173rd when you get to it. Look for a building with a purple awning."
"I will. Can you do something for me? Call the Crusader. I need him and Lateral G. Right now. Tell them it's an emergency. Meet there." He huffed.
"Got it." Marty began looking for the number Dave had provided for the older hero.
"Marty?" Dave asked.
"I'm here, dude."
"Is there... anything you can do... to let her know I'm coming without tipping off Katie?" Dave wheezed desperately.
"I don't know. Let me think." He kneaded his forehead, took a deep breath, and brought up the function list for Cerberus. "What are my options?" He muttered under his breath. "Oh. That'll work."
Mindy's phone sounded off like a car alarm.
"Who's calling you?" Katie demanded.
"I don't know. You could try looking." Mindy suggested dully.
"Low battery." Katie muttered. Mindy could see the screen, and noticed that it displayed a black 'low battery' message against a pure white background. Her low battery message looked nothing like that, and it didn't make that sound, either. Somewhere, Marty was trying to find her. And that meant so was Dave. She tried not to smile.
"Are you worried yet?" Mindy asked nonchalantly.
"No." Katie snorted in amusement. "Why would I be?"
"Because you're not ready for Chris D'Amico." She declared. "And because it's obvious that I'm walking out of here, and you're not."
"Is it opposite day already? I guess that is a game for your age group." Katie said petulantly.
Mindy ignored the jab at her age. "Dave knows I didn't make it home. He's going to find me soon. Really soon. And when he gets here and sees what you did to me, he's gonna gut you." She grinned malevolently, the blood at the corner of her lips making her look all the more menacing.
"Dave wouldn't hurt me." Katie sneered. "And he's not coming for you."
"And you know what we'll do next?" Mindy pressed on. Katie didn't respond other than to fix Mindy with a hard stare. Mindy leaned forward as much as she could while tied up. "We're gonna pretend your corpse is a ratty old sofa, and we're gonna fuck on it." She hissed.
Katie closed her eyes and visibly shivered.
"On second thought, I might have him tie you up first so you can watch. Maybe you'll learn something." She smiled impishly.
"And what the fuck do you think I'd learn from you, little girl?" Katie snarled. Mindy could see the spit flying from her lips.
"Maybe what love actually looks like?" The bound girl shrugged with a smug and easy smile.
Dave found the building Marty had described. From the outside, it appeared dark. He jogged around to the back of the building. A sliver of light was visible under the back door. As quietly as he could, he pulled it open and peeked inside. There was a little girl with a coloring book seated at a folding table. The door creaked and the girl turned to look at him. Dave put a finger to his lips, hoping she'd take the hint. He watched her for a moment. She watched him for the entire duration of that moment. If someone was there, she'd probably be looking at them, not me. He decided to step inside. It seemed to be something like a break room, and the little girl was indeed alone. "Hi." Dave whispered.
"Hi." The little girl whispered back. "Are you Kick-Ass?" Her eyes went wide and she clamped a hand over her mouth in panic. "I'm not supposed to say your name!" She hissed worriedly.
"I am, and I need you to tell me something. Are there two other girls here?" He asked quietly, pointing to the door leading to the rest of the building.
The little girl nodded. "They're playing dress-up." She whispered.
Yeah, that's them. "Stay here." Dave pointed to the chair the little girl already occupied.
She looked at him with mild interest for a moment. "OK." She shrugged and returned to her coloring book.
He ripped the door open and stalked out, finding roughly what he'd been looking for. Mindy was tied to one of the poles that formed the building's support structure, and Katie was pacing somewhat nervously, her eyes glued to a phone as if waiting for something.
"Katie, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Dave demanded.
"Told you he'd come." Mindy smiled smugly.
Katie whipped to face Dave and stuttered weakly for a moment. She'd never heard that much bass in Dave's voice. She'd never seen him this angry.
Dave quickly made his way to Mindy, practically ignoring Katie. "Are you OK?" He asked, cupping her cheek.
"M'fine." She murmured, pressing herself into his touch.
