Almost seven months...UNACCEPTABLE! In that span of time, I quit my previous job, totaled my friend's car, bought my first car, totaled that car, bought another from relatives and all the fun stuff in between. Even then, this chapter was the hardest yet! But enough of that. Enjoy.
I glared at the Dayshadow with tenacity, while he looked like he had no interest, his eyes unfocused.
"I will defeat you, Hunter," I said with determination. "Make no mistake."
"Uh-huh," he replied dismissively. "You making a move or not?"
"Alright, you asked for it."
I moved my checker piece into place.
"King me."
I'd rather not discuss how I came to play checkers with Hunter, mainly because I wasn't paying attention.
"Congratu-fucking-lations, you're officially King of Nothing."
"Aaand I surrender."
"Ugh, finally! Can I go now?"
"Nothing would make me happier. Unfortunately, Red insists on you staying put here. Rex, too."
"Where is the mutt?"
"Stop calling Luke that!"
"I'm talking about the bald guy."
"Huh?"
His eyes came back into focus.
"I'm no good with people and their names, I admit, but I know a powerful artifact when I see one. The Hellhound's Maw, right?"
"Yeah," I said with no shortage of surprise.
"I know more than I let on."
"Of course you do."
I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.
"Mornin'," I heard Rex yawn.
"Mornin'," I replied, putting away the checkerboard.
He sat down next to me, a noticeable… au naturel quality about him.
"Dude."
"Hmm?"
"Don't take this the wrong way, but put some damn clothes on."
You heard right, he's naked. Rai thought it would be funny to hide his loincloth somewhere, but all it's done is make me inadequate, repeatedly. Last thing I want to see is his elephant trunk.
"I don't know where my loincloth is."
"I don't care if you have to wear my curtains like a friggin' toga! Put on something that conceals the two-foot sausage you have!"
"I neither have nor like sausage."
"You are not Drax, okay? You don't get to do that 'literal' shtick."
"Who's Drax?"
Sighing exasperatedly, I rubbed my brow. "Wasting my breath."
"You're not wasting your breath."
"Can you shoot him, please?"
"Why? He won't die," Hunter stated.
I hung my head, not enough strength to get angry.
I didn't believe it was possible: I'm the smart one. Not by much, but, still.
There was a knock on my door.
"No one's home!" I shouted.
"Saying that just shows you are home," Jennifer argued from outside the door.
"I was trying to politely say, 'Go away.'"
"Would you please come to the door?"
"Fine," I griped. I stood up, walking over to the door and opening it. Jennifer was in her civilian clothing.
"For someone who spends a lot of time at the Boutique, you don't have much variety."
"You want to play the fashion game, One-Outfit?"
"Fashion is just a tolerable method of discrimination. Plus, I'd lose."
"Yes, you would. Listen, Red's on his way to pick your pals up, so I figured I'd get you out beforehand."
"Why?"
"Just come on," she ordered, pulling me by the ear.
"Ow! Easy on the ear. Oh!"
She threw me into the passenger seat of a black-and-white sedan. Rubbing my ear, I tried to think of what I did or said to make her angry. `Course, it could've been anything.
"Wake up on the wrong side today?" I asked her as she got in the driver's seat.
"I don't want to talk about it."
She started the car and drove away.
"Oh, tell me you didn't break the kid's heart. You were so close, so close!"
"Did you really want us to become a couple?"
"What can I say? He grew on me."
"Well, nothing like that happened. It was the opposite, actually."
"Don't tell me he proposed. You don't know each other well enough to—"
She sharply swerved, causing my head to swing into the window. I took the hint.
"Got it," I grunted, rubbing my noggin. "I'll shut up now."
And I did… for about four seconds.
"So he called you his girlfriend, then?"
Dammit, mouth!
She slammed on the brakes, causing me to bang my head on the dashboard. In addition to the headache, I bit my tongue on impact.
"OW! My tongue!"
"Serves you right!" she barked, driving again.
"What did I do?" I asked, starting to get irked.
"You've been pushing me to be in a relationship for a long time, when maybe I don't want to be in a relationship!"
"I have not! Pushing you into a relationship would be signing you up for Internet dating."
"Really?"
"Speaking of that, you ever heard of a site called 'MoreLoving?'"
"That's an escort service."
"That answers my follow-up question. On an unrelated note, hypothetically, would I be arrested if I neutered one of my Pokémon with a chainsaw?"
"…Rai?"
"Rai."
She sighed. "That mouse gets around. And yes, you would be arrested."
"What if I just kick him in the balls, like ten times?"
