Disclaimer: Jarred, Rinny, the pony, and the horses are mine, but everything recognizable belongs to Tamora Pierce.

A/N: What do you know, I've actually got a chapter done, even with everything that's been going on in the past week….I realize that the entries are a little shorter, but you have to keep in mind that I actually did figure out about how far Scanra is away from Corus. According to my calculations, in which I used a ruler and my copy of Lady Knight, I figured out that Scanra is about 1000 miles away from Corus, since Steadfast and Northwatch Fortress are about 200 miles apart…and I have the horses going about 50 miles a day, which is actually a pretty good pace. So, that means that it will take about three weeks going at that pace to get to Scanra, and then some for however long it takes to get to where they're going. And if the last part (which you should note the date of) sounds a little off, blame the fact that I wrote it this afternoon, and I got about four hours of sleep last night. And I'm about to go out of town for camp, so I'll answer reviews and PMs when I get back. So, review and let me know what you think! Enjoy…

From the journal of Jarred Cooper,
Trainee in the Provost's Guard
Tortall

April 28, 267

I don't like ponies anymore. Or, at least, the one that came on the trip with us. When I dismounted and went to tie it up tonight, it bit me! Right on the arm, too. I yelped, but it wouldn't let go.

"Ma! Some help, please?" I called, about screaming in pain. I shoved my fist in my mouth to prevent myself from doing so. Ma ducked under her horse and moved over to the pony's head. She stroked the pony, whispering in his ear soothingly. I winced loudly as she did. Those teeth are sharper than they look. It took a minute, but slowly, the pony let go of my arm. There was a large gash where his teeth had sunk into my skin. Ma stroked the pony's head for another moment before she turned her attention to me. By then, I was checking the wound. She moved around the pony and put her hand on my arm, just below the gash. I winced slightly as she examined it without a word.

"It's not too bad. You need to be more careful, Jarred. Now come on, I need to clean and bandage that wound for you," she said. She went over to one of her packs and pulled a kit from it. Then she pulled me (by my good arm) over to a log, where she made me sit. The first thing she did was dab an ointment on the gash, and, Mithros, did it sting. I winced again, violently. Ma glanced up and frowned. After a moment, her eyes clouded and she looked down again, but not before I saw the far off look in her eyes once again. She dabbed a few more things on the wound before she bound it in a clean white bandage.

"There you go. Now go apologize to your pony. He wouldn't have bitten you without a reason," she said sternly. I nodded and got up, thinking as I walked over to the pony.

That look is the one she gets whenever she's thinking about Da. She probably used to help him whenever he got hurt. It seems like everything I do lately reminds her of him. While Ma and Rinny got things out, I went over to the pony and apologized. He bobbed his head and tried to nip me again. I jumped back and rolled my eyes before walking over to the fire they were setting up.

Then Ma pulled burlap from pack, walked over to her horse, knelt down and began to tie the cloth loosely to its hooves with some twine. When she was done, she looked up at me and smiled slightly.

"I'm going on ahead, to see if I can find the Scanran. Even if we did see his silhouette not too far off, I want to make sure that he's not going to get away from us. If you'll find some firewood and help Rinny with the fire, and getting dinner ready, then we'll be able to eat not too long after I get back," she said, standing up and brushing the dirt from her hands. I nodded and went off to find some firewood after she remounted the horse and disappeared down the road.

By the time Ma got back, it was well past dusk and into the beginning of the night. She dismounted slowly, tied her horse up, and took care of it (brushing it, giving it dinner, and such). I noticed that she seemed to be rather stiff when she walked over to the small fire that Rinny and I had built.

While she had been gone, Rinny and I managed to catch a couple of rabbits (I still don't know how we got them, to be honest, it's like they didn't see us at all…) – I put her share on a plate and brought it over to her. Ma smiled gratefully at me as she pulled a knife and a fork from one of her packs. While she was going that, I sat down behind her. She glanced back at me, but I made a motion for her to turn her head back, which she did, with an odd expression on her face.

I figured that she could use a little bit of relaxation since she was obviously stressed, and it was my duty as her son to make sure that it happened. So, while she ate, I rubbed her shoulders for her. Which, I might add, were very tense. By the time I was done, she had her head leaned back and seemed so relaxed that she was going to fall asleep.

"Thank you, son," she murmured. She got up to put her dinner dishes away and then went to curl up in her bedroll, without even writing in her journal. She was asleep before I had even gotten up. So, I picked up my dinner, which was warming by the fire, ate it, and have been writing my day down by the light of the fire. Now, the fire's almost out, and my arm hurts where that bloody pony bit me. I'm off to bed.

April 30, 267

Almost nothing happened yesterday. Well, Rinny and I switched, so now I'm on the horse and she's on the pony, because of my incident with the pony a couple of days ago. The pony likes her. Typical. I hate that pony. I swear, it was giving me an evil look this morning!

This morning, however, something did happen. I was up before Ma and Rinny, so I was getting the fire going again for breakfast. I was just dumping a big piece of a fallen tree Ma and I found last night when I heard a noise behind me. I glanced back to see Ma tossing in her bedroll. Her face and arms were covered in sweat despite the light tunic she had worn to bed.