Suddenly, Katie found her voice. "Dave, stop it! Don't touch her like that!" Her voice was high with indignation, though it wavered a bit with something like anguish. Before she could admonish Dave for such an age-inappropriate relationship, he was upon her.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He grabbed Katie by the front of her white dress, nearly lifting her off the ground. "Do you know how worried I was? What is this? You can't handle losing someone because you were acting stupid, so this is what you do instead?" Dave flung a hand out to indicate Mindy. He was nearly incoherent with anger. Katie gazed up at Dave, terrified. He forged ahead since it appeared she'd lost her voice again. "You dress up like a villain and scare people? Why? Why would you do this?" He shook her and threw her to the ground.
"For you!" Katie screamed, cowering and crying as Dave loomed over her. "I love you, idiot! I'm not going to watch you die! And I knew she was the reason you were taking stupid risks!" She pointed an accusing finger at Mindy, who rolled her eyes.
"I went over this with her." The bound girl explained flatly. "She's got a thick skull."
"No shit." Dave spat, shaking his head at Katie in disgust. "Mindy's not the reason I'm a hero. She's the reason I'm a good hero, and she's the reason I'm still here. Without her, I would've been dead ten times already." Dave sighed. "She's also the reason I'm happy."
"But she's going to get you killed!" Katie was sobbing freely now, still cowering on the floor. "You're good, Dave. You're a good person. I don't want you to die." She shook her head desperately, her voice cracking as she spoke.
"I don't want him to either." Mindy explained with a roll of her eyes. "I love him and I want him to live, but living is doing what you know is right."
"She's right." Dave nodded.
"Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?" Katie demanded, gesturing to the battered, sloppily-dressed girl tied to a pole.
"As long as Mindy's with me, yeah. It is." Dave admitted softly.
Katie sighed, and it seemed as though she was releasing something heavier than air. It had all gone so, so wrong. She'd been defeated. She'd been measured against a fourteen-year-old and found wanting. That stung quite a bit, and that was before Dave threw her like a rag doll and told her point-blank that he loved Mindy more. It was time to cut her losses. "I can't go to prison, Dave. And I can't let my sister find out why I borrowed Becky."
That would explain the little girl I passed. Kind of. "If I let you go, you're going to leave us alone forever, and you're going to keep our secret to yourself." Dave decreed. Katie hadn't realized that it was actually in everyone's best interest for her to go free - the police would link her to Dave and all the hero business pretty easily.
"I will." She nodded in resignation, wiping a stray tear away.
"Then get out of here." Dave pointed toward the back door, and Katie scurried off, grabbing her niece along the way.
The young couple heard Katie speak huskily to Becky as they left. "Lick my hand, sweetie. I've gotta get this makeup off."
"Eww!" The little girl moaned.
"Just do it!" Katie sobbed, and then they were gone.
The lovers shared a smirk over Katie's defeat, and Dave wrapped his arms around Mindy (and the pole). He embraced her for a long time, simply because he could, and because she looked like she could use it. She couldn't hug back, bound as she was, so she settled for nuzzling his shoulder with her cheek. "Love you." She murmured.
"Love you too. And I'm sorry." He whispered, squeezing her tightly.
"For what, sweet-cheeks?" She asked sympathetically. Whatever it was, she was already forgiving him.
"I'm sorry I didn't walk you home." He sighed guiltily.
"Don't beat yourself up over it. I walked into a trap. She used the kid as bait to draw me in." She tried to shrug, but the rope didn't allow it. "It's my fault."
"It wasn't your fault. You were trying to help someone." Dave said firmly. "I'll come with you from now on. Whether you like it or not." He smiled down at her, and his eyes conveyed a depth of feeling that his words couldn't. I'm with you, for better or worse.
"Well, I can't say no to that." Mindy returned Dave's loving smile.
Dave bent down to kiss Mindy before he dropped to his knees and started to untie her.
"I've never been more worried in my life." He said with a sigh, beginning to work the knots apart.
"I... wasn't that worried." Mindy shook her head with a forced smile. "Katie's pretty inept, and I knew you were coming for me." A cliché came to mind, and she smiled cheekily. "My knight in..." She paused and frowned, taking in Dave's hoodie and jeans. "I guess our armor's still in the Wagon, huh?"
"Heh, yeah." Dave smirked. "Thanks for having faith, I guess." He smiled apologetically.