"Poké-abuse."
"Wow, its own word. How about if I roast his chestnuts over an open fire?"
"What is wrong with you?"
"You want the list by alphabet or frequency of occurrence?"
She sighed.
"If I'm pushing you, it's only because I want you to have someone around in case I'm not."
"Are you in love with me?"
"I feel like we've been over this before. Despite my reputation as a whore-der, I don't put out that easily."
"Whore-der?"
"Coined it a while back. Mix of 'hoarder' and 'whore'. Where are we going, anyway?"
"Well…"
There was a spark in her eyes.
Oh no.
Before I could jump out of the car, Jennifer locked the car door. I just sat back, a little grim.
"Should've known."
Inside one of the Boutiques in Jubilife, Jennifer was trying on a rather risqué shirt, while I stood to the side with my arms folded.
"What do you think?" she asked me.
I glanced at her. "Would you be offended if I gouged my own eyes out?" I responded.
"What every girl wants to hear," she said sardonically.
"I say that with love."
She laughed lightly.
"Question: does the thing about Davis have to do with your individuality? Which is actually cliché, when you really think about it."
"I thought you let it go."
"You don't know me very well, do you?"
"Frankly, it doesn't concern you."
"Little late for that, isn't it, cowgirl?"
She was not amused.
"This is what happens when you share too much."
"Fine. I needed my space, happy?"
"No, I get it. You're stronger than me in that regard. Could've said so in the first place, but you had to make me worry like that."
"I thought it was obvious."
"Obviously not," I concluded.
There was a shout outside, followed by a faint flash of green light. I figured it was a Pokémon battle, so I didn't pay it any mind. Jennifer, on the other hand, had her handgun out and ready.
"Relax, it's just a battle. Kids these days have more self-control than Barry and me, so it shouldn't get out of hand."
"What kind of Pokémon emits green flames?"
Green flames?
I moved cautiously towards the entrance, Jennifer backing me up. Though I felt I should tell her to change her shirt, I'm highly allergic to bullets. I looked outside to get some idea of what was happening.
There were this eerie green flames, scattered along the street. No species I knew of could muster green flames. It must be a new one. Where could it be, though? Just as I was going to step outside, someone stepped in through the window. And I'm not talking "through the window" like most action movies, I'm talking "through the window" like friggin' Casper. Yes, a goo—a gu—a geh… you know what I'm talking about.
This "creature" had a human shape to it, charcoal skin with white bones outlined along every inch of their body. Along with a pair of dark skin-tight shorts, the upper half of a long skull with a black splotch between the eye sockets was worn, like a full-cover mask. In its right hand was a bone staff about half its size, both ends burning with the same green flames as the ones outside. While I immediately determined it was a Gijinka of the Marowak persuasion, I couldn't wrap my head around how it was doing it all, and given the circumstances, I don't think I'll get the chance.
"Jennifer, you'd better leave this to me and go."
"You and a Ghost, alone?"
"Did you have to say that out loud? Just get a hold of Red, preferably now."
"What are you gonna do?"
"What I do best: get beaten up."
Really no way to make that sound manly, is there?
Jennifer did the smart thing and went out the back. Now, to be a man… why did I have to be born a male?
"So, are you going to be the 'religious fanatic' type or the 'vengeance-seeking individual' type?"
They were silent.
"No comment, huh? Guess you're the 'silent brooder' type. Like Braun. Hopefully, you're not as crazy-strong. Please tell me you're not as crazy-strong."
Still silent.
"There is such a thing as too quiet, you know."
I heard sounds of struggle in the back, and before long, Jennifer reappeared in the arms of some regal-looking dude with a broad yellow streak in his deep red hair, gun to her head. What was the name of its species? Something with "pyro" in it, I think…
"Maybe it's just me, but isn't that a little drastic?"
"Mike!" Jennifer whispered harshly.
"Well, it is."
"Get on your knees, knave!" the punk ordered.
"Hostages make me deaf, man," I said, cleaning my ear out with my pinky. "The only way to cure it to let her go."
"I'm not stupid!"
"You have a gun pointed at a cop's head, and a high-ranking one at that. If stupidity were a magazine, you'd be on the front cover and the centerfold."
"Mike!"
"Well, he is."
He pulled the hammer back. "STOP SCREWING AROUND!"
I narrowed my eyes. "You just earned yourself a can of whoop-ass, Simba," I said sternly.
I heard a gunshot, and watched as he went down, releasing Jennifer and dropping the gun.
"Fucking bastard!" he roared, covering half of his face as he writhed on the floor. "You shot my eye!"