"No!" She cried. Even asleep, tears had started rolling down her cheeks. She was having a nightmare. She's has them from time to time and they've always been bad. I don't know exactly what's so bad about them. She never told me about any of them.

Wake her up, something meowed behind me. I whirled to see the purple-eyed, black-furred cat who had said that. You need to wake her up before it gets any worse, he mewed, she won't thank you if you let her keep having that nightmare.

"Please, no. No, no, no, no, no…" Ma pleaded with something in her dream, tossing and turning even more violently. I moved closer and put my hand on her shoulder, trying to shake her awake gently. Her eyes flew open, and she started. Her chest heaved as she watched me, her blue eyes wide. She swallowed, still trying to catch her breath, and sat up. I gave her a quick hug, which she gratefully accepted. "Thank you, Jarred," she said quietly when I had pulled back. I nodded.

"Not a problem. I love you, Ma," I said. She grinned and gave me another swift hug before disappearing to the stream we had found to change and wash up.

I proceeded to wake Rinny, who had slept through the whole thing. I have to say, she's a pretty heavy sleeper…

While they were off getting ready for the day, I looked at Pounce, who had curled up by the fire. He hadn't come with us, so his arrival and telling me what to do wasn't something I had expected.

"How did you get here, Pounce?" I asked him. He lifted his head and turned his violet glims on me.

Beka needed me. I'm The Cat - a constellation. I can get out of any locked room, and away from almost anything if I want to. You'll do well to remember that, he meowed. Your dog can do that, too, but she won't, because you old her not to. She is completely loyal to you and only you. That's why she's The Hunter's Companion. Because she's the most loyal constellation out there, she won't leave you if you don't make her. You're lucky to have her. She doesn't get sent to humans often, he continued. He put his head back down and went back to sleep until Ma came back. Then he got up and padded over to her, meowing demands to be petted. She smiled and complied to his demands, glancing up to look at me once. I grinned and shook my head.

Well, that's really the only thing that happened today. This trip is actually rather boring so far. I asked Ma how long the trip would be around lunch time. She thought for a moment, then told me it would be about three weeks. I'm not sure I like this trip anymore…

May 4, 267, Beltane

Two weeks to go…

I am so bored. It's not even funny anymore. There's absolutely nothing to do whatsoever. I mean, there's writing in my journal, but there's nothing to record. Pounce sleeps, Ma doesn't talk, and Rinny is also bored out of her mind.

I wonder what my friends are doing. It's been over a month since Kalir and Lily went to live at Goldenlake. I wonder if they're doing okay….

And Elaine and Robbie…Elaine will have Watch tonight. She had best be careful…I can remember what Ma said about Beltane being one of the worst times for the Dogs because of all of the Rats running around. That and Midwinter. I can remember a few of those days where she came home with bruises or broken bones acos the Rats were so bad.

I miss my friends, I miss my nice soft bed, I miss my dog. I miss the Dancing Dove and Aniki, and Tay…I miss Corus and my Watch…even the Rats. I have to say that I'm a bit homesick right now…and bored….very, very bored…

From the journal of Rosto the Piper
King of the Rogue in Tortall
Somewhere in Scanra

December 21?, 265

It's Midwinter. It's cold, and painful in more ways than just the bitter chill in the air. I can still remember the first Midwinter I had with Beka. I miss those times. I miss Beka. It's been so long, but I can still see her face in my mind. That, I am thankful for. I can still see her in my dreams..

I had a very strange one last night – I don't know if it was real or not, to be honest. First, I was standing in a cloudy area, and I noticed a figure next to me. Gainel, the Dream King. He nodded to me, and the scene changed. Corus. My eyes widened.

It was the Daymarket in the Lower City of Corus. I'd know that street anywhere. I glanced around, noting that no one so much as glanced my way. My gaze turned back to the god who stood near me. His eyes flicked down the street, as an indication of where he wanted me to look. I did.

I saw a mot wandering down the street. Ghost eyes and dark blond hair caught my attention. Beka. It was Beka. A surge of elation ran through me. It was instantly disbursed when I felt a hand on my shoulder. The Dream King shook his head. I glanced back at her, seeing just a flash of sadness in her face before a cove came running up behind her. His hair was a light blond color, and his eyes were dark; she smiled at him and accepted what he handed her and placed it in the basket.

Watching that, a wave of grief washed over me. I had hoped for so long that she had at least moved on and had found happiness with someone else. The realization that she actually had hurt more than I thought it would. Our love wasn't even something that was supposed to exist. I was the Rogue, and she a Dog; even if we considered the fact that we did the same job, just in a different ways, it still wasn't supposed to happen. But it did. All of those reasons for us not to be together flew out the door when we fell in love. But it wasn't meant to be. Elsewise, I would be there with her instead of rotting in prison. I don't even know why I'm here; but my hope disappeared long ago. How I'm still alive, I don't know, but I don't think I'll last too much longer. My reasons for living on are far away, and it is not likely that I will go free. Not after this long.

At the end of all of this, I still love her. Beka's heart belonged to me before anyone else. And she had mine; she still holds mine, even if she doesn't know it. If I had a choice to go back and change that decision, I wouldn't. I would die a thousand times before changing what happened between me and Beka. That was the part of my life that was worth living.

Memories and dreams are all I have now. All I ever will. Just memories and dreams…

Posted 6/27/08