Suddenly, the Crusader stumbled through the back door, panting and fatigued. "I could swear I just passed... Goodbye Nurse on my way in... but-" He paused to take two big breaths. "She was crying and hauling a little girl along with her. What the hell..?" He gestured vaguely at Mindy, bound to a pole in a knock-off Hit Girl outfit.
"It's a long, weird story." Mindy shook her head.
"OK... Anyway, G's waiting for us in the Hit Wagon out back." He jerked his head toward the back door, still panting.
"Great." Dave said doggedly. "We need to get out of here. The Motherfucker might be on his way, and neither of us is dressed for a fight. I should have her out of here... sometime today. Damn these knots are crazy." He muttered. "Could you grab a knife or something from the Wagon?" He asked Crusader. "And as long as you're going, could you take all that stuff out with you?" Dave gestured to the pile that included Mindy's clothes and phone.
"Yeah, just..." The large man in the gleaming armor took another gulp of air.
"Why are you so out of breath?" Mindy inquired.
Dave handed the Crusader his phone while the older man caught his breath. "Here, you're on with Mission Control. Let him know what's up."
Crusader accepted the phone. "I ran... had to be... 20 blocks. G just picked me up a minute ago. I'll get your knife." Crusader shook his head and walked out, stopping to gather the items Dave had mentioned.
Dave continued working at the knots, actually making surprising progress while Crusader was gone.
Mindy broke the silence with a question. "I know you were trying to make her see reason, but... did you really mean that you want to spend the rest of your life with me?" She asked hesitantly.
Dave paused his battle with the rope to get up and kiss her yet again, then looked her straight in the eye. "Yeah. I mean it."
"Good. I'd like that a lot." Mindy's smile was radiant.
"OK, I got the knife." Crusader jogged in through the back door, holding one of Mindy's large fighting knives.
"Freeze!" An authoritative voice boomed out from the doorway leading to the front of the building.
"Oh come on!" Mindy shouted in frustration. She couldn't believe that on top of everything else, the police would actually show up.
Happily, Dave had just loosened the rope enough for Mindy to step out of it. "Run." Dave whispered, giving her hand a fleeting squeeze before turning to face the intruding policemen with his hands in the air. He positioned himself to cover Mindy's retreat, giving her a chance to bolt out the back. The cops only got a glimpse of black and purple before she was gone.
"Can I help you guys?" Dave asked with a smile.
"Keep those hands up." A large, well-built policeman commanded. Crusader dropped the knife and Dave continued to reach for the sky with a placid smile. "Go after the girl!" The big cop ordered, pointing to a young-looking officer who gave a clipped nod and made to run out the back door. Dave couldn't allow that to happen. Keeping his hands up, he stepped quickly to the side and kicked the young cop's knee sideways, causing him to crumple to the ground.
"Shit!" The cop yelled, clutching his knee. It seemed he'd landed rather hard on it. Good. Stay down.
"You think you're helping yourself?" The large cop growled, stepping forward menacingly. "Assaulting an officer. Your night's getting worse, kid."
"I won't argue that." Dave sighed. He looked at the cop on the ground. "I'm really sorry man, but I can't have you chasing Hit Girl. I'll cooperate from now on."
"Sure you will." The large man scoffed. "On your knees." Dave complied. He didn't have a gun, his batons, or his gauntlets. Even if he had them, he wasn't sure he could fight a cop. They were on the same team, even if this particular cop didn't seem to be a vigilante sympathizer. Maybe it's that damn reward.
"How about you? You gonna give me any trouble, buddy?" The cop pointed his gun at the Crusader.
Crusader bowed apologetically. "No, sir. Might be having a mild heart attack, and I'm wearing football pads with a few pounds of epoxy and a coat of spray-paint. You shoot me, I'm dead. I'm ready to go when you are." He sighed.
"That's what I like to hear." The cop smiled patronizingly. He cuffed Crusader, leaving both heroes on their knees until another officer could come in to assist them.
Now would be a decent time to rush in and disarm the cops, Mindy. But it didn't happen.
A new officer entered to replace his fallen comrade. He was a short, round man with a very stereotypical copstache. He hauled Dave to his feet, leaving Crusader for his larger colleague to handle. The young cop was still on the ground. "Quit screwin' around." The fat cop said gruffly, well aware that the younger man was hurt. It seemed he thought he was some kind of comedian.