"Yeah, sorry about that," a young man's voice said. "Think the sights might be off a few centimeters."
"Red, what the hell are you doing?" I asked agitatedly, turning around.
It wasn't Red, it was some other dude, holding what looked like an airsoft gun.
This athletic dude, unlike Red, was dressed in dark clothing: denim cargo pants with well-used running shoes, fingerless gloves, and a t-shirt with chibi versions of the Eevee-lutions surrounding an Eevee. He was rugged, in the sense that he had a small mustache and light beard, with sandy hair braided into a ponytail that reached his shoulder blades. Wait, how do I know that?
"You okay?"
Shit!
"Jennifer!"
She knocked me down with one punch.
"I had that coming," I groaned.
She kicked me in my side.
"That, too."
"You could've gotten me killed!" she yelled.
"Speaking of, why didn't you break his hold, officer?" the man asked.
"He had a gun! Or did you not see that?"
"Was it actually loaded, though?"
"…Mike's rubbing off on me."
"Care to rephrase that?" I asked.
She responded with another kick to my side.
"Isn't that police brutality?"
"Anyone who knows me, eventually does the same thing," I replied, standing up and stretching. "Speaking of knowing, who are you?"
"D-Train Daryl, at your service."
"D-Train Daryl, as in 'Vivi Nefertari' or 'Monkey D. Luffy,' order-wise?"
"Huh?"
"I think he means, is D-Train your given name or your family name?" Jennifer translated.
"It's my nickname."
"Well, what's your last name?"
"Sorry, but that's a secret."
"Daryl 'D-Train' Sorrybutthatsasecret," I joked. "Is that Russian?"
"No, I'm pretty sure it's German," Jennifer joined in.
"Mm, sounded more Italian."
"Spanish?"
"Portuguese?"
"Regular comedians, huh?"
"Eh," we shrugged.
"And who's that?"
I looked back to find the Ghost Gijinka was standing over Simba, who was still bitching about his eye. A small ball of fire rested in its palm. Immediately, I knew what it planned. I grabbed Jennifer and Daryl, hoisted them over my shoulders and hauled ass out the door. In the nick of time, too, as the Boutique went up in flames. I didn't stop.
"Slow down!" Jennifer shouted.
"In case you forgot, that was a G-H-O-S-T!"
"Ghost?" Daryl asked.
"Yes, and Mikey no likey!"
"Wait, Mike?"
"Yes! Nice to meet you!"
I rounded a corner, colliding with another pedestrian and sending everyone rolling along the sidewalk.
"Ohh, my lobes," I groaned, sitting up and rubbing my noggin.
"What lobes?" Jennifer asked.
"Hmm, that's a good question."
I felt something move underneath me.
"I knew I shouldn't have eaten that lasagna."
"Mike!"
"Well, it's true. Last time I ask you for a recommendation."
The "something" under me rose, flipping me onto my back.
"Geez, you're heavy," a young woman said.
"First time I heard that," I said sarcastically. "Also, not very often I'm the one on top."
"Mike!"
"Do you have to yell my name out every five seconds? I'm sure most guys love that, but—"
The officer jumped me and started beating my ass. Naturally, I resisted, but as I was raised not to hit a woman, there wasn't much I could do…yeah, that was hypocritical of me. It's like when Nami gets really angry at Luffy, she becomes stronger than him, and Luffy's one of the strongest people in the universe. Scary, right? Eventually, she stopped and got off.
"You done?" Jennifer asked.
"It's not voluntary, if that's what you mean," I groaned.
Enough with the slapstick, already. I can only take so much.
"C'mon, big guy," some guy said, pulling me to my feet.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Daryl, we just met."
"Who?"
He looked at Jennifer. "How hard did you hit him?"
"Compared to everything else, not that hard," I answered for her. "Left me a little disoriented for a moment, sorry about that. And I apologize, Miss…?"
"Selene Mahina. I'm fine, thank you."
The young lady was rather pale and a few inches shorter than me, which put her around the officer's height. Her dark, purple-tipped hair was tied into a ponytail that climbed over the top of her head to the front and covered the right side of her face, leaving one blue eye exposed. She was definitely dressed for Sinnoh, wearing a long, puffy winter coat over a plain white tee, a short denim skirt and black tights tucked inside a pair of those fluffy boots women seem to love. While Sinnoh is one of the colder regions, today was very warm, which made me wonder how hot she was, in the literal sense.
"Selene, I think this may be Red's friend," I heard Daryl whisper loudly to the stranger. I don't think it was intentional.
"Let me guess: he roped you guys into doing this."
