Nothingness.
It was all I had known, before becoming who I was now.
If such a thing as happiness existed, it would be nothingness, nihility. The things reflected in my eyes have no meaning, the things that could not be reflected in my eyes do not exist.
That was what I had believed, until I met him. Like the "void" I had seen before, he captured my eyes, but with pure existence rather than void. The very way his eyes roamed over me, the way he spoke, it embodied that which I was not.
A being of nihility, a being of existence. Nihility is having nothing, and having nothing to lose. But what was existence?
What would it feel like, to have something to lose?
Yet I feel that has already entered me, scratched its way into that part of me which the humans call a "heart." To lose his vivacity, his strength and his energy, would be more than I could bear.
Blue hair brighter than the false sky which hangs over our heads, a smile wilder than any wind that will ever blow through this hollow world. What defense have I against him, but hair darker than the darkest night, eyes which reflect nothing?
Nothingness, it was the closest thing to happiness that could ever exist. It was what I believed, what I had believed. But now I thought, and I wondered, with a "heart" which seemed to desire more than it deserved.
And I wondered if nihility was truly the key to this "happiness."
Told from Ulqui's point of view, of course :3
Parts of the phrases came from...that...that character book thing which I forget it's name (orz) where Ulquiorra's past before becoming an Espada was described. Unleashed, or something like that.
And in case anyone's forgotten, I, Shiro, do not own Bleach or any of its characters like that. I just...fangirl over it (and fangirl, and fangirl some more! :DDDDD)