The heroes were ushered outside and into the back of a waiting police car. When the doors closed, the Crusader broke the silence with a ten-ton sigh. "Do you think Hit Girl got away?"
"Yeah." Dave nodded. She has to.
"Good." Crusader said wearily.
"Do you think G got away?" Dave asked.
"It depends. If he stayed in the car..." He trailed off and sighed again. "I don't know. I hope so."
"The Wagon's bulletproof." Dave recalled hopefully. "If he stays inside with the doors locked, Hit Girl could eventually pull the cops off of him. She might already be in there with him. G couldn't ask for a better ally right now."
"I believe that." Crusader nodded stoically.
Silence reigned again. Dave watched another police car parked near them, hoping that he wouldn't see Mindy being forced into it. So far, so good. She was unarmed and totally vulnerable to gunfire. If there were enough cops with guns on her, even she might not be able to get out of it.
"Is G your best friend?" Dave asked hesitantly.
"He's my only friend." Crusader answered. His smile turned wry. "The only one who really knows me, anyway." He was silent for a moment. "Do you and Hit Girl... see one another, out of costume?" Crusader asked.
Dave almost said she was his best friend and his girlfriend out of costume, but that would imply knowledge of her identity. There was no telling whether he was being recorded, or whether Crusader might later be persuaded to flip on him. "We both wish we could." He lied. But there was a measure of truth in it - right now, he'd give just about anything to not be a costumed vigilante with her - to hole up in his basement and simply love one another like normal people without worrying about how much DNA evidence they were leaving behind.
The other police car remained empty. Still no Mindy.
He concluded that heroism was probably worth... this. But only because it had led him to Mindy. At the moment, that was all he could really find to love in the strange path he'd chosen. The glory, the fleeting satisfaction and the love of a city suddenly seemed quite worthless. He supposed it was a matter of perspective.
"So why'd you start doing the hero thing?" Dave asked.
"Penance." The larger man replied. "How about you?"
"I just... had to do something." Dave explained, shaking his head.
"I know the feeling." Crusader cracked a small smile.
Mindy had summarized it quite well when she said he'd gotten tired of taking the world's shit. He'd expected the heroism to bring him some kind of peace, but Mindy brought him more peace than any patrol ever had. To know Mindy was to know that he wasn't alone - that someone understood.
Two cops piled into the front of the squad car. Good. Dave concluded. She must have gotten away.
The comedian was in the passenger seat, but the cop who'd entered the driver's side was new. He was also black. For a split-second, Dave entertained a wild hope that the cop might be Marcus, and that they'd still find a way out of this. But it wasn't him. Wrong precinct, wrong haircut. I'm going to jail.
"So, the famous Kick-Ass. I heard your girlfriend bailed on you back there." The comedian cop looked back at Dave with a cheesy grin. "Love's a bitch, ain't it?"
"What's your excuse for not catching her?" Dave asked. The cop had no answer to that.
"What about you? What's your deal, biggun?" He addressed Crusader this time. "You friends with Kick-Ass?"
"I am the Crusader. God demands that you release us both. Kick-Ass and I have noble work to do in His name." He spoke powerfully, as though he was standing in front of a pulpit instead of sitting in the back of a police car.
"I'm not... this isn't jihad or anything..." Dave clarified nervously, leaning forward to make sure the cops could hear him. He was concerned that they would tell people he was some kind of religious nut. Come to think of it, since when had the Crusader been so overtly religious? "What are you doing?" Dave whispered so that only Crusader could hear him. The car began to move.
"Working on my insanity defense. Feel free to jump on board. 'God made me do it' seems like a good start. Psych ward beats prison." He murmured.
Dave leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes in despair. Maybe I should take him up on it. Maybe we can share the same padded cell. He sighed, fogging up the glass. He wasn't afraid of prison - he could defend himself against fists and shivs. He was afraid of losing Mindy for a very long time - maybe forever, depending on the charges. There's no way she'd be able to visit him. They'd realize who she was immediately. Today was probably the end of his life with Mindy. Still, at least she was free.
I've had this chapter 80% written for a looooong time. Feels great to finally get it out. Also, Cerberus is a real app, and it can do everything it did in this story and more. Best four bucks you can spend if you have an Android phone.