"I wouldn't call it 'roped'…" Selene replied.
"Call it whatever you want. Just leave before you get hurt."
"Is that a threat?"
"More concern than anything. What I fight ain't garden-variety."
Something flew by behind me, startling me.
"Mothershucker!"
The Marowak, carrying Simba in some kind of makeshift harness, flew southward.
"Good riddance," I murmured.
"Was that a Marowak?" Daryl asked Selene.
"I assume Cubone's mother hasn't passed on yet," I said, recalling the infamous legend of Lavender Town.
"So these Gijinka have reached Alola," Selene articulated, lightly squeezing her chin.
"Red did say the Pokérus may be what brought them about," Daryl clarified. "Makes some sense, seeing as those infected become much stronger afterwards. Still doesn't account for the drastic physical changes."
"You two seem busy, so we're just gonna—"
I looked to where Jennifer was, but she was gone. Cue dotted outline of missing person.
"What the flip?"
I did find her, as she drove away in pursuit, most likely to avenge the decimated Boutique.
"Seriously, woman?" I shouted, just standing there.
Within seconds, she was out of sight. I shook my head and just started walking toward home.
"Need help?" Daryl asked.
I stopped and sighed. "Again, you shouldn't involve yourselves in this, for your own sake."
"That was an Alolan variant, wasn't it?" Selene queried.
I had no clue what that was, and when I turned around, it must have shown, because she pulled out a Great Ball.
"It'd be easier to show you."
She triggered the release mechanism, calling forth a majestic light that soon took the form of a large boulder with arms and legs. While I have seen a Golem or two, I've never seen one with a black mustache-beard combo and bushy eyebrows before, not to mention the weird railgun deal on its back.
"The flip is this thing, some escaped science experiment?"
"It's a Golem from Alola. The ecosystem there has had a profound effect on some of the species, changing their appearance and even their type."
"That's great and all, but how does that help me?"
"Marowak from my region are Fire-Ghost types, so—"
"I KNEW IT!" I screamed, startling them, before walking away to pace around while I began to rant.
"It had to be a Ghost, why did it have to be a Ghost? It could have been Romega or Re-Mike, the Empties or even Shiva the God of Destruction! But NOOO, it had…to be…a Ghost! Why, Arceus, do you do these things to ME?!"
My rant ended with me on my knees in dramatic representation of a religious person, minus the judgement.
"I take it you're not big on ghosts."
I breathed deeply, then responded with, "What gave it away?"
"Why don't let us help you?" Daryl asked.
"Unless you have a car, no thanks. I'm not very good at flying."
Or landing, for that matter.
I heard a car start up.
"Hop in," he told me.
"Slow down, man!"
"I know what I'm doing!"
Guess who's driving~… no, it's not Burt Reynolds! Then again, that'd be awesome. Wait, wasn't that already done?
"There's no need to drive like this!" Selene shouted from the backseat of the black Beetle these two had rented. Make no mistake, it's a clown car. Handles well for a sardine can, but that's the only good thing about it.
"That's half the fun! Let's try this."
I took a sharp right, which propelled the car onto two wheels. While the newcomers were up above freaking out, I was calmly singing a verse of Guantana Maria.
"Guantana Maria, she's so-o divine
Guantana Maria, her heart is mine
Guantana Maria, no time is too lo-ong
Guantana Maria, `specially with that tongue"
I finished with a variation of the parking stunt from Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. Works like this: sharp left on the driver's side tires with my current speed, causes the Bug to slam down and proceed to roll. Quite a distance, in fact. With my luck, we stopped on our side.
"Now, before you get angry, no one has any broken bones, right?" I asked, still in my seat thanks to the safety belt.
"Right," they answered, deadpan.
"We didn't hit anyone, that's always good."
"Right."
"You didn't happen to sign for rental insurance, did you?"
"No."
"Ooh… yeesh. All right, I know this is on me, but in my defense, I need my gear if I'm fighting a Ghost."
"Gear?" Daryl queried.
I pressed my back into the seat and my feet on the floor to secure myself in place as I unbuckled the restraint. From there, I slowly crawled out the broken window and hoisted myself out. Jumping off, I leveraged the car back to its intended position. Aside from the broken windows and countless dents, not in bad shape. Why did I just think that? What is wrong with me?
"Don't know if Red told you, but I'm not a Trainer anymore," I told him. "Haven't been for years. As whatever the proper term for my position is, I straight-up fight Gijinka with my personal gear. Without it, I might as well be naked."
"Are you mad?" Selene asked, composure regained as she sat where the rear window used to be.
"You're gonna have to elaborate on that."
"You fight Pokémon with your bare hands, with no protection whatsoever?"
I had to stop myself a moment, because for whatever reason, my brain thought she was talking about sex. Stupid double entendres.
"Sometimes I wear a glove."
"What difference does that make?"
"Let me put this way: never underestimate a chubby. Also…"
Looking around, I saw no sign of my house. Actually, we were in the middle of Sandgem by this fountain they had put in recently.
"I think I messed up the timing of my barrel roll."
The door flew open, whacking me in the worst place possible and dropping me like a sack of… something.
"My man-bits, that's just cruel!" I cried from the fetal position.
"Sorry, man," Daryl apologized.
"Are you?"
"I admit, I'm mad about the car, but not so much that I would see you hurt, least of all from a nut-shot."
"Look, I'll pay you in cash what the car is worth—
"I have plenty of money, the problem is your maniacal driving skills!"
"I blame Diane."
"What?"
"Forget it," I said, hoisting myself onto my feet. "Not important, and what the hell is that?!"
I pulled a McFly, pointing at a nonexistent object in the opposite direction and hauling ass home. I've said it before, I'll say it again: never underestimate a chubby. Breathing hard on my porch, I figured I lost them.
"Nice try, sir," Selene said, she and Daryl coming up the few steps.
"What the flip?!" I yelled, startled. "How did you find me?!"
"Easy to find what you don't lose," Daryl answered.
"Do not be cryptic with me, dude."
"We hitched a ride on the trim of your shirt," Selene clarified.
"You make it sound like I just came from a wedding, and I'm the bride."
"What?"
"Forget it, and good luck."
I was about to open the door and step inside, when Daryl asked, "That's it, you're done?"
"Not good luck as in 'you're on your own and I wish you the best,' good luck as in 'there are two other weirdos you'll be working with.' I call them Tweedledee and Tweedledum."
I opened the door and out flew Rex, still naked, onto the ground.
"That was a little too convenient," I mumbled.
"Say that about my sister one more time, asshole! Go ahead, I'm begging you."
Hunter stepped out, bow and arrow drawn and oblivious to me plus two. Pretty evident he was pissed. Freaking powder keg, this guy. One spark is all that's needed. Speaking of sparks…
Been waiting to use this.
I reached inside my shirt and pulled out a bulky remote-type device. I pressed it against Hunter's side, bringing him down with a jolt.
"What the hell, man?!" he roared, shooting back up.
"Get some pants on Rex. We got work to do."
Rex, now wearing red lounge pants, had "sniffed" out the Fire-types and was leading us through the east woods, towards Twinleaf. With the Son of Anubis in front, the Dayshadow followed, then D-Train and Selene, and bringing up the rear, yours truly, La Espada on my hip. Best way to keep an eye on things. The Trainers, however, deemed it fit to slow down and walk on either side of me.
"So, who are these two?" Selene asked.
"The bald one is Rex, and the archer calls himself Hunter," I replied.
"What were they fighting about?"
"How would I know? I'm not their manny."
"They live with you, don't they?"
"On Red's orders. Given half a chance, I'd gladly throw them out."
"That's not very nice," Selene commented.
"Neither are they. Hunter shot me with an arrow, and Rex tried to eat me."
"What?!"
"Well, not literally. Suffice it to say those two are superhuman. Once the fight starts, you'll see what I mean."
I stumbled, my foot stuck in a small hole I hadn't noticed.
"Of course."
I tried to hoist myself out, but my other foot fell through, making me a foot shorter, pun unintended.
"You know you're fat when you exceeded the Earth's weight limit," I chuckled. "What's with the warm draft, though?"
That was when I noticed something weird, which just bummed me out.
"Dagnabbit."
My final word as I met with an explosive end…didn't buy that, did you? Yeah, it just sent me high into the air. Pretty far, too, seeing as I landed in someone's living room.
"Okay, that settles it," I said, disturbingly calm before transitioning into a guttural voice, "I AM PISSED."
(Daryl POV)
Me and Selene were blown away by the force of what appeared to be an Eruption attack. 'Rex,' as Mike called him, caught us, as Mike could be heard overheard, yelling 'Dagnabbit' as he flew towards Twinleaf.
"Why were you flying?" he asked in what was an unmistakable soprano.
"That answer your question, dog?" 'Hunter' responded in a dark tremor, pointing at a figure emerging from the smoke.
From the Eruption-site, a large man with a cowlick stepped forward, wearing a red trench coat with three blue rings on each side, red pants and no shirt. His gloves and boots were tarnished with what I could only guess was ash from the volcanoes on his shoulders. Yes, volcanoes. Are all Gijinka going to be this odd? Once Rex put us down, I quickly decided the best course of action.
Alright, Fire-Ground type. I'm gonna need Aphrodite's help.
Pulling out a Luxury Ball, I called out a beautiful serpentine creature, whose mosaic-like tail shone even in the shade.
"Aphrodite, I need you to use Water Pulse on him."
Without hesitating, she formed a ball of compressed water from her maw, then smacked it towards the intended target using her fan-tipped appendage, adding more power. The Camerupt Gijinka, instead of dodging like most Pokémon, breathed a powerful stream of fire that formed a star. The second attack broke through the preceding move, almost instantly reducing the water to steam.
"Protect!"
Aphrodite conjured a protective barrier around herself. The flame spilled over it, putting us in immediate danger. At least, I thought it did, until Rex stepped forward and took it head-on, somehow shielding us. I just watched, shocked that he would do such a thing. When the flames died, the bald-headed man was still standing, body burnt badly, and most likely dead.
"That hurt," I was surprised to hear him say, his voice having dropping in pitch considerably.
"You're alive?!" I exclaimed, observing his flesh return to his previous state.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Uh…"
"Like the fat guy said, we're superhuman," Hunter said, also coming forth.
"You heard him say that?" I asked.
"Along with that terrible joke," he replied, drawing his mace. "Now for the fun part."
I don't know if my eyes were deceiving me, but I thought I saw his muscles expand.
Mike wasn't kidding. I'm starting to think I should've listened to him instead of Red. Oh well.
Drawing my gun, I prepared for the worst.
(Mike POV)
There once was a man from Peru,
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe—God dammit, I thought I kicked this thing. Not important.
I had, after telling the folks who lived there to send me the repair bill, left the house. I was not in the best mood. I doubt anyone would be after what happened to me. As I walked, I took off my dress shirt and inspected it. The fiery explosion had singed it, but it was nothing that couldn't be fixed, which is a personal relief. While I have two more of this shirt, this one has special meaning to me, like Luffy and his straw hat or Zoro and his Wado Ichimonji. It belonged to Quentin Samuels, the 'Undying,' one of the most formidable Slayers I've ever met. He's dead now. Long story, but it involves a god, a spirit, me and my friends—make that two gods, forgot about Shiva—a Replica, Empties, a spear, a mutant Chihuahua, War and Peace, and the Playwright. And that's the short version. Aaand I'm rambling. I do that a lot, don't I?
I folded it up as tightly as I could and put it in my side pocket. I would have to tend to it later. A recently partially-blinded man, a makeshift eyepatch made with a red bandanna, stood in my way.
"You again? I would think you'd be after the guy who shot your eye out."
"He's next on my list," he growled.
Why does this remind me of the Ursaring?
"What did I do?"
"You were willing to let your friend get shot."
"Well, the thing about guns…" I started, pulling out a loaded clip. "…is that they're useless without these."
Why I have Jennifer's ammo dates back to the enchilada, which I'm not ready to talk about yet. My ass still hurts.
"Try again in five months, Simba."
"My name's not Simba."
"Mufasa, Kimba, Leonidas, Zuba, Mukanga, Leonard, Alakay, Alex, Leon—take your pick," I offered, putting the magazine away.
"I don't need a name to beat you."
"And Rai doesn't need to nail every girl he sees, but he does anyway. He has settled down a bit in that department, though."
"Will you shut UP already?!"
"Fine. Tried to give you time to reconsider, but nooo, you had to be prideful. And stupid."
Wasn't there a Snickers commercial for something like that?
I reached for my sword, only to grab at the air where my sword should be.
Crap. Why did I bring only La Espada?
"Okay, so…"
I ran in the opposite direction. I may be stupid, but not that stupid. At the moment, anyway.
"Get back here!"
"No thanks! I want to live!"
I felt something hot burst on my back, knocking me to the ground.
"Hothothothothothothothot!" I shouted, rolling around in the dirt, trying to put the fire out. I managed to do that, at the cost of losing my guinea tee.
"Aw, man!"
I looked over my shoulder, only to be punched in the face. The lion then grabbed a tuft of my hair and pulled me up. I elbowed him in the gut and grabbed him by the arm and threw him a good few meters away, before running once more. I'm outmatched here. I went to retrieve my sword, when I saw a blood-red light shine from behind.
(Selene POV)
"Galvantula, Spider Web!"
My large arthropod friend released a silken net at the Camerupt Gijinka, ensnaring his legs and forcing him to the ground, where his teammate, a red gorilla with flaming bushy eyebrows, followed up with a Rock Smash to the head. With Daryl and Rex wearing the Eruption Pokémon down, it was a simple matter of formulating the quickest sequence of attacks to bring them down. The adversary out cold, I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Fuck!" Hunter exclaimed, having his dislocated shoulder put back in place by Daryl, Rex laying in the dirt.
"You're welcome," Daryl said, walking away.
"Blow it out your ass," Hunter replied.
"How's Aphrodite?" I queried.
"She's fine. Wish I'd brought my knife instead of this thing."
He threw his airsoft gun on the ground, the barrel melted from the Camerupt's Fire attacks.
"Gotta say, if this is what Mike has to fight on a regular basis, we're in for a rough ride."
"Rougher than his driving?"
He chuckled, bordering on laughter. "Close second."
Something large soared overhead, bounced off a tree and landed at its base. To my surprise, it was Mike. His upper torso fully exposed, he was unconscious and severely burned, most of the third-degree burns on his back.
"He's in shock," I deduced, kneeling down by him. "I need Rawst and Lum Berries, and—"
Hunter came over and dumped a red liquid all over Mike from an oddly-shaped vial he held in his hand.
"W-What are you doing?!"
"Woman, we could have a heated argument about proper burn treatment any other time, and I'd gladly oblige you," he responded, tapping the last drops out. "Unfortunately, that last hit knocked the air out of that dude, I'm out of arrows and Will, and unless you two have some secret last resort, you'll need chubby here."
"The fight's over, Hunter."
"What about the Pyroar and the Alolan Marowak?" Daryl asked.
"Oh… how could I forget that?"
I heard someone running towards us. Officer Jenny had returned, still in her civilian clothes and carrying what looked like a modified Benelli shotgun slung over her shoulder.
"Crap, I'm too late," she said, seeing Mike.
"Just in time, actually," Hunter replied, pointing towards Twinleaf.
The man I saw being carried away by the Alolan variant was walking, heading towards us. There was no sign of the other one, which served to heighten my senses.
"Darmanitan, Thrash!" I ordered.
The gorilla pounded on his chest and let out a large bellow, charging straight at him. I was completely shocked when he was swatted away into the distance.
"Head-on doesn't work on me," he said, flexing his fingers.
My body, against my will, began to shake with worry and panic. Within seconds, I got it together.
"Galvantula, Electro-Web!"
The spider weaved and fired another web, this one charged with electricity. Before the attack reached him, it was intercepted by a flying bone that came from behind me.
The Marowak!
The flying bone spun back around. It stopped in front of me, the Alolan rising from the shadows. Its partner stopped walking, a few meters behind.
"This is your last chance to surrender, folks. Except for the punk: he owes me an eye."
"In my defense, I was aiming for the gun in your hand," Daryl said.
"Yikes," Jennifer cringed.
"And you. You're lucky your fat friend had taken your ammo."
"That reminds me."
Loading her shotgun, the green-haired officer shot the Pyroar in the chest, knocking him down.
"Bitch!" he croaked.
"That's for holding me hostage, jackass."
Her moment of payback was swiftly ended with a Bone Club from the Marowak. Though she tumbled, I was relieved to see she had blocked the blow with her Benelli, which was now effectively destroyed.
"Shit," she cursed, tossing the firearm aside.
The ghost threw its bone in the air, before thrusting their arms out, right over left.
Don't tell me they can do THAT?!
They spread their arms, fanning twice in an upward motion, then raised them over their head, before finally bringing them back down, right palm facing outward and left hand on right upper arm. In the palm of their hand, a baseball-sized orb of green flames formed.
"GET AWAY FROM THERE!"
My warning fell not on deaf ears, although she misinterpreted the meaning. Instead, she pulled out a revolver, pointing it at the Ghost. The gun was so black, it appeared to suck in any light that touched it, yet I could make out very faint markings.
"Try it, see what happens," she said.
It was a standoff. Before either of them fired, something came from above and struck the orb, taking it into itself as the object pierced the dirt.
A sword?
I heard a bellow overhead. Raising my head, I witnessed a half-naked Mike get the drop on the Gijinka.
(Mike POV)
I sniffed the air, eyes closed.
I smell bacon. Why do I feel that's a bad thing?
I felt some liquid splash on my bare back.
COLD! Oo, tingly. That didn't sound right.
"W-What are you doing?!"
Selene?
"Woman, we could have a heated argument about proper burn treatment any other time, and I'd gladly oblige you."
Burn treatment? That blasted cat! I'm gonna kill him…eight times! Nine, just to be safe. So tingly…
I'll skip the finer details. Basically, fight ain't over yet.
"Darmanitan, Thrash!"
Sounds like it's time to Belly Crawl.
Figuring they weren't paying attention to me, I scuttled along the ground and behind the closest tree. From there, I called upon my inner bear and proceeded to climb. Stumbling around ten feet above, I looked down like a smart person.
Dagnabbit, what possessed me to do this?! Anything but a Ghost, please.
Not big on heights, either. Gravity is the scourge of every chubby out there. Despite my crippling fear, it seemed easier to go up than down. Insert nervous laugh.
Finally reaching a sturdy branch, I found La Espada Neutral lodged in the underside.
"There you are," I whispered to myself.
Scooting my booty along the limb, I avoided a flying bone as I retrieved my scimitar. I looked down.
"The flip is going on down there?"
The bone came back down on my head. It didn't hurt, but the sneak attack caught me off guard. How does that rhyme go? Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great wall… where does an egg come into play here?
"Mike?" Jennifer queried, I having landed between her and Cubone's mother. I just laid there, thinking about today.
I've been blown up twice, nearly thrice, Jennifer had a gun to her head and I trashed someone's roof, again. Pissing me off seems to be their endgame.
I felt something pop into my hand. I didn't look, but from the feel of it, it was a lot like the jewel I threw up in Floaroma. A quick peek confirmed it, though its color was that of bright flames, and it felt just as hot. Unlike the other, though, it sank into my flesh. Soon as it did, my body began to burn up.
"Just gonna lay there, are you?"
In response to Simba's comment, I got to my feet, flame-enhanced sword in hand.
"Marowak, I'll let you handle him."
He moved towards Daryl and the others, disregarding me.
Bad idea.
Marowak went to club me, but I did something I didn't think possible: I blocked his arm.
"Ohh, you're in for it now, buster," I relished.
With my sword-arm, I uppercut the ghost, who fell backwards. Hand still in the air, I threw the blade at the lion dude. Lucky for him, he saw it in time to lean back, letting it nail a tree. Fortunately, that was only step one of my attack. Step two: close in with a Superman punch before he could counter.
The move rattled him, allowing me to follow up with a few jabs. He inevitably countered with a haymaker. Had me stumbling, my head ringing, before striking me down.
"You wanna be first, fine by me," I heard him say as I laid in the dirt, dazed, his voice muffled. "Should have finished you the first time."
Growling, I picked myself up. I was getting hot under the collar as I faced him, a little more than what was called for.
"What?" he asked.
I slugged him, and he went down like a ton of bricks. I knelt over him and continued punching him. After the sixth or seventh or eighth or ninth punch—I lost count—he was out cold with a bloody, broken nose. Standing up, I rubbed my knuckles.
"Enjoy the show?" I asked my on-looking teammates.
"Was that really necessary?" Daryl asked.
"Roasted human is not as tasty as it sounds."
"What?"
"Figure of speech I heard. Didn't really get it, but it seemed to fit."
Nice save.
"How did you grab the Ghost?" Selene interjected.
"Ididwhatnow?"
"Were you not paying attention?" Daryl followed up.
"For future reference, the answer to that question will always be 'no.'"
"Uh, Mike?" Jennifer called.
"Why do I have this foreshadowing feeling?"
I turned around to find the Ghost had ghosted. I cried in a comical sense.
Whyyy?
"I'm sorry, I looked away for one second and—"
I raised my hand, signaling for her to stop.
"The Ghost, I'm glad to be rid of. Hopefully, I never see them again."
"I don't think that's how it—" Selene started, before I hushed her.
"Forget about it," I told her, starting my walk back to Sandgem after yanking out my blade. "I certainly will, after a few drinks."
"You need company?" Hunter asked.
I ignored him. Whatever that jewel was supposed to do, all it seemed to do was make me short-tempered and thirsty. Ay-ya, I need a cold one.
(sighs) Got a ways to go, and this isn't even the halfway point. Hopefully, the next chapter won't take ANOTHER six months. Get it together, Mike! Before I forget, though, I want to give a big 'Thank You' to Animemonk and Draagon537 for Daryl and Selene respectively. They're great writers, give them a read. Also, thank you, TheMysteriousOtaku, darkrai555, Kasmira3, 83falcoon, arimtimtim, Poke'boy24, Tgm102, Light's Shadow001 and tgotomorrow for liking and following Mike's shonen-heavy tale. This is Mike, signing out in exhaustion.